Jim "Theatrephile" L.'s Profile

I love Japanese game shows. There I said it.

One great way to relax to some celluloid candy is to sit back and watch a really engaging episode of Majine! Crazy American dudes in crazy foam costumes sucking up a body's weight full of some Kool-aid looking crap, running across a chocolate river, over movable softballs and through some door which my or my not open, which may or may not have chickens behind them, only to squeeze out the Kool-aid from said costume into a pitcher the size of my foot? Heaven!

OK. So, I am not on the next flight to Tokyo to participate in the contest, but I CAN go to DK's sushi on Monday night and get some of that celluloid candy in 3-D.

"One...two...three... SAKE BOMB!!!!" yells the half-cocked karaoke host who will gong your ass if you choose to sing a song and consequently suck at it. Even if you do suck, you still get the free sake bomb, and the host will down one with you. While I ate, I watched him suck through about a dozen... not lying!

So this host will corner you with insults ("Hey, here we have our next singer, this gay porn looking guy." "Or, this lady with the big knockers!"

It's hysterical.

My advice is to take this experience as lightly as you can. For instance, don't sing the actual lyrics to Piano Man. In this venue, you just look boring. Rather, make up some fractured lyrics, and you will gain everyone's favor, not get gonged, not be called the "gay porn looking guy" and get your free sake bomb.

I know what you are thinking: "All this atmosphere must mean there is bad food, right?" Uh... no. The tempura was perfectly breaded, fried and sauced. The agadashi -- succulent.

My father-in-law usually does not like the restaurants I pick because I am not a truck driver, and I say things to waitresses such as "How are you today? I really like your blouse," while he says, "Aren't you coming to my house later to celebrate my birthday? I'll be wearing my birthday suit.  Heh Heh Heh!" But this place he will LOVE because it has all this entertainment and X-rated porn showing on the karaoke screens.

After 14 years, he may begin to like me yet!

Now say it with me... "ONE...TWO...THREE! SAKE BOMB!"

La Condessa wowed me. Never been there before, and had a really nice chat with the hostess who informed us that the restaurant is the greenest in Austin -- recycled building materials, etc. I was really inspired by the north wall of the bar - broken slabs of cinder block created art nooks, in which the house places candles within. Very ambient. Very sexy. So I am designing a wall in my new house after this inspiration.

I am definitely going to return to enjoy the full La Condessa experience. Look like it could be a new fave. (Move over East Side Cafe!)

Naturally, I am supposed to review the drinks, right?

The Enlightened Austin Martini was a real treat. Sweet, tangy, and colorful, this girly drink featured watermelon and lemon flavors and made me feel very Norma Desmond. (Well, maybe Carol Burnett doing Norma Desmond).

We headed north (toward Dallas) to the Roaring Fork, the landing place of the the big wigs and heavy hitters. It was fairly quiet in the bar, but the Yanks were playing (and won - ha! In your face, Aimee C.), so our private oasis at the bar was well received. The Blackberry madras was not only tasty, but it comes out of cotton with just a bit of club soda and some pre-treated soap before washing. So it was tasty, and made clean-up easy.

Off the bar menu, I would also recommend the lamp chops, which is served with three lollipops and a fondue set. The cheese sauce was creamy and full of flavor (and butter, and oil, and cheese, of course! ). Very tasty and something I would seek out again upon my next visit.

Looking forward to Tuesday at Yelp Drinks!

A divine weekend celebrating a good friend's 40th.. his wish? to take a bunch of pals and traverse to the standard in Miami. We really hit a home run. For $189 a night we enjoyed an upgraded patio room with semi private sitting area, and all of the wonderful amenities that were not up charges:

*Turkish baths
*sauna
*steam room
*the Haman (hot marble wet room
*fabulous pool
*cool water dipping tub
*hot waterfall
*continental breakfast

I dropped one star for the weird breakfast. Typically, the continental is a nice spread in the library, but on the weekends, they do the same menu as table service. In so doing, we go charged for some items that would have been on the continental buffet anyway. In addition, the service was slow all around.

For $17, I am going to try one ashtanga yoga class in a few hours. Awesome!

A cool beer on a fall day, says I.
That's the way I like to fly.

Take in a movie, then
Meet up with friends
And take paper to pen.

Slap on my elite name tag,
Watch dizzy washers
While some folks slightly gag.

Photos with unique frames
"Can you flash some guys?"
The photographer proclaims.

Nuveau pizza, a nice cold brew
A lunchbox
A button
A Yelp stick, too!

That's what you got at Liberty today.
Better rewards than merit pay.

I write this review at my puniest state after having vomited my guts for the four hours, which followed my unfortunate indulgence.   Instead of eating gross airplane food, I opted for a calzone from Familglia thinking it was a safer bet. The spinach and cheese filled product was not heated through all that much, and about three quarters of the way through, something compelled me to stop.

About half way though the flight to New York, I realized why I was so compelled. Food poisoning.

I ralphed at 30,000 feet a few times and nearly passed out from the experience. The spinach and cheese was certainly the culprit. Did you know that the bacteria that forms on milk products can be a serious health risk? I did, but I still ate the darn thing.

I almost made it to baggage claim but chucked up my guts a little more in the hallway of Newark airport. After a not so settling cab ride to my hotel, I barely paid the fare when the cabbie said. "Hey Meester, you sick?"

