Melissa "Spatula Queen" Z.'s Profile

Restaurant Week can beget panic attacks for those inexperienced food adventurers who are blindsided by a plethora of options. Some common questions include:

- What constitutes as a good deal?
- Whose advice can you trust?
- What should you order?
- How can one person possibly eat 3 courses for $35 and not become broke/overstuffed?

Let a seasoned eater break it down to you with one restaurant: The Bar Room at The Modern.

- It's a good deal because the usual 3-course pre-fixe is $88. Understandably, the foie gras that's infused into almost every dish on the regular menu is not offered for RW, but are you really that surprised?

- Take the advice from people whom you trust, or at least agree with. Do take note if a certain aspect about a restaurant stands out, such as the fact that The Bar Room at The Modern gives you nearly 10+ choices per course. The hardest part about eating at The Modern is deciding which dish to order.

- As stated above, making a choice is indeed tough, especially at The Modern. The selection is always changing each time RW rolls around, or even between weeks of the same period. If you're going to branch out, go for dishes that center on quality of ingredients, such as the Steak Tartare with Quail Egg this time around, or fun experimental ones like the Roasted Long Island Duck Breast with Peppercorn-crusted Apples and Toasted Pistachio-truffle dipping sauce. Beer-Braised Pork Belly is a fun use of a popular ingredient, whereas the Saffron Tagliatelle with Cider Braised Rabbit, Wild Mushrooms and Baby Zucchini was so sinfully melt-in-your-mouth that not finishing every bite would've been a crime. Dessert isn't any easier to narrow down, though the Dark Chocolate Tart's name doesn't do this burst of semi-formed chocolate bliss justice. The petite Modern Cheesecake with Almond Crumble, Raspberry and 'fromage blanc' sorbets is so pretty it deserves a place inside MoMA.

- There's a common equation with fine dining that as price increases, portions decrease, regardless of whether or not that -should- be the standard. The Modern's portions, while not minuscule, are not hefty either. The variety of flavors and the quality of food are well worth the $35 for dinner.

The only other difficulty now is jumping on a reservation as soon as they become available. Veterans can be pretty feisty about getting a spot at their tried and true favorites, so take note of this advice, gather up your wits, and plunge on in with the rest of us.

At first I was confused because there was no Restaurant Week menu on the website, even though the Telepan was participating in the promotion. Then when I sat down, it all became clear: You get your pick out of the ENTIRE regular menu.

The menu is separated into three savory sections and one sweet, of which you can choose 3 for $35, or all 4 for $45. Besides The Modern, I haven't heard of many other restaurants doing this. The original prices are still right there in ink, so it's plain as day how much you're saving during RW.

As for the food, it was fine New American cuisine, if not a tad salty for most palates. I'm a sponge for sodium though, so I personally didn't mind too much. What really struck my attention as a sugar fiend is that Telepan has a fantastic pastry chef manning that helm.

I, champion of the rich and creamy desserts, suddenly found myself falling victim to the playfully light and crispy layers of the Quince Granita Parfait, spruced with yogurt cream, toasted almonds, and prosecco. I could be frozen inside a glacier (read as: NYC winter air) and still request that dish. So for all you "I'm-too-full-for-dessert" heartbreakers, don't do it to yourself this time. Ice and fruit won't take up too much stomach room, but your heart might implode from sheer happiness.

As I choke down some day-old, desert-dry, sickeningly-sweet, over-hyped red velvet, I take a glance at the photographic mural of famous faces. They are all supposedly enjoying what cannot possibly be the same cake I am eating.

I pause. I consider my stance. After all, according to your celebrity photos....

Bobby Flay challenged your red velvet cake.
Quincy Jones seemed to like your red velvet cake
Patti LaBelle seemed to like your red velvet cake.
P.Diddy seemed to like your red velvet cake.
Yelpers seem to like your red velvet cake.

But I do not.

Who can you trust anymore?

I dare someone not to find a single item they'd like to order from this extensive menu. I Double-Dog-Dare you! Triple-Dog-Dare-With-A-Cherry-On-Top!

Speaking of cherries on top, draw your attention to the overloaded fruit medley that make up the pretty little tarts. And if fruits aren't your thing, Veneiro's got you covered with enough alcohol in their collection of desserts than some people have on their liquor cabinets. Still not your cup of tea? Try a hot chocolate, or some of their Italian coffees instead.

Words cannot express how happy I am to get boozy Tiramisu or a thick slice of cheesecake at midnight. Ask for the slice in the cafe from the daily fresh made cakes, not the mini versions from the to-go counter. This is my staple for cheesecake, offered crustless and in both the NY and Italian version. If you don't know the difference, a taste test will fix that right up. After all, they've been here since 1894, so they're doing something right.

So go ahead. I dared you.

A ladder.
Barrels of beans.
Grumpy Chinese men smoking.

What do these all things have in common, besides making you question my sanity?

They're all obstacles obscuring the fine, fine dumplings in the back corner of this unremarkable-looking store. It was like navigating a maze to get to this peculiar oasis in the form of two Chinese ladies behind a Lowe's-like kitchen display setup, blinking at the large group of Dumpling Conquistadors who had somehow found them.

We ordered a plate of the Fennel and Pork and a plate of the Mutton Dumplings, each around $3 for 10. We didn't realize that "Made to Order" meant that they would step out and actually make the dumplings by  hand, one-by-one, and then boil the fresh batch. Wow. Call me impressed when they set down our steaming plate and waited for our expected murmurs of approval.

