Aimee "ecogrrl" F.'s Profile

One of the worst restaurant and service experiences on record.  Went with a friend to see Linda Lee Michelet sing in the tea room.
* Linda's email said reservations recommended, they said no reservations allowed.
* People were piling their bags on other tables and chairs even though the place was packed. Why was the staff allowing that?
* They have this circular thing in the middle of the room and tables around it and crammed so many tables in there that the CUSTOMER has to move the table out just to squeeze onto the seating. Plus it blocks all view of the entertainment.
* 10 min later a waiter finally came and 10 min later the cocktail finally came, plopped on my table while he talked to another table.  I didn't see the food listing and when I asked for a menu, he grabbed the drink menu, tossed it on my table and said 'it's in there, first page.' and walked away.
* A table in a less crowded area came open and I asked if we could move to that.  "Nope that's reserved".  I said I was told no reservations and he said, well we do in 'extreme' circumstances then walked away.  Within moments the manager came over to me to explain this was an 'extreme' circumstance of a birthday.  Later it turns out the birthday girl was a friend of our waitress.  Got it.
* Finally got a table with actual room to get in and out of our chairs.  When we ordered we asked about the small size happy hour entrees, and then placed our order.  Had to ask twice if there was dairy in the dips as my friend is allergic. Waitress didn't know the first time and had to send her back to ask. When it comes to allergies, it is NOT okay to say 'I don't think it does but I'm not sure' and consider that OK.  Note: menu has no descriptions so we had to ask her about 5 or 6 items.
* Got the deviled eggs (ok), charcuterie (good), and the Mediterranean plate (pita wedges and 3 watery dips, no sides included).  The pitas were BLACK they were so burnt, and not just a few.  For politeness sake I tried to put some dip on one and well, we all know what burnt bread tastes like.  So we called the waitress and explained, and she came back - no joke - with cold uncooked pita.  Our chins dropped.  We called her back and asked why she brought us uncooked pita.  She actually said (serious) "the first way is the way it comes, the ovens are very hot".  Really?  A cook at the HEATHMAN can't put a pita on the grill and not keep it from turning black instead of a nice brown?  Really?  Then she sent over the first waiter and he got in my friend's face and said 'so you want it raw or you want it charred?' and we explained hey, we know pita can be grilled without it being burnt and got the 'this is how we serve it', and my friend said, surely there's got to be a way to heat bread and not burn it and not give it to us cold out of the package.  And mind you the whole time we were trying to keep a sense of humor because the situation was so silly.  
* We asked for water.  They said, sorry we are not serving water because of the e-coli outbreak in Portland, and our bussers are running over to Safeway to get ice.  Then silence.  I finally said don't you guys have bottled water to offer guests instead then?  Yes.  Are you charging for it?  Yes, and you have to get the extra large bottles.  (seriously?  you deny customers water unless they pay for it?  how about sending bussers for cheap distilled water at safeway too?) .  
* Now this part isn't really the Heathman's fault but being part of the overall experience but LLM is good at singing Peggy Lee, but not Norah Jones and other jazz standards.  And she spent half  the time wandering around in the lobby while the band played instrumentals!  Plus it was advertised as a holiday music show and she sang half of one - literally starting in the middle.  Backup singers were shouting (no mics) and one even shouted a whole song.  When she did sing, she walked around and reeked of too much perfume (imagine grandma's powder puff accidentally inhaled) - it literally was so strong.  Total bummer.
* So we finally got our food right and were satisfied there, with exception that we were charged for large plates.  Then I asked about a coffee drink and because of the ecoli that meant no coffee either (ahh, this'll be good news for the older decaf crowd in the room...).  So I'm saying, what kind of hot drinks can you recommend to the waitress, and it was really my own brainstorming while she stood there.  The waiter came over again and I asked if they ha/d any hot cider cocktails and he suggested the hot apple pie and I said cool.  So then the waitress brought over a glass of hot cider, no alcohol.  Because she was pretty much useless the entire night, we asked the waiter and he said it was supposed to have alcohol in it, and so he went to the bar and got me the right drink (tasty), no charge.  His sense of humor improved over the night so it ended positively, but we did not stay for the rest of the show after 3+ hours like this.  Bummer.

Well, it is what it is.  Chop salad is acceptable.  Never been terribly impressed with the other entrees, and their cocktails are pretty awful, but in a pinch for lunch it will do, although their pricing is a bit higher than I would expect for the quality - average lunch entrees $12-15 and nothing's written about their ingredients being local or sustainable, so I don't get it.  Service is bare minimum.  They really get a lot of their business I believe because it's the only real restaurant at Lloyd Center - what would happen if something tastier came along...?