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Amber "miss dysfunctional" B.'s Profile

Photo of Amber B.

"Sticks & stones may break my bones but whips & chains excite me"

Elite 2009

profile votes icon Review votes:
1041 Useful, 762 Funny, and 1030 Cool

Compliments Like Your Profile (15) You're Funny (174) Cute Pic (52) Thank You (139) Good Writer (51) Great Lists (6) Just a Note (103) Great Photo (24) Hot Stuff (411) You're Cool (364) Write More (12)
Location

Santa Monica, CA

Yelping Since

June 2007

Things I Love

Physics, astrophysics, Lady Gaga, body modifications, tacos and sushi, finally living alone, bdsm-lite, getting piercings, jawaiian music, the smell of wet asphalt, My Shih Tzu, strong minded beautiful women

Find Me In

Mike's sweatpants

My Hometown

Concord, CA

My Blog Or Website

http://www.facebook.co...

My Second Favorite Website

http://news.bmezine.co...

My First Concert

Backstreet Boys

My Favorite Movie

Flower Drum Song

My Last Meal On Earth

a 10-course meal of potatos (incl. lobster mashed potatoes!!)

Don't Tell Anyone Else But...

my toes are double-jointed and I like to pick things up off the floor with them

Most Recent Discovery

The Week Magazine

Current Crush

Britannia, Chloe - Jean Ann Ryan Co., Elina Ivanova, Megan Fox, Masuimi Max

Recent Reviews

204 Reviews

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2206 Sawtelle Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064
(310) 312-1266

Marshalls  

Category: Department Stores

3 star rating
 11/4/2009  
What in the world are all these people doing shopping at Marshalls on a Tuesday at 1pm?? If you say "it's the economy" I'm still wondering why if you're unemployed during the daytime would you be out spending money on clothes, shoes, etc? It baffles me but this place was packed! I get claustrophobic too and I was getting SO annoyed and flustered. I could barely start to try on a pair of shoes without having to do the one-footed hobble to get out of the way of some pushy and otherwise inconsiderate fellow customer trying to bogart his or her way through the aisle that I happened to be in. Exasperation was the name of the game.

Aside from my crowd-induced anxiety I found THE HOTTEST pair of black heels. Exactly what I was looking for. There was actually a big selection of boots too that I was digging. I didn't see much in the way of clothes that I was interested in but the Clearance racks were loaded with items marked down to $5. I noticed something a little sketchy in the dresses section. I saw the EXACT dress with 2 different labels and tags. One dress was marked as BCBG and the tags looked legit. I then spied a whole slew of the same exact dress but they all ALSO had legit looking tags that said Vertigo. Skeeeeeeeeeetchy.

The check-out system is kinda cool because it automatically calls out the next available check stand as soon as a transaction is completed. Bonus points for efficiency.

People thought this was:

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5411 Sepulveda Blvd
Culver City, CA 90230
(310) 391-9079

Scarlet Lady Saloon  

Category: Bars
Neighborhood: Culver City

3 star rating
 11/1/2009  
This Lady has potential with its live music nights (check out JT Ross's blues band Wednesday nights + burlesque dancers!), pool table, and cheap drinks and where else can you find a huge free parking lot right out front and in back?

Unfortunately the Lady seems to draw a clientèle that's a little older and rougher around the edges than what I'm used to. I'm a skirt, heels, and perfume kind of gal which made me feel way out of place. I guess if I didn't feel like dressing up and wanted to just roll out of my apartment in jeans and a hoodie sans any sort of prettification I might fit right in.

If you get a little hungry you can buy Sun Chips at the bar! Thank you bartender for hooking us up with a bag for free!

People thought this was:

  • Useful (4)
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10877 Wilshire Blvd
Westwood, CA 96137
(310) 208-1960

Palomino  

Category: American (New)
Neighborhood: Westwood

4 star rating
 Update - 10/27/2009 1 photo  
Just a word to the wise: Unless you really actually want a LIGHT tiny portioned lunch DO NOT order the soup and salad combo. I ordered this today and at first thought that since I got take-out maybe they skimped on the portion but my coworker ordered a regular sized salad also for take-out and got a gigantic box of food. I'll never again order the soup/salad combo but I WILL order a soup and a salad individually. The price to order the two items individually is about the same or a dollar more so it makes so much more sense to do it that way...unless you eat like a bird or something which I obviously do not!

