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"I am Paris Hilton"
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Review votes:
542 Useful, 472 Funny, and 335 Cool
Berkeley, CA
Yelping SinceMarch 2006
Things I LoveMy dead gay son, French Crullers, Swimming Naked, Streaking
Find Me Inin sex videos accidentally leaked to the internet. Repeatedly.
My HometownP'tucket, then North Park San Diego
My Blog Or Website When I'm Not Yelping...I'm accidentally exposing myself to paparazzi. on purpose.
Why You Should Read My ReviewsBecause I'm hot and rich.
My Second Favorite Website The Last Great Book I ReadPhysics for Future Presidents
My First ConcertBoston Pops
My Favorite MovieWhat's Up Doc
My Last Meal On Earth4 weinahs at Olneyville all-da-way, w/ coffee milk
Don't Tell Anyone Else But...I strip for money.
Most Recent Discovery16Hz
Current CrushHasa
DateBerkeley, CA 94704
(510) 849-0000
Tomatina
Category: Italian
Neighborhoods: UC Campus Area, Downtown Berkeley
Review based on first visit, Lunch.
Service is, well, let's call it concise. "You sit here."
1 of the 3 workers was a little more attentive.
Food
Tea was better than most places. Kinda floral with a bit of orange blossom. Spiffy.
Hot and Sour soup was better than average. Could use a little more 'stuff' in there. Tofu is cut a little large. (I'm nitpicking now.)
Chicken with Black Bean sauce. I requested very, very spicy. I rec'd plain ol' spicy. Good though. No MSG. Instead of MSG I think they use MSB.
MSB is "Mega Sodium Bombarment" because there were some bites that were so salty my tongue shrank. The chicken meat was made of the good parts. Nothing too fatty, gristly, or unrecognizeable. Quantity was good. For $6 total, I'll have two lunches. Nice!
Atmosphere
Needs a deep cleaning. Maybe the Holy Hand Grenade of Sanitization.
At lunch, you've got the little creeps from the school blocking the door with takeout orders. The place fills up fast.
So for a first visit, I give a provisional 3 stars. There's room to go up or down.
Berkeley, CA 94702
(510) 525-1799
Paper Plus Outlet
Categories: Party Supplies, Cards & Stationery
Sniff, sniff. There is an odor.
No matter how wacky your project, you'll strike paydirt in this giant sized treasure trove of stuff.
...or you might find a dead senior citizen which might explain the bad smell.
Have fun!
Berkeley, CA 94710
(510) 665-7800
Paper Source
Category: Cards & Stationery
Neighborhood: Fourth Street
You could spend up a storm here, it's true.
The store is tidy, well lit, and organized, and spacious.
One minor quibble. With 6 people in the store (5 women, 1 guy- me), the girl working yesterday approached each person with assistance, except for me. So I have to wonder-
Deodorant- Check
Garlic for lunch- Nope
Invisibility Cloak- Nope
Am I naked? - Nope
Am I wearing a "Sit on my face" t-shirt?- Nope
Ski mask? -nope
Is my zipper down and my trouser-snake hanging out? Nope
Oh well. For whatever reason, that clerk wouldn't come anywhere near me. Maybe that's what it's like when women go to the hardware store.
The Jellyfish and currently the Seahorses are beautifully designed and a pleasure to see. The special exhibits will suprise you, educate you and entertain you. You can appreciate them as art or science.
It's a shame that they are temporary. They should pass them on to other aquariums.
The current Great White Shark is a sweet little miss. She passed by the glass and gave us a toothy grin with a bit of gore hanging from her teeth.
Oakland, CA 94611
(510) 658-2877
Gaylord's Caffe Espresso
Category: Coffee & Tea
Neighborhood: North Oakland
Not great for breakfast. For what I paid for a bagel, I could have had 2 eggs and toast over at Trieste.
Cafe Mocha was pretty good. Their chocolate is not as syrupy sweet as some places. +1, but they don't offer whipped cream like some places. -1.
Cool decor. i love the organ table!
I'd rather have coffee here than Starbucks. In fact, I'd rather curl myself into a loop and tongue my own asshole before having char-fucks coffee.
Big Sur, CA 93920
(831) 667-2800
Sierra Mar Restaurant at The Post Ranch Inn
Category: American (New)
The waiters should dress like Lando and Boba Fett to really sell the mood.
Food is neat, well-excecuted and tasty. There is no culinary plasma-fission innovation going on, and that's A-OK. Dessert choices are a little boring. Prices? How about $22 hamburger.
For a high-end place like they are not snooty. The customers are diverse and posers are in the minority.
Romantic? Oh Yes. but not in the cozy way. The room is cool and expansive with the glass, concrete and airy-ness. It is quiet and private. It's more romantic in the sense of Lois Lane and Superman flying hand in hand. Floaty, I guess is the word for it.
