Alexandra "Better Known as AK" K.'s Profile

I've been going to Lauren for over 5 years now, and I absolutely love her.  She's never kept me waiting longer than 5 minutes, always has fun stories to tell about her weekends, always talks me through my cut to make sure I'm getting exactly what I want, and her blow-dries last for DAYS. I would be heartbroken about going anywhere else, and unlike other reviewers, I've never had a bad customer service experience.

Simply put: great food, and a happy environment full of warmth and love, make my heart sing. Starry Kitchen's got both.  

It's easy to forget that you're in a busy, corporate heavy lunch plaza when you walk in to the crisp, modern shop, which is funny, since the decor is relatively sparse. You can chalk the great vibes up to the zest for life, good food, and good company that exudes from Nguyen at the register and his wife Thi, better known as The Kitchen Ninja cooking up the good eats in the kitchen. They're proof positive that food tastes so much better when it's made with love.

And as far as that food, well, I haven't had a bite that didn't leave me wanting to run back and ravage the supply kitchen yet. Clean flavors, fresh food, and seriously great bread for the banh mi make it my new regular DTLA lunch locale.

And for your fellow noshers? It'd probably do you good to say hi to the hipster with the vegan special next to you, because chances are great you'll run into him here again sometime soon. Seriously, I've taken friends with me, run into friends there, met new friends during lunch, and watched old friends walk in on my way out. Feel free to say hi if you see me in the corner shoving some coconut lemongrass goodness into my face--I'll be the one in leopard print.

About six months ago, I could've written a four star review of Coles as a great neighborhood bar, where everyone knows your name and treats you like family. A place where, at least 2 times a week for a year, I had lunch at the bar, and came back hours later to finish up the day with friends, a few cups of bourbon on ice, and a slice of the most amazing pecan pie I've ever had. Somewhere, if I was late getting out of the office, my favorite bartender(s) would text me that my bar stool was reserved, and my bottle of Pikesville was calling my name.

I didn't Yelp it because...well...I had one of those...feelings. Like when you start dating someone new, and it's...just...magic. And, you want to keep it secret for a while, because nobody else will really understand what a perfect match you two are. How you can silently laugh together with just a look...have inside jokes...and sometimes, just sit together and say nothing, but it's still one of the most meaningful and fulfilling moments of your entire life.

But that felling's gone now. Mostly because management ruined it with petty gripes, and even closed the bar at lunch. Sure, I can still have a sandwich at a table, but I can do that anywhere. My relationship wasn't with the waitress or waiter, it was with my bartender, even if he was pouring me soda water at noon instead of booze at five. And if you've ever had a favorite bar, you know the difference. I would think that if you managed one, you'd know that, too.

Thank you, Michael Voltaggio for helping make this Valentines Day absolutely divine.

In years past, my husband has wooed me with trips to Sona, Providence and Asia de Cuba, alike. I've been wowed by every meal, but this year was the by far best. Not just because of the star power of Mr. Top Chef himself, who was actually in the kitchen, cooking our food. And, not just because of the amazing service by our waiter Ryan, or the personalized attention from sommelier Josh. But because every angle, every aspect of the night that could go right, did. it was a seamless dance, and everybody made it seem like the performance was just for me. That gets you 3 stars...the food gets you 5.

Suffice it to say, every single dish was amazing, complicated, but perfectly balanced. My husband hates octopus...unless it tastes like a hot dog...which, don't ask me how, but it did. I had the best foie gras ever, and it looked like Vienna sausage and scrambled eggs. Mind: blown.

Our waiter, tipped off by my incessant picture-taking, recognized a fan, and warmly asked if I'd like to have my menu signed. Of course I did, and as he brought it back, he asked if I'd like to wait for service to die down a bit, and come back to meet the chef...ummmm...YES, please. We were led back, where the Top Chef was leaning against his prep station, ankles crossed, casually waiting. He was warm, affable, genuinely interested in us, and so charming. And not at all orange in person. ;-) When Chuck told him we're big fans, he told us he was a big fan of us: people who love food. Come ON!

If I ate here every day, I'd die of blissfull over-stimulation. Sure, the ambiance is a bit stuffy, and that's amplified by Chef Voltaggio's booming personal style, but I was so distracted by the amazing food, warmth of the waitstaff, buzz of happiness in the room, and true hospitality of Chef V that I barely even noticed the framed sailboats on the walls.

It ain't no Jitlada, but President Thai is a seriously great place to swing by or order from if you're in the area.  I've never had a bad dish, prices are great, and delivery always takes less time then they promise.  

And, if you stop by and pick up your to-go order yourself, they'll give you a free Thai Tea to sip on while you wait.  How do you like them apples!

With a full bar, 33 wines by the glass, just as many bottles available, and a delicious menu with only a few exceptions (the short rib calzone is suprisingbly bland), there's not much room for complaint.  The only way this place could get better is if buying your tickets online actually meant they held them until you got there, and if movies didn't sell out 2 days in advance. Literally. But with only 30 seats per theatre, that's not really a schocker, and not really gripe-worthy...

The only complaint I have is in re: the time we bought 4 tickets and planned a day around dinner and a movie at this Taj Mahal of theatres. Unfortunatly, we didn't get there 45 minutes ahead of time as is lightly "suggested" on the website.  We arrived 5 minutes before the show to find our seats re-sold, no more seats available, and every other movie solidly sold out. Insert sad face here. Management stepped in, apologized profousely, refunded our ticket price and gave us 200$ worth of free tickets, coupons, and food vouchers for next time.

...I ain't got much bad to say after that.

I love the food here, but caveat emptour! Achtung: Rant ahead...!

