Mark "Boom Boom" M.'s Profile

Some of the recent reviews for Casa De Reyes have been unfavorable. Y'all are being WAY too harsh.

First of all, how could you not love the house band TINKU (found here at their primo website: http://www.tinkumusic....) and their cool-cool Peruvian style offerings. While waiting 45 minutes to even get a table at Casa De Reyes, we were serenaded by (and this is a quote from their lead "musician," Francisco) "Classical Latino music from around the world."

I bet you didn't know ABBA and The Beatles were Latino...neither did I until TINKU made me more aware. Thank you, TINKU. Hmm...

Now granted, getting stuck in the tourist trap of Old Town on Saturday night is enough to drive a Mormon to drink...but I was none too pleased with the hostess of Casa De Reyes. She was one of these people who find their very simple job to be overly taxing. You see, the hostess had both a pencil AND a highlighter to deal with, and this made her utter things in bitchy tones such as:

"I'll be with you in a minute, sir"

"AHHH...I'm SOOOO busy."

"How many? Three? Three? Fine...that will be 35 minutes."

Now I didn't go to host/hostess school like I'm sure this fine, young woman did, but here are two pieces of advice for her:

(1) 95% of your job of a hostess is to host. So drop the attitude, be nice, and if two writing utensils are too much for you, perhaps try going back to trade school to be a nurse. One thermometer and one anus...that won't be too hard for you.

and

(2) Never, ever, EVERERERERER tell people that the wait will be SHORTER than it actually turns out to be. If you say 35 minutes, it better not take one second longer than 35 minutes to seat people. Nobody likes being lied to by their hostess.

So while the first HOUR of my stay at Casa de Reyes was QUE TERRIBLY, I must say...the next hour was awesome.

The food was FANTASTIC (besides the fact that they didn't serve homemade tortillas. I guess I'm spoiled by Coyote Cafe and OTMC, but shit man...how can one be expected to eat store-bought tortillas when we know what REAL tortillas can taste like), and the waiter was super nice...he was kind of like the overly happy waiter from Office Space...what was his name, Brian? I don't know...the guy who worked with Jennifer Aniston at Chotchkie's...yeah, he was like him, but less annoying.

Seriously...if you ever go to this place, you MUST get the pork in tomatillo sauce. It was ridiculous...and, not to mention, they put some crazy spice on their tortilla chips that probably added three-days-worth of sodium to my diet, but made them SO TASTY.

So, the hostess was a biotch, and TINKU kind of SUCK-UED, but once we got in, the food and waiter were great. For being in the heart of a San Diego tourist trap on a Saturday night, I was actually pretty happy.

Maybe my Spanish isn't very good, but does "Dos Patrons" mean "F'in WEIRD Food Selection" in English?

When I walked into Dos Patrons, which used to be a place called World Sushi, I laughed because the sushi bar was STILL there. "Wow...they must have been in a hurry to open!" I thought.

Joke was on me, though. This place is a Mexican restaurant AND sushi bar! Why didn't somebody think of this earlier? You mean I could have been eating California Burritos and California Rolls together all these years??? Why not just make a California Roll Burrito? "Yeah, I would like hot sauce AND wasabi, please."

In case those choices aren't enough for you...NOT TO WORRY! They also serve Fettuccine. I'm not kidding. Fettuccine. AT A MEXICAN (and sushi) RESTAURANT!!! Why stop there? Fried chicken for dessert? Sure! A little Pad Thai for an appetizer? I say go for it!

The thing about Dos Patrons is that the menu made me feel like I was walking into a really, really, really expensive food court. Exactly how I want to feel when I go out to lunch in Clairemont.

For example, it was $4.50 for a bottle of Corona. Really? $4.50 for Corona? Did Clairemont turn into downtown San Francisco or Manhattan overnight without someone telling me? Clearly, you made a few mistakes, here. First of all, you should pay ME to drink Corona. Secondly, shouldn't you be serving Kirin?

Oddly, this isn't even Dos Patrons' first location.  This is their second, which is just nuts to me.  Am I alone? Am I the only one who thinks a Mexican restaurant should really have two mantras:

(1) Serve Mexican Food
(2) Don't Serve Sushi

I just can't wait until they open another place...then they can be called El Tres Horribles.  See!  My Spanish is AWESOME!

Overall, the food was OK. Really. It was. I just thought the selection was Dos Patrony, overpriced, and oddly missing pizza.

I ventured behind the orange curtain yesterday, and I made it out with memories of three things:

Visions of short-shorts on women aged 16 (scary) to 66 (scarier)

Silicon as far as the eye could see

and

BBQ stains on my pants.

This yelp is about the BBQ stains (sorry!)

I went to Lucille's without much expectation. I try to stay out of Orange County as much as possible...on the off chance that I run into Spencer and Heidi from The Hills. I calmed myself with the knowledge that the two of them probably don't eat foods they can't spell...and figured the acronym BBQ was a little out of their league.

Before I get to the food (which was really quite good), I really need to comment on the wait staff...they were everything I could have hoped for: young, dumb, and high on mommy's coke. I could barely talk to my waiter (Tweedle High) between his sniffing fits...and I thought the waitress (Tweedle Higher) that eventually took over for him was going to rob us for petty cash. My favorite part about my interaction with these two nitwits had to be when I asked Tweedle High if any of the food contained nuts (I have a peanut allergy) and he responded "I don't think so."

