Rick E.'s Profile

If you're a passer-through on CA Hwys 96 and 3 between Yreka and Eureka/Arcata or exploring the wilds of western Siskiyou County, take note of Parry's. Don't be fooled by Google or other internet maps; it's well-located, just one block from the highway. Arguably the only market in West Siskiyou County that befitting the description of a supermarket, Parry's is at the very least certainly the best market between Yreka and Willow Creek.

A sign recently posted in front of Parry's actually proclaimed that protestors of a particular timber sale are not welcome to shop here. Also, if you're from outta-town and unaware of the very complicated natural resources politics of the Klamath River watershed, you've probably been wondering what's the deal with all these "NO MONUMENT!" signs everywhere. It might seem a lit'l scary to some of us liberal cityfolk. "Do they want our heads on sticks?" you might wonder.

Really, though...everything'll be all right if you just be cool. I mean...Don'tcha have an open mind? Don't we all think that we liberals patented the idea of open-mindedness, or are you just like today's Prius-driving version of Maude in a pair of hiking boots and a topo map of the Marble Mountain Wilderness Area? Despite some of the more extreme rhetoric of many local folks, try 'n wrap your open mind around even just the possibility that the locals here know better how to manage local natural resources with a keener balance between extraction, conservation, restoration, and sustainability than you might ever wanna give 'em credit for. And even if the worst of the rhetoric is inexcusable, the overall tenor is understandable if you examine the facts of how the community suffered beginning over 20 years ago when it was put at odds with the declining Northern Spotted Owl population. Regardless of how you feel about the Endangered Species Act, you must be able to recognize how Happy Camp has been an epicenter for the socioeconomic toll of perhaps the most publicized and hotly debated invocation of the "God committee" pursuant to the Act. Heap onto that the recent ban on dredging which hampered its modern-day mini-Gold Rush, and there's one more example of fuel to the fire that burns with the spirit of Jefferson, the proposed 51st state.

Happy Camp has fallen behind areas of Appalachia in some economic and educational indicators. And yet, Parry's, the only market for miles in any direction, prices its low-order merchandise quite fairly for a market its size. And for a market so remote! Minus a bakery, coffeehouse, pharmacy, and mini-bank branch, it's as practical and utilitarian as any IGA-affiliated market in your big city. Yet, if you still wanna know, YES...you, too, can shop there! The lush, green produce department features many locally-grown items. There's plenty of probiotic drinks and non-GMO snacks. Their meat market puts my own city's natural foods co-op to shame!

To be sure, this market is much better than you'd ever expect in such a remote location. Even if it were on I-5, it'd be your best bet between Ashland and Redding. Yes, I highly recommend it. And, if you knew the circumstances behind that particular timber sale (it's mostly burnt wood that's attracting insects harmful to healthy trees nearby), you'd likely be convinced that it's the right forestry decision, too, so go ahead and shop with a clear conscience! And don't resist the chocolates at the checkstand, homemade by some local lady. It's just the perk-up you need for the windy roads ahead of you.

At the sound of classical music, hoodrats, hoodlums, and two-bit hoochies scatter like roaches when the light's flipped on....even at Fruitridge-upon-Stockton's best-stocked emporium of fortified wines and all manner of Four Lokos!!

The proprietors of World Wines & Liquors have deployed Mozart and Mendelsohn in a campaign to eradicate homeboys hangin' in the parking lot. If you see a lowdown laggard loitering about, just call on Frederic and it's Handl'd. Playas be hatin' some Joseph Haydn! But don't expect to hear the somnolent sonatas of Beethoven reverberating throughout the parking lot 'cos bums will just drift off to sleep.

Once you push through the doors, the music is certainly more contemporary, but patrons must be prompt and pick their potent potables pronto or risk choking on the thickest fogbank of nag champa you've ever tasted in the back of your throat. You think I'm exaggerating? Only slightly!

When the Super Bowl, March Madness, and the Republican nomination have all been decided, here's your next office pool: "How long before that little storefront is 'FOR RENT' again?"

