Ruben "BMW Hay Carrier" P.'s Profile

Ok here is the deal - This place is the greatest thing since sliced bread and they actually serve sliced bread. Amazing!

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

Cinnamon rolls the size of your head and pecan pie created by Jesus await you here as do amazing sandwiches, killer coffees and enough carbs and calories to devastate Richard Simmons and send him shrieking for cover in search of the latest technology in home perms and striped short shorts.

Anyway, I bought my mom lunch here yesterday and when mom is all happy, I am all happy and that is what makes for a happy, happy day.

Go to watch the new kid scramble around like a lost puppy and then check out the awesome team that has his back and is ready to teach him well. Stay for fresh baked goods, the scent of heaven and a full belly of doughy goodness. Do this. Do this now.

Not the greatest experience of my life. I ate something called a Tostini. It was sort of a breakfast sandwich kind of thing with a pillow of fluff they tried to pass off as an egg. The problem is that it actually looked like it was trying to date rape me. Seriously, it had a really strange limp red pepper/tongue sticking out of it and it looked like it wanted to get into a serious face sucking showdown.

Sometimes I get sad and lonely for female companionship but sandwich sex is just not cool.

Wait, there was that one meatball sub...

Have I gone too far again? Yeah. Thought so.

Anyway, go to eat decent bagels and to see locals try to locate the secret selection of white bread loaves and government issued peanut butter. Stay for free sandwich lust or avoid it altogether by not ordering a Tostini. Wear protection.

The owner of this place also owns a gangster style ghetto fabulous clothing store in town. He is an egotistical little man who thinks that Jesus brought him to the world to develop pepperoni pizza with peanut butter on it (surprisingly not totally crappy) and chicken wings designed to rage through your asshole later in the day like some sort of flaming lava flow.

If you can stand the burn and the white trash that cruises in from Johnny's Roadhouse next door after drinking cheap whiskey and smoking piles of weed, Code Red is just your place to be.

The decor is groovy and modern but the service is just total crap.That is the bottom line folks. Have fear!

Bugs! Had to try this place even against the advice of a friend. It is a dirty infested little hole in the world that just happens to make decent fried food. I just could not get over the dirt and bugs.

Someone wrote that the owner's grandkids ran in and out of the place. Give those kids a mop, bucket, 32 cans of Raid and an evacuation plan and we may just have something here.

Best fried food in the Northstate can be found at The Lighthouse in Redding in the midst of sparkly cleanliness.

See: http://www.yelp.com/bi...

Search for County Health Inspector Reports: http://www.co.shasta.c...

Sadly disappointed a bit in their lunch fare. I ordered a French Dip and it was just ok. I need massive amounts of meat to make me an even chubbier little man with totally blocked arteries and Lumberjack's acted like cows are becoming extinct and that their meat needs to be rationed.

Go for a killer breakfast at a great price and then contact me to organize a protest against minimalist meat use practices! Down with the man!

-Ok - I admit taking that last part a bit too far. Sorry.

Holy deliciousness Batman! I have been hitting this place up for garlic encrusted goodness for damn near 20 years and I will continue to do just that until I am 134  and they have to roll me up in a wheelchair!

These guys make a little pizza pocket creation called a bank roll and it is freaking heaven.

Seriously, when they opened they made a call to Jesus and explained to him that they needed his amazing spiritual powers to be able to infuse 675 pounds of garlic into a baked pastry shell with ground meat, pepperoni and fresh (ultra fresh) Mozzarella cheese.

Don't try counting the calories. Your brain will explode.

For about nine months after you eat a bank roll you will walk around with people either telling you that you must have rolled around in garlic or they may ask why you have decided to become an Italian hooker.

*****Ultra-awesome tip of the day!!!!!! Ding! Ding! Ding!*****

Blame the Twilight movies and books if you smell like garlic!

Tell people that you have to wear cloves around your neck to ward off Edward and the gang! Prove your point by pocketing a few silver bullets and carrying a really sharp stick!

Go to Wall Street Pizza to see a mafia looking dude fire up a fat pie just after making up some fresh cement shoes in the back room. Stay at Wall Street pizza because hey, there has to be some delicious cholesterol in your life!

