Daniel "The Mess" A.'s Profile
DateSan Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 474-5015
The Old Chelsea
Category:
Seafood
Neighborhood: Civic Center/Tenderloin
San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 567-8603
Lahore Karahi
Categories:
Indian,
Pakistani
Neighborhood: Civic Center/Tenderloin
The food here is definitely still homey, and it is still made with much care and much passion. What is unfortunate is that it is not made with all that much talent or taste. My grandmother makes food with love, but she does not run a foodservice establishment in San Francisco. I would be shocked to hear the cooks here say they think everything they serve tastes perfect; I don't know any South Asians who like sugar in their curries or dry kabobs. Everything just ends up tasting like caramelized onions with hot chile powder. And y'all are reinforcing their misbehavior with your five-star reviews.
I'm sorry to lash back so hard, LK, but I'm hoping it ends up being for your own good. I'm hoping that just maybe you'll notice this lonely unappreciative review and then do your best to tone down the candy masala and seekh jerky... that just maybe you'll try to win back some of the hefty lunch money I've been spending at Pakwan and Shalimar.
Listed in: Kebab Kwest: Bay Area
1 Previous Review:
-
5/6/2007
TOP-TIER PAKISTANI STANDS OUT AS MORE HOMEY THAN DIVEY
My dad flew into Oakland yesterday with five hours to kill until another flight to LA. So I picked him up and we drove to the city for lunch. He's middle eastern and only likes food that came from between Greece and India - I call it the kabob belt.
Anyway, we were both starving and wanted lots of meat and lots of oil and lots of spices. So I was going to take him to Shalimar. When I parked, I noticed we were right in front of Lahore Karahi, and I remembered seeing that yelpers tend to prefer it just a little over Shalimar. We went in and I did the ordering - as many different things as my gluttonous heart desired. Seekh kabobs, stuffed paratha, aloo ghobi - you name it we ordered it.
It was 3:30 on a Friday and we were the only customers in there, so we got kind of bored and antsy waiting for our food. My dad walked up to the counter to watch the single chef (/owner?) toss around our naan dough. At seeing my dad's interest, the chef invited us into the tiny kitchen to see how he was preparing our own meal. We got to see the onions and cilantro being chopped for our curries, and our kabobs and breads cooking in an awesome tandoor oven. I loved that everything was entirely from scratch; it couldn't have been more homemade.
This chef was one of the coolest proprietors I've ever met. He was so genuinely interested in talking about food, and so eager to ensure that we would enjoy our meal. I also noticed a big bowl of pakora batter and commented on how good it looked... we hadn't ordered any, but later on he surprised us in the middle of our meal with a free plate of them. And the pakoras turned out to be my favorite thing - a viable contender for my favorite fried dish ever.
Needless to say all the food was amazing and I would go back for the food alone. But on top of that, this is an unusually friendly guy and passionate chef who deserves my patronage - and everyone else's.
San Francisco, CA 94108
(415) 982-0072
Li Po Cocktail Lounge
Category:
Dive Bars
Neighborhood: Chinatown
The bar looks like it's been burrowed rather than built, salvaged instead of designed. The use of space says "This is the bone that the city gods threw us." Cave-like walls, an awkwardly accessible downstairs, and a seating area with no light but that which reflects off the red plastic-upholstered booths.
But perhaps none of this would be all that impressive if not for Li Po's mai tais. They're made with a Chinese rice whiskey that's somewhere over 80 proof, but you would never know it from the taste. You know it, however, when you just have two of these things and you start getting excited about shit like civic monsters.
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 644-9292
Slurp - CLOSED
Categories:
Chinese,
Thai
Neighborhoods: Telegraph Ave, UC Campus Area
Telegraph Avenue's diamond in the rough has given way to more rough.
RIP Dan Dan Mien
1 Previous Review:
-
4/29/2007
Dear yelper who has never been to Slurp but is considering it,
PLEASE do not read any of these reviews but mine. Aside from knowing what I'm talking about, I have tried things at Slurp OTHER THAN the Fiery Thai Noodles. That's right; they have more than one dish.
Let's just imagine, for argument's sake, that the Fiery Thai Noodles are in fact bad. In that case, if it were the only thing they served, Slurp would have one star. Alright?
Now, to start off, let's take into account the fact that they do have other stuff. Quite a bit of other stuff. I'll admit it's not the biggest menu in Berkeley, but the variety is impressive considering that every dish has noodles in it. I'll be sparing and add just half a star for variety.
Free self-serve tea is always a plus. They're up to two stars.
I'm giving an extra full star for having awesome housemade carrot juice and watermelon juice for a dollar, as well as awesome watermelon juice-related service. To be specific, they keep it on the counter in a giant vat with a self-serve tap. Tonight I payed for a glass and the tap turned out to be broken. So the cashier - a cute old Chinese man - put my glass on the counter, opened the lid of the vat on top, picked the whole thing up with all his strength, and poured very carefully until my glass was full. They have three stars now, agreed?