If I hadn't come here on a dumpling crawl with friends, I would've never discovered it on my own. Sawdust and ladders just don't scream "lunch", after all. But maybe they should, since these are some of the best dumplings I've ever had. And I have my momma's in the fridge! There, I said it, despite my fear of being disowned. See what these dumplings have done to me?

I LOVE TONGUE.

Got your attention? Good.

I'm sure some exes are raising their eyebrows, but I don't care. It's true, I love tongue-- in a cooked, sliced, unidentifiable form, at least. It's one of my favorite foods, though I eat it mostly in the undiscriminating safety of my own home.

So while the rest of my party was ordering pastrami all around (Except Rod, who gets a thumbs up for tackling the Woody Allen), I prepped myself for a heaping serving of beef tongue. Turns out, the right tongue can turn people into believers. Be daring, take a chance, cross something off your list of New Years resolutions.

And don't forget the cheesecake. Because nothing ends a meat orgy better than blended cheese and sugar. Or more tongue!

Mmm....tongue.

Right off the bat, I was inclined to dislike Risotteria.

1. They serve primarily risotto, unsurprisingly.
2. They appeal heavily to a Gluten-Free audience.

I happen to be:

1. An Asian who dislikes rice. [gasps go here]
2. A girl who loves her some gluten. Carbs, sauces, yesss.  

You see how this did not seem like a match made in heaven?

Well, I came here for dinner with my Gluten-Free (Celiac's, not by choice) roommate and her family. I didn't know much about gluten-free foods before this, since we basically narrowed down our shared foods to chocolate, frosting, and more chocolate.

We split a Pesto Pizza, customized to have shrimp and spinach on top, and a Chicken, Pine nuts, and Porcini Risotto. For a non-risotto-lover like me, I nevertheless found it pretty tasty. The portions are not skimpy here, even when it came to the salad and soup that the rest of our party ordered. Plus I'm sure we ate our worth in GF breadsticks.

Ultimately, I give the 4th star because it was nice being able to share a meal with her, since GF is still relatively scarce on the NYC food scene. It's pretty cool to see someone's eyes light up when they get all excited about having a /choice/ of stuff on the menu, a right that we often take for granted.

In any case, the Celiac's Seal of Approval toothpick flag that came on our pizza adorns the fridge as a reminder to go back soon. Until then, it's Chocolate time!

How to become disappointed in BBQ:

1. Reserve 2 days in advance for the Whole Pig/Big Pig Gig ($480+)
2. Gather up 12 people min ($35 extra each for more people)
3. Spend all day making room in your belly in anticipation for piggy goodness.
4. "Oooh" and "Ahhh" when they bring out the entire charred pig. Snap an excessive amount of pictures.
5. Attempt to eat dry meat and inedible skin.
6. Mourn the waste of a perfectly decent pig.
7. Go home and have dinner.

Moral of the story: Not every gimmick is worth investigating, especially not at this price.

*** 100th review ***

I was struggling over what to review for the big 1-0-0, since I get a kick out of little pinnacles like this. Finally it dawned on me: why not review the reason why I'm in NYC in the first place?

Yeah, I'm so deep in debt like many of my peers that the light at the end of the tunnel seems like a pinhole.

Yeah, I'm sick of fighting though so much red tape that I'm surprised when anything goes my way.

Yeah, I realize that the purple flag is adorning more and more buildings around Manhattan, and heck, the world.

--- BUT

Although it's easy to jump on the hate-wagon, I find it much more satisfying to look back and think about what great opportunities and memories the school provided in the past few years I've been here.

Because of NYU, I got the college environment I always preferred. No football team, low emphasis on Greek life, and a lively city, not strictly college, setting.

Because of NYU, I've gotten some of the most interesting and unique internships. Cupcakes aside, that is.

Because of NYU, I got to study abroad in Italy, which changed my outlook on life and is probably why I'm even on Yelp now.

Because of NYU, I got to live in prime locations such as Union Square, 5th avenue, and across from Trader Joe's. Who knew ambulance sirens could become such sweet lullabies?

I could go on and on, but this is beginning to feel like a memoir. So overall, for someone who blindly picked NYU without ever having visited NYC, I feel pretty lucky. Broke, but lucky.

Let's be honest. It's a love/hate relationship we've got going on here, Mr. Joe. Or should I say, going by the name on your ethnic labels, Trader Jose?

( + ) I love that you're across the street from my building...

( - ) ... but I hate that I get the shivers when I glance out my window and see the line snaking out the door.

( + )  I love the free samples....

( - ) ... that keep me from starving as I spend the better half of an hour in line to buy edible things.

( + ) I love the [slightly] cheap[er] prices you offer...

( - ) ...at least in comparison to the magical disappearing acts that Whole Foods and Food Emporium down the street play with my wallet.

( + ) I love that you carry some of my favorite products, speaking as a long-time fan of Almond Breeze...

( - ) ... but get frustrated when I can find sunflower oil but not generic ones like canola.

( + ) I love finding those quirky and often overlooked products, like mini stroopwafels, beer bread mix, or seasonal pumpkin butter...

( - ) ... if only they weren't constantly out of stock and could be for the rest of the season.

So what's the verdict?

You're my top choice when I don't feel like starving. Yay! So I'll grab a friend, jump in the 12 items or fewer line that snakes around the store, and try to ignore the nagging voice at the back of my head that wonders when I need to do my next round of grocery shopping.