Ryan "The Angry Midget" t.'s Profile

Although I try not to let my wife know about it, I have been known to fix things to help combat the entropy that affects my 93 year-old house. One major perk is that some of the employees are actually REAL electricians, plumbers, and contractors, so they have experience and advice to share.  Some of the employees are also old enough to have taught Thomas Edison in grammar school and also like to give advice.

The main limitation of the Depot is that if you need a good selection of raw materials for a project, it's not a lumber yard.  If you grew up in a small town like I did, you fondly remember your local lumber yard and that your Dad could have re-built your entire home with only the contents of Aisles 3 and 4.  Also, if your spouse watches HGTV and wants everything to be real fancy and expensive, the Depot might not have everything she thinks your home needs.   For me, that's actually a plus.

I have two dogs and both of them were spoiled jerks.  My wife and I took them to dog training classes offered by the Nebraska Humane Society to help keep them from becoming complete assholes.  The volunteers and staff that taught the classes were helpful, and my dogs are no longer any more of an embarrassment to my family than I am.  If only they had classes to help me parent my human children.

As far as the kill/no kill issue, I'm sure this place wouldn't have such great reviews if it were completely infested with cats or if Omaha became overrun with rabid felines.  That's fine if you don't want them to kill animals, but offer a solution rather than offering a one sentence review trashing them for euthanizing animals that would likely have starved to death if not for their attempts to get them adopted.  Everyone is an animal rights activist until they have to come up with a solution that goes beyond becoming a raw vegan.

How would you describe the worst dining experience of your life?  I would only have to say Union Sports Bar and Pizzeria to describe mine.  I don't trash people on Yelp.  Ever.  Click on my reviews.  Seriously.  Don't ever eat here.  I've been treated better in countries that don't allow women to vote.

With all the places to get decent Mexican food in Omaha, I can't believe how often I don't argue when someone says "Let's go to Fernando's for 'insert meal name here' ".  The food is marginal in its entirety.  I keep trying new things here, hoping to find a hidden gem, but I keep finding turds instead.

There's a guy who hangs out here and often seats you, who I can only assume is the owner or manager.  I've drawn this inference from the fact that if he is not the owner or manager, any other restaurant would throw this guy out of their establishment, as he's cranky, unfriendly, and gives me the creeps.

The beer and cocktails here are also ridiculously expensive compared to most other restaurants.

One afternoon while making a high-speed getaway from my job, my Honda Civic started missing gears and refusing to shift like it was being driven by a 15 year-old learning to drive a stick. Two problems with this: I'm 30 and it's an automatic.

I went to another Honda service place. They said transmission, which is a bad thing to hear at the doctor's office as well as the auto mechanic. A coworker who also drives a small, inexpensive car suggested that I take the car to Exclusive.

After plugging a magic machine into my car, the guys at Exclusive explained that it was a throttle control, much less expensive than a transmission, and I will take my car to no one else since.

When I'm glancing through Yelp to see the latest and greatest reviews, there are very few instances where I feel that the overall rating that a particular establishment has achieved is greater than what it actually deserves.  In those cases, like Goldbergs II, I feel obligated to inject a small dose of reality.

Goldbergs II has a reputation in certain circles that it's a cool place to hang out and eat dinner or grab a drink.  Consequently, people who want to seem cool will write a favorable review of such a place to give you the impression that they are also cool and fun to be around.  I would say that the rating of Goldbergs II is inflated for this reason.

The food is typical bar fare, so I'm not sure why others want to make it seem like Wolfgang Puck is hiding in the kitchen flipping burgers.  I don't care how stellar your pub food is when the service is as routinely awful as it has been each time I've visited.  I've never eaten any other place where I feel as if the staff resents the fact that I am there.  Occasional spotty service on a busy night is completely understandable, but the consistent indifference that must be some sort of job requirement to work here is one of the biggest reasons for a 2-star rating.  

Spare yourself the agony.  You shouldn't have to pay someone to treat you this poorly.

For some strange reason that I can't quite put my finger on, I have completely different standards for what I eat for lunch vs. dinner. Michael's is a case in point. While I would probably never consider eating here for dinner or when I was craving Mexican food, the close proximity to my place of employment combined with suspiciously fast service and affordable specials make this a perfectly acceptable place to grab lunch.

Two of their lunch specials are pretty excellent: the tacos al pastor and chipotle steak. Say what you want about the authenticity, but someone who works here knows how to do pork al pastor, which is a massively unappreciated and underutilized method of cooking pork.

Despite what you might think from reading some reviewers who use their reviews as a platform to attempt to prove their hipster cred or bash a city they no longer live in, Omaha has some pretty fantastic restaurants. Michael's doesn't fall into that category, but that doesn't make it evil or uncool. For every Flatiron, there are at least 10 Taco Bells, and who can afford to eat at the Flatiron every night?

Have you ever eaten at a place that you really, really wanted to like because you feel like that you should like it? The name is fantastic and implies that this establishment belongs to an intelligent, culinary genius. While the execution was weak on several levels, the overall experience was fine, although I felt like the bill matched what this place hopes to be rather than what I actually experienced. You want specifics, don't you?

Let's start with the good. The shrimp scampi with pasta that I ate for my entree was decent, but lacked the flair that I would have expected from a place with a real, living cellist that plays soft jazz over near the bathrooms. The Olive Garden can put capers and lemon on angel hair and toss it with shrimp.

I realize the people that answer phones at restaurants have a difficult job, but when I call for reservations for 8 pm and you tell me I don't need them, don't expect any sympathy from me when I show up at said time and you tell me there will be an hour wait. The calamari appetizer was a huge disappointment. The breading was like pencil shavings with Mrs. Dash, and did not stick to the squid. Plus, someone decided to make the appetizer seem more substantial by adding green bell peppers rolled in the same breading. This tactic did not fool anyone in our party into believing that they were getting a lot more calamari. We're onto you Ryan.

This was a classic case of lofty expectations meets mediocre, expensive food. I wanted to love this place, and I may try it again in the future. But, I'll be sure to argue with the person who answers the phone if they suggest that I don't need reservations on a Saturday night.

Jacobo's is a fantastic place to get chips and salsa or other supplies for making Mexican meals that you can't get other places.  Given the demand for their high quality products, Jacobo's could seriously jack up their prices and charge people way more than they do.  The fact that they are decent enough not to do this is refreshing.  I've had their tamales, both frozen and fresh from the deli, and they are incredible.  Bring cash with you, however, as they don't take plastic.

I am probably disqualified from writing a review of the Hyatt Regency in Denver based on my annual income, but they didn't kick me out (immediately) for being white trash, so I'll give it a shot.

The hotel is very new and has a number of great amenities. The pool and workout facilities looked really nice, but I don't exercise on vacation because I'm always too hungover and appearances can be deceiving, so take that for what it's worth. The location is exceptional, and I can't imagine wanting to do something that's in downtown Denver that's not a quick walk or drive away. I didn't stay here for a convention, but the Hyatt is so close to the convention center that if your room was on the correct side of the building, you might not have to leave your room to see some of the presentations.

Just like that crazy girl that we all dated in college, there are some negatives here that cannot be ignored. Parking is $24-$28 per day depending on whether or not you want to fetch your own damn car. I realize that they charge this much because they can, but it certainly made me think twice about whether or not to stay here again.