Krsna "wandering" V.'s Profile

The word disaster was invented for places like Leila.

If you want to be moved around twice during the course of your meal, wait an hour for your food, sit with 4 people at a tabletop for 2, and end up leaving without any food, this is your place.

I don't wait long periods for food. It is against my principles. There is no place in this entire world that is worth waiting more than 15 minutes for food.

However, when you go out to dinner with friends you make compromises. That's what friends do. We were in Philly for a conference. Four of us decided to have dinner on a Saturday night. One of us is vegetarian, we figured middle eastern food is a safe bet for vegetarians because of various options.

This place is small. We walked in to Leila around 8pm. It is Saturday night, the place seems busy, we were cool with a short wait. My friends decided we can wait for 15-20 minutes to be seated. Surprisingly, we were seated right away. The owner (I assume) moved a party of two to another table to seat us. That should have been our first clue to get out. We felt bad for the two ladies who were asked to move. That's when I noticed he wants the four of us to sit at a table for two. He immediately brought two more chairs and put them around the little table and asked us to sit.

Under ordinary circumstances I would have walked out without saying a word, but I was with friends. They were ok sharing a small table. I didn't want to be rude. We sat brushing arms with people sitting next to us. It was highly uncomfortable.

15 minutes later the owner comes to take our order. We were starving by then. We order right off the bat. My friend asks for a date smoothie that was on their menu.
Owner: Oh, we don't serve that.
Friend: It says you have it, on the menu.
Owner: I just made it up because it sounds good. Nobody in America has it, so I made it up.
Friend (with puzzled look): So, you don't serve it, but you have it on the menu because it just sounds good?
Me: Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. Why offer something that you have no intentions of serving?
Owner: *skips this conversation and takes the rest of our order*

We wait.... and wait....and wait.... 30 minutes. We weren't even served our drinks (water). How hard is it to serve water??

30 minutes later the owner comes and asks us to move to the table next to us because he thinks we need a bigger table. No shit, Sherlock....you should have done this 30 minutes ago. We move.

Next thing you know he seats another 4 people at the table we just vacated. This guy is unbelievable.

And then he tells us our food is ready to come out.

So, we wait for our food... and wait.... and wait....for another 30 minutes. That is when the other lady working there comes and asks if we ordered.

Holy muthafu*kin hell. Did you just ask us if we ordered? We ordered an HOUR ago. And your greedy owner keeps seating people, but doesn't serve them, because he doesn't want to lose customers. You know what? I am finished here.

I look at my friends and say I am leaving. I don't care if I am rude, I am not putting up with this bull$hit. My friends were pretty pissed off by then and we all left.

When you say my food is coming out right now, it means it will be on my table within the next 10 minutes. I shouldn't have to wait 30 minutes only to be asked if we ordered.

Perhaps the food is good. But the inefficient service and rude staff are not worth returning.

The public health professional in me was also pissed that they do not have a separate area for hookah smokers. The tables around us were blowing smoke all over us. Isn't this a violation of the health code?

P.S. We were there for an hour...they still did not serve our water. That is how horrible this place is.

Excuse me, WTF is this?

A shuttle should not take 40 minutes to pick me from the airport. Not during regular business hours. I understand the delay if you are picking me up before 8am or after 9pm, but I shouldn't have to wait this long at 2pm.

Also, when I call to ask where the shuttle is, don't say stupid things over the phone. The one thing that pisses me off more than inefficiency is stupidity.

Me: hi, I would like to know when the shuttle will arrive. It's been 20 minutes since I called.
Person: where are you calling from?
Me: airport, terminal D
Person: your shuttle should be there
Me: well, it is not here. Why would I call to ask you the status if it is already here?
Person: they will call your number when they get there
Me: I know that. I want to know WHEN they will call me
Person: the shuttle is at terminal C. It should be at your terminal shortly.
Me: you could have given me this information earlier, instead of the useless conversation.

The shuttle arrives 20 minutes later. It takes us another 15 minutes to get out of the airport because these people cannot figure out who is supposed to pick up whom. And he gets all frustrated because the dispatcher fucked things up. It's not my fault you have an idiotic dispatcher.

It took all of me not to get out, take my bags, and walk out. I would have done that if I wasn't stuck on the airport road. It took me 2 hours to fly from Chicago to Philly and 3 hours to get from Philly airport to downtown Philly. Now you know why I am pissed.