Almost like a recovering meth-head hitting the crystal "one more time" and "just for fun", El Chingon is the latest contestant in the semi-biannual test of fate, hoping to deny a future as the latest casualty of this seemingly doomed commercial space adjacent to the Franklin Gas & Minimart. It's been almost six months since the final breath of Little Debbie's Snack Shack, despite Debbie making the most eye-catching and attractive signage of any proprietor to have set up shop in this location since I started watching a decade ago. El Chingon's come out fighting for attention with two professional-grade banners--including one in front of the small patio area which proclaims its widely varying menu with stock photos of featured menu items--and a janky sharpie-on-posterboard creation detailing the extensive $1 menu in bad, childlike penmanship.

The best place in terms of flavor and value for the money that ever inhabited 4991 Franklin was Melano's Taqueria, which folded within half a year despite being one of the best taquerias in all of northern California and decisively establishing its identity as a pioneer of the fashionable chilango street-eats style of Mexican food. Identity-wise, "El Chingon" took a bold leap in choosing the name, which translates roughy to "The Bad-Ass". Food-wise, however, its identity is jack-of-all-trades/master-of-none. The John Salmons of taquerias, perhaps?

Surely, on a per-square-foot basis (this space is maybe 400 sq. ft. including kitchen and storage), El Chingon has the widest menu variety in Sacramento...or anywhere I've seen! As the name might suggest, the tacos, burritos, quesadillas, and tortas are all there, but so are burgers, hot dogs, chili, breakfast (served all day in traditional style, or in a burrito or "breakfast burger"(!?)), fish & chips, rice bowl, etc., etc., etc.

I figured I should order from the Mexican menu based on the name, but the meat choices were limited to chicken or carne asada, and my chicken super burrito with spicy salsa was bland and boring. The chicken was especially undistinguishable, and the rice was so al dente that it was chewier than the chicken. If you wanna be the John Salmons of taquerias, that's fine if you can be the John Salmons of 2008-2011. But John Salmons is having a shitty year in 2012, and El Chingon mirrors that. Pretty sad.

The only thing I really enjoyed about my visit was the funniest phrase of Spanglish I've seen in a while. The customer before us had ordered the fish and chips, and on the order sheet, Mr. Chingon himself wrote it as "FISH Y CHIPS".

Despite $1 nice-price tacos, I give this place four months tops!

I've often stopped at Oasis Fun Center to stretch out my legs on long drives home from weekend destinations in Oregon because its freeway-side location is perfect for that. And the two courses are pretty good overall, so I will continue to go back.

For the mini-golf enthusiast, however, I only conditionally recommend the Oasis because some of the putting surfaces are dodgy. Deferred maintenance is not necessarily to blame. It's the flawed course design. The turf on several holes is rippled due to loose layout and/or snagged because of its usually high pile. This kinda turf might be just fine in your backyard patio or wheelchair ramp at home, but for an outdoor mini-golf course in a climate like this, it's made to degrade unevenly. This ruins the fun for many putt-putters, but I just face it as a challenge.

The best thing about Oasis' courses are the many challenging water features which include narrow crossings or exposed pond banks. Even a championship-level mini-golfer will get his ball wet a couple times or more here. And if you play the course in winter or spring, there are a couple holes where there will be muddy water on the putting surface itself. Again, this is due to poor design. Drainage is bad in the southwest corner of their lot, and of course, that high-pile turf takes longer to dry.

For being right next to a freeway, road noise is not terribly menacing like it is at the Scandia Fun Centers of Sacramento and Fairfield. It helps that Oasis is a little ways up a hill off of a frontage road.

The teenaged staff is rather unmotivated, so it can take a few extra minutes to get their attention. That's understandable when they're being distracted by tons of screaming little kids in the arcade area, but during my last visit, I was being ignored at the counter for no less than three minutes while the clerk played with her smartphone. On the upside, this level of staff apathy always makes it easy to play both courses or replay either to your heart's content. It's pretty reasonably priced anyway.

Gotta love that old sign!
It looks great at night.

