Ana "Food Fanatic" T.'s Profile

To all my frozen yogurt loving homies, can I get a fro-YO? Fro-yo!

City Yogurt has some supadupa self serve fro-yo. I was going in there like every other day to get myself a Non Fat Belgian Chocolate with cushy bits of powdered-sugar-covered brownies. Unfortunately, they discontinued those wonderful brownies and replaced them with crumbly ones *sad face*. Therefore, my new bestie at City Yogurt is a tangy Non Fat California Tart with some almost-fresh oreo crumbs sprinkled on top.

By the way, since they have non fat frozen yogurts, we healthies can feel good about getting toppings like oreos and brownies. Still, it's fairly easy to stay healthy at this joint, what with their fresh fruit toppings and all.

Other than that, the place is clean with free wifi. I wouldn't exactly say it's hopping, but I think there's an easy fix if they reconsider the interior a little - make it comfy and chill-worthy for groups. We fro-yo lovers need a reason to hang out longer. Besides, the longer we stay, the more we try and the more we buy. Right?

Anyway, 43 cents an ounce is not a bad deal, really it's a steal. And I hear they will be offering delicious peach smoothies soon (I got to sample one yesterday afternoon). Oops, I broke out in rhyme . . . eh, it's about time!

So can I get a fro-YO? Fro-YO!

Story of a Wood Fired Chicken

Once upon a warm, sunny March day, two ravenous monkeys entered the Jungle of Pita. The two monkeys were under the impression that this jungle only offered pita dishes, a notion that was quickly proved to be a myth as each monkey ordered a wrap of sorts. As the two monkeys regretfully chowed down on their mediocre wraps, each caught a glimpse of a most uplifting . . . chicken. Yes, a chicken. A wonderfully massive Wood Fired Chicken, mounted upon a bed of mashed potatoes, floating by to another monkey's tree. Mouths sputtering water, the monkeys finished their meal and agreed to help themselves to this attractive chicken next time.

Once upon another warm, sunny March day, the same two ravenous monkeys entered the Jungle of Pita and each ordered a fine-looking Wood Fired Chicken. Anticipation knocked on their trees as they waited. Finally, the stunning chicken arrived. The monkeys ravaged each bite of their outstanding meal, which contained a blend of seasoned spinach, mashed potatoes, and juicy chicken - all soaked in a citrusy tomato sauce. Oh glorious day, that day they reveled in the glorious Wood Fired Chicken. Even though the portion was huge, each monkey licked their plate clean and swore they would return again for the Wood Fired Chicken, because that's where it's at in the Jungle of Pita.

(conveyor belt of sushi rolling by)

LAS VEGAS ROLL:  Check. Me. Out. Baby. I'm tantalizing. I've got some BBQ eel, masago for real, and a cream cheese seal. Deep fried, hun. Find me on a purple plate. And. Don't be intimidated by my crab stick's weight. Pick, me, up, for my three dolla rate.

(more sushi rolling by)

TATUM ROLL:  Ooooh. Pick me! Pick me! I'm kinda sorta spicy. Try me and you will see. Crawfish. Crabstick. Avoca-DOH. I'm really super artsy. I'm really super pretty. I'm really super tasty. Try me if you're gutsy.

CATERPILLAR ROLL:  Fresh green, fresh green. I'm pretty much the queen. My sliced avocado is the best I've ever seen. Cute sauce, cute sauce. With colors like a boss. If you don't get me, it will be your loss.

(wasabi kicking in)

WASABI:  I. Am. Strong. I'll give you a high. A tingle in your nose then a tear in your eye. Sinuses, goodbye. By the end of your meal, I will hear you sigh.

(small bowls of ice cream appear)

ICE CREAM:  Heeeeey. Did someone my name? Say you saw I'm free and no charge you'll be to blame. Just be sure to eat me with no shame.

(check rolls in)

CHECK:  Best part is, that this new biz, is cheap for it's wiz. Eight dollars, Ms.

