Michael "I'd Rather Be A Comma Than A Full Stop" G.'s Profile

Good thing that I like their naan, because their beyond really sucks.  In fact, they don't have a single good beyond going for them.

For one thing, their food is beyond spicy.  It's to the point where it takes away from the flavor.  Each vegetable bite seems like it's been carefully spiced individually.  The reason?  I'm guessing so the customer will come back and buy extra naan.  It's actually worth waiting in the line for.

But my bigger problem is that the staff is beyond rude.  I get that the lunch wait is large and I get that in order to cut down on the waits a little, the platters are pre-made (and taste slightly so).  But would it kill them to let a customer know in advance that this is the case?  If they're going to display their food cafeteria style, they are inviting questions about if there's a choice.  No need to get snippy at me and say, Soup Nazi style, "no choice!" if someone asks.

Other than these two pet peeves, the food (at least the one entree I got that didn't bring tears to my eyes and the rice) is pretty standardly good Indian fare.  I would never make a special trip here for Indian, but if the craving is there, it's centrally located.  I would review what I got but I honestly can't remember.  It was just kind of lunch lady sloppy and blended together.  But it did taste Indian and it was fast and cheap.  So they've got something going for them.

If only they'd stick to the naan and not try to go "beyond."

While, of course, I'd rather get paid for it, there are some causes so good that I'm willing to help with social media for free.  There are certain campaigns that would be so enjoyable that they almost wouldn't feel like work.  There are some places that would be rewarding in some way just to work for.  When it comes to Katerina's, I would be willing to work gratis for an unending supply of their veggie pitas!

And I've already got the campaign in my head.  I could play up the following aspects of this restaurant on Facebook and Twitter:

- Katerina.  She really exists and she really is a "hostess with the mostest."  When she's in the restaurant, no one feels neglected with her charm flowing like the water refills.  And she's an Evangelist for Greek food and history.  A lot of Greek restaurants have cheesy photos of Athens.  She's chosen classy art that reflects the culture.  I'd have a "Katerina says" feature where she talks about something Greek once a week.

- The food's aesthetics.  Every good campaign is about pictures that tug at the heart.  A social media campaign for Katerina's would also tug at the stomach.  The plates of food are huge and carefully organized.  Each ingredient is colorful and pops out at you (even the steak cut french fries that comes with the sandwiches).  You want sexy marketing?  This place purveys food porn.

- The Yelp reviews once this place really gets going.  With Katerina's recipes, this place doesn't only look good, it tastes good.  The feta cheese and dill sauce on the two pitas that I've had here blended so perfectly that I wanted to lick the aluminum foil it came in.  But that would have been inappropriate since this place is classier than that.

To be clear, I am not an employee of Katerina's and have not been in contact with them about this review.  I'm just all about restaurants that with a little publicity should rock the Prince William County dining scene (such as it is).  With a little help this could be a destination restaurant in Manassas for years to come.

There is no other view like this on Earth!  As much I love Chicago and love the Sears (forever) Tower, that place ain't got nothing on the Empire State.  While the views of Lake Michigan are spectacular, there is nothing like seeing a collection of the world's most famous landmark buildings from the 86th floor of one of the world's most famous landmarks.

And at night the view becomes even better.  New York (and New Jersey, Connecticut, and Massachusetts) spreads out before the seer like the sea of stars that you can't see in the sky because of New York City's light pollution.  New York, being a city of smart businesspeople, keeps this place open to visitors until 2:00 a.m.!

New York's famous nightlife comes alive beneath your feet.  And since I'm older, New York's wild nights are now best viewed from the sky.

Of course, the lines are incredibly long since it's an experience that *everyone* has to do once in their life and there's not much to do while waiting (I couldn't even read a book since the queue is constantly moving).  Plus the view doesn't come cheap. But the second I stepped out onto the open observative deck, with dozens of other photo-happy tourists, all jadedness in me just evaporated.

I do have to say that it's nothing like on television.  I saw no forlorn lovers waiting for promised rendezvous.  I saw no one get down on one knee and propose.  But I did take a photo south toward Washington D.C. and sent it to a girl I was talking to at the time I last visited New York City.  She really liked it so maybe there is some romantic magic to this place as she turned out to be really cynical.

Regardless of any hearts and flowers aspect, this is still the perfect way to end a time in New York City.  After the views, most other things just fail in comparison.

Vegetarian restaurants have come a long way (baby?)!  Especially in New York City.

It used to be that to eat at one, you either had to pay a pretty penny, be surrounded by hippies, or be serenaded by a Bollywood soundtrack.  Now places like this exist.  Places where the customer can be meat free and still slum it with the best of them.  A divey, dirtbag location (technically without a public bathroom) where there might be a cockroach around every corner.  But there's guaranteed to not be one in the food posing as chicken.

And while the customer may fear the table collapsing on them, the food is just as exciting an experience.  Their hot and sour soup (a dish I'm always glad to find without meat) woke me up for sure after a long day exploring the Lower East Side.  And their variety of pan-Asian dishes is pretty impressive

The big problem was a small problem.  My bowl of soup was just a cup really.   And at almost $5.00, I expected to be more satisfied.  My friend's main dish didn't look much larger for the price he paid.  While this was, in theory, an early dinner before happy hour drinking, I left really hungry.  I know it costs more for vegan ingredients, but this still left a sour taste in my mouth and not from the soup.  It was hardly a divey price and greasy satisfaction experience in a place that is, in theory, a meatless dive.

