Manhattan Central Booking

1/6/2015

FIRST REVIEW OF 2015 FOR ME! So here we go!

I must say this place exceeded my expectation when I happened to recieve a nice tour on behalf of the police force at this location.Below I will discusses some of the finer points of this visit. *hint be sure to see "secret lettering" at my "overal" at the bottom.

Pros:
-Officers greet your with open arms and a nice deep embrace of hugs and act your before the tour of your need any refreshments
-Haven't eaten all day they have a mini subways for all your sandwich desires they also have kosher food ready upon request.
-Seating areas are very spacious with comfortable velvet seating with a nice lavender smell and that's just the waiting area.
-Having a party? Don't worry they send out invitations and have tons of "resident dj" to give you the coolest hits like for example "hot n*gga"-by bobby shmurda or Gucci mane just to name a few artists classics.
-In the rooms it's comfortable, equipped with an iPad to contact love ones, macbooks for the intern-classes it's scholar setup and it's all provided by the wonderful facility!
-The facility also come with a nice pool center a full size gym (membership doesn't come free)

Cons
-Getting out of this contract might add more consequences to your trouble so be mindful how you conduct yourself and really thing about if this is for you.
-Evening every week they have shareholder meetings and one topic Is about the distribution of soap apparently shareholders complaining about limited amount of soap so u might have to share it with the tenants
-The interview for a better living source takes long so u will wait for long periods of time. Bring a book with you
-Over time you might have friends who may want to share things u like so best advice is to share it.
-U never want to say no here! Makes things easier
-The board consist of 5 main directors and if your rowdy they will vote you out of this wonderful place.

Overall:
This place looks appealing however it comes with many prices and bargains so beware at your own risk. So below I capitalized each letter at the beginning of my sentences it will show u my hint.

*OH SHIT GET OUT*

9/11/2015

late review..

The whole wheat bread with that Play Doh "Cheese"  was atrocious; I mean really bad. I gladly gave my meal up to Daquan. I kept the milk though.

Obviously the place was jammed pack, overcrowded with people sleeping on the floor. Dudes taking shits right in front of you too. I was in the cell with the dudes/maniacs who were in that so-called "Biker Gang" that attacked that chinese dude in his Range Rover... Pretty unreal.

Didn't sleep for two days in the tombs... Didn't help that I was dressed as if I was headed to an interview or a damn country club; dudes were muggin hard! "You must be rich" a young lad shouted to me... I just laughed it off.. Made a few friends. A true learning experience.

3/1/2012

Don't you just love drunk Yelping?

My boss, out of all people, was arrested. I get a call from a strange number asking me if I would have him released into my custody. Hmm...let me think..

Do I...

A) Screw him over and ignore the call considering I put in multiple 14 hour days without much appreciation?

B) Laugh and tell the entire office that my boss, a 50 year old pr!ck, was arrested for something only drunk frat boys do?

C) Pick him up like a normal person?

Answer is C. HOWEVER ....I also decided to  request one additional week of paid vacation to keep my mouth shut? Guess what? my boss said yes. Shit. This is the first time he said yes to anything I asked.

This place sucks though - its impossible to bail someone out and the employees are assholes.

4/30/2014

• 1 check-in

On the bucket list. Come sit at arraignment one Friday summer night and listen to the ridiculousness of New Yorkers and even more interesting is the penalty handed out by some judges. Worst case scenario you will learn of about the judicial system and maybe catch a high profile case.

11/25/2013

Let me start off by saying.... YO MYYYY NIGGGGGGAAAAA!!!!!

I came out that fucker speaking ebonics. I am college educated, yeah that dont mean shit. I manage a pharmaceutical company. I deal with 100's of professional people in health care who have MD's, Phd's and degrees in shit I can't even pronounce. The word Nigga this, nigga that, nigga who, nigga what. That's all I fucking heard.

