Brandon C.'s Profile

I have a love-hate relationship.  

Love:

INA GARTEN and her fun catchphrases "How easy was that?" "How bad could that be?" "My friend Miguel offered to set the table and I just know it's going to be GORGEOUS!" "Two tablespoons of GOOD vanilla extract." "I sent Jeffrey to the store to pick up (insert generic vegetable name), I hope he can handle it!" (For a more detailed review on Ina...http://www.yelp.com/user_details_review_sear ch?userid=UV9waKPxiEt5SAsx73s-Pg&q=barefoot+contes sa)

GIADA DE LAURENTIIS with her gigantic head, ample cleavage, and her over-pronunciation of Italian foods, e.g. Spa-GAY-tee, Pan-CHAY-ta, etc.

PAULA DEEN is just a heart attack waiting to happen.  I'm liking her less, as I feel like she's gone down the road of Food Network sell out.

SANDRA LEE.  You thought Giada's chichis were about to pop out, check out Sandra Lee.  Quite possibly the most useless piece of programming on the net.  Yet, still fabulous. http://www.tvgasm.com/...

TYLER FLORENCE on Food 911, wow it's amazing how this guy can be so adorable, and such an asshole at the same time.  Love me some Food 911!

DAVE LIEBERMAN and I are getting married.  End of story.

Hate: (in ascending order of hatred)

ALTON BROWN. People always tell me to watch his show, but he irritates me.

BOBBY FLAY.  What's with the cocky attitude?  Why are you an iron chef?  Do you have a lisp?  It sounds like a lisp.

EMERIL.

RACHAEL RAY.  Quite possibly the most annoying person ever!  Her recipes and catchphrases are just awful.  I'd rather go be locked in a alcohol/cocaine-free room with Britney, Lindsay, and Paris!

Oh and Anthony Bourdain, WTF?  Food Network's loss is Travel Channel's gain.

The store may be closed, but the website is up and running!  Take a peek into the world of Ina Garten... The Hamptons, dinner parties of varying size and venues, drives in German convertibles, 18th century barn restorations, a parade of gay men through her house, and an undying desire to feed her husband Jeffrey!

Ina Garten is an amazing person.  From her days as a budget analyst in the Ford White House, to D.C. real estate flipper (you go girl), to creator of the Barefoot Contessa Empire.  I'd like to see an Iron Chef contest between Ina and a certain annoying NYer (cough: Rachael Ray).  I can just picture Rachael Ray saying EVOO for the last time as Ina smacks her with a wooden spoon and commands Miguel to tie her up with the lace he's using to set the table with.  That would be awesome.

EAT AT MOZZA, AND THEY'LL TREAT YOU LIKE AN ASS.  B/C THAT'S ALL YOU ARE, AN ASS IN THE CHAIR.

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Update 8/15/07:  My overcharge has finally been credited back to my account!  But two weeks later?  Come on!  And the General Manager never returned my phone calls, I was always given an excuse like, "he's in a meeting," or "it's business hours."  Um...when should I call then, when I am home curled up in bed?  I finally emailed the GM yesterday and copied Nancy Silverton.  Bam, response in 22 minutes.  But did he even read my email?  His moronic reply did not even address any of the questions I asked him.

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Update 8/8/07:  Note to Mozza Management: When a customer calls in because you have overcharged him, FIX THE PROBLEM IMMEDIATELY.  Don't make accuse him of doing something wrong, and don't use that snarky "I'm a hostess turned assistant manager of a hot new restaurant!"   Also, don't lie to the customer and tell him that you credited his account back.  The customer can call his bank and verify this.  When the customer asks to speak to the GM, don't say that he can't speak to the upset customer because it's their business hours.  I took time out of MY business hours to correct a mistake Mozza staff made.  I wouldn't recommend this place to anyone based on how they handled (or should I say did not handle) this situation.  Oh and the food isn't THAT good.

Phone conversation from back in my days as an assistant...

Me: Um hi, I have to messenger something over, what's your address?

Underpaid Agency Asst: You work at Fox and you don't know our address?