Worst service EVER!!

Friend, calling at 6am: White truffles from Italy are in. I am making reservations for this weekend. Book your flight tickets.
Me: *still sleepy* What?
Friend: Did you not hear me?
Me: I heard you. You mean THIS weekend? It's only 3 days away.
Friend: Yes, buy your tickets. Now.

He didn't even mention Equinox's name. I knew it judging by the excitement in his voice. Being the good friend that I am, I flew to DC to have dinner with him over the weekend.

An extraordinary meal deserves a classy review. I will refrain from my normal self and not use profanity and tales of sexual escapades in this review.

In other words, this review will be boring. Don't tell me I didn't warn you beforehand.

I could go ahead and say "if Equinox is good enough for the President to take first lady on a date, it is good enough for me". But I don't believe in that kind of celebrity appearances. I would rather taste for myself. I don't live in DC, I don't know much about the dining scene here, besides what is written in the food blogs. We all know they are as trustworthy as any Washington politician.

The caramelized potato gnocchi with freshly shaved white Alba truffles was a pure delight to start with. Served with sunshine kabocha puree, slow cooked cabbage, and sage-brown butter, it is a thing of beauty. Chef Gray came over to our table and explained the menu offerings. I couldn't resist the foie gras (damn you Chicago, for banning a delicacy). Pan seared Hudson valley foie gras served with quince tart tatin. Absolutely amazing. I love anyone who can use quince innovatively. Poor quince gets all the bad rap.This apple-like fruit has caused problems since ancient Greek times (Trojan war, anyone?), musical theater (quince pudding flambe causing a romance to break up in Pippin), and even the Bible (since quince is thought to have predated apple cultivation, it was probably the culprit in the Garden of Eden). But this delicious fruit with its aroma of pineapple, guava, and pear can work magic when prepared well. Eating a raw quince is similar to eating a mealy, granular, dry and acidic apple. However, a little love, brown sugar, heat, and perhaps a little wine, make this fruit a culinary delight. And chef Gray knows that.

For main course, I had the Dorade while my friend had the rainbow trout. The skin on the dorade was crispy, my favorite. I love crispy fish skin and the scallion butter enhanced the Dorade's flavor. Served with brussel sprouts and caramelized salsify, this dish made me moan with pleasure inside.

My friend did not stop raving about his rainbow trout. Served with sweet corn succotash, red swiss chard, caramelized onions, and lobster corral butter, the dish gave him every reason to sing its praises.

An out-of-this-world meal can only be finished by an equally competent dessert. I ordered the Tom's Petit Fours: two miniature sugar cookies, chocolate bark, fig gelee, and creme fraiche cake. Perfect blend of different flavors. My friend had the Chocolate & Hazelnut: Valrohna chocolate cream, hazelnut cake, and praline powder. We almost fought for it. It was a pure delight.

Service is top notch. I did not feel the sterile environment that I experienced the first time I went to Equinox. Instead, our server was quite pleasant, made small talk, suggested wine pairings, and tended to us as if we are family. Definitely among the top three services I've experienced.

Perhaps, it helped that my friend is a regular customer here. Perhaps, it helped that my friend is friends with chef Gray. I don't know.

All I know is that I have GREAT friends :)

Asian - French fusion has been beaten to death by now. Everybody and their mother wants to fuse Asian and French cuisine. Well, newsflash muthafu*kers, the Vietnamese have been doing this for ages. Finding a decent nuevo French-Asian fusion place is like finding the elusive bf that every homo and his friends want. They are out there, but you have to look harder.

At first sight, Bezu - french for "kiss" - seems out of place located in a strip mall. How good can a strip mall restaurant be, I ask myself? Well, I have been fooled by locations before, why not try this one?

Once you enter, you are completely wiped out of your memory that this restaurant is located in a strip mall. The interior is very welcoming, warm, and romantic. Ambient lighting (spare me from the bright fluorescent lighting I see in every strip mall), calming music, and a fairly low noise level make this restaurant ideal for a date or dinner with friends.