The most unfortunate incident happened just then (Oh yes, there was more unfortunateness.). My boss and two colleagues were outside the hotel hanging out when they saw me as they never had before. The guy who never says die was dying.

I think I checked myself in. It was all pretty hazy at this point. I have great colleagues who saw me to my room, which helped out because I could not possibly let the elevator off without christening its floor.

The final purge came when I entered my room and my friends so gingerly rolled back the comforter on my bed, put my bags down and waited for me to stop making such a violent racket in the john. The cheese and spinach was gone after that. However, the fever and chills came quickly thereafter. We were about one degree short of urgent care.

So the big business trip to NY was a bit of a wash as I was in bed for most of it.

I have to put Famiglia in the "You are Kidding me with this, right" list.

Also, as a fellow Italian, I am placing a curse on the owner's family.

Since writing the last review of Vinoteca Poscol, I have fashioned this restaurant six times. I am saddened when Kjuana is not working because she made such an impression last time.

This week the salumi special was pheasant and black truffle, which was like eating a stick of butter - smooth and creamy with a fabulous, light flavor.

The celery root and horseradish salad with apple has become a standard for me - spicy yet light. Great flavor!

For more specific info, read the first review and try this place. You'll enjoy.

Lovely lovely lovely! A real South Austin Gem, Buenos Aires plates up some scrumptious fare that will challenge and inspire. We started with a slit spinach salad, which was a perfect blend of tangy dressing and sour blue cheese. The waitress was happy to let us share a special entree - broiled red snapper, shrimp tamale, and two gulf shrimp and asparagus - all delish! We also tried a couple of the empanadas - one with spinach and cheese, the other with beef. The spicy sauce that accompanied the beef one proved quite the yum fest on the veggie panada as well.

Carb loaders that we are, we went to two desserts - quatros leches cake with a milky caramel sauce. I almost wept, it was so good. The other was a quince tart -- reminiscent of fall in New England, with tropical scents of coconut and a perfect lattice topping. Awesome.

We chose the wrong wine - a rather grapefruity summer savingnon that felt a little "July" for us, but that was our own damn fault.

Add parking right in front and a table in five minutes, and you have yourself a perfect al fresco dinner experience.

In a word...good! Rather lovely atmosphere, but when I eat there the next time I would rather sit in either one of the terraces or the front bar area. The main room in the restaurant was Tuscan winery meets Aspen ski lodge, which means it was large and warm.

There were two issues: no separate checks allowed. What is this 1985? You would think that with advanced technology, the computer system would allow for that. I can not remember the last time someone denied a separate check request. The second was that there was a lovely three-course pre-fix menu. Since I felt it was too much food for me, I asked if I could order some items from the tasting menu but be charged a-la-carte. The answer was no. Again, why? Don't you want to sell what you are serving?

I opted for a green salad, which was fine - $8. As an entree, I ordered an appetizer of fried fish -- shrimp (2), fish (2 fingerling pieces), and calamari (14 pounds). For $14, I think it was the best value, sine there was so much. So, some advice. If you are looking to split an appetizer with three or four others, choose the fish frittes, since it's "family style" portioning.

Wines by the glass were extensive and reds are traditionally served slightly chilled, which was nice...classy.

Joey, our waiter, was very nice, attentive, and I would ask for him again when I return.

At some point, geniuses sat around a big table and came up with these ideas:

1. We want musicals or Shakespeare outdoors.
2.  We should do this in Texas.
3. Let's be sure it's during the summer.
4. Add a picnic, and we are done with this meeting!

Hmmm.  Seem suspect.  Live theatre, outdoors, in the Texas summer heat.  I am not so sure it was the best-hatched plan.

But then again, Zilker Summer Musicals rolls out the red carpet for all Austinites, puts on a commendable show, and does not charge them a dime.  So, what's a little heat?

Some may balk at the venue - complete with its own bugs, but it's a super family event.  Our nieces loved The Music Man and adored getting autographs.  So, High School Musical was out of their minds for a few hours, which we appreciate.

And you have to hand it to the 30 + actors who love their craft so much that they are wiling to wear period costumes, sweat like hell, and still perform.  So, the next time we say, Jeez, it's hot tonight, we say, "Well, we could be hotter.  We could be performing!"

How dare you think I would ever grace the doorway of a McDonald's or Burger King unless I was using their otherwise clean restroom while on a road trip?

How dare you think I would poison by body (referred to as svelte the other day - I was waiting for that compliment for a year!) with such bad food?

How dare you think I would breathe the dirty, greasy air of a fast food burger joint unless I was in the cast of Grease (again)?

You see, what you would have to do is actually build a restaurant that looks groovy but not like a corporate wonk designed it, that would have simple yet nutritious choices (http://www.pterrys.com...) and have a reasonable price that did not get up there like a big ol' $12 burger at a health food store.

Oh, wait. P Terry's actually does that.

I am so sorry, P Terry's. I have been living in Austin for almost three years, and I cynically plopped your concept into the category of the restaurant serpents (McD's, et. al.) when I should have been eating your chicken burgers. I pidgeon-holed you! Shame on me for not taking in more of your simple yet tasty veggie burgers and hand-cut, no trans fat fries. How could I be so prejudiced?

Now I am going to church to confess.

Well, I did kind of do that in this review. I guess I will just head on over to your store and tell you myself.