Up to three and a half for being cheap. If my memory serves me right, everything there is between $5 and $6.50. And rather big portions. I'm always too full when I leave.
And now we come to the Dan Dan Mien - which apparently none of these losers have ever had the foresight to try. This is one of my absolute favorite noodle dishes anywhere. I've had Dan Dan Mien in China and I swear it was not this good. As a few reviewers did mention, Slurp makes all their own noodles, and you can certainly taste it in this dish. And on top of those noodles is a very flavorful sauce with this divinely harmonious mix of textures: pork, waterchestnut, cucumber - all finely chopped and mixed together. All in a giant ceramic bowl with some green onions to garnish, for $5.50. I think I would go back now and have another bowl if I weren't trapped on campus writing a stupid paper.
So, why am I only adding one more star for dan dan mien? Because I'm not done reviewing. We're still at 4.5.
It's true they don't serve it quite as spicy as I like it to be, but on every table is a squirt-bottle of a very effective chilli sauce. Also on the tables are lots of those plastic, non-disposable chopsticks. Thank you, Slurp, for not making me eat my DDM with wooden chopsticks. It's not sushi. 4.75 stars.
And finally, I have to say that I like the Fiery Thai Noodles too. Sorry guys. There's really nothing wrong with them, other than the fact that they aren't Dan Dan Mien.
Would you look at that... I'm out of stars!
Megan B., I will give you a lot more than $4.90 if you can make me ramen that's better than this.
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 841-7267
Sam's Cafe Kabob - CLOSED
Neighborhood: Downtown Berkeley
I just found out; it's all over. When will you people learn to read my reviews and trust them unconditionally? I guess you just couldn't be bothered to walk the extra block off Shattuck.
If places I love in Berkeley keep closing at this rate, I might stop trying altogether.
RIP Shammi Kebab Wrap.
Listed in: Kebab Kwest: Bay Area
1 Previous Review:
-
4/12/2008
"Nyummm nyummmm khmm khoooh, mfinally, shthankh godzhsh!!! llumnyum..."
-me, this afternoon, upon realizing that Berkeley is FINALLY catching on to the secrets of good kebab.
Quintessential kebab is Plebian meat; it's crude and sloppy, untamed and erotic, and not for the faint of heart (or gut). Good kebab is punk rock in your mouth, hip hop in your esophagus, and a lullaby in your stomach.
The tragic problem in Berkeley, and to some extent even in SF and Oakland, is that most places who make kebab bend over backwards for the hipster hummus and tabouleh crowd. And so we get these underseasoned, overcooked, fat-deprived excuses for meat. We're stuck with no market for food that's both vulgar and inexpensive... in Berkeley, if it isn't hippified, it's gentrified.
So five stars to Sam's for breaking barriers... and also for just being damn delicious. Their shammi kebab wrap is EVERYTHING I wanted it to be, and it's still purring in my belly. I especially implore NorCal natives to come here and experience the unpretentious yet seductive phenomenon that is good kebab... but I would recommend it equally to SoCal expats who have long suffered the same void as I have.
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 908-3801
Yelp
Categories:
Local Flavor,
Mass Media
Neighborhood: SOMA
The Yelp reviews on a given business are supposed to reflect the utility and value of that business as determined by its opinionated patrons. Whether that business gave money to support something vile like Prop 8 is as irrelevant as whether you think one of the employees is hot.
Yet when you say in your review that one of the employees was hot, or that you went there with Yelpers A, B, and C, or that you spilled some red wine on your new white shirt there, the irrelevance is pretty inconsequential. At most it can serve to make your review more or less entertaining to your audience, and that's why Yelp allows and even encourages that class of non sequiturs. But when in your review you mouth off about the business's hiring practices or political agenda (good or bad), you are making an impact which Yelp did not intend to help you make.
There may be important information that you want people to know, and people may indeed be grateful to you for informing them, but that alone does not mean that Yelp is the right place for it. Whatever audience you have on this site was given to you by Yelp, and so how you use that audience is really Yelp's call. A preacher can give any sermon he wants out on the street, but there are only so many things he can say under the church's roof.
Berkeley, CA 94709
(510) 548-9329
Peppermint Grill
Category:
American (Traditional)
Neighborhood: UC Campus Area
But the ideals behind Peppermint Grill make me all giddy inside. That somebody actually had the balls to open a place like this gives me new hope for the human race.
I guess the best way to describe their culinary tradition is Hawaiian Hapa, but I have a feeling they don't even know what that is. The resemblance is probably accidental, more likely the result of Asians from Asia trying to make Western food in the West but not quite sure whose palate they're trying to please.
