Timm "Waxer" T.'s Profile
Date
Gnawing at me now. What the heck else did I do in Hawaii? Just.......can't............remember.............. ....
So, get on Google Earth and look up Priest Valley (pop. 45) on 198. That's it. There is nothing else (except cattle).
So, back in beautiful downtown Visalia for the third time since the first of the year. Love it down here. I always get a lot done. I brought my camera with me this time, but the light hasn't been good so far, maybe tomorrow.
Anyways, rule #1 survival. Actually rule #1 is write your appts on your calendar so that I don't have to drive to hell and back for the meeting you set and then didn't show up for.
Rule #2 is survival. As in dinner. So I drive by a place. No need to research, I can tell it's mine kind of place, old school italian. And boy is it. They even have a sign by the front door: No Checks Accepted. I ask the hostess if anyone even uses checks any more. A bonus: they have the Sharks game on the TV. It would be great, except the sharks were in the midst of losing their third game in a row. Sheesh. But that's okay. because my team is the New York Rangers and we're going to the Stanley Cup Finals. And I did say "we". Hey, I can throw a check, just can't stand on skates. Go Blueshirts!
So dinner. I go easy with a plate of rigatoni with marinara. Great tasting sauce. No junk in it. Just like I make. Excellent seasoning with just a hint of onion and green bell peppers, just like my Nana used to make. Frickin' great. And a salad. Just real lettuce, tomatoes, and black olives, none of that crap that looks like weeds or anything. Good stuff. And everyone is very friendly too.
These plates are huge. The guy at the next table gets a calzone and I can't believe what I'm seeing. The mrs has a rat dog named Creepy. Creepy is a fat sausage of a rat dog at 18 pounds. I think that calzone weighed more than Creepy!
Three meatballs. Check it out.
Anyway, I took Smokin Hot Nancy and the twerps to Hawaii a while back. It was great. We had a lot of fun, saw some great stuff like the zoo and the aquarium, went to the beach a couple of times, went to Ala Moana, and Nancy and the Squirt took a helicopter ride. Seems like there was something else.....just can't seem to remember....well, must not have been that important.
So we stay in Kailua, which was nice. Rented a house, used the kitchen a lot to save time and money. But with the creeps, er kids, sometimes we just take the easy way out. Which of course means pizza. So where to go? Well, I jump on Yelp and see the posting for Bob's, and some guys writes that he's from NY and he thinks this is the best pie he's had. Good enough for me, we check it out.
Great pie. Huge! Thin crust, tasty sauce. And what toppings did I have? You know: Pepperoni of course. What, you though I was going to have hawaiian? Come on. I was eating fresh pineapple three times a day. Why would I ruin a good pizza? Nancy and the twerps had the hawaiian.
Whatever toppings you have, they'll be good. I give it four pies. Check it out.
I give them a one because I can't give them a minus 5.
I went in because they were open on Saturday. I needed one simple procedure done to a tooth.
Instead, no one would listen to me. They wanted me to pay for a whole set of 20 x-rays even though I only needed one tooth (#18) x-rayed.
I should have known that this wouldn't turn out well when I checked in. I handed them my insurance card and it caused a major panic in the office. Apparently they prey upon people who don't have any other options and don't have private insurance.
IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER OPTIONS, DO NOT GO HERE. THEY EXIST SIMPLY TO RIP PEOPLE OFF.
The dentists are probably hacks as well since any dentist who would have taken the time to speak to me would have realized what B.S. this whole thing is.
I CAN'T WARN YOU ENOUGH TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS PLACE!
STAY AWAY FROM HERE. DON'T BE A SUCKER.
So what you have to ask yourself is "Do I feel lucky?" Well do ya......punk?
Okay, so I stole that.
Anyway, as you, my loyal readers know, my reviews are few and far between. Why you may ask? Well, frankly it's hard to write the consistently brilliant prose that you've come to expect from me every time I write. And I never want to just mail it in.
Luckily, today is one such occasion. As you know, I have a few (very few) requirements for a great place to eat. One, must have a counter, preferably with good coffee. Two, can't be a chain. Three, seedy is good. Four, the more desolate, the better.
And so it goes. Me and the Mrs had an opportunity to get away from our pals Elroy and the Squirt for a while, so we decided to hit the road and meet up with some friends for dinner. My buddy Slick Rick and his wife Dearest Pamela live over on the Peninsula, and so we decided to hook up for dinner.
Where to meet? Well, Casmalia is 8 hours away, so the Hitching Post is out., but there's this place over on the coast, a local legend. We head out to the coast and turn left. It's a great ride through the scrub and fields along the coast. We're dodging the rain showers, and stopping at all the coastal accesses so that I can check out the waves. Oh, and my new best bud Enzo (he's a good boy) is with us, so I have to get him out and walk around a bit when we stop. Yes, the Toy High now features wet dog smell too!
