Michael B.'s Profile

There is only one way to do La B. With a whole lot of time on your hands and a whole lot of dough in your pocket. If you've got half of that, you're going to be reminded what kind of people rule New York City, those with no time, and no money for little old you.

My gang and I, fortunately picked proper and had a ball. Still, it ran over a grand for 8 people. So the dirty little secret is that some of their beers selling at your table for 30 bucks can be had for 9. AND if you're wise you could pull this same deal off with some smart shopping at Dean and Deluca.. but it's springtime and you're getting waited on. What do you want?

I highly recommend the Fluffy White Rabbits Belgian beer. The Dogfish Head was remarkably different, and we enjoyed it. The curry and tandoori been not so much. In fact, not at all. The deep fried shitake mushrooms are bomb-delicious and the sausage plate is ausgezeichnet.

I should mention one more thing. This is not a gourmet meal, these are gourmet snacks. You cannot possibly be entertained by the food and service so don't expect it. This is the most expensive beer garden in the world, but it is essentially a beer garden - without the live music.

La B would be perfect with a proper jazz combo or even klezmer band, but until then I still give it five.

Your standard utility food court teriyaki joint. Reminds me very much of one similar in Downtown Cleveland, except that Cleveland was much more popular.

Sarku is fresh, hot, tasty ingredients served on time for a low price. yay.

Everything and then some. It's ridiculous how much they have in this store. It's practically a bartender's supply warehouse open to the public.

It's a rare event when I look at a menu and I can't decide what to get because I don't quite understand the concept. But wouldn't you know, there are so many many many flavors for this desert, I was just dumbstruck. A new kind of brain freeze. I ended up with Orange Boba with Pineapple, Cherry and Lemon - only because that's what's in their Big Stick.

Daddy J's got the biggest nuggets I've ever eaten. But he calls them boneless chicken wings, and I'm sure they are. But when you look down at a big steaming basket of them drenched in Apple BBQ sauce, yes that's what I said, all you can think are 'These nuggets are huge!'. Well I guess I've never had boneless wings before.

I was hesitant because I'm thinking.. chicken wings? How can you run a whole joint or make a whole meal on just chicken wings? Isn't that the stingiest part of the bird? Well, not these. There's a whole lot of meat in the smallest basket. But wait it gets better. Have you ever had a buffalo chicken sandwich?

In order to earn five of my stars, a restaurant has to show me something I've never seen before, and I have never had lettuce, tomato and pickles on a bun with a hot smoking fried chicken breast dumped in hot sauce, with bleu cheese crumbles! Sounds awesome? Well it is. Except it was a little too hot for my tastes, me not being from Texas or anything. Next time I'll get the smoky, savory. I'll have all kinds of choices because Daddy J has at least six different flavors of sauce - not just six degrees of hot on the same flavor, but wholly different ones.

Another thing. Homemade potato chips. I got the cinnamon.  This place could become a bad habit.

I'm going to go out on a limb and give these guys five stars. Why? Because I want to see this place expand and go franchise around the nation. The very first time I went, I got the New Jersey Burger and I've never needed anything else.

This is an astonishingly good gourmet burger, and they also do the portion and a half shakes. It's got the same ambience as Chipotle. In fact, there's one next door. So Smashburger is to burgers what Chipotle is to burritos.

The service is ridiculously friendly to the point at which you think all the chicks are flirting with you and the dudes are checking your package. Two clicks from creepy guys. Tone it down a smidge, ok? Nevertheless the joint is spotless, and I do mean spotless. This is a very family friendly yupscale joint with neat non-squirting burgers that are the flipside of Five Guys' diner look and feel. In fact, the place it most reminds me of (besides Chipotle) is Stacked (without the iPads).

The point of these burgers is the meat. There's something extra wonderful about it. There's also real fluffy sweetness in the bun. Those are the things that stand out. So on the New Jersey, with the bacon, bleu cheese and onion ring crumbles, there's just a symphony of basic delicious flavors coming through. Contrast that with Five Guys where everything mixes together in a face-stuffing melee, Smashburger is more discrete.