Started off with the appetizer special: braised pork belly with baked apples. The pork belly was melt-in-your-mouth buttery, but I did not like the apples as an accompaniment. It was a tad sweet for my taste. A 4 star dish. My dining partner got the kobe wontons. I didn't understand the purpose of using wagyu beef in wontons. After all, you are using ground meat, the significance of wagyu is lost when you grind it to a pulp. It was tasty, though.

I had the fuzu rice noodles, my dining companions got the scallops and shrimp, and wild mushroom ravioli. The scallops and shrimp were the clear winners (yes, I eat off of strangers' plates... you got a problem with that?), followed by my rice noodles and the ravioli. Presentation was great and the flavors came out perfect.

We decided to skip dessert because we were full. Portion sizes are big enough to satisfy the glutton in you. Towards the end, Bezu satisfied my hunger and excited my senses.

Do it. Experience the "kiss".

[  ] Not worth it.
[X] Will definitely return if I am in the area.

Yo, dawg! Do the downward dog before you get here. You will need some stretching before sitting on the floor style seating.

Rainy evening, dinner time, looking for something different from standard fare. We walk into Kan Zaman. The host offered us the floor style seating. I was immediately hooked.

This is like eating at your Lebanese aunt's house. Or, in my case, my Moroccan, Algerian, and Libyan peeps' homes. Sitting around a big circular plate and sharing a meal with family members (I was the only non-family member at such dinners). Ah, the joy of growing up in North Africa. Took me back to the good old times.

The husband struggled a little with the seating. His waspy ass is not accustomed to sitting cross legged during dinner. I, on the other hand, have incredibly flexible legs due to my whorish past (and present). My legs automatically assumed the lotus pose upon sitting.

Started with the vegetarian combo for an appetizer:  a sampling of hummus, tabouleh, baba ghannouj, falafel, dolma, feta cheese and olives. The portion size was big enough to be a dinner entree.  Everything was well prepared - silky hummus, salty feta, tangy tabbouleh, and crunchy falafel. We were full from just eating the appetizer. A 5 star item.

I got the lamb special, the husband ordered chicken shawarma. My lamb was absolutely perfect - shank of lamb slow cooked to perfection. I didn't have to use my knife to get the meat off the bone. It fell off as soon as I put my fork on it, and melted in my mouth. Definitely a 5 star dish. The husband's shawarma was good.

Did not get dessert because all they have is baklava. Not a fan of sweets.

I hear they have hookah, but I am a non-smoker, so I wouldn't know anything about it.

Do it, get the floor style seating, be transported into the middle east.

Ladies, if you are on a first date, you can tell how good this man can be in bed if he can sit through the length of the meal without being uncomfortable. A flexible man is a good man to find... just like a hard man :)

And, gentlemen, same rule applies for your lady date. You know she is a keeper when you see her stretch and maneuver her legs.

And now, fellow 'mos, if you see your guy/ girl assume various "poses" through dinner, you know you are definitely getting laid after dinner. I know from experience! Hey-yo!

Beautiful space, beautiful people, beautiful food and cocktails! The theme of the evening was "beautiful".

I felt like being on a date with a select group of yelpers. The mood was intimate, cocktails were divine --hello, Venerable, my new love-- and the food was delicious. Arctic char on Japanese egg plant? Hell yeah! Bacon squared? Yep, wrap pork belly in bacon and you cannot go wrong. The bite-size burgers were perfection embodied.

Extra stars for the table side cocktail service. The mixologist, Charles Joly, gets extra points for mentioning they are NOT trying to do the speakeasy thing. Seriously, if I have to hear one more bar do the speakeasy theme, I might have to vomit. Don't people realize speakeasy is soooo last century? Take a clue *coughVioletHourcough*... it has been beaten to death in NYC many years ago. All Mr. Joly and his team are trying to do is make good cocktails. And they are mighty fine!

Will definitely return for a romantic date with the husband. It's my kind of place!

Had you told me there is a restaurant in Chicago that serves innovative, non-instructive, down to earth cuisine that can actually fill your stomach, I would have looked at you and said "get the eff out". Fancy pants places do not serve filling food. It wouldn't be fancy pants if it serves big portion sizes.

Well, slap my ass 'cos I am wrong.

You know you are in the midwest when the nuevo places serve big portion sizes.

I took the husband here for a celebratory dinner. He is moving on up -- not to the (upper) East Side, this ain't NYC -- and a celebration was in order.