Service is friendly and professional. Bar is competant. Good coffee.
Really nice dark restroom.
Lean across the table to your lover and whisper these sweet words of Billy Dee Williams-
"I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever. "
The food comes from an unenthusiastic production line. 4 out of the 6 times I've been here, the dinners never get past adequate.
I recommend Skates for:
- Grandparents visiting from out of town
- Cruise people
- Someone else is paying
The food is low-end fare, often with ingredients that don't belong together.
Example: The Seared Ahi Tuna sandwich. They take two rectangles of Ahi, put roasted bell peppers and mushrooms on there. And then lettuce and tomato, served on an onion bun. Eee-eeuch.
Avoid sitting anywhere near the kitchen. They yell a lot and it's annoyingly loud.
1 Previous Review: Hide »
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6/19/2006
The food comes from an unenthusiastic production line. Some days the poor cooks just can't get motivated. 3 out of the 5 times I've been here, the dinners never get past adequate. If you catch them on an off night you can always enjoy the view.
I recommend Skates for:
- High school graduation dinners
- Grandparents visiting from out of town
- Cruise people
- Someone else is paying
Helpful hint
When your server introduces themselves, remember the name!!!
You will need it if they forget about you.
If the "Cowboy Steak" is not on the menu as for it. Excellent dry rub!
Berkeley, CA 94709
(510) 704-8004
Corso Trattoria
Category: Italian
Neighborhoods: North Berkeley, Gourmet Ghetto
Truffle raviolis with lobster mushrooms were phenomenal.
Pistachio Semifreddo and Affogato are always stellar.
New(ish) hires are good choices- Joel, and hostess-whose-name-sounds-like-a-foreign-country.
1 Previous Review: Hide »
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7/7/2009
-Full Disclosure-
I have a huge crush on the pastry chef. Anything I say about the desserts should be taken with a grain of sugar. Sweet, sweet, sugar. Mmmm-Mmmm.
-- -- -- --
Pizza is short of 5 stars. I don't think the oven is hot enough to make a 5 star crust. Dopo and Nizza la Bella reign supreme for the best crust. Note: No pizza on Sunday lunch.
Pastas are very fresh, cooked with care to the right doneness. Other entrees are all made to order and they can run out.
Bar is superior to most restaurants where the bar is treated like a twice removed stepchild. Note the better than average selection of whiskey for example. Unexpected for an Italian place. Very nice amaros. Interesting house cocktails. Franc is fun to hang out with.
The desserts, especially the pistachio semifreddo and the Bombaletto, curve my spine, raise my hair, and make me swoon for the Aphrodite of Pastry. 5 stars. They gambled hiring a natural talent and it's for the best.
Service is good. They have a seasoned staff. Lena was naturally gracious. There is one sort of cuckoo server, but haven't gotten stuck with her yet. Host stand is friendly and accommodating.
Berkeley, CA 94709
(510) 883-0222
Cesar
Categories: Spanish, Tapas Bars, Basque
Neighborhoods: North Berkeley, Gourmet Ghetto
I regret not writing an initial review back when Cesar was at its peak. It seems to be slipping now. The food is still pretty good, but the service (at least last night) was the pits. I miss the Papas Bravas. They used to be in regular rotation.
Hostess- Friendly but half asleep. And is a girl who looks like a 12 year old zombie the image you want for an upscale tapas bar?
The Scowling Server- She didn't know the menu that well, not particularly convivial, and just a little slow in the head.
For any one of my past dozen visits, this would have been a glowing review. I'm really bummed out. I'll give them another chance.
C'mon guys, pull it together! You can do it! Get back to 5 stars!
3 Lists
Anything homey or family about it has been stripped away, which I only mention because the Tomatina website talks a lot about family. Elizabeth H.'s hits it right on the nose. Don't miss her review.
Food
Pepperoni Piadine was so good I had it both visits. It's a blue cheese salad with pepperoni wrapped in a pizza circle.
The beer choices are dullsville. The coffee is Mr. Espresso +5 points
Atmosphere
The place must have been designed by a firm with a name "Person, Johnson, and Gray Inc." It's sparkling clean and completely devoid of personality. The chairs don't fit the tables or vice versa and that's a pain in the ass. -2 pts
Service
Was really good (with only 4 tables seated). The blond waitress Taylor was great. No pressure for dessert. No sales pitch. No scripted friendliness. +10 bonus points for missing those common annoyances. A boy with pretty hair was on top of water, refills, etc.
Summary
Their website says --
"Talk, Eat, Laugh, trade a story or recipe, tell a joke, banter about local sports, Eat and laugh some more. . ."
It just isn't that kind of place. Too cold. Too bright, too loud, too boring. Still, I'd rather eat here than Olive Fucking Garden. In fact, I'd rather get an inflamed itchy rash on my ass than go to Olive Fucking Garden.