The silver lining in the drought of Winter 2011-2012 is that Pee Wee Golf will stay safely above the Russian River, so there shall be no mud or muck to plug up the PVC tubes that carry your golf balls through the extraordinarily colorful, cartoonish concrete reptilian obtacles, and the tightly-laid turf shall keep those putts rolling true.

Hanson's all alone in his estimation of this place as a locals-only trash-riddled antithesis of a tourist trap. The course is clean, well-maintained, and exceedingly playable. There are no more little pits on the turf, and it's kept reasonably free of debris which can drop from the trees. Putts roll a bit fast on the fresh turf, but the plane of the putting surface stays pretty flat on the x axis. Sometimes, it's a little bit confusing to figure out the sequential layout of the holes because two courses are squeezed onto a modest-sized lot (maybe a quarter acre), and the tee-off areas for two different holes come close together.

Throughout the course, the concrete statues of animals ranging from spiders to dinosaurs harken back to an era of early- to mid-20th-century roadside Americana, and especially the kind that popped up next to the old pre-interstate freeway system roads such as U.S. Route 101, Route 66, Route 99, 395, etc. In fact, these statues (and especially the dinosaurs) make me think of the statues of Thunderbeast Park (r.i.p.) on U.S. Route 97 near Chiloquin, Oregon, if only those hadn't been left to the ravage of the savage freeze and thaw cycles of that area. The statues at Pee Wee are kooky handmade originals, fun and friendly rather than hulking and scary, and very brightly colored.

The spider's web obstacle on the westside course is one of the most inventive obstacles I've seen at any mini-golf course.

The staff may seem a little bit buzzed on their own adult beverages, but they are always courteous and helpful.

Mavens of miniature golf must make the trek to this mecca of putt-putt!

Blackbeard's offers three themed courses--storybook, pirates, & ye olde west--with imaginative landscapes and seriously challenging obstacles, plus distractions all around such as overheard stumblers on the rope course, the noise of live hip hop or teen dance music on weekend nights, and the spray of bullets from nearby gang turfs.

The castles, the saloons, the galleons...All the landscapes are bigger and better than your typical mini-golf course. And the ornamental horticulture's even pretty fantastic.

All of the open-and-shut doors and mechanical obstacles are fully operational even in the middle of the winter season. If your close or mid-range putts turn left or right unexpectedly, that's probably not due to deferred maintenance of the putting surface. These courses are exceedingly well-maintained year-round. Your putts are straying more likely because of the slight tilts and bumps under the putting surface. These are like the greens in real golf that you gotta get down on one knee and shrewdly read.

I've never seen courses with so many doors and sub-holes, nor holes in tiny craters on such steep volcano-like cones. Even the most skilled mini-golfer will likely 6-putt a hole or two per course here. Remember to have fun. Don't let your anger get the best of you. Thanks to the choice of three courses, at least you won't hafta wait to play behind slow golfers often, if at all.

I'm judging Blackbeard's strictly on its miniature golf. I care not about any of the many other features here. The courses are five-star courses all the way. I've docked two stars due to the steep pricing and/or lack of specials for multi-course play. I'd like to see a $15-20 unlimited-golf deal. It's just a bit too pricey to play all three courses unless you "steal" the replays. I'd like to make it back soon for a back-to-back-to-back mini-golf marathon, but I'll hafta spring for about $40 total for two golf tickets plus two replays each. There's not even a winter special! No wonder the courses were so wide open and lonely when we went!

After reading Brian F's review, I wish there was a "flag as racist" button!

The variety of Vacaville eats has expanded in recent years, but nothing's changed at the top of the Mexican food charts...Mexico Meat Market's still the only excellent choice for comida de la raza. 3M's pastor is still the only pastor in Vacaville to be shaved off of an upright spit, shawarma-style, like the originators of al pastor in Veracruz, and flash-grilled for a smoky lit'l bit o' char. Indeed, this traditional style is not especially easy to find anywhere!

Mexico Meat Market's staff are all proficient in Inglés. Maybe not up to Mitt's or Newt's or Santorum's standards, but they do just fine. By the sound of her accent, I'd guess that the cashier is no less than 2nd-generation born-in-the-USA. Then again, Brian...some Mexicans didn't need to cross the border to get to California. The borders crossed them! Even this far north. Crack a history book, or just get outta Aztlán already.