If you have made it this far in this review, and wrote it off as one of my long-winding, self-important, dramatic, less-real-stuff-more-filler (oh shut your trap, I'll eventually get to the point), you are correct!. I will give you the two sentence version:

The experience was fantastic. Food, drinks, and service were outstanding, but the desserts need improvement.

There you go, see how boring those two sentences are?

The reason I took the man here is because I heard about their cocktail menu. My manservant *coughMattLcough* raved about their cocktail list. He even went on to say it is on par with Violet Hour. Being the gay snob that I am, and add the fact that I married a stereotypical waspy guy from the Hamptons, I never went to Violet Hour. You see, VH is so last century. Been there done that, NYC circa 1998-2000.

Did I tell you I am also a highly annoying judgmental jackass? Well, now you know. Anyway, let's get to the review.

The lovely hostess sent us two glasses of champagne (on the restaurant) within a few minutes of being seated. That was a sign of great things to follow.

The cocktail menu is quite interesting. I decided on a Brave Rooster, husband got a Headless Horseman. Both cocktails were divine. I salute the bartender for masking the heat of jalapeno-infused rum in my cocktail with a combination of cilantro, pineapple, and lime. Brilliant, I say!

Started off with the oyster and pork belly - balsamic-braised pork belly, fried oysters & mayo mustard sauce. Two deep fried oysters strategically placed atop of braised pork belly cubes. The deep fried oyster provided a crunchy texture to balance the melting of pork belly in my mouth. A total 5 star appetizer. Here is where the midwest part comes in. The pork belly cubes were pretty big and so were the oysters. Not complaining.

Most of the times the husband lets the chef decide on the entree. That's the waspy East Hampton upbringing in him. I, on the other hand, being the control freak that I am, don't let anyone order anything for me. Told you I am annoying, right?

See how hard it is to talk about something that is not about me? Anyway, back to the review.

I got the lamb breast "coq au vin". The chef sent an order of their famous chicken and waffles for the husband. Let's just say we ate most of our entrees in silence, because were completely enamored by the food. I finally broke the silence and said "cookie, do you want to taste this lamb?" There was barely any left on my plate by then. I did taste the husband's waffles, and the falafel waffle was perfect. Here is another midwest moment. The portion sizes were pretty big. In fact, my lamb was big enough for two people. Their wine list is limited but enticing. The man got a sauvignon blanc and I got a grenache/ syrah to go with my lamb. Perfect accompaniments.

Because my gluttonous self NEEDS dessert, I order the warm chocolate pudding and husband got graham cracker grits served with honey crisp apples, greek yogurt, and oats. I swore off pudding after leaving/ living in London as a wee lad, but I ordered it because it is the only chocolate item on the menu. The pudding was not bad, but not great either. The husband's dessert was a better choice. I was totally going to give this review 5 stars until I remember they only have 3 dessert items (ice cream is not dessert, imo)... and only one chocolate item on the menu. Somewhat disappointing after a great meal.

We were offered two glasses of Quinta do Crasto vintage 2002 port to go along with our dessert (again, compliments of the restaurant). The man decided to order another Headless Horseman, because he fell in love with it. This time he requested it as a martini instead of on the rocks, and the bartender gladly obliged. A definite plus is my book when the bartender/ mixologist is not snooty.

Otom's website recommends sophisticated casual attire. The 'mos went on fashion full blast and arrived in style. I was channeling the inner Brit from my wee lad years, and the husband looked like he is going to a party in the Hamptons. Let's just say we forgot we are in the midwest. Some people around us were wearing jeans and Affliction shirts. Get out of here people, this is not Enclave. Did I tell you I am also a judgmental jackass? Right!

Will definitely go back for cocktails and food, and get dessert elsewhere.

No offense to midwesterners. This is all in good fun.

I haven't been to office hours in a while, forgot these can be better than the official events.

Goody bags, really? You just raised the standards, Johnny T.

The organic wines were perfect for a gloomy day, and the vodka-spiked punch added the necessary kick.

I ate a few of those mini wraps, a cookie, some kind of chicken fried rice in a small cup, and a bucket load of crackers with red pepper hummus dip. Well, if you didn't get any of the hummus, it is because of me. You can blame me now and call me a fatty.

There is a giant cookie in my goody bag that is staring at me right now. My thighs keep telling me to stay put on the couch and not go in to the kitchen, but my fatass self is having a hard time convincing my brain to stay put.

