Tyler "The General" H.'s Profile

UPDATE! Over a year ago, they knocked down the original Cha Cha and replaced it with a makeshift parking lot. I hear that there is a new Cha Cha out there, but since I'm, like, this old man now and spend all my time going to places that will let my infant daughter in, I haven't been there. So, I left my Rating the same, though its now irrelevant.

What *is* relevant is that -geographically speaking- I now apparently got drunk in a pay parking lot immediately before meeting my wife at the Baltic Room. History is retroactively turning me into a hobo.

So, you're a young, hip, Capital Hill couple looking for the latest and greatest place to go for your third date. "Let's try that Vios place... it's got a 'V' in the name. 'V's are cool."

Oh! Bad move! This is not a good place to go for a hip-yet-romantic date. That is, unless your idea of "hip-yet-romantic" involves watching a small child fall down and then meltdown into tears.

That said, if you are a new parent, who's looking for a place to go out to dinner with your baby or small child and want to go to a place that doesn't have chairs made of formed, bright-red plastic. If, instead, you want a place that feels like a place that respectable adults might actually meet up. A place with good food, good wine ...and a play area tucked away in the back. If that's what you are looking for, then Vios is where you need to be.

Here's the thing, about three months ago, I would have been in the first category. The idea of going to a place filled with screaming children would have been daunting and a turn off. But, today, with my new daughter in my arms (not literally right now, I mean, it would be really hard to type this), Vios seemed like a godsend. After weeks of being hesitant taking her out for fear of getting the evil eye from the baby-free portion of the population for bringing my screaming contribution to the human race into an otherwise peaceful restaurant, you can't imagine how nice it was to discover Vios. As I said, good food, good wine and a good time.

And, its nice to know there are people who understand the importance of providing parents a place to eat out with this children that doesn't feature a giant talking mouse as it's mascot.

Oh God. The Up & Up. I'd forgotten about this place, until stumbling across it again here on Yelp. Or rather, my brain had banished all memories of it to some obscure part of my subconsciousness in a futile act of intellectual self preservation.

I gave it two stars, because back when I went to school at Western, I was able to buy a pitcher of cheap beer and two hamburgers there for $2. To me, that was the only really selling point of this institution. Just remember, if you go there on dollar beer night (which, I've heard is $2 beer night now), and are lucky enough to get a pitcher:

Don't. Set. It. Down.

Pitchers get scarce fairly early on, and latecomers circle like vultures, waiting to snap up your pitcher, regardless of if its empty or not. Holding your beer glass, pitcher and a hamburger or two at the same time proves to be a bit of a juggling act (especially as the crowd presses in around you), but you can do it! I have faith in you!

Anyhow, as you might have deduced by now, I'm not a huge fan of the Up & Up. If you only have a couple of bucks, and need beer, it's the place for you. But, if you have say, a five dollar bill, I'd recommend several other establishments around town, like the Beaver, Ranch Room or 3B. That is, if they are still there. It's been a few years. I'm an old man.

Volterra isn't bad, per se. But, I was definitely expecting more. Eating there, earlier this week, I was reminded of the types of places I'd go to before a formal dance in High School. Pricey, tasteful, but unexceptional. Safe and what you'd expect if you didn't eat out much. I'm just not sure that's a good thing.

For example, I ordered the wild boar tenderloin with a Gorgonzola and mustard sauce... which you'd think would be Crazy Flavorful(tm). But, instead, the sauce lacked both the pungency of Gorgonzola and the zing of good mustard. The boar was nice, but it didn't linger memorably like it should have.

Another example is the bread and olive oil that was served with the meal. The olive oil was nice, but it was hard to notice it through the doughy, undercooked tasting bread.

That said, I will mentioned that their beet and arugula salad was nice. And, I just had a glass of their house red, and it was quite good... a nice berry mouthful with a hint of white pepper. I'd definitely welcome another glass.

So, in short, if you are looking for some nice ambiance and a safe, quality meal, Volterra would be a good suggestion. I just don't know if you'll remember it a week later. And, for the money you'll spend, you should expect a memorable meal.

The Corson Building basically confirms something I've long suspected: The less choice I have when picking my meal, the better that meal is. If presented with an overstuffed menu and left to my own devices, I inevitably gravitate towards dishes that contain words like "lime," "spicy" or "chipotle." Which is fine, I suppose, but the dishes I pick are generally unexceptional and easily forgettable.

BUT, at those rare restaurants, like that Corson Building, where you just show up and are presented with whatever it is that the chef feels like serving you, the meals are generally amazing. Singular. Amazing. And unforgettable.

In fact, I would argue that the dinner that the wife and I experienced at the Corson Building was one of the Top 5 dinning experiences I've had in Seattle. (The others, if you want to know, would be the following: My 30th Birthday dinner at Marjorie, the second time I ate at Elemental, a five course sit-down lunch at Salumi's, and my 2nd Anniversary dinner at Crush).

If you are reading this review, you probably know a little about what this place is. It is Seattle chef, Matt Dillon's, new pet restaurant. They just do one seating a night (three family style tables of ten people each), and are actually only open just a couple nights a week. You generally need to make reservations a couple weeks in advance, and the pre fix  menu is created by Matt that day.