How did I make this mistake twice? The first time I was just bone tired and hungry. So I decide to sit at the bar of this crowded joint and have, for once, a glass of wine. I was feeling very casual brass rail - Eddie Bauer style and that's what the place looks like to me. Or to be less charitable, how shall I say it? Golf trash.  

My glass of wine tastes like somebody forgot to rinse the soap out of the glasses.

In my life I have never had that happen to me before, so yeah I'm going to come out like a twerp and demand my money back. They gave me another split but once you taste the bleach there's no easy rinsing it out...

So I come back another time and go for a steak. Man, I coulda gone to Sizzler. I get the chunky butt waitress in her polo shirt and chinos who doesn't know what bernaise is, and even if she did they didn't have any. She gives me this look like how could anybody want anything other than A1? Golf trash.

I'm through with Joe's. And now I know why certain people around these parts of New Jersey say certain things about the people who frequent the Short Hills Mall - er uhm excuse me.. The Mall at Short Hills.  More like short wits.

I am back, temporarily, to being a road dog, and as is my habit, I will resume my summary judgments on corporate cafeterias.

The CIT corporate dining hall is a combination of goodness and badness, and on this rating I have decided to be generous. Let's get the gripe out of the way, shall we?

How can you run a cafeteria this size and not have salami at your sandwich station, huh? And how can you call yourself full service if you don't sell Red Bull. The absence of these two commodities not only reflects poorly on CIT, but on this entire county of New Jersey.

That said, the coffee is plentiful and pretty damned good for your standard roast. The folks around here down it by the gallon. The hot service is nice - my favorite was sausage day - they had four different kinds. There's pizza and calzones sitting under the heat lamps ready for pickup and your generic facsimiles of homecooked midwestern meats and potatoes. The salad bar is completely meh.

But they do have a very large cookie and muffin bar and the giant chocolate chip cookies are hella tempting. Prices are right around 8 bucks a day - not a subsidized bargain, but a good one. Also, for the many folks who pack their own, there is a row of microwave ovens (about 4 or 5) so that's a big plus.

The dining room is pure 1970s, but never too crowded, and there's a flat screen running CNN. A good variety of seating caters to every size group. And they have booths! If there's outside seating, I missed it.

At this moment, I am ready to start looking for Malaysian restaurants all over. If they can be executed this well, America is about ready to boom.

I had my first Malaysian a couple years ago north of San Jose within the broad orbit of the Cisco campus and it was nothing short of brilliant. If you've never had Malaysian the best way to think of it is BBQ Thai. This joint did an excellent crispy fish and I can't believe the two of us ate the whole thing. It was swimming in a green chili curry.

But here's the thing. They have what must be considered one of the most delicious breads on the planet. It's like a combination of naan, pita and that fat sweet soft taco shell that Taco Bell uses on its Gorditas. It's called Roti Canai and it's all that and crispy too. Dip it into the chicken curry bowl that comes with it and you are transformed into one of those babbling Westerners who says 'Wow this is remarkably simple food and I could eat it all day". You could probably grow up on the stuff - but that's what eating bread is supposed to remind us. Get your hands into it and share with a friend. But not me because I'm hogging the sauce, OK?

The service is a split between Japanese formal and Chinese mother, make up your mind you spoiled brat, leaning more towards the Japanese deferentials. But the menu is so large and the ambience so elegant that you feel like you should take your time. (the numbers go up to 150).

If you do right by the menu you should leave with a belly full of goodness, a big smile on your face, a small dent in your wallet and breath that will set off your car's airbag.

This is a right-size restaurant, perfect as a utility lunch joint for Thai in the area. The service is a bit off kilter and you need to get there early, but if you stagger the hour you should be in good shape. Portions are generous and the Thai is first rate. It's better for dining with friends, if you run solo there aren't many short tables, so you'll be made to feel guilty. The spring rolls are somewhat memorable. (I know I should remember something good about them, but I can't remember what exactly)

Oh yea, and don't waste time - park around the back.