Matthew "The Gospel" K.'s Profile

I dont yelp often anymore, a restaurant has to be beyond abysmal to garner my ire so greatly that i take the time to type out an internet review.

I ordered food to-go today for my crew of 10 people working at Sony, roughly $150-200 worth of food.  I should have known i was screwed when the bubbly girl taking my order wouldn't stop giggling and messing up my order.  When it was finally all taken down correctly she stated my food would be ready in twenty minutes.  I waited ten minutes then walked over the few blocks from Sony, the twenty minutes having elapsed. Upon arrival a curly black-haired female working at the coffee/to-go bar informs me she did not put in my order as two items i ordered off of the menu i downloaded from their site were no longer available, she claimed to have called me (no missed calls) and wanted to know what i wanted instead.  I picked two items and she put the order in.  After a bit of waiting i walked up to the counter and asked the same lady if i could trouble her for a glass of water, staring at a pitcher sitting on a serving tray on the counter (maybe self serve, i couldn't tell) she replied, "haha i think we are like out of glasses sorry" and upon seeing my dumbfounded stare suggested, "here is a plastic one i guess" as she eyed the pitcher insinuating i poor my own water.  Confused i reached over getting my water as she walked off.  After waiting twenty minutes she came out to tell me it was almost done and they were "working on the last albacore sandwich", The SEARED sandwich that takes literally a minute to cook and is essentially raw albacore.  Maybe next time pick a sandwich that isn't raw when you are making things up to appease customers.  The food finally came out after another twenty minutes grand totaling an hour i waited, i am sweating bullets as i have a crew on a schedule back at Sony waiting for food.  She forgets silverware and when she asks if i want any  i casually ask if we can have a box of pastries or cupcakes to which she replies "sure but... obviously i am going to have to ring you up for them"   Even more insulted and just generally ready to be as far from this woman as humanly possible i just grabbed my food and left.   Best part is, i get back to the office and one burger doesnt have fries and everything is ice cold.  Infuriated i ring them up to get a replacement order and upon asking for a manager, with out skipping a beat or checking the hostess informs me the manager is unavailable.  Finally starting to lose my cool (i had been very gracious up to this point) I ask why he is unavailable as she didnt even bother to check, snidely she replies "well you know it is lunch time."  Congrats, there are 100 other restaurants in the area who know how to deal with large to-go orders and are helpful/kind, never again will we be dinning at or ordering from such a blatantly uncaring establishment.  
IT IS DISGUSTINGLY OBVIOUS THIS OVER-PUFFED EATERY DOES NOT CARE ABOUT GETTING THINGS RIGHT OR SATISFYING THE CUSTOMER.

Weird. I went here again recently, everything was stodgy/bland, nothing tasted fresh, and it was just over all disappointing.  The eggplant parm was so drowned in cheap motz that you couldn't taste what was clearly not freshly fried eggplant.  (frozen? my vote was frozen/) Kind of a bummer.

Holy smokes Batman, smoked meat.  The kind that makes you weak in the knees, the pink ring, dry rubbed, long smoked kind that causes drool to form at the corners of your mouth.  This is the best BBQ i have had this side of the Mississippi.  One star off for $5 beer that is sippy cup sized, you do know the more people drink the more they eat, right?!  I am sitting here intermittently typing and smelling my fingers.

I have come around since my first review two years ago, i am going to have to say this place has the best burger in the Valley after the Chateaubriand at La Frite and they have Rogue Dead Guy on tap.  It's funny but if you look at all my gripes in the first review they have fixed almost all of them. Kudos.
Oh but yea, don't come on a weekend night, it is a real shit show, line, douches, etc.

Pork belly does not equal pulled pork and trying to pass one off for the other on a dry bun is going to be obvious to anyone who has had either item.  So disappointing, passable selection of beers but they are over priced, if you have to order the beer on special which was only $3 (winter solstice) otherwise avoid this place. (I knew we should have left when we sat at the bar and a manager brought up a desert to which the bartender responded "oh they just left, it was taking so long." Also they ran out of the celery root they make their mashed potatoes with!? which apparently is fresh to order because no one told me until right before the food came out?!)

Best charcuterie plate ever, all house made. Epic bread too.

Hell yes! Fresh baked bread, quality ingredients and nice guys = a great sub.  Not to mention it is in an awesome old school bus! One of the better things i had to eat in my few days at sxsw!

I dont know why this place is called a 'Gastropub', that is usually reserved for more refined interpretations of classic bar food. This place, while cheep and not terrible did not offer anything special.  Fries were frozen McDonalds quality, salad was lonely boring trader joes mixed greens and dressing, and the spicey tuna was on oversize huge pieces of rice w/minimal bland tuna.  The burger was good but even at happy hour overpriced for what it was.  Nothing i ate was bad but to say anything was a revelation to bar food would be holey untrue.

Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?  Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places, both in quality of ingredients and overall taste. Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

Okay, this place isn't hot circle of garbage status but it isn't on par with anything i would call New York style pizza.  I have never really given this pie joint a sober and/or fair chance so on a bike ride today i decided to stop in for a few slices.  Two slices of cheese for around four bucks isn't bad so i was feeling optimistic and it also smelled damn good.  I asked for them well done and for a glass of water since i had been biking up a storm, I didn't really get either.  You can look at the bottom of pizza and if it is white it is not well done, if it is golden or brownish it is, i know this and i have never even worked at a pizza place.  There was an obscene amount of cheep motz/prov blend on my slices, to the point it was oozing off, i would say a good 2cm high.  Now i have been to new york many times, know many New Yorkers, and never have i had a NY slice that was this cheesy and thick.  The cheese was overwhelming and refused to stay on the slice, I only ended up eating the back part of my second slice that was kind of crispy.  I think their sauce is good but i could barely taste it through the cheap plentiful cheese. If they thinned their crust a little, put 1/4 of the cheese they currently use and baked it for another 3 or 4 min i think they would be on to something as the crust was the best part.

We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.

This place has amazing authentic Mexican food.  Right now they have a special for 99 cent Pupusas that are awesome.  Everyday they have two tacos with rice and beans for 3.99.  I recommend the Al Pastor, it is what i usually get and while this sounds silly, their rice and beans are amazing. You can taste the fatty richness in the beans and the rice is moist packed full of flavor.  I really dig this place, they have great salsa and homemade carrots/jalapenos, none of that caned bullshit. Also the ladies who work here are always super nice and remember me.