Meat Lover's Flat Bread:
Juicy taste to be fed
Like a fix from a med
Satisfies my redhead.

Big-bite Waffle Fries:
Side order I advise
Getting it would be wise
Top-notch fries? It complies.

Seasoned Shrimp Flat Bread:
Burnt edges make it dead
Lack of flavor that I dread
Get the Lamb Chops instead.

Fat Burger is real nice:
Seasoned well with lots of spice
I would eat it trice times trice
Def...a culinary vice.

Service is really slow:
Inattention has to go
Staff's distracted, you should know
Needs to get a better flow.

Lamb Chops are the best:
Chimichurri? I'm impressed.
Super flavor, I attest.
Tender goodness, I'm obsessed.

Holy freaking YES . . . fist pulling with excitement . . . yes, yes, yes. I found the one. Lucky Queen Creek, Arizona. The place goes by the name of (drumroll, please) Golden Harvest. Real. Good. Authentic. Chinese. Love. Love. Love. Love.

Care for a Yum Check?
Cashew Chicken: yum.
Sweet and Sour Chicken: yum.
Dumplings: YUM.
Kung Pao Chicken: YUM.
Orange Chicken: YUM!!!!

Thank god there's a delicious Chinese restaurant in AZ.

Humble Pie? Fumble Pie? Or Tumble Pie? Let me break it down. I ordered the wood fired S.O.P. Pizza. It was comparable to a superficial woman. How can you compare a pizza to a superficial woman, you ask? Well, let's see . . . it looked good on the surface, but every additional piece that made it look good had to come off eventually. For instance, as I picked up the pizza (woman), all the toppings (accessories) tumbled off. The red peppers (painted nails) fell off, the caramelized onions (long eyelashes) fell off, the sausage (stuffed chest) fell off, and even the mozzarella / ricotta cheese (wig) fell off. The lack of toppings (accessories) then exposed the fired dough (tanned body), with a crust (buttocks) that underwent an extensive crustosuction (liposuction), to remove the access fluffy dough (fat), which then left an airy (built) crust (buttocks). Why then did I give "Humble" Pie four stars? Because in the same way that a superficial woman can be attractive, the S.O.P. Pizza was flavorful. The challenge was eating it topping by topping with a fork, instead of with my hands like a pizza. Furthermore, the service was quite chipper, and that lunch pizza came with a 5-star Chopped Salad (naturally hot best friend). I guiltily fell in love with it. I could only revel in the wonderfully balanced blend of turkey, salami, tomatoes, and mozzarella, with just enough herb vinaigrette (makeup) to accentuate its flavor (beauty).

Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. This place needs a colossal amount of love. Why did I let myself be swayed by the 4-star average? Why oh why did I encourage my colleagues to join me in eating here? There was nowhere to sit comfortably. The "best seat in the house" is located next to a disturbingly noisy TV and radio. The Pad Thai is fine enough, I guess. Man, it's juicy noodles looked great. It's the chicken that cleared my appetite. It had this awfully gamey taste, sort of unclean and offal-like. I kept trying to disguise the flavor by continuously squeezing lime over the dish. And poor old Edamame was sad, while Potstickers needed some real affection. You know, the people who work here seem very nice, and for their sake I hope they step it up a big fat notch. Noodle & Rice, it's time for an extreme makeover.

Welcome to Asian Island, home of some of the best Chinese take-out in Tucson--uh, I mean, home of some of the really good Chinese take-out in Phoenix. For SEVEN MONTHS, I have been deprived of fan-worthy Chinese food. Good grief. T-Town should come with a disclaimer: "The city of Tucson lacks 4 and 5-star Chinese restaurants." I've been hunting around for a while now, and then on my first attempt at Chinese in Phoenix, I experience a satisfying victory.