So in the beginning they took us in from the 6th precinct, which wasn't too bad as a precinct. The cops are assholes though for sure, especially the ones that arrested me. How the hell am I supposed to know the Taxi I just kicked for driving slow down the street is actually an undercover police car.

Suggestion, give people books while in there. Why the hell not?  

CO's are assholes. Peace! Especially the bitch that yelled at me for taking my time to pick out a sandwich from the bins. Beyatch!

7/2/2013

As you may expect, I did not enjoy being a guest of Central Booking.

As other reviewers have said, being polite is imperative. I was as nice to the racist former jocks, turned goose steppers as I could be.

The gentleman who arrested me for walking a block with a lidded beer (SCANDAL) is dating a nice girl (she's his wallpaper on his phone LOL ) who he thinks "might be the one". Squeee

I was treated to several racist jokes from the officers (not at me, but still surprising to hear) admission of washing evidence away to avoid paperwork, and watching in disbelief as the officer driving me texted, and video chatted NON STOP.

In my cell itself (number 1 WHAT WHAT) I was pleased to find feces on my floor, peeling walls, windows that only let in humidity, and a curious amount of generic graffiti on my ceiling, which appeared to have been written with shoe polish.

The two most vocal gentlemen were nice enough. Their names were "Yo My Man" and "Andrew" (mine was "Yo White Boy"). Andrew mused about a paris trip he had taken his girlfriend to, and lamented how his drinking was costing him a delicious chili dinner she had been preparing since that morning.

"Yo My Man" was angry, because he had been arrested for shoplifting, when he had a perfectly good lie explaining why they had caught him shoplifting. He's also on probation, lied about having asthma, called the cops all sorts of names, while asking for food, and considered burning his fingerprints off with a cigarette. Andrew told him that was a poor plan.

All in all, I hated it; but no rape, I got home before midnight, my record is clear, and I still hate it.

8/20/2011

#1: HOW do you 'review' being arrested? #2: if you ever saw JAIL, or, LAS VEGAS JAIL, and you've been through the system,' here in NYC, there's NO WAY any of the crap these people pull elsewhere would happen downtown.

Like other 'reviewers,' I can speak from personal experience. This is about the process. For food 'reviews,' read the others.

It's all luck - who it is you're dealing with (there are good cops, and TERRIBLE ones. I've dealt with both. Don't believe the crap about how NYPD are all 'saints.'

When you first enter MCC, you enter the sally port, and stand in line. Depending on the day/time, intake process can be  'fast,' (20 min), or slow (LONG!). The officer's transferring custody from NYPD to DOC (Department of Corrections) and that hand-over entails getting your mugshots taken, being vetted by the FD's medical person ('are you sick?' 'No' 'Next!' -  more about being 'sick' in a minute).

You go down a winding stairs, to what IS the deep basement. You stand in another line, told to 'empty your pockets, take off your shoes, socks,' and stand against the wall.

The C.O.'s (that's corrections officer for you newbies) inspect each person. Your papers are handed to them, your arresting officer leaves, and now-  they put you in a bullpen.

Lemme tell you about being 'sick.' A lot of arrestees have 'chemical problems,' - specifically, opiate based, the arresting officer WILL at some point, say' even if you don't feel well, DON'T say anything, it'll only slow down your paperwork.'

That's BULLSHIT.

They say that, because they (the NYPD officer) will have to stay with you, while you go to the hospital. They can't get off-duty. They're stuck - with you.

IF you're a junkie,or sick: SPEAK UP! Your paperwork WILL continue to move along. If anything, it'll save you a few hours of feeling sick, and being on some filthy bullpen floor.

When you're in a bullpen - some with a few people, some with more than 40-60 (it all depends on WHEN you're there) - there's usually 2 phones, which DOESN'T mean they both - or ANY - work.

As other 'reviewers' have said, make sure you've got someone you can call, and/or they accept collect calls (a calling card's your best option - but, you'd have to have biught it in advance of being arrested in the first place), 'cause, even though this part seems agonisingly slow, the clock's running on YOU. If you're planning on bailing out, whoever's doing it needs to be IN court, and then run to take care of it (this is STILL appx 12-17 hours later for you, but, in the 'real world,' people need to prepare).

