M "Meat Baby" B.'s Profile

If you've had wings from say, Hooters, and you actually like that shit, this may not be the place for you. Hooters wings come from chicken on steroids. I can practically hear them squawking "I pick zings up and I put zem down. Squawk." Chickens donning sleeveless feather vests. Chickens that go into a rage when someone looks at their hen the wrong way.

In short- Hooters chickens must be from New Jersey.

The wings here are much like the Japanese peoples- on the small side, flavored with soy, and into really weird fashion. (okay, I just made up that last one).

I did get one wing that was incredibly small though. Like, an inch and a half long.  And I wondered for a split second about the tiny little chicken it came from, and how small and delicate it must have been, how short its life was, and I felt a twinge of remorse.

Then I chowed down that motherfucker because that lil' baby wing was delicious.

With comedy clubs, you usually know what you are getting: you pay a small cover to get in, and then "pay" for the comedy you watch by way of the overpriced two drink minimum policy.  And since Gotham tacks on a mandatory 18% service charge, you're essentially looking at spending $40 each for the show.

Which is fine if you like being surrounded by out-of-towners who whoop it up if the comedian mentions their hometown. For me, last night it was "WHOOOOHOOOO Scranton!"  (I'm not kidding).

But the make or break factor with any comedy club rests with the quality of the comedians. If one or two of them are good, it's worth it.  If they all suck (which I have seen before), you really get pissed that domestic beer in a bottle runs $7.50.

I attended the "All Stars" show, which was billed as a group of comedians who have all performed on late night shows. Two were good, one was really bad, and one was ok when I could understand what the hell he was saying.  Based on that, I would have given this place 3 stars.  

But what made it great was that Jerry Seinfeld dropped by to give a surprise 15 minute monologue.

Jerry fucking Seinfeld.  5 feet away from me.  Testing out new material (he had to pull out a cheat sheet).  While his jokes were pretty good, what made his appearance GREAT was that he was still wearing his Seinfeld jeans and Nike sneakers.

For that, this place gets 4 stars.

(according to the staff, Seinfeld has done this before but they never advertise it)

I love how everyone on Yelp thinks this is a joke. People, this disease is killing people around the world.  All it takes is for people to come out from behind their computers and interact with people in real life to be potentially exposed.

Oh wait.  Nevermind.

There's a review for Yelp Jail?  Is there no end to Yelpers' quests to find glory in reviewing something that they think is exclusive?

My opinion of Yelp jail?  It's freedom.  Freedom for me to actually do some work. Freedom from getting annoyed at reading another political thread or, god forbid, another question from someone looking for a birthday bar for 20 ppl that's chill.  

Don't be a bitch and beg for forgiveness.  Or whine how you didn't really violate the TOS.  It's an internet site.  It's not like they took away your vibrator.

It's almost a universal truth that fast food workers hate their jobs. I mean, if I had to wear a fucking uniform, smell like grease, and deal with cheap-ass customers who are also demanding, I would hate my job too.  And I would use every opportunity I could to secrete my own bodily fluids into the food. Lemonade with an extra sour kick, coming right up!

So when I do order fast food, I am usually relieved when I can actually see the workers making the food that I just ordered. Not that I'm a dick customer or anything, but that F&B workers make the food you ordered right in front of you is kinda comforting.

That said, the hot dogs are just ok. I've gotten lukewarm dogs that were not the tastiest. But the fries are good and the fish and chips are REALLY good.

So, if any of you F&B workers are reading this, and recognize me when I walk in, please remember that I sympathize with you guys!

Shit, why the fuck are you people still shopping here?  This brand is OVER.  It ended for me sometime around 2000 when the North Face sold itself to a huge conglomerate and started making shitty products sold on every street corner. It should have ended for most people when it became apparent that EVERY FUCKING TOURIST FROM THE MIDWEST wears a North Face Denali.

But if achieving Fanny-pack status is not enough to convince you to stop wearing this shit, here's something:

The delivery guy for the Chinese take-out spot around the corner from my apartment sports a North Face Summit Series parka.

Over.

Hey you.  Yeah, you- the person scrolling through all the reviews trying to figure out why some people hate this place and some people like it. Take it from me- a real life Chinese person- that this place is pretty good. In fact, it's my go-to dim sum place now.  I've had some not great experiences here, but if you follow my advice, you'll have a great time:

1. Get here by 11:30 at the latest. Aside from the crowds that show up at 12, getting here early ensures that you get fresh food. Dim sum places cook a lot of food early and then cart it around until it's all gone. Only then do they cook new stuff. So if you get there late, you run the risk of them carting around the SAME OLD SHIT for like 20 minutes while you're starving and hung-over and then you just cave and point to the one plate of dumplings surrounded by plates of egg custard and other desserts that should be signaling to you that THIS SHIT AIN'T FRESH but now it's too late and the lady snaps up your little price card before you realize it and then you're stuck eating a plate of fucking COLD ASS dumplings, which may not be so bad in your state, but then 10 minutes later you see a cart of piping hot fresh dumplings coming around and you think to yourself "FUCK! That looks so much better than the shit I'm eating!"

2. Try to get a seat by the front.  The carts all start from the front, so you can get first dibs. If you're in the back, you will notice that there are two large tables near the front that are inevitably filled with families with demon spawn whose appetites know no limits, and whose flustered parents snap up two or three plates of everything in a desperate effort to placate them just so that they kids will shut the fuck up on the ride home because the fucking drop-down DVD player in their Ford Excursion is broken.

3. Try not to share tables.  You might end up sitting across from the Chinese family that has not taught their kids to chew with their mouths closed because, SURPRISE!- the parents don't do it either.

4. Order the deep fried shrimp, and eat them whole, shell and all (I don't eat the heads though). Peeling them makes you look silly.

5. Leave a tip.

They seemed to have changed their policy regarding credit cards. Now they accept Visa and Mastercard but not Amex. This is, of course, after I went out and got an Amex card to avoid a repeat of my original review.

A burger and roast chicken place that is in direct competition with Dirty Bird across the street. Kind of like the Dunkin' Donuts located 5 doors down from Donut Pub. Or the two dance clubs side by side near 8th Ave. Or the Chinese massage parlor on the north side across from the asian *spa* on the south side. West 14th St. is getting mighty crowded!  Here's my guide to all of this:

1. Donut Pub kicks ass over Dunkin Donuts, even though they just raised their prices.

2. Plumm and The Country Club both suck.

3. The Cookout Grill and Dirty Bird offer comparable roasted chicken, but CG also offers char-grilled burgers, pit beef sandwiches and seating. Dirty Bird has mac and cheese as a side, though, and that goes a long way with me.

4. Both the spa and massage parlor offer comparable hand jobs.

Why am I bothering to write the 200th review for this place? Do ya'll need to read one more review before deciding to invest in a freakin' cupcake?

I dunno. Work's kinda slow.

I like these cupcakes. They're not dried out and sitting out in the open like at other cupcake places. Then again, there was a fly trapped* inside the display case the last time I was there, so that wasn't so great.

*Not sure "trapped" is the right word.  That's kinda like saying a man was trapped in a whorehouse.