Oh, and I do highly recommend doing take out here. You pick up your order from the bar so you wind up being helped by one of the yummy and ultra friendly bartenders!

One more thing: Happy Hour has become something of a circus and now the policy is to stop you at the door upon entering, check your ID and then slap a wristband on you. How tacky! I guess they must have been getting mobbed by the under-age college crowd.

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1 Previous Review: Hide »

  • 4 star rating
    11/22/2008

    I always forget how crowded the bar area gets here. You either have to get there very very early or hover like a vulture around the tables and bar seating waiting for people to vacate. You have to be quick too! As soon as you eye a party asking for their check you better glue yourself to their sides until they get up otherwise other vultures will swoop in and you will be sadly SOL.

    The Happy Hour menu has changed somewhat significantly. No longer are the days of the $3 Cosmic Ritas from 4-7pm and then again after 10pm (these HH times still apply for the food specials however). Now the drinks specials are "All day, Every day" and includes Green Apple Drop, Cranberry Mojito, Pomegranate Margarita, House Chard, House Cab Sauv, and Coors Light each for $4. As before, the mixed drinks specials are not even really worth getting unless you're not trying to get your buzz on quickly or if you're in the mood to increase your chances of becoming diabetic since they are so ridiculously sweet. I swear my Cran Mojito had no alcohol in it at all.

    The good news is that pizzas during Happy Hour are still $5 and a good number of the appetizers are 1/2-priced. My personal favorites are the Gorgonzola Potatoes, Mussels, and Hot King Crab and Artichoke Dip. Last night we tried the $4 hummus (not on HH special) as well and I thought it was pretty tasty and unique in it's delayed spiciness. I'll probably try this again next time.

    The waiters are always friendly and more than happy to split up the bill for you if you ask them in advance. I was never once carded though - another addition to my list of places to not card me in the last few weeks. Doe this mean I'm starting to look (gasp) OLD????

    I've had lunch here long ago with work people for a holiday thing that was sponsored by a pharmaceutical company. the only thing I remember about that was the Lobster Ravioli - incredibly rich and decadent. I got a salad for a Take-Out order one time too, the Seafood Louie, salad but I wasn't terribly impressed and I doubt I'll order that again. Considering the  priciness of this restaurant I'd stick to the Happy Hours and stay in the bar rather than dining here for a regular meal.

    People thought this was:

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822 Washington Blvd
Venice, CA 90292
(310) 448-8884

Beechwood  

Categories: Lounges, American (New)
Neighborhood: Venice

4 star rating
 10/26/2009  
Eating little piggies is as a general rule a big no-no for me (no religious reasons, it's just that those cute little guys are so adorable it gives me too  much guilt to eat them) but Beechwood totally sabotaged me with their Sweet Baby Pork Ribs. This dish is what Beechwood offered up as their tasting for Taste of Abbott Kinney a few weekends back and I fell in love at first bite! So tender. So juicy. So flavorful! I wanted to go back for 2nds, 3rds, or 4ths but by the time we made our way back to The Brig those delicious treats were looooong gone.

I happened to stop by Beechwood this weekend for a little birthday party but since I'd already had dinner I just ordered some drinks and split an order of the sweet potato fries. The order of fries was HUGE and I was uber pleased that they also came with way more than enough dipping sauce so that each and every single one of those fries could be smothered. I hate it when there's not enough dipping sauce and some of the fries must be consumed naked. It's just not right! Spicy ketchup (just the perfect amount of kick), garlic aoili (a little too thick for me), and something else spicy that grew on me the more I tasted it. Average drink prices for a sort of swanky lounge atmosphere. My Stoli on the rocks was 8 bucks and the signature cocktails will cost you 12 each. They also offer quite a few beers and ciders starting at $6 so you can find ways to go cheap if you need or want to.

Lots of hot people running around so keep an eye out for a babe to plop down next to you at the bar!

Oh, my one little gripe: the bathrooms were a mess. Totally sub-standard especially for an establishment of this caliber. Toilet paper in 1 of the 2 stalls needed restocking and 1 of the toilets wouldn't flush at all. No paper towels in sight either. Maybe it was an off night but I was kinda grossed out.

Oh well, I WILL be back for those sweet little magic piggie morsels (I'm sorry Babe, Wilbur, et al.!!)

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11668 W Pico Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064
(310) 478-8892

Lin's Chinese Cuisine  

Category: Chinese

2 star rating
 10/26/2009  
It makes me sad to give a 2-star review for Chinese food but the theme of the night at Lin's was BLAND. Bland, bland bland, bland, bland.

