Candy "Boom Boom" C.'s Profile

STAY AWAY!!! I went to this place yesterday to fill my tank.  A toothless gentleman offered to clean my windows.  I politely told him no thanks.  He would not leave me alone and he kept telling me I was beautiful and asking me if I was married and for my number.  He got in my personal space and really pissed me off, so I only filled my tank halfway so I could get the hell out of there.  I waited and waited for a receipt, but none came out, so I got in my car quickly after making a mental note that my total was $26 and some odd change.  Today I checked my checking account online and saw that Chevron charged me $92.50.  WTF??? So I called my credit union and they had to block my debit card, so I now I have to wait 7-10 business days for a new one.  The teller advised me to call the Chevron station.  The clerk told me I was not the only one who that happened to and that "If you pay outside we can't control it.  You have to call your bank."  Well...fuck you.

This was my second visit to a Crunch Fitness, and I really wish we had one in San Leandro! I visited a Crunch in LA about two years ago to take yoga with my friend and it was fantastic.  So I decided to visit the New Montgomery location and take the Friday 6pm Happy Hour Hatha class.  

The front desk attendant was friendly and cute.  Looks are important to me because if a troll had welcomed me to Crunch, I may have fallen into a depression.  I have very sensitive eyes and can't tolerate looking at anything unattractive.  He was also helpful--he advised me to get to the yoga studio 15 minutes early because that particular class is so popular.  

The locker rooms were clean and well-stocked with the "extras" that make the difference between a gym and a club--q-tips, cotton balls, mouthwash, hairspray, etc.  My breath already smelled like mint and happiness, but I gargled anyway, because it was free.

I got there early enough to get in some cardio on an upper floor where I caught a great view of the amenities below.  They have everything I need.  Besides weights, they have medicine balls, kettle balls, punching bags, everything! And some of the cardio equipment have individual tvs on them so you can watch whatever you want.  

The yoga studio was clean and serene. I used to practice Ashtanga yoga on a regular basis, but I moved too far from my old club, so I don't practice yoga as much as I used to.  I have been doing nothing but weights and cardio and I was so overdue for some yoga.  Happy Hour Hatha was just what I needed! The class was challenging and fun and I enjoyed his choice of music.  It was the perfect combination of strength and stretching and my abs were sore for a few days after.

Here's the deal--I am a busy comedienne (you may have seen me on NBC's Last Comic Standing or at the Brain Wash), so obviously my hair is very important to me.  I can't trust it to just anyone.  I can't! But Julie Rinella earned my trust with her vision, attention to detail, and knowledge.  

When I place my perfectly sculpted ass in Julie's very capable chair, she always asks, "What do we want to do today?" And I answer, "No, Julie.  What do YOU want me to want us to do today? And you know what? She tells me what I wants and then she does it.  And then I pay and make another appointment.  (Hair grows.)

I want to let everyone know that Julie is amazing! Not only does she cut my hair but she also cuts ME.

Finally a business that reflects MY beliefs! I can't tell you how many times I've walked into an establishment, minding my own business, when some cheerful employee greets me with a smile and asks me how I am.  How am I? HOW AM I? How do you think I am? Mind your own goddamn business and leave me the hell alone until I summon you.

Well, let me tell you, when I walk into my local post office NOBODY gets up in my business.  They don't even acknowledge me.  Sometime I wonder if someone tipped them off about my "no eye contact" rule.  

I respect that the postal workers in San Leandro don't succumb to any preconceived idea that they should serve customers quickly or efficiently.  They take their time with each customer, as if savoring their time with us...it makes the long wait in line worth it.  And I can't help but chuckle to myself when there is only one employee working on a line out the door, and another joins her only to handle pick ups.  

If you need to get in and out of the post office, drive to Castro Valley.  If you need an uncomfortably hot, hostile environment to check your messages, write your grocery list, or perhaps read "War and Peace" while standing, get your silly ass over to the 14th Street San Leandro post office.