Otherwise - it's mow ANOTHER 24 hrs - from Rikers.

You're going to be moved - from bullpen-to-bullpen - moving in a 'forward' direction.

Each cell, one step closer to court.

'Yo - C.O.' is a common call, you'll hear, and, unlike those TV shows, it's really best to have as little interaction with theC.O.'s as possible. 'Cos, if you DO piss 'em off.... Your paperwork CAN 'disappear.' Seen it happen.

The best thing is curl up, MYOB,  and TRY to rest. You're not gonna sleep well, but, it does quiet down somewhat late at night. While the courts USED to be open 24/7 (they're not - currently),  the people in the bullpen with you DON'T GIVE A DAMM about you, some of them - REALLY f'ed up ones, just keep yammering. You'll see the college kid, who's all scared, addicts, you'll see all kinds. If you're a frequent visitor, some C.O.'s might remember you, as well as other frequenters.  But, again; this ISN'T TV (and, is it really a 'good' thing to have any NYPD, DOC KNOW YOU?!?).

Every once in awhile - more noticeable early AM, or late - before courts upstairs close for the night - you'll hear footsteps approaching - you'll KNOW: those footsteps are the C.O. who's got the blue sheets in his/her hand - the ones with the next batch of 'bodies' heading up to court.

'When I say your name, step out, and give me your birthdate,' they bark.  This won't happen to you (usually) until at least 12-17 hours have passed since you first got booked IN at MCC. Better be awake! They WON'T wake you, and you'll have to wait. Again.

When you hear your name, it's a good feeling.

The C.O.'ll give you a quick lecture; 'you're heading to court. Shut up, or we'll drag your ass back down.'  So, shut up.

You go up a yellow-cinderblock staircase, to a small hall with a couple of REALLY NASTY holding cells.

This is where you'll sit, and meet you're lawyer, Public Defender.

Just 'cos you're now one step away from court DOESN'T mean this part is SWIFT. It can be. Usually, it's a few MORE hours.

Finally, a C.O.'ll say the same drill; 'when I call your name, step out, shut up. 'you're going into court. Don't say a WORD. Don't motion to anyone in the court. Just sit, look straight ahead, until they call your name.'

SHOWTIME!

Into court, and the rest - well... What'd you do? Go home, or....?.

10/15/2013

I could share my horror story but I won't. Don't get caught up in this mother. You will be there for a long, long time. Nypd rats

1/17/2011

• Listed in My Humiliation Is Your Entertainment

First they strip you of your possessions. Then, they strip you of your dignity. Sorry, the belt goes too in case you try to hang yourself.

If you're lucky enough to end up here in the morning, you'll be stuck with other innocents from the night before and most likely kept your virginity. It doesn't matter what you did or claimed you didn't do. You will be glared at with utter disgust as you line up with sobering frat boys, homeless rabble rousers looking for a warm place to stay, sobbing transvestites, and stab-happy kids with nothing else to do on a Friday night. Despite the chaos, the officers were very professional in the duration of the stay and didn't ask me to remove my pants.

Luckily only the breakfast menu was experienced. At 9 AM, only the best day old Coca-Cola in a McDonald's cup and a bunned meat with ketchup-colored sauce is what you get. Good to know McDonald's doesn't just throw away their food at the end of the night. No wonder homeless people are dying to get in here.

The holding cells were warm and toasty but reeked of humanity. Individual holding cell a plus.

Two stars because I've been to clubs worse than this with a longer line, and the car was returned unscratched. Thank goodness they didn't find what was under the tissue in the cup holder.

5/15/2011

Hahahaaa, the idea of writing a review for the Tombs is hilarious.

