King County Metro Transit Bus Route No. 358

Oh 358. You're always entertaining, sometimes frightening, and with the most hardass-but-full-of-grace-and-humor drivers. If I'm on this line, I generally need to be.

It might make an interesting people-watching vector, but there are other places to gawk at the wilder personalities.

Also turns into a dive bar when persons bring their tallboys of fortified whatever into the back and chug en masse until they slump over on the other disaffected passengers.

This bus will be driven by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on that fateful day when fire rains down and the seas rise up to swallow this ungrateful earth.

As we can never be certain when that day will come, I recommend boarding backward (so as not to cast eyes upon demons) and prominently displaying a crucifix while loudly exorcising any evil spirits in close proximity.

This will at least keep the other crazy fuckers at bay.

I find myself torn...
This bus is always fully of the crazies. And sometimes that is horrible, and sometimes it is horribly awesome/amusing. So i'll average out really bad with the really good and give 'er a 3.

I ride the 358 fairly regularly -- either up to Greenwood or down to the ID, and i've yet to ride this route without there being some sort of smelly person/alcoholic/nut job or combo of the 3 riding it there with me.

A smattering of the type people you might meet:
A man who smells strongly of tequila and a hamster cage...
A middle aged gentleman sobbing loudly and uncontrollably next to you...
A woman screaming about how both judges and bus drivers are poisoning our children and how they are the same a**holes who shut off her phone and let OJ Simpson walk...
A young man trying to convince his GF the woman she just heard in the background is NOT someone he is sleeping with...
A Mickey Rourke look-a-like who is so drunk he can't be understood when screaming at the people entering/exiting the bus...

Keep your eyes down and headphones in folks, but just pretend to be listening to the music cuz you really don't want to be missing out on this freak show.

Oh, 358. The terrible things people say about you. You smell bad. You carry the wrong crowd. You take the long road to get there.

Yes, you sometimes smell bad but it's not your fault. It's not you, it's us. We smell bad with our offending odors that permeate your very core. I'm sorry.

For 13 years, I have been unable to tell the difference between you, 358 and 358E. I think you're trying to trick me and there really is no difference.

I try to avoid you but I can't stay away. When it snows and all other routes are shut down, you're there to take me to work. I don't want to go to work so it's a love-hate relationship. When Christmas and New Year comes around, my commuter buses abandon me. But you are there. When I overstay my welcome at happy hour, you are there to sober me up with your colorful clientele - so when I get home, I am drunk no more. You run so frequently that if I miss you, I feel I will see you again in a few minutes.

358, you get a bad rap. I abandon you for the quicker, cleaner, commuter buses, but I always come back. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms.

Forever your devoted rider,
Monica

I'm just saying, that when I am driving in my pickup, I don't get to see the homeless guy re-depositing his Olde English 800 or Private Stock in the stairwell of the back door. No I don't! Nor, do I get to smell that super-model-in-waiting that is the chick with the puffy coat -you know that one... It used to be purple but now is kinda teal and dirt and its dog fur collar is matted down like its wear-er's hair - and those horrible leopard print stirrups... I'm just saying...

I had the privilege of riding the 358 off and on for about a year. And not just a little bit... No, I got to be on this ghetto love chariot from Aurora Village all the way to downtown! And I found myself more often then not, on the first bus in the morning out of Downtown - that's when all of the homeless and hookers migrate north for the day - and an evening ride from Shoreline - which varied in its excitement. I had my fill of the good times on that bus! I saw cops board the bus several times. I was on one that broke down and then the cops were called when people got rowdy waiting for the next bus... And I was hit on by gross creepy old fucks more times then I care to remember.

Why put yourself through this if you don't have too?! I mean, I know that there are times.. But really... Is it worth it? I think not! The only thing that kept me sane on that bus was, 1) my ability to breathe through my mouth without looking like a stalker or my brother and 2) my ipod that I could turn up really really load... Then again, I always had to hide my ipod for fear that someone may over power me by shoving my face into their armpits and then steal it from me... I'm just saying...

5 Stars for the smell!

The 358 gets me from home to work reliably every day, and has for three years.