The staff was sooooo helpful, the clothing and accessories were to die for....I got a new belly ring and when I got home, the dangly part fell off.  I checked my receipt and it said, "All sales are final."  So what would have been a five star review is now a three star review, because I am sporting broken bling on my navel and can't get my money back or even exchange it.  :(

I can't believe no one has reviewed this place....I had the best shopping experience here and spent more on one shopping trip than I ever had in my life--but that's a good thing.  

As I window-shopped at the Miracle Mile, I spotted Metropark (which I'd never been in before) and thought I'd continue to window-shop.  James asked me if I needed help and what style I like...he started a room for me and gave me clothes to try on.  I normally wouldn't have picked out most of the pieces he gave me, like the True Religion jeans, and the Frankie B. cut-offs, but I loved 99% of his suggestions and did NOT end up buying half of my picks.  What I'm trying to say is I don't know how to dress, but James knows what's best for me!

Even though I was tired from getting up at 5:45am to co-host "Ben Feldman Presents: Ben Feldman's the Ben Feldman Show with Candy Churilla & Microphones" on Pirate Cat Radio, I went to Popi Lounge specifically for the karaoke on Tuesday at the urging of Jeff Mosley, director of documentary "Comedy Ain't For the Money," which I appeared in all too briefly, yet memorably.  Anyhoo, I want to commend Ed Tracey on his hosting skills.  Tracey brings a childlike playfulness to the rather serious art form of karaoke that I feel is lacking in most bars.  From his off-color comments to his donning of fake hillbilly teeth, Tracey not only puts the more timid singers at ease, but tickles the funny bones of us more seasoned entertainers.  

I plan to return to Popi with my back-up singers.

They no longer have comedy there.

When Pat and Barry Katzmann asked me to perform in the inaugural BARBARY COAST COMEDY show, I thought, "Goodness...if I'm out too late on a Monday night, I won't get enough rest for my Tuesday morning radio show on Pirate Cat Radio--Ben Feldman Presents Ben Feldman's the Ben Feldman Show with Candy Churilla and Microphones.  It's not easy doing a show from 8-10am every Tuesday."  But I love Pat and Barry and I reminded myself that Pirate Cat Radio & Cafe serves the best lattes this side of the Mississippi and I shall sleep when I'm dead.  You see, I'm a giver.  

When I walked into the Blue Macaw, I frowned, disappointed.  I turned to my date and complained, "I remember when this place was 12 Galaxies and smelled like piss.  I come to the Mission for three things and three things only: burritos, crack, and the smell of urine.  I can't work like this.  If I don't have a drink in my hand in five minutes, I WON'T be very pleasant to be around."  

My manfriend promptly ordered us drinks from the bartender.  This gentleman had the disposition of a lark on May morning.  

Then the show began.  I, of course, had a brilliant set.  Pat and Barry booked more insanely talented comics for this show than you can shake a stick at.  I know this, because I brought a stick, shook it at all the comics, and seriously fatigued my arm muscles.  

If you enjoy classy decor, quality comedy and excellent service, go to the Blue Macaw on a Monday nights.  If you enjoy the smell of urine, bring your own.  

Love,
Candy "Puddles" Churilla

What a gem of a location! What first struck me about the room was the creative use of mylar behind the stage.  What struck me secondly was the level of talent gracing the stage--I'm referring to me.  When I took the mic and spewed my special brand of barn yard comedy, there was not a dry seat in the house.  Other comics may have performed, but I can't be sure...I went straight to the ladies room after my set to apply more make-up.

I highly recommend checking it out on July 7th when I will once again bless the venue with my presence.

What the hell are people bitching about? I went to Club 1220 last night and had a great time! The bartenders were friendly, I got tipsy, the restroom was clean....what the hell else do you want?

By the way, I'm producing a stand-up comedy show there on July 26th.  If you don't come out and see it, you're gay!!!