Jaime "Accidental Evildoer" M.'s Profile

As we walked home after our Maoz meal, we discussed all the places in the area where we'd go for falafel before we come back: Tom's, Sarah's, Phara's, Longhorn Po' Boys, Flying Falafel (Oops, that one might be closed!), my house. THEN we will come back to Maoz ... well, we might go to some of those places a couple of times first. We eat a LOT of falafel.

Which is not to say that Maoz is bad! It's just that we prefer the atmosphere elsewhere. The shiny-shiny-shiny, green-green-green dining room is a bit over the top. The Beach Boys loop (with some "Footloose" thrown in for good measure) is so corny it hurts. The prices aren't anything to brag about. The dining space is limited and somewhat crowded (just a few long tables with benches). LOTS of kids. It's probably 3.5 stars, but I wanted to balance out some of the other reviewers.

Maoz has a lot more going for it than most international chain establishments.

First, it's very vegetarian-friendly. Second, the local owner was very nice and very (very very) attentive, going so far as to check up on us several times and to offer us free extra toppings. Third, its toppings bar is unrivaled by any other local offering (I particularly liked the beets and seasoned chickpeas and the cilantro sauce). Fourth, the fries are quite nice, thick and well-cooked. And finally, the pitas are really soft, which is how I like them (though they were out of whole wheat when we came).

Please offer recycling for cans and paper goods and plastic side dishes!

Sarah Statham is my hair goddess.
Until now, I'd never had hair that people complimented -- simply put, my hair is TOUGH. Beautiful color with natural highlights (if I do say so myself) but thick, dense and unruly as all get out. Cowlicks, waves and flat bits, and a tendency toward an oily patch.
The previous salon the Statham women worked at provided styling for the Yelp fashion show in summer 2009, and they were great then, but it took me a few months to track them down at Method.
Sarah gave me a fabulous cut at the end of 2009, and I was hooked. I've never had a regular stylist, so this is a new thing for me. But as long as she keeps making me look my best (even when I say, "I've got no idea. I trust you!" -- a dangerous thing in my experience!), I'll keep coming back.
Everyone else here is fun and funny. Totally hip neighborhood vibe that makes me feel cooler for having been here. Kevin Murphy products are pretty sweet. Free (excellent) bang trims!

Minor quibbles: It can be hard to get in touch with anyone to schedule an appointment, and when you do, it is likely to be a few weeks out. And for some reason I get charged one rate about half the time, and another rate the rest of the time.

All the worst things about a hipster dive in one suffocating package. (And I usually dig dives, the dingier the better, but this one was just no fun.)

A night in mid-November that was nice and chilly (temperatures in the 60s) had me struggling to breathe the sticky, hot air or shove an elbow between sweaty people to reach the bar. $3 Lone Star tallboys when we did make it, but getting the bartender's attention was a real struggle.

The show onstage was horrifying -- when I could see it at all (no decent sight lines whatsoever unless you were a taller than 6 feet or within 3 feet of the stage. Some kind of gross stripper competition thing involved various women dancing to horrible music while changing from one awful outfit to another. The low point was someone wearing an old lady outfit that turned into a dog costume as she swayed to "How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?" Supposedly bands came on later in the day, but I couldn't stick around more than an hour, even to hear friends play.

The backyard has several tables and all were packed, so getting fresh air was an exercise in standing next to stinky trash cans on rocky ground. Not exactly inviting.

Gross bathrooms and a cocky doorman are the divey cherries on top.

If you can find Bernadette's without directions, you don't need this review. If you can't find it, you probably don't want to be here.

Not an ounce of pretense or posturing. Queer-friendly -- a warning against a range of prejudices and potential issues is obvious when you walk in, including the humorous 'tipophbia' (be nice to your bartender!) -- and in fact everyone-but-the-intolerant friendly. Indoor and outdoor spaces and a worn and comfortable setting.

I do not ever (ever!) let my hair down and dance, but I felt comfortable doing it here. Pretty loud when the DJ got going.

Beer only and cash only: $5 for two Lone Stars.

It's pouring rain for the first time this year, I'm absurdly dressed up and my wiper blade is going haywire. It's flopping every which way but right, and I can't see a thing -- not even the cars around me, much less curbs and driveways. I barely manage to pull over to try to fix it, but give up when I realize the clip is broken and I am far too soaked to stand around trying to Jerry-rig it. I take off the faulty blade and manage to navigate the half mile to O'Reilly with one blade on.

Drenched to the bone in my little black dress, I explain my problem to the patient clerk, who promptly dives into the nearby trashcan, head-first, looking for a clip to replace my broken one, so I won't have to buy a whole new wiper (thanks to our lack of rain, it's fresh as an unused one). Unfortunately, he pulls out clip after clip, and none of them work, but each one gives him a ray of hope that the next one might just be right.

Three trash cans later (including one outside the store, in the rain!) and with a line of people with truly urgent problems building beside me, I say, "I'm really, really grateful, but I don't think you're going to find one. I've got to get to work." There were two #19 blades left in stock, and the fee was $12 well-spent -- to make up for $12 wasted on the previous blade, I guess.