Examples? Well, "fish burgers"... which are not quite as weird if you consider that they're made of salmon... but I think it's adorable that they chose that name over "salmon burger." The really eccentric items, though - the things that make Peppermint Grill Peppermint Grill - are not the sandwiches but the fixed plates. Take the "crispy pork": something sort of resembling carnitas, except battered and deep-fried, on a bed of white rice, and of course topped with a fried egg.
Thing is... Peppermint Grill's food is a lot better when you're reading or writing about it than when you're seeing or eating it. That fried egg will be overcooked, that batter will be oily and will only loosely hold onto the meat, and its porky inside will include bones. Plus their fries might as well be microwaved potato chips.
But between five-star theory and two-star practice, mediated by very low prices, I think three stars is a fair assessment.
Listed in: The Euclid Strip
Berkeley, CA 94709
(510) 843-9513
Seven Palms Food Center
Category:
Grocery
Neighborhood: UC Campus Area
...I have people over and conversation gets a little slow:
I run to Seven Palms for some alcohol.
...I cook dinner but it tastes a little uninspired:
I run to Seven Palms for some bacon.
...I'm walking home and need to blow my nose urgently:
I stop at Seven Palms for some tissues.
...I run out of Ambien:
I crawl to Seven Palms for some Benadryl (it really works!)
...I am hungry and on Euclid and tired of Asian food:
I get a turkey bacon chipotle sandwich from Seven Palms' deli counter.
...I face any of the above situations and am not too lazy to walk down to Shattuck:
I go to Safeway instead and save around 25% of my money.
Listed in: The Euclid Strip
Berkeley, CA 94709
(510) 848-8361
Hummingbird Cafe
Categories:
Delis,
Coffee & Tea,
Sandwiches
Neighborhood: UC Campus Area
In most cases you can walk in the door with four dollars and walk out with a balanced meal of a sandwich in 120 seconds. And then, of course, you can be sitting in class, complete with sandwich in belly, a mere five minutes after that.
On those rare tragic mornings when I am awake early enough to care what time businesses open, Hummingbird enjoys the further distinction of being one of only three morning options on Northside. Unfortunately they are not at all an evening option; they are never open past 4pm and tend to start closing up at 3:30.
As for the appeal of the food itself... I wouldn't suggest getting too excited about this place. While I enjoy the sandwiches and appreciate the variety of things that Hummingbird puts in them, they are nothing you can't make at home if you have opposable thumbs. Overall a very good value, but you are paying for goods and labor, not art or skill.
Listed in: The Euclid Strip
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 644-3100
Cafe Milano
Categories:
Coffee & Tea,
Cafes
Neighborhoods: Telegraph Ave, UC Campus Area
I do not like that coffee served in glasses that are meant for beer. I do not like food that hides its blandness under a pound of focaccia. And I do not like studying without a laptop, which I am forced to do here because there are hardly any plugs and it's impossible to get a wifi signal.
Listed in: Student's Guide to Berkeley…
5 Lists
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"Monosodium Glutton"
- 78 Friends
- 86 Reviews
- 5 Review Updates
- 4 Firsts
- 1 Quick Tip
- 13 Fans
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Review votes:
253 Useful, 257 Funny, and 231 Cool
San Francisco, CA
Yelping SinceApril 2007
Things I Lovejamon, parsley, ground meat kabobs, green olives, anchovies, soup dumplings, chicharrones, basmati rice, tuna belly, citrus fruits
Find Me InVan TenderNob Heights Addition
My HometownVentura Boulevard, CA
When I'm Not Yelping...I'm making up a language. And I get a degree for it.
Why You Should Read My ReviewsI calls 'em as they is.
My Second Favorite WebsiteAccording to my browser it's http://wordreference.com.
The Last Great Book I ReadDo sparknotes count?
My First ConcertRaffi at the Universal Amphitheater
My Last Meal On Earthone leg of Jamon Iberico.
Don't Tell Anyone Else But...I'm not really as cool as you think I am.
Most Recent DiscoveryI'm not the only one who posts weird shit on the Talk threads on Ambien.
The fish was surprisingly fresh for such a... humble establishment. But you'd think they would have gotten the frying part down by now. Their batter was spongy and fit too loosely on the fish; I could peel it off in one piece.
It's a fried food's job to help you forget you are eating something that has just been dunked in hot fat. This is best achieved by a seamless integration of crispy batter and tender flesh. Here I felt like I was eating fish with a side of oil and flour.
The chips were just not crispy enough. The insides were nice and mushy... but then so were the outsides. No color on them at all. I think this is a simple matter of having the fryer temperature set too low.
The Old Chelsea's greatest injustice, though, was underseasoning everything. Adding salt to food is both the easiest and most important thing you can do, and they screwed it up. Or maybe even didn't do it at all, as far as I could tell. At least there was plenty of malt vinegar and iodized table salt to douse my food in.