Jelena "Penny Lane" Z.'s Profile

Before we go any further, LOOK AT MY PHOTO. That's a Staquille O'Neal, friends. And what exactly is a Staquille O'Neal? I thought you'd never ask (okay, I knew).

So here goes:

It's a 'mashbrown' topped with bacon, a burger patty, cheese, egg and hollandaise.
It's the Autobahn to a coronary.
And, it is special... yes, special as in obviously unique but  also a sometime it's on the menu, sometimes it's not SPECIAL.

My apologies for being so cap-happy, but you'd be excited too if you ate one of these (well, half anyway) and actually survived... you know?

So here we are. The approving buzz from my legitimately foodie friends (here's looking at you, Erin P!) brought me to Bite. After hearing the tales of grandeur, I knew I had to get to the 'new' Bite Cafe and I also knew I needed to go on an off time to avoid fighting the frenzied throngs of foodarazzi. A blizzard-y Friday afternoon turned out to be the perfect time to snag a table in the reformed Bite. Walking in, my eyes were met with polished but charming insides including exposed brick, thoughtful art and partly vintage but mostly French blue chairs. J'adore!

Since you already know this story's delicious middle, let's cut to the chase: I spent a solid fifteen minutes contemplating selections with my colleagues. Darlings, this is a serious menu and it deserves your undivided attention. But once I noticed the Staquille O'Neal scrawled on the chalkboard... well, I was a goner.

I'd venture to say that I'd come back for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Well, there wasn't enough time, Michael. There just wasn't enough time.*

*Godfather quotes mean serious business. Eat here!

Oh man, this hurts. I love (or loved, to be most correct) iTap but my most recent experience reminded me that indifferent service will probably result in a dispassionate experience. And when the majority of patrons you're encountering are passionate about their beer, well let's pour some passion on their sugar. Know what I mean?

Def Leppard-like references aside, love bites because sometimes, it ends. When my brother asked for the Boulevard Tank 7 saison beer (my recommendation), I noticed he didn't seem to be enjoying it as much as I expected he would. "Try this," he implored my cousin. Two seconds later, my cousin admitted he didn't care for the beer as he's 'not into hops.' Hops? What? My beloved Tank 7 is a saison. As in, low in IBUs (international bitterness units). It's dry, light in color but full in flavor and straight up DELICIOUS. But hoppy? That, it's not.

I decided to get to the bottom of things and without seeing the bottom of the pint glass, instantly realized my brother received either the wrong pour or maybe the keg had just been switched and we were tasting the previously-parked beer. In any case, my brother informed the bartender and she tried the beer. She then had the other bartender try the beer. After several minutes of deliberation they arrived at the conclusion that indeed, the beer did not taste like Tank 7. "And? Can I please get another beer since it isn't what I asked for?" Long pause. "I'll have to talk to the manager to see if it can be taken off your bill."

Just get the kid a beer. If you're having problems with the lines and can't deliver the product in the quality as intended, (nicely) offer him a replacement beer. On the house. Instead, the attitude was free and the replacement beer turned out to be a pain in the ass to get.

Sorry, but you can keep the attitude and I'll take my friends, money and love for great craft beer somewhere else.

I haven't bowled since I was in Denver about two years ago, and I'll probably wait another two years now. With scores in the 30s, 40s, and 50s, I should just stop embarrassing myself! The best part? I always freak people out with my uncanny ability to roll out a strike straight out of the gate and then the steep deterioration unfolds.

But I vow to never quit because bowling is so much fun... never!

On a recent Sunday, our group arrived around midnight... took only a few minutes to get our lanes, shoes and beer. Oh, and a special thanks to the bartender for providing us with a 'mystery' pitcher of beer! Can't admit I tried it, but I think its special powers helped me beat a 150+/game bowler as by the end he bowled a solid 37.

Sure, the shoes are gross, the awesome music is repetitive (Reptilia by the Strokes was played back-to-back) and the beer selection sucks, but Diversey River Bowl somehow always rocks!

The debonair Skirvin is certainly a throwback to a different era with its ornate lobby fully decked with plush charm between its crazy high ceilings and huge, Alice in Wonderland-esque chairs. The staff was also wonderful, and the super soft bedding lulled me into one of the deepest slumbers I've had all month.

However - the thread count of your sheets won't guarantee heavenly rest if the walls are built paper thin. I was up before 6am (1.5 hours before my alarm was set to go off) due to two different alarms going off within minutes of each other, down the hall from me. If you're a moderate-to heavy sleeper you'll fare just fine... but, you're straight out of luck if you're a lightweight in the zzzzs department. You can also hear people talking in their rooms/on the phone, though it isn't so creepy that you'll be able to understand them. Probably not the place you'd stay at for a romantic getaway... privacy is a good thing, no?

Good night, guys - gotta catch up on some sleep!

I remember chatting with the owner of Bun Mi Express not too long after they opened and hearing about his plans to expand in the area, or more specifically, on Broadway. And here we are!

Same premise and same great product - Banh Mi & Co is a quick-serve, modern shop with limited seating and reasonable prices. In just under 5 minutes and $5, I was out the door with my shredded chicken sandwich. The bread was toasted warm with equal parts crunch and doughy chew to it... just the way I like it.

While the sandwich is admittedly on the skimpy side for the price (a 2.5 mile straight shot up Broadway will get you more, for less), it's still a pretty kick ass sandwich. And, unlike their Viet friends up north, they dole out free samples every single day. Who doesn't love samples?

Welcome to the 'hood, BMAC.

What a gem. Not a hidden gem, but a pretty, polished gem... this sleek, warm brownstone is gorgeous inside and out!

