Will "the ginger jesus" B.'s Profile

My favorite part about this place is how big of a contrast there is between this place and the surrounding establishments. Roz's is a good, clean, wholesome family establishment positioned right in front of some of the filthiest, fluid stained whore houses in the world. Probably.  I've never worked up the courage to set foot in Mirage Cabaret, or the "modeling studio" next door, but I imagine the girls are the type that learned their ABCs from Hepatitis diagnoses.

Simply put, this place is a nice, quiet place to get a greasy cheeseburger while surrounded by some faded Bud Light posters and some Rockets championship memorabilia. This description fits a few dozen or so places throughout the city, and Roznovsky's doesn't really do much to distinguish itself from any of the others.

The burgers are decent enough, and you know what you're getting ahead of time, on account of the grease turning the white wrappers translucent. The only food that stood out as memorable were the onion rings. Hot, crispy, and flavorful, probably some of my favorite onion rings in Houston.

Almost every time I've been, it's been next to empty, but I've driven by when the parking lot was full -- but that might have been due to Mirage's happy hour, I'm not sure. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have given this place a second visit, except that I live within a short bike ride. It's a good place to satisfy a craving for a nasty American burger, but Miller's is better.

Another one of those places that never changes. Always the same "hurryupanbuy!" shriveled asian lady holding the toothpick with the dangling glazed chicken, waving you over for a sample.

These guys are seriously generous with the food. I wish every mall food court had a Sesame Hut. This, along with Waldenbooks, is really the only reason to come to Northwest Mall nowadays, sadly.

The menu is short and sweet, but 90% unnecessary. All you need to know is #3, General Tso's Chicken. It's one of those greasy Chinese food places that is worth the awful feeling afterward.

I worked here back in the summer of 2004, and was not treated well by the owner. That being said, I kind of want to dislike Cricket's, but it really is a fine little cafe.

The gelato is outstanding, my favorite was the Maple Walnut. The vegetarian cuisine is well done and thoughtfully prepared. You can bring almost anyone here and they will easily leave satisfied.

John, when he's in a good mood and isn't just making up trivia about the coffee in order to sound sophisticated, is a friendly host. The prices are reasonable, about what you'd expect to pay for a boutique coffee shop/vegetarian restaurant.

Horror stories from former employees notwithstanding, this place is worth a visit.

What a terrible bar. Full of hipster trash and bartenders that think they're king because they're pouring you beer.

The jukebox is good, but not great. Most of the times I've gone, it's been too crowded to have a good time, and took an insane amount of time to get a drink. I went there 3 Halloweens ago, to see the Misfits cover band that had been advertised, but paid the cover and endured the painful wait times and bad service only to find out that the band had canceled.

Not a sign anywhere informing of the change, not one bartender or bouncer telling us. They were just happy to take our 10 dollars and give us crap service.

If you like asymmetrical haircuts, boys in girl's pants, and general hipster douchebaggery, then Boondocks is right up your alley. Promise.

With Catbird's and Poison Girl within walking distance, there's no reason to come here.

Fitzgerald's is still the only place in town to catch 30 foot Fall twice a year. That alone gives it some authority when it comes to Houston music venues.

If you're looking for a dive with reasonable drink prices, a great stage upstairs, and some great people watching, Fitz is the place. Venues this size come and go in Houston, but Fitz has been around since before i was born. Hopefully it can continue, but honestly, they almost never book anything I want to see. In high school, I was here practically every weekend seeing a punk rock or metal show, now, not only are there no good metal or punk shows, there's hardly any good shows period.

Discipline problems, confrontations with artists (KRS-One, I'm looking in your direction...), police raids, and mounting frustration must have lead to the decision to target a different crowd, which is disappointing. Hopefully this place doesn't fall victim to the Washington Ave Douchification syndrome in the near future. Nothing could be worse than turning Fitzgerald's into the next Pub Fiction.

Seriously, though, go check out 30 foot Fall. Houston legends.

Douchewear is not required, per se, but is apparently highly encouraged. The amount of sideways caps and affliction shirts you'll see on any given night ranges from shrugworthy to disturbing.

Last time I went, the place was not nearly as crowded as I'd seen it before, which worked out pretty well. Service was better, and the crowd was a little less irritating. The only problem was the 9 dollar HOUSE whiskey. I didn't even order brand. I don't get the notion of paying a premium for a place like this. Worst of all, bars like this have encroached on Washington Ave.

Your best bet here is to enjoy a breakfast on the weekdays, because on the weekend, eating here is about as comfortable as having sex in the back of a Volkswagen.

If you can beat the crowds, definitely get some fresh squeezed and the green eggs. No complaints from me here, the service is always friendly and prompt, the decor is interesting, and the people watching is solid. Check it out.

I'm not entirely convinced its not a front for some back door organ trading scheme, or other sketchy black-market activity, but maybe that's just my inner bigot shining through, because I have the same speculation about most cheap Chinese wall holes.

Used to eat here quite frequently as a kid, growing up in the Heights. It's pretty much the same place as it was back then, but the big girl who answers the phones has no phone etiquette.

What do you want? It's cheap, fast, fried chinese food. Not the best, but probably in the upper echelon of similar restaurants. I may have a soft spot for it just because I'd walk there for lunch all the time during the summer as a kid.

Honestly, everyone should try the steamed pork dumplings here at least once. As cookie-cutter as this place is in almost every other aspect, these are amazing, and I have not found a suitable replacement anywhere else.

If you're looking for an actual meal, though, scrounge up a couple more bucks and drive a couple blocks to Dragon Bowl.

Best kept secret in Houston, and almost the best burger in town, as well. This was my late father's favorite burger joint, and he fashioned himself a bit of a connoisseur.

Don't tell anyone.

Just an example of how trendy spots can bring in yuppies regardless of how awful the food is.  It gets one star for existing, and a second for having some absurdly potent margaritas.

If I want to get smashed and eat mediocre food, though, I'll go to a bar and save myself the wait and ironic religious BS scattering the wall and marque. Ironic because this place is very, very popular with the gay community, and the owner is something of a bible-thumping homophobe. Or so I hear.

The service is usually pretty decent, though. Nice people.

But here's my rant: how hypocritical is it to be closed on Sundays, ostensibly for religious reasons, but to open on Mother's day? If you're gonna stick to archaic biblical traditions, at least be consistent and don't sell yourself out to make a buck on a secular holiday. Tecate is far superior, and not because Tecate is amazing, either.