Shawn A.'s Profile

It doesn't happen often, but it happens.  The perfect dining experience.

And Apizz?  Well it delivered that.

From the atmosphere, which is a warm inviting decor accentuated by an open stove that warms the place and offers some most excellent mood lighting and delicious smells of roasting garlic - to the location, which is kind of in the middle of nowhere, which doesn't seem like it should be possible in New York, to the personable and friendly service, and then finally the food.

Yes, talking about the food is reason enough to end that run on sentence that was just glowing with an obscene amount of praise.  But the food?  That's another level.  My girlfriend ordered the meatball (no spaghetti required), which was an excellent blend of meats, spices and sauce... but even that dish, which warrants five stars on its own, pales in comparison to what I was served.  The Gnocchi con Ragu di Carne still haunts my dreams.  I've been wanting to give Gnocchi another go for a while now, and this dish just changed my whole perspective on the food.  It was light and airy as opposed to some of the heavier gnocchis I've eaten.  But the secret weapon was the honey- braised beef that was mixed in with the perfect tomato ragu.  Well, the shredded beef was amazing, but I guess calling it the secret weapon sells short the perfect balance of the dish.

Jeez... what have I just done to myself?  Just walking through that dish again has me salivating.

Apizz is a pricey proposition for dinner, but well worth every penny.  It's dining perfection, and I'll be back for seconds.

Never thought I'd say this... but I think I'm too good for this place.  

And you're talking to a guy who thinks Subway is an excellent lunch, and wanted nothing more than a Big Mac when he thought he was going to die. (True story.  Weird story.)

But yeah... between the signed pictures of out of date celebrities (that were out of date ten years ago), and standard diner items provided at below average quality for way above average prices, I'm going to have to say give this place a miss.  No matter what Ray Romano says.  (Or maybe especially because of Ray Romano).

It seems somewhat counterintuitive to go to a fancy little French Bistro for their burger, but my coworkers swore by it... and well... I can never say no to a burger.  (Ever)

The rest of the menu looked like it had some gems on it, but when the burger arrived... well... lets just say I was happy with my seemingly oddball choice.  

The cheddar.  The meat.  The bun.  The fries.  

All so good.  

These guys are open 24 hours a day, which is another seemingly weird twist at this restaurant.  But if their burger has taught me anything (AND IT'S TAUGHT ME SO MUCH!), its that I should just trust whatever Maison does.  

So next time I'm stumbling around midtown at 4 am (weirder things have happened...), there's a pretty good chance I'll check on my buddy the French Food Burger.

These guys know where it's at... with an excellent selection of lamb, lamb, and more lamb.  Sure, they have other stuff?  But why bother when you can choose from such an epic variety of lamb!  The kabobs were juicy and well seasoned, and the portions were epic and hearty.  Usually when you go for the lunch special, you go in knowing that the portions are going to be smaller.  Well jesus... I can't even imagine what the full sized portions must be like.  

Recommended if you're in the neighborhood... but you really shouldn't BE in the neighborhood.

Even on a Saturday night, this place was totally low key (read: empty)  But that was actually a nice surprise.  A decent bar with a great beer selection, that let you relax and have a conversation you can actually hear over pints of Sweet Action.  

It was just kind of weird not constantly having to yell over people, or deal with the lack of the never ending "huh?  what did you say?  ok, I can't hear you but I'm just going to nod and smile anyway.  huh?"

I keep a list of all the animals I've eaten.  I've traveled fairly extensively in some truly messed up parts of the world, so that list includes dog, horse, shark and donkey alongside the old standbys like chicken and cow.  

No joke.  

So something like Henry's End's Wild Game Festival... well... that's right up my alley.  The thought of adding Kangaroo and Reindeer to the list was just to awesome to pass up.  

But alas that was not to be.  Their game menu is, of course, subject to change and availability so neither Kangaroo Jack nor Rudolf were there for my dining pleasure.  

But I can say that Henry's End rose above my initial disappointment to provide me with a truly stellar meal.  We started with a Turtle Soup that I was dying to try.  I just NEEDED to know what Shredder was talking about for all those years on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  And now I totally get his need to kill a bunch of teenage turtles and eat them... because it was delicious!

Then, I went for the Elk Chops, which while not as exciting in theory as its red nosed cousin, turned out to be an amazing dish.  It came with a weird and uninspired vegetable medley that seemed like more of an after thought than anything, but the meat was cooked so damn well that it made up for crap veggies, and ALMOST made up for the missing meats on the menu.  I also got to try some Wild Boar Stew, Wild Boar Belly, and Venison Sausage.  All excellent.

I let myself get super excited, and then slight disappointed at Henry's End.  But then I got over it thanks to an excellent meal... and you can bet I'll be back.  But I'll be calling ahead.  You can't escape me forever Kangaroo!!