On a positive note, I am soooo joining the Equinox gym located in this building. Damn, it's like hot guys galore in here. Do all the attractive downtown men workout here?

Maybe I should live near this building. All I see living near the East Bank Club are old and plastic people. Ugh!

Or, maybe I should just shut up and eat that giant cookie. See what happens when you put a cookie in front of me and I have to resist?

I like it when my ill conceived notions are disproved. Especially about pizza. I am a lover of thin crust pizza. Deep dish can go to hell for all I care. For years I believed Chicago cannot do a good thin crust pizza. I have tried numerous places, ended up being disappointed every time. Trust! For years, I have lived in this snobbery that the only place to eat a thin crust pizza is NY.

Well, La Madia gave me a good bitchslap and disproved my notions.

The husband and I decided to play hooky on Monday. It was a beautiful day to go to work. We both decided to go on a lazy lunch date instead. Wandered around the neighborhood and found La Madia almost empty. Great outdoor seating and a cute interior. We were sold.

They have an extensive wine list. The husband ordered a glass of Fournier and I got a Tamellini. Perfect for summer outdoor dining. We decided to order the luncheon for two: a selection of beginner, one pizza, and two cookies.

For a beginner, we split the heirloom beet salad. Soft slices of beets served with watercress, salt roasted almonds, and gorgonzola. Excellent salad. For the pizza, we got the triple pepperoni pizza made with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese, topped with white truffle oil.

The pizza is the best I've had in Chicago. The experience can to be compared to the times when I like to be dominated by someone who is quite unassuming. Like that one aggressive guy who looks and acts innocent until he starts riding you like a rodeo cowboy. La Madia pizza is like that. This is how it would have went down, if the pizza could speak:

Me: Hmmm... I am skeptical. Can you stand up to a NY-style pizza?
La Madia Pizza (LMP): Just try me.
*LMP gets naked*
Me: Damn, this is good pizza
*LMP pins me down and starts riding me like a cowboy*
LMP: so, you think Chicagoans can't make a pizza huh? What do you think now? You little b*tch!!
Me: Yes! Yess!! Yesss!!!
LMP: You want some more? Here, have a few more slices. And while you are it, sprinkle some of that parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes
Me: *moaning* yes mmmm, yes.... this is f*cking awesome.
LMP: So, what do you think? Was that a pretty good "ride"?
Me: Hells yeah!!
LMP: Now you know, b*tch!
Me: Yes, I do!
LMP: Why don't you come here next week and we will do this all over again. I may bring some special toys for you next time.
Me: oooooh, I am all excited.

So yeah, I have another session planned with LMP. Next time I am going for a 3some. I will order two different pizzas.

I'll be the dissenter who does not sing praises of Jean Philippe.

First of all, croissants should not taste like they have been soaking in butter for the past 24 hours. They are supposed to be fresh and flaky, not stale and greasy... at 9am in the morning. Were they leftovers from yesterday? I think so, because all 3 of us felt uncomfortable and bloated after eating only a couple of bites. In case you are wondering, it is not a good feeling. There may be some people who like feeling bloated, but I am not one of those. You are an abomination to all my French friends. They wouldn't touch this shit with a 10 foot pole.

Secondly, what kind of an idiot designed your store? You know all the tourists are going to swarm your place like cokeheads at a drag queen bingo event. Why would you design it in a way that does not make sense and backs up traffic into the lobby? Do I really want to knock the diva-acting bitch from Europe who is acting like she deserves to cut in front of the line? Don't make me a cut a bitch.

Yes, your cakes are visually appealing. Maybe I would be impressed if I am getting married at the Bellagio and ordered a wedding cake from you. But, I am not tacky enough to do that. I also hope your cakes do not taste like your croissants.

And, what's up with the coffee? Is burnt coffee the latest trend? Did I miss the memo? You know, I am not always up to date on the latest food/ drink trends. Hold on, I am getting a call (channeling Dave Letterman)... wait a minute, I am being told that burnt coffee is not the current trend. I've been cheated.

The only redeeming grace was the nutella brioche. It was very very good. Hence, the 2 stars.

Lesson learnt: just because something has a fancy French name does not mean it is good. Now you know. Aaaaand, you are welcome!