Lolo M.'s Profile

S O motherfuckin S get me outta here! Unless my hotel room was the scene of a recent bloody crime, there is no reason for it to reek of bleach. A clorox hosedown on the cement floors does not a clean hotel room make. The crowd here is the type to eat cool ranch dorritos and bagels with cream cheese in the pool, rendering it unswimmable--totally unacceptable in 110 degree weather. In the morning, somebody hit the pool area with what else but more bleach and I, for the first time in my travel career, didn't yearn for a late checkout. P.S. If I die here it's either from inhaling bleach in my sleep or because the smoke alarm in our room, which had no battery, failed to alert me to danger. OR! Or! Maybe it's because the sad jazz/rock/Tracy chapman/Meatloaf mix by the pool made me jump. Wow, I'm getting upset. Maybe I should hop in the cold shower. Besides, there's no hot water anyway.
But hey, free continental breakfast and wine in the evening! You couldn't pay me in free bagels for life to come back here! I suggest they fix all the things that are unbearable about this place rather than make up for it in free sangria.
P.P.S. There are flies EVERYWHERE!

I would swim back to Kauai for the shredded pork here. Although I kind of wish it would just swim to me. Maybe they could put a burrito in a bowl in a bottle and send it my way?

If there's a way to whitewash whitewashed Cuban food, this is it.

I is for I take it back. I like their pizza. Even when it's burnt. And late. And cold.

you muhfuckers must be crazy. this spot ain't that good. for real.

Because I have a knack for burning out on new favorite places by showing up every day, I have to limit myself to once weekly visits at Tinga.

The cochinita pibil tacos have eradicated my hate for pork and I plan to eat between 2 and 4 of them every week for the rest of my life.

I haven't eaten the corn because I don't eat dairy but my boyfriend would've left me for it had it been human. At which point I would've probably really resented Tinga, so good thing corn is and always will be a starch, not a person.

Everything is made in house! Everything! So stop complaining that the tacos aren't basically free. They're reasonably priced and definitely worth it.

Griddle Cakes are my new religion.

Just cause I have to have them every Sunday and I can't wrap my mind around what makes them so great.

Amen.

Ever since becoming vegan I've realized that a.) nobody likes me and b.) there are tons of weird Thai-ish places that always have a selection of typical thai shit, a bunch of burgers, burritos and tacos, and, without a doubt, some sort of lentil loaf. Who knew?!

But you know what? Sometimes I'm at a Thai restaurant and at the last minute I think, shit! I want Mexican food. And lentils. I'm sure you can relate.

Of all the Thai/Mexi/Lentil joints out there in the world, this one ranks high on the delicious, satisfying, friendly, and clean scales. That's why I'm there between 3 and 11 times a week. On Average. No biggie.

Next time you decide to take THREE HOURS to deliver a pile of greasy beans and cold bullshit to someone who is less than five minutes away from your restaurant, and next time you decide to be rude on the phone, and next time you tell someone you will reverse the charges but then call back after 11pm to tell them you're charging them anyway cause they finally got the food, you better make sure it isn't a fucking food blogger. asshole.

$10 all you can eat brunch does not mean you HAVE to eat 6 pancakes, 4 lbs of tofu scramble and a kilo of tempeh bacon. I wish I knew that before I went.
Next time: Moderation.