So anyway, the darker it gets, the more it looks like we are on our way to Casmalia. You know, no lights, no people, no nothin'. We make the left off CA 1 onto Pescadero Road. A couple of miles up the road, and there it is, Duarte's Tavern.
Now, the only difference between Pescadero and Casmalia is that Pescadero has a four-way stop. It's the BIG city.
Duarte's doesn't disappoint: Old wood paneling, worn linoleum floors, friendly staff, and an actual authentic counter (although it's right in the middle of the dining room). And of course it's in the middle of nowhere.
So anyway, the rain. We sit under a window in the dining room, and as the storm hammers away, we notice that Slick Rick is starting to look like he took a shower with his clothes on. No problem, they get us moved to another table right away. And my buddy "Nz"? With all the thunder and lightning and rain hammering down? No problem, he's just chillin' on his dog bed in the Toy High (now featuring wet dog smell). He's the coolest dog. He's the "Fonz" of dogs. You know, cool.
Anyway, the place is great. Great fresh food, a lot of it grown either in their garden or locally on the coast. The menu is no nonsense ( I know, sucks for me) with lots of fresh fish and their famous specialty Artichokie soup. SR, DP, and the Mrs have the soup. Me? The prime rib, and I get the end cut because they realize I'm a big deal. The Mrs forces me to try the soup. It's yummy (read: YUCK). The prime rib is great. I even take some out to my pal Enzo. He likes it too!
Anyway, it's great to visit with my friends again. Now the Mrs knows that I actually have friends. The ride home is pretty uneventful other than the unsolicited instructions from the passenger seat..........
So great food, great service, middle of nowhere. I give it four paws!
Enzo says check it out!
No really, the Mrs wanted something called Eggs Benedict, so off we go. Where, to the Splash Cafe of course. But, no I didn't want to wait in line for an hour in the pouring rain, so we wandered around for a bit until we stumbled across the Shell Cafe.
At first glance, looks nice, friendly people, maybe a possibility. In reality, uh....no.
It's not that the food isn't good because it is. Really good. The Eggs Benedict disappeared like a stoolie who crossed the mob. Your humble correspondent had the tri-tip sandwich. That's right, authentic Santa Maria Oak pit BBQ. I think that it's a county law that every restaurant has to have Santa Maria Oak pit BBQ. Why else would the donut shop serve tri-tip?
Anyway, we waited, and waited, and waited for our food. When it finally did come, it was packaged to go. Only, it wasn't a to go order. On the plus side, when they took the food out of the styrofoam, they obviously re-heated everything, so our food was nice and hot.
The place has potential, since the food really is good. But the service is too uneven for this intrepid reporter to give it anything higher than 2 shells. Check it out.
Suffice to say, you're missing out if you haven't been here yet. What the hell are you waiting for?
2 Previous Reviews:
-
10/17/2009
Winner and still champion!
You cannot go wrong here at Old West. Just get in there and get one (or two).
What are you waiting for? Just do it! -
7/20/2009
You know what makes America great? Ice cold water, giant corn dogs on a stick, and the county fair. Why the fair? The horse racing of course. Well, that and all the great food you would never be allowed to eat during the course of your regular lifetime. But, somehow or other, you can go all Joey Chestnut with the fair food, and for some reason it's okay.
What do I like at the fair? Well, you can get a 24" corn dog on a stick, that's pretty good. And the soft pretzels. And the slushees. And, the best of all, Old West Cinnamon Rolls.
So, imagine my surprise on my first visit to Pismo Beach when I rolled into town and right up to Old West Cinnamon Rolls. How cool is that? Right here in town.
You can get cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting (okay), cinnamon rolls with nuts (bleh), and cinnamon rolls with raisins (yay!). And, it's a big roll. And sticky, and lots of raisins. Best of all, cinnamon roll and a milk for four bucks. You remember Nancy...
It's just like the fair! I give it four cinnamon rolls. Check it out.
BTW, Kelly H, don't ever come back.
Casmalia, CA 93429
(805) 937-6151
The Hitching Post
Categories:
Barbeque,
Steakhouses
And this week-end was no exception. Absolutely beautiful weather. I even got to hang on the beach on Saturday. Beautiful, warm, perfect weather in Avila Beach.
Only this time I brought the Mrs with me, Smokin' Hot Nancy. She's been wondering what I keep jabbering about, and it was a good time to take a time-out from the kids, Elroy Jetson and the Squirt. Plus, it's our one-year anniversary of when we first met.
So, I want to make it nice and all, and that includes a nice dinner. Where to go you say? Well, to the legendary Hitching Post of course!