So if you want service with a smile and a willingness to bend over backward into a trashcan if necessary (at least if you come in with an easy issue, while wearing an LBD and heels), check out this location. I'll be back next time I need a quick auto part.

Give me a fresh, hot tortilla filled with black beans and salsa, and you've satisfied my most basic Mex-needs; I won't ask for more. Give me Takoba's lux-Mex you'll blow my simple little mind.

Delicious vegetarian choices that go beyond the ordinary (see above: black beans and salsa), loaded with vegetables and quality cheese, with a punch of intense flavor in every bite. Cool atmosphere that makes you want to take your friends and show it off. Awesome-looking drink menu from which I'll happily partake in the future (I lunched with co-workers).

One minor complaint: Chips. Too darn thick. Salsa with them was complex and flavorful, perhaps too much so. I caught several co-workers doing the brief soak move, rather than taking the huge scoop these folks are more prone to enjoying on most outings. Thick or not, the chips were replaced thrice and the salsa not at all.

I'll be back for the margaritas and sangria as soon as possible.

"I hate you bike people!!"

... Wait a minute. First, you need to know that I've been coming here for gas in the middle of the night for YEARS. Like, 5 years of midnight gas stops every few weeks, thanks to the well-lit and convenient location and the lowest price in blocks; I had never gone inside. But I won't be back.

Now, our rotten visit: We were riding bikes. It was my first time on a bike in five-plus years, 112-degree temperatures and no wind. I nearly passed out from the heat, but my brilliant and caring boyfriend encouraged me to power forward with promises of Gatorade at the next gas station.

He told me to go ahead inside and was out locking up the bikes while I picked out some Powerade. I paid for the drinks, and he went up to the soda fountain to fill his water bottle. I hadn't yet signed my receipt and she was already yelling in my face.

"I hate you bike people!"
"Pardon me?"
"No free ice! I hate you bike people! So messy! Hate bike people! 10 CENTS!"
"What?" scoffs the fella.
"You cheap bike people! You pay me 10 cents! 10 cents!"
I fish around in my wallet and pull out a dime. Before I can even hand it to her, she's off again.
"So messy! You bike people! Bike people out to ruin me! What are you DOING!?!" (There was more, but it was barely coherent.)
OK, so, yeah, he'd taken his top off his bottle and dripped a bit on the floor. A small enough spot that one of those cheap convenience store napkins would take care of it and then some.
"I have to mop now! What are you DOING!?! You bike people, always messing up my store."
"We paid for the ice, and two --"
"You are so sloppy! I hate bike people. Bike people always get ice on my floor. It's not about the money. It's about you bike people. You are so messy. You know if you get water on my floor and somebody slips they're gonna sue me and it'll be all your fault, you bike people and your messes"
We hadn't gotten any ice on the floor.
"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up. May I have a napkin?"
(What  kind of convenience store doesn't have napkins out? What kind of store doesn't have water, even for paying customers?)
"I don't give out napkins to bike people! You bike people always want something for free. You get water on my floor and somebody dies, what are you going to do then? Bike people!"
"All right, if you don't have a napkin, we paid you 10 cents for the ice and you don't even have water available, we're going to go."
She gets up and walks around the desk, ranting and raving the whole time and getting closer to the fellow.
"You bike people, I don't want bike people in my store somethingsomethingsomething I've run this store for 13 years and you bike people are terrible, worst people ever blahblahblah I hate you blah."
"If you hate us so much, why can't we just leave?"
"Rant rant rant" while standing in front of the door. "I don't want bike people in MY STORE."
"Well, fine. Let us go and we'll never be back."
"That's fine. I don't want you bike people in here. Never come back. It's not about the money for me!!"
She stepped aside and we walked out, followed by her and her continued rants, until she encountered another customer and went to help (?) him.

Nope, never gonna go back. (Good news: The Powerade did give me the extra push to make it home.)

Cool shop! Helpful peeps! Unfortunately, they didn't have the bike for me. But they'll probably have the bike for you if you're a  normal-size person with normal bike needs. Give it a shot!

A bike's name isn't typical criteria for a purchase, but Jamis (a brand of bikes carried by University Cyclery) is awfully similar to "Jaime's" and that's good enough for me!
OK, I know next to nothing about bikes, but after test riding a ton of them at other shops around town, I knew pretty quickly that the bike the helpful salesguy showed me was a good deal and a good fit and would be going home with me.
Everything was taken care of pretty quickly. I like that I get 15% off stuff for the next year. I started with a helmet and lock, but I'm sure I'll be back for the rest of the necessities. Hopefully, it'll continue to be such a pleasant experience.

So, I'm not exactly pageant or patriot material, but I got a couple of votes for my Miss Pageants-Are-Stupid-And-Sexist costume, AKA what I was wearing all day plus a crown and sash.

Two lovely Maker's 46 drinks and I was done, and my guest was feeling sick (not booze-sick, actually sick), so we ducked out early. I can only presume I won the contest and the resultant schwag.

Thank you to all my fans! I love you, and if I had one wish it would be for world peace and/or chaos.

Totally cool venue, totally great drinks. Thanks, kids.

p.s. Those pies? So not my thing! Hope I left plenty for the rest of you.