One more thing - This place is pure mafia baby! Cash or checks only! Leave no paper trails! I would recommend the cash option. Bouncing a check to a mob boss that could grind you up into sausage could not possibly be a brilliant plan.

Evil and mean-spirited reviews about this place make me sad. It is hard for anyone to break out the old checkbook for unexpected expenses, but hey y'all...life happens.

Asher took care of my baby girl (3 lb. Teacup Chihuahua) when nobody else was available. She had a head injury and had lost control of her front legs.

I was prepared to be the proud owner of one of those amputated dogs on YouTube that have had there legs replaced with wheels. See: http://www.youtube.com...

When Amanda and I first walked in with Snow White we were quoted $400. Ouch! All sorts of things went through my head! Drop her off at Haven Humane! Call the circus! They need animals! Look at her and say, "How did this rat get in here with me?"

Anyway, the total came to only $170 and that was great by us. We also took the time to print the coupon here at Yelp for the initial exam fee and that saved us $53. They gladly accepted the coupon. Grand total: "117.00."

The care was suitable, the facilities were clean and they even set us up with a payment plan. Sure, I was not at all prepared to pay all that cash to fix a broken hairy beast, but when she cuddled up to me this morning I was thankful to have her near me.

Three stars on Yelp is often considered bad, but Yelp states that three stars is "A-Ok." Asher is A-Ok in our book. We would use them again. We just pray that we don't have to.

Do you like a hot set of soggy buns stuffed with limp meat? Wow. That sounded funky. Anyway if you like those things head over to Carl's right away for breakfast food that has been heat-lamped and soaked in grease for the better part of a decade or so.

This place is killer if you are prepared ahead of time. Just take a few essentials and you should be all good. Use my handy dandy list below:

***The Handy Dandy 4 AM Carl's Junior Survival Kit Check List***

1.) Sense of humor. I'm talking wacky and as cruel as possible. Do you enjoy laughing at old people with limps and sad midgets? You should be fine.
2.) All the time in the world to wait in a drive-thru with no other cars and listen to the crazy lady behind the counter talk about why she hates her job and Redding in general.
3.) Prilosec or another hardcore antacid. Tum's will not suffice. You need power.
4.) Immodium AD. Look for the extra-strength special edition mega hold back package at a Wal-Mart near you.
5.) An adult diaper (just in case you can't get the grease out before it explodes through your ass like an angry volcano.)
6.) An industrial strength anti-degreaser for the top of your mouth and tongue.
7.) Shout or another laundry stain remover just in case you cannot control the flow or your adult diaper gives out and abandons ship.

This should do it! If you have the tools, Carl's Junior makes a wicked great place to feed yourself at 4 AM!

Tacos and burritos with a side of technology and undesired gossip.

Quick Mex food that is served up in a trendy strip mall location that is full of industrial grade metal and massive slabs of unfinished concrete.

Oh yeah - There's an app for that! Seriously!

Visit the app store and download the Chipolte app for your super sexy hipster iPhone or iPod Touch thingeemahopper techno sort of device. It will show you pics of food and let you order. Arrive at the store and your food will magically appear.

Go for the fact that you will look cool when you say "I so just ordered a taco with my phone!" Stay for spicy fresh eats and the shredded beef with the weird name.

Complain to the manager when you find out that their employees tell other customers shit like "That chick that you were with was in here with another dude." Yep that happened. I won't be going back for that reason most likely even though the food was ok.

I have to consider the package experience.

My mom says it like this because she is cool like that:

"The food might have been tasteful but the gossip was distasteful."

Not the best Sushi that I have ever had but not the worst. I did the whole take out thing to expose my cute old Grandmother to sushi a few days ago and she ended up liking it.

Yama makes a decent dragon roll and that is the key to my sushi loving tummy. Prices were a bit insane but we are in Redding and as any half drunk guy at the local Wal-Mart will plainly tell you, "We is in Reddin' and thems foreign types always comes in and raises our prices."

Go for fresh fish, an uber comfy waiting area and to watch the little sushi boats swim in circles. Stay to see the befuddled looks on the faces of local townsfolk when they are expected to eat what they usually consider fishing bait.