Me: Ummmm, no?

Underpaid Agency Asst: How can you work at Fox and not know CAA's address?  Everyone in town knows CAA's address.

Me: Well I fucking don't that's why I'm calling, you dumb fuck piece of shit.

Woohoo, welcome to the neighorhood CAA, we love having you here! (thinly veiled sarcasm)

Eleven is the place for Ritalin-addled people who like visual stimulus without much logic or substance.

Confused.  There is A LOT going on here.  Trying too hard?  Perhaps.  I'll give it some time to hit its stride, but I am not rushing back any time soon.  So is this place a supper club?  Yeah I guess so, they serve food.  Tuna tartare is made with low quality tuna and drowning in a spicy aoli.  Kinda gross.  But I didn't come to eat, I came to imbibe.  And let me tell you: that is NOT an easy thing to do.  I walked to the bar, where there were three bartenders and one bar back.  All were very good-looking, and I liked the ratio of 4 bar staff for the 7 people at the bar.  Obviously the good looks are the only things that the bartenders have going for themselves.  15 minutes to get my gimlet.  15 MINUTES!  And it was served in a pint glass with about a 1:1 ratio of gin to lime juice.  It tasted like spiked limeade and left my stomach a fiery cauldron of gastrointestinal devastation.

But hey, the lighting is really good in there!  Other than that, there are a lot of accoutrement, plasma screens everywhere (is this a sports bar), little waitresses running around in little gold dresses (fun), and a unisex bathroom (so 10 years ago!).  Even Gisele Bundchen would find the bathroom lighting terrifying and if you are going to do unisex, at least be creative and have fun with it.  You walk in here and see a bunch of stalls and wonder if you accidentally walked into the women's room.  Toilets are scary aluminum prison / national park bathroom toilets.

Beyonce is having her Grammy party at Eleven tomorrow night.  God help them, b/c you do not want to piss B off!  OKAAAAAAY?

UPDATE: Have been pulled in several times with friends.  No change.  Service still sucks.  Drinks are pitiful.  Loads of gays shoving unappetizing food into their bouches.  That's french/my attempt to give this place some class.

UPDATE 3/30: They finally know how to make a Red Bull & Vodka!  Who cares that I ordered Ketel and got Goose?  At least they got the vodka part right!

WOW.  My super-WASP friend took me here once as her family is a longstanding member at the OC.  Everyone was white!  All the women wore Lily Pulitzer!  The old people were really upset at all the Hispanic people putting up a tent on the lawn for the wedding reception later that afternoon!  My Chopped Cobb cost $18!  My Mojitos were $12!  I didn't pay!

If you know a member, urge him/her to take you.  It's worth an afternoon hanging out with the old Republicans and their offspring to see just how strange the absurdly wealthy can be.

Also!  Once a month, they have a seafood buffet.  It's pretty amazing.  The best part is the caviar bar with Belvedere/Grey Goose/Ketel One vodka fountains.

I'll be honest, I am hesitant to write a review for this place.  I would never normally admit to coming to a place like this, but what the hell, let's do this.  

So Pieces is a small little gay bar in the village.  Interesting mix of people.  Definitely on the younger (and cute) side...probably b/c of the cheap drinks, but I'll get to that in a second.  Clientele seems more upscale than normal dive bars, ambiance of the place kind of drifts in the netherworld between dive bar and friendly local bar.  Pool table in the back, always fun.  

The main draw of Pieces though (aside from the funny pun-intended jokes incorporating the bar's name) is the $4 drinks.  Yes.  $4.  I've never been anywhere in Manhattan (and the Village to boot) with $4 drinks.  And the drinks are served in real glasses, no dinky little plastic cups here!

Definitely worth checking this place out.  It'd be great to see more reviews on this, as I am hardly the arbiter of NYC nightlife.

This is one of the best restaurants in LA.  Chris and Peggy are running a great show here.  Top notch food and excellent service at this small, special-occasion restaurant.  For those who are scared to venture "over the hill" to the Valley, you're missing out, Brandywine is one of the best.