One of my old college roomies, Kristina, was up visiting from Irvine and we wanted to grab a quick bite to eat near my place before heading out for a birthday party in Venice. I had received Lin's menus in my mailbox over the past several months and thought it'd be an inexpensive but nice-ish sit-down kind of dinner.

Parking can be hit or miss depending on the day and the hour but you should be able to find a spot on the street within close walking distance.

The BEST part about Lin's was the speed of service...and I hate to say this but that was really the only good thing aside from the price. Fast seating (it wasn't busy though and the restaurant has a deep layout to fit a lot of people), fast prep and service of food and they were ON IT with the water refills - I'd barely drain half of my glass before a waiter would refill it for me.

The actual quality of service was a little weird. First of all, there were no chop sticks on the table and I had to request them (and was given a bit of an odd look when I asked for them....wth? I'm no guai lo can't you see my slanted eyes?) I think the staff is really only used to catering to white folk or at least non-Asian folks. What other evidence do I have? When I hesitated half a second before deciding on the hot and sour soup or the egg drop soup the waiter interjected with "do you want spicy? or not spicy....hot and sour soup spicy" LIKE I'VE NEVER HAD CHINESE FOOD BEFORE? Who doesn't know that hot and sour soup is spicier than egg drop soup. Color me hella annoyed.

Kris and I both ordered from the dinner special list which was about 8 bucks a pop for an entree with steamed or fried rice, soup and egg roll. As a free appetizer they brought out a crispy fried noodle snack with sweet and sour dipping sauce. It wasn't great but it's always nice to munch on something while waiting for your food. Overall, you get a TON of food for your money. After eating the soup and egg roll I couldn't even get through half of the main dish. It was just a massive amount of food. Taste wise though I was not at all impressed. I ordered the tofu with veggies and it was soooooooooo bland! Kris wanted to douse her plate with soy sauce. The fried rice was an oddly dark brown color and didn't really taste like anything either. Not that I've ever been in prison or jail but I can imagine this must be what the food there tastes like.

A few bonus points are deserved for including a plate of sliced oranges at the end of the meal (I grew up around SF where this was the norm but since living in L.A. I noticed not many do this) AND for the Spanish bilingual fortunes! More evidence that Lin's caters to the "American" palate!! Oh and the leftovers are way tastier the next day, thank goodness!

People thought this was:

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312 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90401
(310) 451-7482

Riva - CLOSED 

Categories: Italian, Pizza, Seafood
Neighborhood: Santa Monica

3 star rating
 Update - 10/12/2009  
Pretty solid Happy Hour and bonus points that they have late night Happy Hour hours too (10pm-12am)...There are 2 refreshing cocktails on the HH menu for $5 as well as some wines and apps. Try the squash blossoms! We also ordered the mussels but I think they served us the tiniest sized mussels that exist in the world...the dish tasted great but there just wasn't a whole lot of mussel "meat" there.

Minus half a star for the bartender wayyyy overcharging us (and for us drunkards not noticing until the next day). Oh and what's up with no AC? Minus another half a star. I left my apartment in search of a nice cool respite from the sweltering heat of the end of summer but no such oasis could be found at Riva. Sweating + drinking/eating + a crowded bar = no bueno for Lil' Miss Crowd-Claustrophic over here.

Turns out that starting this Wednesday Riva will be no more but will now be replaced by a 2nd outpost of Fraiche....I'm mostly ambivalent about the switch but I DO hope they keep the late night happy hour - there aren't enough of those in my neck of the woods!

People thought this was:

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1 Previous Review: Hide »

  • 4 star rating
    7/22/2009

    Stopped by Riva last Friday night during the middle of a SaMo bar wander with my girlfriends. I didn't even know that *this* was Riva until we were seated and handed menus (is there even a sign outside that says more than Bar Restaurant??)

    The bar area is a cozy little place with low sofa seating and a couple of high tables with comfy bar stools as well as your standard bar. Definitley a good place to start off your night with a drink and a little canoodling in the low lighting.

    I was trying to moderate my cash spending so I didn't order anything to drink but I was SO tempted to after perusing their extensive wine list and drink menu. Next time! What really won me over though was the FREE mushroom pizza that was brought to us. Not only is FREE awesome but it actually tasted great too. Mmmm! I had to restrain myself from fighting over that last slice! Not sure if this pizza will still be on the menu in the near future though...according to one of the managers Riva is going through a transition and the menu will be changing to all small plates (seems like this has been a trend among several SaMo area places I've been to in the last couple of weeks - The Yard is another switching to small plates).