I reckon that the folks who've rated their Tortas Sinaloa no. 2 experience below 4-5 stars must've only ordered from the plain, budget-minded upper left side of the menu, or obsessed too much about their disappointment of the tacos. When a place names themselves for their tortas, obviously that's their specialty, and maybe the tacos are an afterthought. If you order from the upper right side of the menu, I don't think you can go wrong!

The only possible reason I could imagine for someone to be disappointed with the specialty tortas here is an unfortunate affinity for only the most pillow-like bolillo bread. Too many people do eat with their eyes more than their tastebuds, and they might think they're getting ripped off here because the bread isn't the size of a rugby ball. But me, myself...I think I like it better when I can taste the filling of a sandwich more than its bread. And the filling of these tortas is so tasty!

My girlfriend and I ordered a guasava and a pica. The guasava's meats were hearty enough for any macho man, but they also did a delicate dance of flavor together. The pica had a couple different peppers which did the same, but also had a sneaky afterburn that stopped just short of being pure punishment. Delight achieved!

I feel lucky to have picked Tortas Sinaloa no. 2 while randomly driving around Colton looking for an open sign and a semi-welcoming-looking dining room.

There's plenty about their interior wall mural to laugh about, too. Check out the romantic scene of the bikini babe and the Don Juan on the south end of the wall. An apron from Tortas Sinaloa no. 2 has been cast off at the babe's feet and lies there on the sand of the beach. Are we to assume that she's on a work break. Is this beach really just the bank of the Lytle Creek wash? It's quite noticeable that the artist who painted these characters was different than the artist that painted the others on the north end of the mural.

I'll be back when it's time to visit my extended family in the area.

Between Tulare and Traver, travelers on northbound 99 encounter several amusing signs advertising this cafe, cheese factory, and wayside. Nearly every half mile, Bravo Farms begins by humbly begging before boldly beseeching and finally blatantly besieging with suggestions, requests, and orders to pull over and eat BBQ, taste wine, sample cheese, pet goats, buy gifts, and play their new miniature golf course.

Lately, I've been getting back into miniature golf as a great way to stretch out the legs on roadtrips, so putt-putt plus cheese-tasting sealed the deal, and we took the Traver exit on Sunday.

Upon first arrival, Bravo Farms looks like a bit of a contrived Olde West-style roadside cafe and gift shop just 100 feet from the exit ramp. Its cafe sprawls out from an attractive arcaded seating area to tables on the sidewalk for comfortable open-air dining downwind from the tantalizing smell of BBQ. The gift shop is full of fun tchotchkes such as bottle openers with old-fashioned logos, bucktoothed Howdy Doody faces, cows, pigs, and such. The selection of nuts and dried fruit is outstanding, and, of course, you can get all the varieties of Bravo Farms cheese there in varying sizes from small squares to extra-large blocks.

I've known of their fantastic cheeses for a while thanks to the better-stocked high-end supermarkets at home in Sacramento and Davis such as Corti Bros., the Nugget Market, and the Davis Food Co-Op. Their creamy cheeses are so smooth! Self-serve sampling is available in the refrigerated case against the back wall on the southern end of the gift store, or you can have a member of Bravo Farms staff slice generous cubes for you in the ante room off the back end of the north side. It's behind the wine-tasting bar where I suppose you can also get wine samples to pair with your cheese selections.

The cheese counter in that ante room is where you wanna go to get your clubs and golf balls for their brand-new putt-putt course. I was amazed to learn that it's only $4 per person to play, but we soon learned that it's only a nine-hole course. Through the doors of the ante room, there was a courtyard with picnic tables, old-fashioned coin-operated children's rides, a multi-level treehouse, chicken coops, petting zoo with pygmy goats, and tons of antique signs and more tchotchkes. This was an incredibly rich landscape with something interesting to view at every turn. Even with little kids scampering around and the freeway traffic racing by just a few yards away, the courtyard was quite relaxing. There's an arcaded walkway around the edge, so you can enjoy it rain or shine. It so boggled the mind that it was confusing to figure out where the mini-golf course started. It's hiding upstairs above the arcade. The staircase starts near the goat pen.