Yes, homeless people ride the bus too. And sometimes drunk people. Oh my god! Welcome to the real world.

I love this bus because you can't hide from the reality that not everyone shops at REI, drives a Subaru, and works downtown or in Redmond for a cool tech company. I think it's critically important for the health of society & democracy that people see and interact with different people, diverse people, people from other "classes". The 358 allows all of that.

Sure, there are unpleasant or uncomfortable moments. But man, there are a lot of haters on this review page!

7 years. 7 years of living in Seattle before I mustered the courage to ride the infamous 358. Timid and fearful, I would wait for the fickle and tardy Route 5 whilst fleets of 358s hurried past.

But now I am like Paul Atreides taming the sandworm! Join us, ride the 358!
Why? The 358 comes ON TIME and REGULARLY. Seriously, every 15 minutes or less.

Yes, it is stinky, crowded and once gave me a sinus infection, but the 358 is where heroes are born.

The 358, aka "The Disease Wagon" does run up and down Aurora and at peak times it runs with good frequency.

However, some of the riders are more than crazy. Some are bigoted asshats who mutter murderous commentary not-entirely-under-their-breath about killing those mother fu*king f*ggots.

Speaking of the liberal left coast, it sure is nice to have moved away from the hating midwest. I'm so glad I'm riding the 358.

But seriously, one day, I was sitting on the bus, reading a book, when suddenly, I heard a thick, deep, voice say steadily and calmly, if quite loudly, "YOU KNOW, I GET AROUND."

I looked up ahead of me. I didn't want to just spin around because it sounded like someone was about an inch from my ear when they said this and I thought it might be rude to turn around and be right up in someone's grill. But then, as I gazed forward, pondering the right moment to casually glance behind me, the voice came yet again.

"YOU KNOW, I GET AROUND."

Naturally, the time for delay had passed. I turned gently and found living, breathing proof of human evolution in the form of that ever-elusive "missing link." (Yes, I realize the "missing link" has been identified - in fact several have been identified - since the introduction of the phrase into our social linguistics, however in this case, the phrase is a funny way of saying cromagnon man seemed to be sitting right behind me trying to strike up a conversation about his sexual proclivities.)

I made an acknowledging face while attempting to avoid any hint of encouragement. Sort of a smiling "Ah!" kind of face accompanied by an "I understand" nod, which is not to be confused with the more eagerly presenting "Please go on" nod.

Alack, this poster child for physician-assisted suicide did not seem to understand the difference.

Fortunately, he went on only to say that he enjoys seeing the Northwest by traveling on Metro's amazing public transportation system. "Oh, yes, it is lovely here, isn't it?" I cooed in what I hoped was a soothing tone. My stop was thankfully only five blocks away.

As I left the bus, I am certain I overheard him ask a frightened looking woman if /she/ liked to get around...

Never a dull moment on the 358.

**UPDATE**

If you enjoy reading Patrick G's reviews, don't believe a word of it. I never discuss my almost supernatural ability to detect the presence of lean, brown things with good hair and preferably a black wife beater, nor what I would, or would not, do with it.

On the other hand, I have been known from time to time to uncontrollably free-stack when they come around, so.

The 358 metro will likely get you there, that's the good news. Also, if you are a sociologist it will likely provide ample inspiration for your career.

I take the 358 when one of the actual express buses (why on earth is the 358 labeled "Express" when it stops at every stop on it's long route?) is not available. This usually means I've stayed at work in downtown Seattle after the 30x buses have ended for the evening.

Why is the 358 so regularly "exciting"? Rarely does it fail to produce foul odors, suspect wet seats, unruly passengers, awkward seat mates, or general reality show entertainment along the lines of Intervention or Cops. But why? Could it be the riders bound for the methadone clinic? Homeless using the downtown to Aurora Village route as shelter? Whatever the reason, the 358 metro is guaranteed to be an experience worthy of writing home about. Heck, it could be its own Reality Show: "The 358".

Avoid if at all possible.

A HAIKU REVIEW

What the hell's that smell?!
Good Lord - Long drive and packed full.
Honestly - who reeks?!