    Can't wait to check this place out again after payday and sample some wines and more of the fabulous pizza! Crossing my fingers that it stays on the menu!

    People thought this was:

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11927 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90025
(310) 444-7736

Monte Alban Restaurant  

Category: Mexican

5 star rating
 Update - 10/7/2009  
Just an FYI that Monte Alban has RE-OPENED after the fire in their strip mall. I couldn't be happier! Apparently they've been open again for about 2 weeks...business looked slow though so word probably hasn't yet spread. Mike just happened to drive by and noticed a big banner across the front announcing their re-opening.

There's STILL nothing better than a large order of the Ranchero Consomme on a cold night or when you've got a sore throat or the sniffles. It's the cure to all that ails you!

People thought this was:

  • Useful (5)
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2 Previous Reviews: Hide »

  • 5 star rating
    8/14/2009

    Ahhh! Due to a fire earlier this week in the strip mall where Monte Alban is located they will be CLOSED for at least a couple months!!

    Where am I going to get amazing spicy chicken soup now???

    People thought this was:

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  • 5 star rating
    1/1/2009

    Monte Alban...I think I love you...dun-dun dun-dun......but I wanna knooow for sure...dun-dun dun-dun....so come on and...FEED ME right...dun dun, dun dun, dun-dun-dun...

    How is this place so good? I'd been hearing about this place all around town and my friend Indara kept telling me about how it's her favorite Mexican food on the Westside but I saw that their specialty is mole and so have steered clear of Monte Alban...me and mole, we do not go way back, we are not homeboys. I'd only had mole one time in the past and I absolutely hated it. It was too cloyingly sweet and just icky for lack of a better word. Mike was suffering from a bad case of food poisoning though and craved "Mexican chicken soup" and when I typed that criteria into the yelp search box the closest thing to pop up was Monte Alban. I begrudgingly decided to give it a try and I would even order a dish with mole so that I could say I've really given mole a chance.

    I called in my order to pick up and...well...let's just say I went a tad bit overboard. This is what I ordered (for 2 people mind you):
    - Guacamole con chips ($5.25) (hellllla good guac but way overpriced for the tiny dollop you get plus about 6 tortilla chips...not sure if I'd get this again simply because of the price)
    - Tamal de Salsa ($2.75) (Stuffed with chicken and a nice spicy salsa. Totally worth the 3 bucks a pop because it was so full of meat and the corn meal was soft and warm and sweet.)
    - Tamal de Rajas ($2.75) (I liked this better than the chicken tamal. This one was super cheesy and full of green veggies, carrots too)
    - Tacos Enchilados con Pollo ($7.75) (This was a full meal in itself with soft and fluffy perfectly cooked white rice. I didn't specify if I wanted red or black mole so they gave me the "house" black mole automatically)
    - Consomme Ranchero (large - $7.75) (This was like super chicken soup! Huge pieces of shredded chicken and lots of rice and jalapeno bits and other spices. Perfect for Mike's upset tummy. I even snuck a couple of bites for myself)
    - Horchata ($2.75) (There was a strange grainy texture to this at first but then I watered it down with a couple of ice cubes and it was wonderful)

    So about that problem I have with mole....yeah, so Monte Alban has managed to win me over on the mole. I absofrickenlutely loved it! It was a teensy bit too sweet for my liking but this mole still sent my tastebuds singing! I will never speak poorly of mole again.

    I did have to wait over 30 minutes for my take out order to be ready and when the guy ran my credit card he didn't give me my receipt but in all fairness they were jammed with customers and everyone seemed to be busting their butts to take care of all the diners. There's a nice little carved wooden bench in the front that you can sit on while waiting and there's also a little glass case full of Mexican pastries! I thought it was cool too that the kitchen and bar areas had shoulder height openings in the walls so that diners can actually see in and watch the cooks hard at work.

    Monte Alban...please feed me right...right NOW!

    People thought this was:

    • Useful (4)
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    • Cool (5)
11755 W Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064
(310) 477-5949

Trader Joe's  

Category: Grocery

4 star rating
 10/6/2009  
I'm riding the fence on this one...

