Barrett "Magic Mountain Theme Park" M.'s Profile

Holy Cheese!!  Paddy Mac is the best M&C I've ever had.  Especially the new SuperMac.  And for some reason it keeps appearing at different events I've been attending recently.  Are you stalking me, Paddymac?  (And if so, please don't ever stop!)

"Healing Hands" is right!  They touched me in places that I didn't even know I had.  I needed to name the twenty-three previously unknown body parts as soon as I got home.  (ie: backflap, upfronds, fleshy nodule, etc.)  The receptionist was really sweet, and my masseuse must have been an archaelogist in a previous life, because she was uncovering these parts of my body as if she had studied ancient manuscripts about me beforehand.  It was incredible.  I wish that I had been conscious for more of it, but what I did experience was really great.  I was in tears for like three hours afterwards.  I feel like this massage was the single-most important experience of my life.   No joke.  I'm a doctor now. And an astronaut.  And I owe it all to the Healing Hands Wellness Center.  (Oh, and if you're looking for a name for a new bodypart, I had two leftover after my brainstorm session: "Mubjub" and "Dangly-Doo."  They're yours if you want 'em.)

Pinball?  More like Sinball.
I can't think of anything that signifies the devil's handiwork more effectively than the flashing lights and scandalous graphics displayed all over this Hall of Shame.  Apologize to my face!  Throbbing flippers and giant shiny balls are clearly synonymous with devil sceptres and demon genitals, and it is wrong, wrong, wrong!  If these obvious metaphors don't immediately make you sick upon entering this bastion of evil, then the smell of sweaty, soulless nerds most certainly will.
The only saving grace of this fiery Hell pit is their pastrami sandwich, which had the perfect amount of meat, crispy fresh sauerkraut, and deliciously buttered sourdough bread on the outside.  But as soon as you're finished with your sandwich, run as far as you can from this demonic game parlor!  Save your soul!  Don't forget your debit card!

Wow, did this place smell like cheese!  The first thing I noticed when I walked in was the inordinate amount of cheese. Inordinate!  I think that when I prepared myself mentally beforehand, I greatly underestimated the amount of cheese.  They should have a sign out front that reads "Not for the elderly or weak of heart."  It's not a bad thing...in any way.  I was just like "What?!!"  And then I was like "How did you guys get THAT much cheese in here?!  And how do you keep it here?!"  And then I said "Gimme a bag, dog!" and "Let's start cheesin!" And then I just went to town.  Three hours later, I was like "Where am  I?....."    Those of you who have been in a cheese trance before know what I'm talking about.

There was an actual moment where I thought I would never see my family again.  I literally fainted and passed out.  Then I found myself being revived by the owner of the shop.  
Now that is some good service!
(And some even better cheese....)

Five stars for saving my life.