As miniature golf courses go, this one left something to be desired. None of the first eight holes had any significant degree of difficulty. The greens are superfast, but that's to be expected on brand-new astroturf. Only one hole had an obstacle, a hanging log which you swing by hand before playing. The putting distances were all quite short. None of the holes were more than 10 feet from the teeing area. There were none of  the typical open-and-shut doors, no castles, no windmills, but one hole required you to choose the right fore-hole among three holes which connected to the lower green through PVC tubes which dropped the ball below a fantastic red Coca-Cola drinking fountain which would no doubt fetch hundreds or maybe $1000+ on the antique market. It was practically mint. HINT: Aim for the right hole, and you will almost surely get a hole-in-one. Just get it into any of the three holes, and you're bound to get an easy tap-in for a hole-in-two on the tiny lower green area.

This was the only hole where I had to shoot three times. I even hit three holes-in-one on the course, and we were done in about 6-7 minutes. The final hole is a typical final hole where you either get a hole-in-one (and a prize of a free round), or you just lose the ball. It's probably more difficult than average due to poor sight of the hole and questionable tightness of the astroturf wrapped around the narrow plank. I coulda swore that my shot was dead straight but took an abrupt right turn off an unexpected ripple in the turf.

Oh well....So it's a short unchallenging course. But I'm hoping they're only half-finished building an 18-hole course with a more challenging 2nd half. I'm not counting on it, though, because Bravo Farms already offers so much food and fun and visual stimulation that it's almost surely the best wayside on CA 99.

What are the odds that three noobs should debut on Yelp on Valentine's Day with glowing reviews of Dynasty? Exactly! Let's get back to reality, folks.

As Chinese food goes, Dynasty is as good as it needs to be to stay in business in a semi-rural intermountain outback West town, but it's no better than that.

The highlight of its existence is its favorable location as the next thing you see in K Falls after the welcome sign and adjacent to the best (yet spendiest) rooms for an overnight stay downtown. The next best highlight is the fantastically preserved ambiance of a mid-century coffeeshop that "went Chinese" circa 30-40 years ago with the hanging of lanterns and placement of knick-knacks and Ming Dynasty wallprints over the wood paneling and cushy circular naugahyde booths. This place has the authentic look and feel of the kinda restaurant where your parents and grandparents ate when a wild hair poked them into eating something "exotic". The 70s and even the 80s were a time when "exotic" meant Chinese...or maybe Italian.

Unfortunately, the food is also from the same timewarp. Are these chunks pork or chicken? Do you really have a choice? At least you can choose between bathing said chunks of chewy mystery meat in a sauce that's sickly sweet and sticky, or more like brown gravy. Ahhh, the 70s!!! What was worse...the food, or the music?

Speaking of music, Dynasty has a lounge which might be good for karaoke nights and boasts a "brand-new dancefloor" which also looks like someone decorated a dojo for a junior high disco dance.

The best thing you can say about the food is that you get a lot of it for the money.

The service is pretty good if you strictly judge the effort. Maybe even excellent if you don't mind being watched like a hawk. If I took a sip of my ice water, the young waiter was there to refill that sip. I'd like a waiter to be attentive, but not overly meddlesome and unnerving.

Klamath Falls has plenty of timewarp Chinese, and I doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference between the food at Dynasty, Simon's, Lucky Panda, or King Wah in a blind taste test. I rate Dynasty 2nd among those four only because I like their ambiance better than Lucky Panda's or King Wah's. Simon's is more of a timewarp to the 50s with its dimness and crushed velvet wallpaper, so I give it my top prize. But all of these restaurants are culinary relics, useless in the age of fresh Thai and Vietnamese flavors. Not to mention the actual Chinese Chinese food (as opposed to American Chinese food) that you can get in other cities where people are still immigrating from China in recent decades.