It's easy to hate on a place like Vynl.  It's kitschy, and gimmicky and kind of lame.  But it really embraces it, so you kind of have to just go with it and appreciate it.  I'm not sure if I should call it the poor man's Hard Rock Cafe, or the RICH man's Hard Rock Cafe - but it definitely loves its rock and roll decor either way.  From the menus made out of old LP covers (cool touch... no matter how much you want to pretend your better than this place, it's cool!), to the NKOTB doll display in the middle of the restaurant (umm.. less cool.  But more hilarious).  

And then there's the piece de resistance.  No, not the food (which is good.  Slightly overpriced, but tasty sandwiches abound complete with homemade potato chips).  No, I'm talking about the bathrooms.  Which are each themed after a particular artist.  I decided to grant my pee to the Elvis Bathroom, which featured an Elvis doll, and various memorabilia, as well as playing Elvis music, as opposed to whatever was going on outside.

Sure this place is lame, but it revels in it.  So just lighten up, feed yourself, mock it, then take a dump in the Dolly Parton bathroom.

Something tells me that if I were to say something along the lines of "Cherry Valley Deli has single handedly made sure that the obesity epidemic is alive and well in New York", the fine, fat folks at Cherry Valley would be more than just fine with it.  Maybe even proud.  

Their most famous offering is "The Beast", which on any other review I would leave to your imagination... but it necessitates further explanation due to the fact that you should know what you're getting into before your heart attack.  We're talking a chicken cutlet with bacon, swiss, ONION RINGS,  and brown gravy on a toasted garlic hero.  Yes, you read that all correctly... so go ahead and make your peace with whatever god you believe in (unless it's the god of grease, because then you've found him).

I'll admit that I wasn't man enough to tackle this... umm... beast, and settled for the "pathetic" Something Italian Hero.  And I got it without the salami to boot.  No onion rings on my sandwich?  No gravy? What's wrong with me??  What's next?  Get it on a roll instead of a hero?  I can snack on it then while I wait for my vasectomy.

While it's becoming increasingly clear to me that all wine bars seem to be named with some sort of horrible pun in mind, I have learned that they don't need to be horrible on the inside.  Unfortunately, that's not the case with Divine Bar, which most assuredly... sucks.

My most recent unfortunate Divine Bar experience was at a happy hour that I went to that boasted a buy one get one free special.  Nice!  That's the kind of deal that forces those who say "I'm only staying for one drink" to stay for longer... and get drunker.  But when that one drink costs twelve bucks... well holy hell, I had BETTER be getting two glasses of terrible house wine for that price.  If I was here on my own, without the deal, I would have walked out of there instantly.  Well, that's not entirely true... I probably never would have walked in to begin with.

Look, I can admit that I love Subway.  It's cheap, it's fast, it's easy, and it's pretty darn delicious.  But this Subway... located minutes from Times Square, is probably one of the worst restaurants I've ever stepped into.

First, there's the crowd.  You can't really hold that against the place.  It's popular, it's cheap, it attracts a horrible mix of midtown business people, and wide eyed tourists thinking this is their best bet at a good meal in the city.  But the servers... excuse me... "sandwich artists"... behind the counter are a mix of the most obnoxious and horrible people I've ever seen interact with customers.  

It may not be fair to generalize that all who work at this Subway are Satan's spawns, but what I saw makes a pretty convincing case.

See, they start taking your order while you're nowhere near the counter.  Every single step of your sandwich is handled by a different person, not the usual two to three.  "You want what bread?"  They yell at you even though you're not anywhere near them.  Then someone else puts your protein on, and if you want veggies, that's at least three different people.  They are yelling at customers, yelling at each other, and messing up orders left and right.  I stupidly asked for my sandwich toasted, but it was left in the oven for at least two full toastings, because no one behind the counter knew what was going on, and whose sandwich was whose.  

But that just meant I had to deal with semi-burnt bread... that was nothing compared to what I got to watch while I ate.  One guy, got yelled at for not paying enough attention while he was ordering because he had a headset in his ear, so he eventually just walked out.  Let me repeat this - a customer was being yelled at for not paying attention.  Not the other way around.  Another dude was given the totally wrong sandwich.  When he said that (in a calm manner that the employees did not deserve), he was ATTACKED with screams and shrieks (no joke) that everyone had heard him order the other sandwich, and that they do this for a living, and he doesn't know what he's talking about, and that he'll have to take the wrong sandwich.  

And then he did.

Excuse me, but there is no way in hell more than one person heard his order, let alone EVERYONE behind the counter.  

The people here are beyond terrible.  They couldn't care less about someone walking out, or getting the wrong thing because they are just making money hand over fist with the amount of people wandering in.

But if I can convince even just one person to avoid this place, then I've done my part.