Nicole "I am a one-woman dairy" L.'s Profile

WHAT HAPPENED???????  From 5 stars to 1???  Really?  Yes, it IS that dramatic of a change.

So I'll tell you what happened.  I got my old faithful last time for take out and it had NO spice!  I actually WAUNT my mouth to be on fire, people.  Then they forgot all the rice that came with my order.  Caveat: the lady was super nice about it and offered to drive it to my house when I called to let them know.  But this should have tipped me off...

But then...

I figured it was a fluke and so I returned to my now ex-favorite Thai place in town to a very much scaled-down lunch menu with count them ZERO vegetarian options and ZERO substitutions, so... forget about getting tofu, yo.

And THEN...

My pad thai was basically ketchup noodles.  YICK.  The waitress told us they were under new ownership and would be turning more Chinese.   People, I already have a favorite Chinese place, and it's called Din Ho, not Exotic Thai!!!

The one star is for the very friendly staff, but I seriously doubt I'll be back.  The Yelp sticker there oughtta be ripped off the door!

I'm gonna go cry now.

Trisha ain't just a purty face!  She makes your face purty and does a fantastic job of it!  I pointed my mom her direction, and her co-workers are telling her now that she looks 10 years younger- and it's true!  You'll love her great rates and professional, personable attitude!  Go see her- your skin will thank you!

And the beet goes onnnn and the beet goes onnnn!

So, let's talk about raw food restaurants.  I've been to Julian's in LA, I've been to Saf in Munich.  I thought they were bland, bland, bland.  So you know that when I was asked to do a small design project for this restaurant, and consequently was obligated to try some menu items, my enthusiasm was turned down quite a bit...  But I played along.

BOY HOWDY am I glad I did!  Delicious!  I had the chalupas with lentil salad and chocolate cheese cake.  I usually think, c'mon raw foodies... don't try to make something taste like something else that it can never be, but these guys really did something special.  Nom!

I will be back, and you should definitely check it out!  The staff were all really nice and helpful, and the atmosphere was clean and bright.

As far as raw food restaurants go, this gets an enthusiastic thumbs-up.  As far as restaurants go, ditto!

Move over EVERY OTHER Chinese food restaurant ever in the history of ever.  Chinese food will never be the same again.  Best hot and sour soup this cracker has ever eaten.  Kung Pao Squid.  WHAT.  Crabmeat and asparagus soup.  Can you even give me a break, people?  They have so many vegetarian and seafood options, this pescatarian was in a tizzy!  I totally broke my code for the hot and sour, though.  It's true.  It had chicken in it.  Oops.

I'm eating leftovers.  I HATE restaurant leftovers.  And I will be licking the bowl.  AGAIN.

I only went here because I HAD to.  Yes, I was forced.  But why, you ask?  Well, because  my baby-daddy had a birthday and we went where he wanted to go.  Very, very, very much against my will...

So, sing it with me now...

There was a place called Grand Buffet and Grody was it's name-oh!
G-R-O-D-Y
G-R-O-D-Y
G-R-O-D-Y
And Grody was its name- oh!

Anyways, whatever.  The man ate 3 + plates of food and the tapioca pudding was the only thing I truly savored.  I'm giving it 2 instead of 1 star just in case I ever have to go back and end up trying the BBQ part.  I heard it was pretty yummy even though none of the sauces have signs.  Really?  Sort it OUT, people!

Delicious drive through coffee!!!

Better hours plus indoor seating = 5 stars.  

Until then, 4 is pretty damned good...

Ya know, I pretty much always get road-rash being drug in here by my mom when we're out on a Saturday afternoon after eating lunch and she's all, "I just need to stop in here and get so and so a gift".  I'm always all, "OHGODNOIDON'TWANNAGO!!!!"  But the weird thing is, I always find something amazing in here.  It's like a fun game.  Find the mushroom on the colossal turd!  (It really is there, y'all).

Seriously, a cursory glance around the joint and you'll be saying to yourself, "Oh dear lord get me the CRAP out of here before I gag myself with one of these horrid department-store-reject items!"

The other way I find myself in here can also be blamed on my mom.  Like, she bought me a dress in there the other day that was absolutely stunning.  Stunningly repugnant.  To make matters worse, it seemed that her attempt at finding a good deal had taken a very wrong turn.  The damned thing had cost $60!  Somehow, my mom had the good sense to give me the receipt so I could go play Where's Waldo in the store, though...

I'll be damned if I didn't come out of there with some seriously fly accessories and one badass pair of shoes.  For realz: compliments every time I've worn any of that stuff.

Note to self: Remember that time when you were 33 years old and your mom was still trying to shop for you?  Yeah, that was some good times.  Don't forget to thank her for keeping the receipt!

Lastly, I do sort of love being able to say, "Yeah, I got it at STEINMART, can you even believe that shit???"

This place is like Wal-Mart's tag along little brother.  It's probably only like 12% less evil, so I only make it in every so often.  When I do, however, there are some seriously rad deals.  It's dirty, the staff are practically automated humanoids devoid of any concept of customer service, but it is what it is.

Every time I bring someone here, I make sure to look at the expression on their face as we roll into the parking lot.  I can see their gears turning: WHY are we driving into a strip mall in one the most abhorrent areas of town?  I thought we were going to lunch!  

Oh, we're not just going to lunch, we're going to awesome-town.  This place is the freakin' UNICORN of lunch spots in North Austin!!  Cheap, clean, friendly, and oh yes... it makes my mouth do the cha-cha.

Do yourself a favor and visit the fabled beast.  Taste of its delights.  Seriously, it's amazing.

* Star # 1: You are for the very nice waiter who comped my appalling "meal".

* Star # 2: You are for having Fireman's 4 on tap!

---

* Lack of star # 1: You, sir are for the abomination masquerading as "tortilla catfish".  Burnt crust & foul, fishy fish: for shame!!!  

* Lack of star # 2: You are guilty by association.  When I told that manager at your Burnet location that I wouldn't be back, I should have kept my promise.

* Lack of star # 3:  You... oh, you.  You've outdone yourself, really.  Yes, you are for the tiny dancer in the aisle, a.k.a. vile, odious EFFING COCKROACH squirming around on its hideous exoskeletal back.  There really is nothing in this world I hate so much as a cockroach.  Nope.