Well, Tweedle High, although saying "I don't think I have an STD" might work with your s.o., telling me you don't THINK the food contains peanuts is not OK with me.

Luckily for Lucille's, the food well made up for this BS.

For an appetizer, we ordered deep fried pickles. You know what they tasted like? No, not chicken. No, not shit. That's right...DEEP FRIED PICKLES. They were piping hot...and I burned my little tongue, but that was my fault...especially by the fifth time that I did it.

Fool me once, shame on you;

Fool me twice, shame on me;

Fool me five times, I'm just a moron.

All the portions were huge...and I barely finished my half-rack of baby back ribs (which came with two sides).

Clearly, the highlight of the meal were the biscuits that you get before dinner, though. They were AMAZING. AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZING! They were lightly sweet, a little dense, and finger licking good. Yes, I have much in common with Lucille's biscuits.

I thought the food was a little over priced...but I'm telling you, for Orange County...it was surprisingly tasty. Check this place out..and if you play your cards right..you might even score some blow for dessert.

Abe's is hilarious. You should go soon because it won't be there much longer, especially after my yelp destroys their future. Yeah. I'm that good.

It's located where the old Santana's was in Bay Park off Morena. If you're confused about whether you are in the right place or not, don't worry, as soon as you walk in, you'll see that they didn't remodel the inside at all. In fact, the jukebox still says "Santana's." If you are still confused, take a deep breath in through your nose. Do you smell a strange combination of old carne asada, hot dogs, and Simple Green? If so, YOU'RE THERE!

When you walk up to the window to order, you'll be instantly reminded of visiting your second cousin Ray Ray at Victorville Federal Prison, at least I was. You are separated from the staff by protruding metal bars. Not enough to stop you from robbing them, but just enough so that the staff can't escape from their hole.

Luckily, Abe's is located about two miles from Costco because this is where they clearly buy their seven available staples: burgers, hot dogs, eggs, buns, croissants, muffins, and cheese. I think they are trying to be like a Spanish In 'N Out??? because your only options for lunch-type food when ordering are a Double Cheese Burger, a Cheese Burger, A Hamburger, Fries, and Shakes. They do throw in a curve ball with "Mexican Hot Dogs" that are actually on display next to the metal bars. They looked scary and not very Mexican-y...I would suggest not getting them.

They do have a few extras to add to your order, two of which were misspelled on their menu: "tomatoe" and "beacon." Abe's come on. You have a menu that I can already recite by memory, and I was only there for five minutes. Do I truly have the option of adding a beacon to my burger? It would be worthless anyway...I'm not going back....and I most certainly don't want people who are jailed behind metal bars to find me!

The only thing remotely creative about this place is that they have two Secret Sauces: El Patron and Don Julio. I was really intrigued by this until I found out that the El Patron was an overly-mustardy thousand island dressing and the Don Julio is apparently left over salsa from Santana's. I guess that is still creative...for a lazy-ass.

I ordered the cheese burger combo, which came with a medium drink and fries for about $5.00. The burger was ok...for a Costco burger...but it only came with cheese, ketchup, and mustard. The fries sucked.

So if you want a laugh...I say try it out. Otherwise...just go around the corner to where the new Santana's is and get a burrito.

I know. I know. It's a chain. Who wants to hear about a CHAIN, for Pete's Sake.

But seriously. I love Islands. I crave Islands. I even joined their "Tiki List" online thing. That took effort, you know....and I'm lazy, so you know this place is great.

This particular Islands is even AWESOMER than others. Here's why:

(1) Our waitress hooked us up with free onion rings because she told the manager it was our first time there (even though it was my first time there THAT day...I kid...but you get the point)

(2) One time they forgot to leave chicken off my gf's salad...and the manager (different one) came over, personally apologized, and gave us a $25 gift card!!!!

(3) They have honored expired coupons multiple times without a fuss.

Simply put, this Islands really cares about their customers. Not to mention the food:

They have the best veggie patty in the world
The Yaki tacos are bomb
Best onion rings, hands down
Tortilla soup is usually (not always) amazing

I know it's a chain....but man...I love me some Islands.

Did I mention the waitresses wear short-shorts? Cuz they do.

Seriously...go there today. Not next Thursday. Not tomorrow. Don't wait for Chanukah. Today. I don't care that they are closed. Bring your sleeping bag and wait outside. Do it. I dare you.

They HAD good CA Burritos...but they disappeared with them off into the sunset.  So long Reybertos.  I'll miss you and your headboards that were always for sale in your dining area.

Their breakfast burritos and Burrito Don Nono with chicken are awesome.   The Don Nono is massive; I can never finish it...and it has everything you could ever want: meat, cheese, the works, and the most important ingredient, love.

If this means anything to you, I signed up for Yelp just so I could review this place.  DO NOT eat at Frankie the Bull's BBQ.  

What San Diego needed was a good BBQ place...you know what it got when Frankie's opened...another crappy one.  Both my girlfriend and I got sick from eating here.  The mac and cheese was OK...but the BBQ sauce and meat were HORRIFIC.

Can I give this place a negative star rating?

Stay away. Stay far, far away.