For Americanized Chinese food, this place is freaking good. They have $8 dinner combos for the win, which come with a super-portioned dish, a spring roll, and two crab cakes. The crab cakes are delicately formed as bite-size pieces of art, with crisp upward facing wings. Fresh-fried bites of love with a comforting, creamy, white inside. The spring rolls are likewise fresh-fried. They have a juicy inside and a wonderfully flaky outside. Mm. And the General Tsao's is (a) huge, HUGE (portion) - too much for one person, even if said person has a hefty appetite. It's not as saucy as hubs prefers, but it sure is tasteful. Like so many other places, the chicken is tenderly excellent, while it's breading is slightly too saturated (missing the crispy oomph).

I especially appreciate Asian Island's transparent kitchen wall, which allows guests to peek in while the cooks do their thang. So get on in there and watch how they fresh-fry all their shtuff.

Hurry, hurry, hurry. We have to get there in time. We have to make it. How long is the hike? I don't know, I don't know. Well, HURRY.

Two seconds later. [1]

We're early. It's cold. Where is he? Show your face, SUN. Ope, here he comes. Where? He's peeking out from behind the mountain skyline. He's peeking out from behind the east-facing Great Wall of . . . Rock. Black silhouettes. White light. Camera out. Look, there's a piece of pottery. A giant piece of art. Smooth rock. Cantilevered forms. Climb up. Higher, higher. He's out. The sun is out. White light. White lights. His rays are full of warm love. Click, click, click. Shutter sounds. Ah, beauty captured [2]. Relax. Headphones on. "The Woods" by Bon Iver. Meditate. Soak in the sun. Soak in the depth of the skyline's colors from atop the giant piece of pottery. Surreal.

[1] An exaggeration. Let's call it, twentyish minutes (to the vista), thirty if you're slow. You won't even work up a sweat.
[2] Go for sunrise when the sun looks handsome.

Life is good, mamma. Thanks to Corey D, I took an EATING trip through five Italian regions via Zona 78. Oh sì, la vita è buona.

Decked out in my cupcake-patterned apron, I ventured into VENETO, ITALIA, where I witnessed a salty Prosciutto making love to a cushy Brie Flatbread. I couldn't resist taking a bite of that action, and when I did, the sweet apple chutney filled my mouth with a burst of tang. It's a good thing Manager James quickly refreshed my glass with Il Cortigiano Prosecco, because it happily signed the papers to an apple-flavored marriage. Sì, la vita è buona.

I soon ate my way over to PIEDMONT, ITALIA, where I met Squid Ink Agnolotti. I took turns with Michael F as we each grabbed seconds, and then thirds (proof to Rick that it was well worth the two hours it took to make). Mamma, it's creamy insides spilled out with each bite, and once that truffle cream sauce hit my tongue . . . I died . . . of pleasure. Luckily, the fine Paitin Barbera di Alba brought me back to life with its dark fruits. La vita è buona.

So I drank my way into ABRUZZO, ITALIA where I devoured several slices of Salsiccia Pizza, and babbled on with Charmaine T about the delightful ricotta and mozzarella. Tang, tang. All the while, my beard net-covered, bread-loving hubs raved about the softish crust. The pizza was thin and flat, almost nonexistent, which made it vital to savor every bite. The meat on it was light, yet flavorful, the tomatoes juicing out, the greens adding a hint of fresh. La vita è buona, mamma, especially with that Capestrano Multipuciano.

As I chatted about books of love with Amanda D, TUSCANY, ITALIA flew in with some sassy rosemary potatoes. Its tender Flatiron Steak had a salty seasoned flavor on a crispy outside, and a holistic meaty taste on a tender inside. I was delirious. And the sweet-like-candy Caburnio Blended Red only encouraged that delirium. I'm just glad the waiters were happy to replace my wine glass each time it disappeared from my hands. Oh sì, la vita è buona.

When I reached EMILIA ROMAGNA, ITALIA, I was surprised to learn that 17 ingredients were used in the Rigatoni Bolognese. Red sauce and meat punched through the holes of the Rigatoni causing my stomach to release a series of purrs (sounds I hope Heather M, Joyce C and Gary C were unable to hear over our talk of juicing). Regardless, I'll have you know, la vita è buona a Zona 78.