Alamo Beard Club Facial Hair Competition

(Let me begin by saying I was only going to give this event four stars but upon further observation and plus I was laughing inside to myself I give this event five stars! Besides a few quirks let me please again explain why.)

In other cities they have Air Guitar competitions and hot dog eating olympic~sized games that come off as a sport. We don't have something that uniquely belongs to our city. Enter the Alamo Beard Club Facial Competition that puts the capital "B" back into beards. This event is an occasion that would even make the beards from ZZ-TOP proud! There are ten categories that participants are judged in for example, best mustache, free style and my favorite the best in bearded lady. They have really nifty prizes for all contestants and the facial best in show gets a killer belt, like some championship wrestler. Let me give you an overview of the event and some suggestions to you and them.

If you love all things over the top this is the event for you! It was all in fun and for a good cause, a fundraiser for CASA a child advocate agency that serves as the voice for neglected and abused children. On this particular night the theme was "Wrestling." All over the club were dudes sporting beards in crazy shapes and lengths. There was a gentleman dressed as Randy "Macho~man" Savage. A fella done up in a fortune teller outfit. Another guy with a man dressed in red, with a beard that would give Edward Scissor hands a heart attack and thrashing a whip about the stage.

The 502 Bar, which seems to be on everyone's lists of dives to frequent was up for the challenge. I did have an issue with the crowd capacity. It was packed to the gills at this place that night! So much so that it was hard to see all the competitors beards fully. And especially when enjoying the event. I like to kick back, drink a few and be entertained, if at all possible. On this night I couldn't tell you what the club looked like since there were people covering up every nook and cranny. It was even harder ordering drinks, but I must confess they have a pretty cool drink selection and it seemed like everybody was having fun. To say this was an intense experience is an understatement. This is the Superbowl, Wrestle-mania and the Oscar of the Beards all in one!

But to me the participants were secondary to the Emcee, David Casas Zamora, who was the real hero of the night! I like how he introduced contestants and threw alot of innuendos around. It transformed an otherwise PG-13 night into a full adult show! David Casas Zamora is to Texas as Elton John is to England. He is an advocate for human as well as equal rights for gays. I mention this since on this night I saw an occasion for hyper masculinity and testosterone. Just the sight of men all furry with beards and mustaches, pounding their chests to Pantera, Van Halen and Queen in the background while David asked the guy with the whip who was thrashing it about to let him pull down his, "chones(underwear)!"

It's so freakin' hilarious and pure genius! Kudos to the Alamo Beard Club for bringing him in as a last minute emcee! There was so much irony and hyperbole in the air that even when, "We are the champions" was in full blast it was not lost on the crowd.

My suggestions to you if you go and no doubt this event will be bigger next year is to get there early! The traffic is arm to arm in here. Otherwise expect to be drinking with your friend or friends all night standing up.

My suggestion to the Alamo Beard Club is to move this event soon to a bigger venue! While a sellout crowd is a good thing, why not move it to a bigger place where people can enjoy themselves? Isn't that your mission? Especially when the only role models for the righteous beard is Zack Galifianakis and the dudes from Duck Dynasty. Don't you want to spread awareness about your club and the almighty power of the Beard!!!

I say go to this event. It is one you will never forget, I pinky swear! Next time you see a guy rocking a handlebar, chops, winter-beard or full viking facial hair show some love. Give them a hug! They're sensitive men too!!!...