I was arrested for Assault with a weapon, it sucked, blah blah blah. I tried to comport myself with as much dignity as I could, but the whole weekend was really unfun in Central Booking. As anyone with half a fucking brain knows, treat your captors with respect and you're likely to get SOME respect back, and I was not treated badly by anyone. Junkies in withdrawal do not make great conversation; many two-dollar hookers do.

Couldn't have been happier to go home though.

4/29/2013

Got busted smoking that chronic on the street.  All in all, not too bad an experience as far as weekends in the clink go.  I was taken aback though when the CO announced that the "halal food available" sign was a joke and to not expect it.  Myself, I don't need halal food.  But, I thought that was pretty mean at best, and a flagrant flouting of law at worst, to have that sign all over the tombs and then to so brazenly rescind that kind offer.

3/31/2011

• Listed in Downtown Manhattan, Eek! Methinks not!, Chinatown, my Chinatown, Government offices

I've been put through the system a few times on civil disobedience charges; the last time was in February of 1999, when I was held at the Tombs for 31 hours. I maintain that you're not really a "New Yorker" until you've been arrested or at least had a brush with Da Law.

It's quaint to look back on, but when I knew I was going to probably be arrested, I used to carry as many quarters as I could in my socks, for the pay phones. ("Dad, I'm in jail...") It may still be a good strategy, since they're bound to take your cell phone; be sure and write as many phone numbers as you can beforehand on your arms and legs. (Oh, and I can tell you how to get cuffed without getting the circulation in your wrists cut off, too.)

My cellmates have been far-and-away the best thing about getting arrested; there were a couple of teenage girls one time who had gotten busted in Washington Square Park for smoking a joint. (Who knew?) There was the owner of the SoHo boutique who was arrested simply for possession of counterfeit "LV" bags; she was not selling them in her store, and didn't have them out on the selling floor. These are your tax dollars at work, people.

I did like the little Kellogg's cereal boxes they give you in the morning, with a little carton of milk. The feeling of freedom when I was finally released was priceless, but was also a letdown; I had to walk home alone because all my stuff was still impounded. Try to avoid getting arrested, but I bet you can't; like the Bob Dylan song, "They'll stone you when you're trying to be so good / They'll stone you just like they said they would."

But I would not feel so all alone...everybody must get stoned!

2/4/2011

I got arrested in 1991 for punching a transit officer in the face ...many times.

He hit me for no reason with his club.

Bitch had it coming.

There were witnesses so I only paid a fine on a disorderly conduct rap.

The residents of the Bronx Zoo are more human than the garbage I met in the tombs.

Really they could just flush the whole place down the toilet.

_____

4/24/2014

Don't know what some folk are writing about here! Spent 48 hours in MCB last week and things have changed under the new mayor. First - at the precinct I was driven by limo to MCB. I actually tipped the Officer for he stopped to pick up a couple of cold ones for our ride downtown. After a stop at the freedom tower and Staten Island Ferry, we arrived at MCB. I was greeted by no less than 10 bikini clad models who served up some champagne and some small finger food. After checking in and getting my paperwork processed, they took some of my clothes and cleaned and pressed them. Next -a full service wet bar was accessible at the north end with a fully stocked bar with high end liquor. The accommodations were strikingly modern with dream pillow menu and the room service was extra ordinary with officer taken care of our every need. Dinner was served with pheasant under glass and a smooth Chianti!
After a few hours in the pool and the Hot tub, I was able to catch a couple of zzzz's before being shuttled to court. I thought the food was great in the bullpen, but the court had a Grand Buffet including eggs Benedict, banana pancakes and some of the best foreign coffee I have ever tasted! I also found out what "Yo CO" means-"You Only Convicted Once"!!!!! Upon entering my plea of not guilty, I was asked to pick one of three doors to receive my sentence. I opted for door number 3, for a couple of horse carriage drivers from Central Park said it was the best door. Low and behold, a new VW jetta!  This was the best day of my life. And all for some menial white collar crime!
So before folk here start telling tale tales of the conditions at MCB, check it out yourself. I actually got 3,000 hilton points for registering there with the desk sergeant/ consigliere.