So, you've read my original post, including what a great adventure it is to get out to Casmalia. Well, let me tell you something: it's nothing compared to driving out there at night.
We didn't head out until almost 800p, well after sunset. At least during the day you can see where you are. At night? Pitch black. See, to get to Casmalia you have to drive through Vandenberg Air Force Base. Lots and lots and lots of scrub, and no lights anyplace. It's like the frickin' dark side of the moon. And what does the Mrs think of the ride? Well, there were a lot of "Where the f*** are we?" questions.
But, once again, we crest the hill, and down in the valley we see a total of 5 lights. And what does that mean? Yep, Casmalia is right ahead. And what does that mean? Yep, the best damn dinner in the west!
Was it? You know it was. The Mrs has the Filet Mignon. It's like buttah. I have the sirloin. Incredibly flavorful. The service? Perfect as always. Everyone there stops by to make sure everything in okay. None of this "It's not my table" BS. You need something? Whoever you ask helps you out.
So, after dinner I'm looking for Natalie, one of the owners. She had been kind enough to send me a note after my post last time. I wanted to say hello and thank her for writing to me. But alas, Natalie doesn't work at night. But Teri her mother does. So I walk up to the front desk to pay my bill, and the first thing Teri asks me is "What did Natalie promise you?"
Okay, so I'm obviously not on the "A" list since no comps. But that's okay. I'll still make the drive (day or night) from San Francisco to get to The Hitching Post. Why? Are you kidding me? Great food, great service, great atmosphere. And, Teri wished the Mrs a Happy Anniversary.
Oh, and just in case you were wondering: The Giants in the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!
I give the Hitching Post five (baseball) diamonds. Check it out!
1 Previous Review:
-
10/17/2009
So you know that my territory covers most of the western hemisphere, except somehow that doesn't include any of the 21 stores that have signed a national agreement with us, meaning that I have to continue to drive down any and all two lane country roads, back alleys, and crumbling highways running across the known universe to try to earn a living. Must be nice to have 21 accounts handed to you....I wouldn't know.
Oh, it's been fun and all. I've driven up and down CA 65 from Bakersfield to Porterville on the eastern edge of the Central Valley, all left and right on 205/198/J17, and of course you all know about my legendary trips over the highway of hell CA 41 from the Central Valley to the Central Coast. I've been everywhere man, I've been everywhere Hell, I've even been off the GPS grid in Orange Cove..
And usually, I share those experiences with my unique view of the world. Like my post about Jocko's in Nipomo (the middle of the middle of nowhere), Far Western Tavern (Guadalupe, one street no stop light). You get the picture.
So it's Day 2 of Beefapalooza 2009, and I'm in search of the legendary Hitching Post in Casmalia. So I'm driving on 101 N coming back from Oxnard and I veer off at CA 1 N to Lompoc. Somewhere past Lompoc, past all the scrub, past any hint of civilization, is Casmalia. It's not even on my map, and when my mobile service drops to nothing, I know I'm in for an adventure.
I go at least 15 minutes without seeing another human being, driving through the golden sunset. I'm starting to wonder where I am when I crest a hill and down in the valley I see a couple of dilapidated structures and some old rusted out junk heaps. I don't think much about it and as I come down the hill I start to put my foot into it to chase the sun. As I pass through the one intersection that I've seen in an hour, I just happen to notice a sign off to the left "The Hitching Post". I jam on the brakes, throw the FEH into reverse, and turn left onto Point Sal Rd.
Let me just say now that I owe a big apology to every little Podunk town that I've ever made fun of. Nipomo the middle of nowhere? Casmalia makes Nipomo look like the NY-NJ-CT greater tri-state complex. Casmalia is so small, Guadalupe (one street, no stop light) is a sprawling metropolis. Casmalia is like two blocks long. Why does a restaurant in a town two blocks long have a four digit street number?
Seriously, most nights this place has up to an hour wait for a table. How can that be? Easy. This place is the real deal. Outstanding service, very friendly staff, excellent value for the meal. And just a ton of food. I get there early, so I go for the Sunset special, 10 oz top sirloin for $27. I blew my per Diem yesterday, so I want to make sure I come in under today. I get fruit cup, bread, salsa, veggies (my kind of veggies), cracker basket, salad (homemade dressing), potatoes, and a nice 10 oz steak. Tender, flavorful, tasty. A real joy.
Every employee in the place stopped by to check up on me. The hostess, the other hostess, the waitress, the bus boy. Everyone. Even Luis, the chef, came out to say hello and ask how I enjoyed my dinner. Are you kidding me? Now you know why this place is so great.
Another thing. Order the fries. The LA Times calls them the best in So Cal. You know what? They are. Check it out.
You can't do better than this. I give it 5 fruit cups. Check it out. But make sure you have a full tank of gas, and a survival kit. Just in case.