The burgers, sides, beer selection, and even the .50 cent dipping sauces (seriously...? seriously...?) here are great.  Everything's heavy, but portioned perfectly to bring you to the cusp of disgust, but not actually there. And accordingly, you should take your time savouring the juicy, oily, fatty fat, and salty goods.

But there's taking your time...and then there's being ignored for a solid 20 minutes, until you have to get up yourself and ask the hostess to send your waiter over, please.  

I don't like bashing waiters.  I went to law school because I couldn't cut bussing tables...at Chili's.  I know it's hard. I know it's gross. I know that even the standard (hopefully) 20% tip isn't worth the blood, sweat, and tears, that even a bad waiter musters through. And so, I forgive you if I just had the bad luck of the draw to pull you on your bad day, or bad career choice.  And, you'll find my 20% tip right where it should be, regardless.  

But...I'm pretty damn sure that on this particular occasion, our particular bad waiter is a man who has a certain video blog--a "vlog"--where he relentelssly bashes...wait for it...people who complain about bad service.

So buddy, I'll play your game. Happy Valentines day. Here you go:

Yes, our food took forever to come out of the kitchen, which understandably happens sometimes when you go out to eat. Yes, our hunger made us grumpy, and our beer buzz  magnified the ants in our pants.  But, the hard, cold facts don't lie: we sat for twenty minutes, trying to flag down every waiter who walked by our table, to no avail. I had to get up and ask the hostess to please send a waiter over, and the guy she sent acted like he was doing us a favor by waiting on us. And, that is, in one word, rude, dude.

I don't know this guy personally. I've never hung out with him outside the walls of Umami. I don't know what's going on with his life, I don't know how his day was going.  And granted: I didn't ask him how management was treating him, how many scheduled servers actually showed up, or how many sections he was covering over his promised max.  Because I didn't care. And I still don't. If you don't like working hard in an unforgiving environment with all kinds of people when you're obviously not a "people person", get a new job. Or, suffer silently. But don't shit on my good time, act pained, ignore my requests, dissapear for chunks of time, and act a martyr, and then go online and bash me, bub. Because, people won't complain if they're having a good time.  All you have to do is show your face once in a while, and convincingly pretend that you're having a good time being in the same vicinity as us. Believe it or not, not everybody's irritation with you is misplaced anger for the slammed kitchen.  Some people understand that food in a crowded restaurant takes time to come out.  And some of those people just really don't like YOU. Your attitude and your obvious contempt bleed through your waist apron, sir. So shove it, and SHUT UP.

...But...if you're not the guy from the "vlog", I honestly, sincerely apologize. You're service was lacking, but I'm not personally offended by that.

Not the greatest by far, but if you find yourself stuck in a jam, you can find a pretty tasty grilled sandwich or burrito here.  It's not cheap...expect a 6-9$ tab without a drink, but the fries and pretty much anything at the grill station will get you through the day without feeling disgusted.  Don't even look at the sandwich station...and I wouldn't venture to try the salad bar either. Walk straight ahead, and check out what's warming in the chaffing dishes, or frying on the grill.

I'm a fan of the patty melt, grilled cheese, and stewed shredded chicken burrito, but I'm partial to the gardenburger on wheat with a slice of melted swiss.  Tasty, and not soooo bad for you.

And if you find yourself craving something healthy first thing in the morning, they've usually got a few not-so-bad bran muffins to go along with some watery, but okay, coffee.

It's not the worst, but, meh. I've definetly experienced better.

All of these reviews are right on; I've only been for lunch.  It's a rediculously good place in an awesomely seedy location, with a very reasonable price tag.  But, I really wouldn't want my parents to know that I've ever been here, and my husband will be pissed when he finds out I'm becoming a regular. I mean...I told you it's in a rent-by-the-hour motel...right...?

My favorite part about the whole experience, though: stopping by Hank's Bar and Grill to stick my head in and say hi to Mike, the regular day shift bartender, on my way out.  At the very least, check out the names of the weekly special drinks, written on the backlight markerboard, and picked by the Sunday night shift.  In Mike's own words "The girls on Sunday nights get pretty risquee...!"

The Purple Penis looked tasty last time I said hi...

I really don't like writing bad reviews...but...I'm sorry...this cannot go on.

Perhaps Oinkster was great before they were featured on Diners, Drive In's, and Dives.  Maybe they just don't know how to deal with the sudden appearence of hungry masses. This place must've been good once...I mean, Jonathan Gold wrote them up in '08 for godsake.  

But SOMETHING is WRONG.

We went on a Saturday around 4, and thankfully there wasn't much of a line.  But by the time we ordered our pulled pork, oinkster ruben, fries, plantains, and 2 beers (with a burger to go for my father in law), and paid our $40.00, the line was out the door, 40 deep.

When we got our order, our fries were cold.  We switched them out, and dug in.  ...um...I really wish we never had. Never in my life have I had two, TWO sandwiches that promised so much, yet tasted like the same wet sponge.  

...I'm sorry...I feel guilty for typing that...maybe it's just the residual anger from the stomach pains I'm still suffering here on the couch 4 hours later.

But I feel compelled to tell you...it was the blandest, most oily, meal I've had in years. Each "belgian french fry" exploded grease into my mouth with every bite. In a bad way. And if it wasn't for the (meh) mustard and watered down BBQ sauce on the side, I coulnd't've choked down the half of the half sandwiches that I did. Even the plantains tasted like chalk--which is almost a feat in it of itself! How do you do that???

I'll be fine never knowing.

Oh, and that burger to-go is still sitting on my counter...we're all too scared to try it.