2/4/2013

I realize one star is the lowest rating you can give, but I'd still like to say that the star is for my cell-mates, most of whom were good-humored and polite and in for petty drug violations. And, to be honest, the guards could have been worse.

But the Tombs only gets one star because it is filthy. Really filthy, as in unhygienic. It's a human rights violation to force people to stay here against their will (and of course most of the people in here are in here against their will). The bathroom is not only out in the open, it's covered in shit, and you have to ask for toilet paper. There's no soap.

The food was ok, but since I ended up paying a $120 fine, it was a little overpriced, for some pb&j and corn flakes.

6/6/2013

I was unlucky enough to spend a night in the tombs last weekend and I feel compelled to share just how bad the atmosphere and service is in this place. The officers couldn't be any less accommodating. Do yourself a favor and commit any crime you plan on doing in the winter because if you get arrested in summer clothes prepare to spend the next 20+ hours in a refrigerator. They must keep the place at 40 degrees to accommodate the mostly overweight and obese police force. The only advice I can give is asking for toilet paper and wrap it around as many limbs as you can. The thin layer of paper will provide very slight insulation from the cold cells. And you'll be mummy in the tombs, get it? Lame joke but in all seriousness I think it could be considered torture being kept in the freezing cell with barely any clothes. If any of the officers try and insult and mock you just remember that you'll be out of there in a few hours and they're still gonna be stuck in that place every day. The seats are made of some kind of polished metal that make it extremely hard to lay down on without sliding off. Also, if it's crowded enough, prepare to sleep on the floor. That is if you can get any sleep. One positive aspect to central bookings is any time your arrested there is usually a jolly crackhead or crack dealer who will crack jokes all night and make the time go a little bit faster. During my last stay the food was pretty decent. The fruit seemed fresh, the bananas didn't have any spots and the apples had a satisfying crunch. You also get a miniature box of kellogs brand cereal and a small elementary school sized milk which is pretty tasty. However you will sometimes get a disgusting sandwich for a meal which are always stale bread with bologna or some brown paste purporting itself to be peanut butter. The brown paste can be used to write messages on the walls to future captives. It might be wise to put off eating too much because if you have to use the bathroom it will be in front of a room full of people and on the most disgusting toilet seat in existence. The toilet in my last stay should be condemned forever because it looked like it had a layer of brown crust around it and was crawling with roaches and swarming with flies of varying size. The legal aids are pretty friendly and will be somewhat sympathetic to your plight provided you didn't do any serious crime. Overall I wouldn't recommend this place to anyone and hopefully I'll never have to visit again.

3/25/2012

• 2 check-ins

If you're here, you're probably not gonna like it.

8/15/2011

Their menu needs work.The Kool-Aid helps the nasty water taste a little bit better, but their sandwiches are awful. The bread is reminiscent of styrofoam and the bologna is rough around the edges. Also they need ventilation... the stale air makes your hair greasy. And the staff is so disgruntled.

2/4/2013

I was illegally arrested expressing my first amendment right to free speech along with 10,000 of my peers (only 80 or so got caught). The police at this station were barely competent, they used a polaroid to take my photo & didnt get any finger prints, how are they supposed to quash social dissidents without biometrics? C'mon. The PB & J they served us had no jelly and the bread was stale! "Where is the justice?" "Where is the Jelly?" we all inquired. The chocolate milk was chalky and the plum was not ripe at all. The bathroom was right out in the open, so everyone was defecating within view of the dinning/sleeping areas much to my chagrin. After a wholly unpleasant 12 hour stay I was returned my possessions and left to fend for myself because they couldn't even point me in the direction of the nearest subway and my phone was dead. I would not recommend being arrested. Several months later my charges were dropped and the judge in the case was none too happy at the NYPD.

6/28/2009

I didn't try the food, but the single serving cereal boxes make for an acceptable pillow. Third star is for not strip searching me.