So usually, I don't write about the local places. Why? Simple. When I find a good local place, I don't want to have to stand in line behind all you bandwagon jumpers to get my grinds. So no local places. Besides, since I was a road warrior I could write about just about any place.
But the world is a changing place, and I've recently turned in my Road Warrior badge. And after all, as a citizen of the universe, I owe it to everyone out there to tell them where they need to go....
And they need to go to Canyon Cafe in American Canyon (Am Can to us locals). I've only been driving past this place for like forever, and finally decided to stop in about 8 months ago. Good thing I did.
They have everything a diner needs to have to get my attention: A counter to sit at, attentive service, and homemade biscuits. What else could you possibly need?
Well, for starters, huge portions. And real, fresh hash browns shredded daily And did I mention the homemade biscuits? Plus, the wait staff is great. Very friendly.
So next time you're on your way up to Napa with the visitors from the East, make the u-turn and stop in here for a bite. Hey, it's diner food. It's what America runs on. (Yeah, I know America runs on Dunkin', but we ain't got no Dunkin', so for us America runs on diner food).
Anyway, why are you still sitting there reading this drivel? Get off your a** and get to the Canyon Cafe!
Pismo Beach, CA 93449
(805) 773-3638
Big Daddy's Oak Pit - CLOSED
Category:
Barbeque
But you, my loyal readers, know me too well. Yes, that was me jamming that great pizza into my pie hole. But Timm, you say, what about the Central Coast and all that great BBQ?
Funny you should ask. Last week, me and the trusty FEH headed to the beautiful Central Coast of California. And the Central Coast means Santa Maria Oak pit BBQ. Yes, you knew that. You know all about Jocko's, Far Western, The Hitching Post, Alex BBQ. The best thing about the new diet, er, lifestyle, is that I can still eat meat. And meat means BBQ. And BBQ means Santa Maria Oak pit BBQ. It's the circle of life.
So, find this new place called Big Daddy's BBQ. It's in a back corner of the shopping center next to the mercado. You have to really look, or you'll miss it.
It's an okay place. I had the tri-tip dinner. The tri-tip was very tasty and flavorful. Cooked over red oak. Yummy. You also get two sides with the dinner, so make sure you try the homemade potato chips. Very good.
Next time you're in town, check it out!
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Kihei, HI
Yelping SinceMarch 2009
Things I Lovefast cars and fast girls, day baseball, banana slurpees, a really good hamburger, Pizza
Find Me Ina state of disarray
My Hometownwhereever there's a good cup of coffee
When I'm Not Yelping...I'm dreaming about yelping
Why You Should Read My ReviewsYou need to know what I have to say
My Second Favorite Website My Last Meal On EarthDiFara pizza
In fact, now that I think about it, there's a lot of things that I hate. With apologies to Mel Brooks, I hate:
Bald headed arrogent jerks with small mans complex,
Rubber neckers,
Looky-loos,
small dogs that look like rats with an underbite and creepy bug eyes,
red headed step children, er, I mean not (necessarily) my red headed step child,
teenagers who barricade themselves in their room and do nothing but eat peanut butter and play with their joystick.....from their PS 2 (not that I know anyone like that),
scrawny psycho cats,
rustlers,
cutthroats,
murderers,
bounty hunters,
desperados,
mugs,
pugs,
thugs,
nitwits,
halfwits,
dimwits,
vipers,
snipers,
conmen,
indian agents,
mexican bandits,
muggers,
buggerers,
bushwackers,
horn swagglers,
horse thieves,
train robbers,
bank robbers,
ass kickers,
shit kickers,
and methodists!
Oh, and the french. I HATE the french.
Ahhh, that feels better...almost.
What I really hate is faux italian restaurants. You know the places, they put a few noodles on the plate and call themselves an italian restaurant. No, the Olive Garden is NOT an italian restaurant.
What makes a good italian restaurants? You came to the right place. Real italian restaurants have a dark, shadowy feel; dark wood paneling; plenty of red vinyl; placemats with famous landmarks of Italy; and mobsters.
Okay, so where is there a good restaurant? Bakersfield. I know, right? Who wouda thunk?
So I roll into Josephs. Great place. You can't even find it until you're there. And, apparently you can just park anyplace in the parking lot. The lines are mere suggestions. I go inside. Checklist: Dark interior, wood paneling from the 60's, red vinyl, placemats, and I'm there so the mobster part is covered.
My dinner? Spaghetti with marinara, and minestrone. The sauce had chunks of garlic the size of fish heads. Great wait staff, good flavorful sauce without a lot of crap in it. And very affordable. Kelly in accounting? She'll approve.
Next time: pizza. I give it four meatballs. Check it out.