On to the important stuff - the beer. Or is it the food? Well, you won't be forced to split your loyalties at Square One as both are very, very good. Cousin and I tried the charcuterie plate and ate our way through the pub pretzels (that jalapeno cheese sauce is a dipping darling) and would have ordered more if it wasn't for a heavy lunch earlier that day.

I had a difficult time zeroing in on just one beer so I naturally sprang for the beer flight once I discovered it's an option - especially as the individual flight pours are robust at five ounces each. Essentially, you get a pint+ for the same cost as a regular pint! I chose the Maple Stout (my favorite!), Spiced Pumpkin Ale (solid), Spicy Blonde (loved the ginger notes) and the Bavarian Weizen (classic banana + cloves; nice and easy).

Much joy was had and I look forwarding to visiting again when in my hometown.

You know, I almost passed on South Congress Cafe because of the back-in angle parking spots surrounding it. After years of successfully maneuvering a mid-size sedan into notoriously snug Chicago city spots, I've come to consider parallel parking a hobby. As in, an activity I enjoy doing... truth! But to pull a reverse-angle move on a bustling street? Austin, you threw me a curveball. The result was sloppy, but I pulled it off.

Once safely inside, my decaffeinated self was reacquainted with bottomless joe. The roast was mellow so it was easy to keep nodding 'yes' to frequent top-offs which eventually led to cutting off the overeager server (I think he, too, was hopped up on caffeine!). Soon, my food arrived and all of my parking woes were forgotten in a migas minute - yes, I said migas. Migas is essentially a mosh pit (everyone jump in!) of all the hangover cure essentials: Eggs, crispy corn tortillas, tomatoes, onions, jalapeños, cheese and refried black beans served with a smoked gouda potato pancake, sensational salsas and MORE homemade tortillas for scooping/playing with your food.

If you're coming for brunch, that is all you need to know... the (delicious) end!

Beetles, I've never liked.

The heavily-sclerotized facade of live ones irrationally creeps me out but beetles encased in resin may prove even creepier. An almost 5'9" me looks ridiculous in a cute VW Beetle (ended up buying the Jetta), and Beetlejuice the movie killed my crush on Michael Keaton before Batman could begin (though bat wings vs. beetle wings result in the former sickening me a bit more). Another beetle sore spot? The spelling... I always have to look twice because it just doesn't look right (Penny Lane does approve of The Beatles, natch.)

And then, there's the Beetle Bar & Grill. Don't be surprised if anyone in the beverage industry suggests meeting here due to their quiet reputation for solid food, impressive cocktails and beer. Not only does the Beetle boast a strong beer list, but they served my Tripel Karmeliet in the proper glassware. Though that may not be unusual for a craft beer bar, The Beetle doesn't really position itself as one. It's dark. Broody. Musicians, artists and the body-arted hang out here. There's a fireplace, but it's not meant to be trendy. Oh yes - the Beetle's a bonafide 'real' bar that just happens to also serve fantastic food.

Don't be surprised that the burgers are not-so-strangely reminiscent of Kuma's, as the surroundings aren't far off though the feeling is softer. My burger was the talk of the night and I hedonistically hoarded it (it had been 10 hours, k?).

Good people eat, drink and work here. And now I can finally say I like a beetle for the first time in my life.

Cute, quaint and healthy dining meets BYO for a fresh take on Persian cuisine. The result? A party of four lingering, laughing and talking much too loudly after sharing almost four bottles of wine (hey, the boys like to drink) (okay, me too).

My buddy Phil recommended this new-ish spot after being tempted by tall tales of a pomegranate soup that could apparently make a good ol' Balkan 'man's man' cave for a fruity porridge. We ordered it straight away, along with a chicken salad-esque spread and a warmed eggplant spread, all meant to be slathered on the housemade Persian bread. Everything was great though the eggplant spread triumphed as the standout, succeeding in amplifying our anticipation for the next round of dishes.

(Oh - and the bread surely didn't hurt matters as we sopped up every last speck of spread with its wondrously irregular terrain, indicative of old-world baking.)

Next came our sausage and mushroom pizza. Every ingredient tasted fresh and even though pizza isn't known for being wholesome, I can't think of a better way to describe it. Yes, wholesome. It's not the best pizza I've enjoyed in Chicago but I appreciated the taste of made-to-order, handcrafted pie with a healthy bent. My fellow dining companions tried the chicken cooked with walnuts and pomegranate... the flavor profile was exquisitely simple but it just works.

Al (the owner) gave us the space to enjoy our meal and before we knew it, we had killed four hours and those aforementioned four bottles of red vino. Now how many restaurants out there will allow you to have good fun on your own time, while ordering a bunch of food and drinking through an obscene amount of wine without kicking you out?

Not many. Support good, local guys like Al... and enjoy eating well for the body and the soul!

This hot brunch spot may be called Half & Half, but it's wholly delicious.

First, the important stuff - this girl's gotta have her caffeine! I didn't see it on the menu, but just because Aimee K wrote about it, I ordered a half coffee/half hot chocolate. Oh.My.Awesomeness!

For my meal, I ordered the cornbread and chorizo dish. Easily the frontrunner on their menu, my plate was perfectly portioned with the headlining ingredients plus two sunny side-up eggs, cilantro and red onion. Spot-on sensational.

My cousin had the fried egg sandwich, which is usually what I would order if it's available. The rest of the menu boasts fairly inventive selections - think Clara cakes (pancakes with raspberry, mascarpone and granola), a Brussel sprout and cheddar omelet (WHAT?!), salmon hash and housemade donuts. All good in this 'hood!

Can't wait to return to eat my way through the rest of the menu. Well done, good folks!