But, what a menu it is! Counting the appetizer served in the Corson building garden with bubbly, and the dessert four hours later, the meal we had was nine courses deep with paired wines along the way. Dishes ranged from sauteed vegetables to salt dried fish to braised meats and it was all excellent.

The ingredients skew towards local and seasonal, but its not just a localvore restaurant. The flavors had a distinctive Middle Eastern flair at times, but it's not a Middle Eastern restaurant. Instead it is a one of a kind experience that I can't recommend more.

Let me put on my Affected World Traveler Hat™ for a second here...

...oh, it's a little snug... there we go...

Anyhow! Since my wife and I went to India last year, we've been hesitant to go out to India food. It's not that everything we ate in India was amazing. In fact, while some of it was amazing, we actually had quite a bit of bad food. There's good food and bad food everywhere.

Instead, we've been hesitant to go to Indian restaurants in the States because most restaurants fail to accurately recreate the Indian dining experience. Most restaurants just hang some Indian printed fabric on the wall, play some traditional music at a tasteful volume, and maybe tuck a Ganesha statue in the corner. This is all pleasant, mind you. But, it's also not India.

With it's warehouse atmosphere, milling lines threatening to collapse into chaos at any moment, Indian patrons, blaring Bollywood music, plastic tables and chairs, shouting staff, paper plates and plastic utensils, Vik's Chaat is probably the closest experience I've had to eating in India outside of India, which made it a joy to discover on my last visit to the Bay Area. The only thing that was missing were the swarming flies and the samosas wrapped in day old Indian newspapers, but that's probably OK.

Oh, and the food is good. Really good. Cheap. Flavorful. Spicy when it needs to be. And not trying too hard. I really wish there was a comparable place in Seattle (where I live), my wife and I would eat a lot more Indian food if there was.

"Hey Tyler, let's go out and grab a drink!"

"I don't know. It's 10:45, and a Wednesday."

"I know, but we haven't hung out in, like, a year. And who knows when we will get to hang out again."

"Good point. You have convinced me that this idea is a good one."

1 shot of tequila, 2 pitchers of beer, a bowl of free peanuts, and only four hours of sleep later.... Ugh.

But, if you have to do something like stay up till 2 in the morning drinking beer with a college roommate on a Wednesday, the 9 LB Hammer is as good a place as any to do it. Good atmosphere, entertaining bartenders and comfy chairs... worked for me.

Bob really does have quality meats.

In fact, Bob's Quality Meats have helped turn an otherwise lack-luster summer into a memorable year for backyard grilling. The wife and I moved to Beacon Hill a couple months ago, and the pilgrimage down to this Columbia City butcher shop has since become a weekly ritual.

I mean, let's face it, the meat here is head and shoulders above what we were used to buying at Safeway or QFC. In fact, the other week, we had my parents over for a BBQ, and they proclaimed the pork chops we served to be the Best Pork Chops Ever™.

And, I know nothing about grilling. I just threw a little salt and pepper on. Grilled them 8 minutes per side... and still managed to wow my parents (who have something like a collective 120 years of pork chop eating experience between them).

And, a few weeks before that, we bought a rack of ribs. We grilled them for about two hours at a low heat, and then glazed them with BBQ sauce right at the end. Awe....some. Messy. But awesome.

So, to summarize: Quality meat. Best Pork Chops Ever™. Awesome ribs. Five stars. Yep.

Plus, Bob and his crew are really friendly and helpful. Willing to point out what's good and whats a good deal.

This has got to be the most depressing place in Seattle.

Have you seen the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano?" You know the office the Joe Banks works in at the beginning of that movie? With the lighting that sucking his soul? In comparison to the lighting and layout of this place, I think Joe had a positive work environment.

I left almost immediately after entering, having completely forgotten what I was looking for. But, with the strange desire to jump into a volcano.

Have you ever found yourself in that position where you know you want a new hairstyle, but don't really know WHAT you want that hairstyle to look like? Well, that's the position my wife found herself in after close to nine months of just letting her hair grow out.

The problem is, while this scenario is ideal if you want to be on a show like What Not To Wear, the typical hairstylist usually isn't too fond of working with such open ended instructions as: "Do whatever you want!"

But, that wasn't the case with Sher at RED.

Sher was overjoyed to get take on the challenge. And, frankly, I think she did a stellar job. In fact, she did such a good job that a week later I made an appointment with the same instructions.

And, again, Sher did a great job.

Now, as a male, I'm generally used to paying between $10 and $20 for a haircut. So, I was a little intimidated by the price tag, but let me let you other guys in on secret phrase: Free Bang and Neck Trims.

You see, after you get your haircut, you are able to come in one or two times over the next couple of months for free 15 minute clean up jobs on your haircut. I mean, those are free haircuts! So, instead of paying about $100 for one haircut, your really getting, say, two haircuts for $50 each. Or, maybe three of $33 each.

Heck, if you have a couple of beers, or glasses of wine or champagne while you there, and your really not paying much more than you would at Rudy's.

So, if you are thinking of changing up your style, I'd highly recommend giving Sher at RED at try. Just pop in next time you are walking by to make an appointment, she's the lady with the short blond hair in the window. She'll be happy to help you out!

EDIT: I went back recently for a haircut. Sher no longer works there. So, ignore, like, 50% of my review. Or something.