What I like:
- massive parking lot on the rooftop
- elevators
- nice wide aisles
- plenty of check-out lines (I waited no more than 1 minute)
- tons of inventory (the frozen section is ridiculously huge and I found all kinds of new frozen microwaveable goodies with which to stock my freezer - chilaquiles, steamer clams, salmon crepes to name a few. The aisles were also stocked with several items that other TJ's seem to always be out of ).

What I dislike:
- as massive as the parking lot is it's like they specifically designed it to be just as much of a cluster f^$# as all of the other tinier TJ lots. I mean, the parking lot was more than half-empty but they had a traffic director up there - that's saying something! Heed the warnings of other Yelpers and keep your eyes peeled for pedestrians popping out from behind blind corners.
- as much stock as there was, they were still completely OUT of a ton of items...in particular, items that I was looking for! It felt like there should have been another aisle in there that I somehow missed.

What I'm not sure if I like or dislike:
- the 40-something-year-old Asian dude squatting down and leaning over in one of the aisles...with his bright purple thong sticking almost all the way out of the top of his belted jeans. Wow.

People thought this was:

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Seabluff and Discovery Creek
Los Angeles, CA 90094

Playa Vista Farmer's Market  

Category: Farmers Market
Neighborhood: Westchester / LAX

4 star rating
 10/3/2009  
My new favorite local Farmers Market!

Cute, cozy and quaint - the Playa Vista Farmers Market is tucked away in a back parking lot on Saturdays from 9am - 2pm.

While it's smaller than the Santa Monica FM it's still far and away bigger and better than the recently reinstated Westwood FM. For the most part the produce is fairly priced and good quality.

Vendors to watch for:
- fruit booth with several varieties of Pluots ($3/lb) and perfect white grapes ($2)
- Asian veggie booth with GIANT bell peppers, eggplants of all shapes, roots, bok choy, etc
- booth with mini strawberries, squash, tomatoes, etc - everything was miniature sized, so cute!
- booth with beautiful tri-colored hot peppers (4/$1) and awesome portobello mushrooms ($3/ half-lb)
- Baba Foods mediterranean  pre-made foods
- Korean pre-made foods
- Chocolate
I didn't see the seafood booth today but maybe I overlooked it

Beware the over eager little boy scouts hocking popcorn in exchange for a donation. Those little guys seem to have mastered the art of circular breathing! I don't think they ever stopped shouting "FREE POPCORN!!!" and they startled me a few times!

Hot food booths include kettle corn, tamales, rotisserie chicken, lemonade, oj, crepes, omelets and quiches, roasted corn and baked potatoes or yams -  a pretty robust selection though it'd be nice to some bbq or pupusas or sausages but that's just my preference!

People thought this was:

  • Useful (6)
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  • Cool (6)
972 Gayley Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90024
(310) 208-5070

Spoc's  

Categories: American (New), American (Traditional)
Neighborhood: Westwood

3 star rating
 10/2/2009 1 photo  
I'm kind of confused about what's going on here. I'd seen the articles and the facebook page etc. etc. about this place and its focus on SAUSAGES but when I finally stopped by to check it out today the place seems to have already become an entirely different beast. Well that's not entirely true. It's more like it's new owner has reverted it back to what it originally was - serving up those long subs with pastrami or chicken kabobs, etc....and kind of as an afterthought they also serve sausage sandwiches.

I've seen the posted signs and menus change quite a bit from opening until  now. At first it was all about the sausages...and then they added the old-school subs...and now it's like the subs have taken over. The biggest signs are about the subs and sub combos. The sausage menus are small pieces of printer paper that have been lined through with black marker showing that some sausages are no longer available (the chicken mango one I 'd heard about wasn't even on the list anymore and about 2 that were on the list were crossed out) See photo: http://static.px.yelp....

On the bright side the prices have been lowered a full dollar for the sausage + fries + drink combos (now $4.50). I tried the chicken (used to be poultry - chicken and turkey I thought) and asked for the grilled onions and sweet peppers...was told they were out of the peppers...I think I was still charged the same amount anyways. The sausage was pretty yummy and there are a ton of condiments on the side like diced onions, sauerkraut (very mild), sliced chili peppers, mayo, ketchup, and 2 types of mustard (the standard deli variety as well as a "wheat" mustard?).

It's definitely one of the best deals in the village for a quick and cheap lunch so I'm sure I'll be back for more it's just kind of weird how the menu and everything has changed so much in such a short period of time.

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