I'm giving this place the benefit of the doubt since it felt like the old time Lower East Side I remember from a decade ago.  But with how many vegetarian choices there are now, I'm not apt to return.  This place is both a beneficiary and a victim of the vegetarian expansion in New York City.

Sometimes the answer is right in front of your face and you just refuse to see it.  The question in this case was: where can I find a really authentic Greek diner with a good feta cheese omelette in New York City?  And yet, even after seeing this place on my handy dandy Yelp app - and across from me as I departed the train at the Ditmars stop in Astoria - I wandered the whole area looking for somewhere else.  

I mean, come on, this one should have been obvious.  It was basically (but incorrectly) calling my name!  And once I *finally* got inside, it was a classic Greek deli with large portions with (for New York) cheap prices.
 
There were some flaws though.  While my feta omelette was very satisfying, I do feel as though the cheese was kind of oddly distributed.  While I don't mind a "buried treasure" kind of omelette, I do prefer the my fillings be in every bite.  Especially the magic that is feta cheese.  The eggs were also slightly burnt.  But I've come to expect this as the norm for a Greek omelette.

And the service was pretty pushy to be honest.  And a bit rude.  I got one of their house soup specialties, the egg lemon, not realizing it had chicken in it.  I ate around the chicken (it was amazing soup and totally worth being a really bad pescetarian and a little bit of stomachache).  That was fine.  But when the server came back a long time after and I told her my dilemma she said, "a little chicken isn't going to kill you."  Well, no.  But I would have hated to see her reaction had I actually, fate forbid, wanted to return the soup.

Since, yes, the soup did not kill me, I have scratched an authentic NYC Greek diner off of my bucket list.  Still it left me wanting slightly more.  Maybe there's a Michael's Diner out there with a perfect feta cheese omelette!

It hardly takes a genius to figure out what the greatest draw of this park is.  At least for a tourist like myself.  That's its location as one of the westernmost (on limits) points of Queens and the vantage point that provides of Upper Manhattan.  Especially at sunset.

Maybe for a jaded local, perhaps, the explosion of reds and oranges behind the famous New York skyline doesn't hold quite the sway it does for me.  But this sight made my mind expand.  Completely sober.

As far as the sculptures goes, it's hit or miss.  It tends to tilt a little toward the weird side.  And it's kind of scattered throughout the park.  However, the art is nicely maintained and appears to be ever changing.  The bright side of the spacing is that a lot of the pieces seem to blend in nicely with the landscaping and provide the daring with places to sit.  Being as it's a relatively quiet park, the seating (both intended and not) provides great places to chill that barely feels like being in New York City.  Except for the omnipresent hipsters that avant garde art draws like magnets.

Still, Socrates himself couldn't have come up with a better place in which to contemplate or just read a good book among great views.

The area just south of the park in Long Island City has not been gentrified at all, so I would advise walking to and from the subway in Astoria (unlike I did).  Though no one ever accused me of being a philosopher when it comes to transportation.

Truckeroo?  In June, the first monthly gathering of D.C.'s finest food trucks was more like a giant Clusterf*c*eroo.  The lines were long, the tables were sparse, and the trucks were the predictable favorites.  Not that I don't love Curbside Cupcakes, but there were not even the promised on the website amount of trucks.  

And July's second offering was a Pressyourluckeroo.  It was the exact same trucks as the first time.  In fact, I almost didn't go the third time since I had then eaten at every truck that I had wanted to.

That would have been my loss since the third one finally lived up its "aroo" name (after the giant celebration of music and fun in Tennessee, Bonnaroo).  The biggest improvement was they invited the Arlington trucks instead of just the D.C. ones.  Therefore, there were trucks there I had never even heard of let alone tried.   And the music was better as well.  The first two times it was the same cover band playing to an empty "dance floor" (which probably could have been used for more tables).  The third time it was a swinging rockabilly cover band.

But the question remains of what reason is there to go to Truckeroo over just waiting for the food trucks separately?  Even though someone can try more of the trucks at once, all of them serve their usual portions.  Meaning they're complete lunches.  Large groups willing to share will benefit, but what about the rest of us?  One lunch and one dessert fill me up.  The trucks should really consider Taste of Truckeroo portions.  The point is to get people addicted, right?  Every drug dealer knows a taste of a product is enough!

But the biggest problem is not the trucks' fault.  The venue won't let the trucks sell beverages (or let customers bring in water) so they can make money.  Frankly, I'd rather pay a .25 cent surcharge on each food item that went to Das Bullpen and not have to throw out my water bottle upon entry.  Until this draconian rule is lifted, I am withholding the fourth star.  Maybe they'll "improve" this condition by the fourth installment.  The past has shown they'll try.

Really, I'm not that picky when it comes to casinos.  I don't expect a Las Vegas or Atlantic City quality gambling house to be found at a race track near Ocean City.  But I do look for three things in a casino and this didn't deliver on any of them.  These three things are:

1) An atmosphere of excitement with hawt dealers to look at.  Now I was there around midnight, so the crowd was bound to be a little down (i.e. homeless people come into a few dollars).  But there were only video table games.  As in a filmed representation of a dealer while live people sat at a table!  No live, hawt dealers.  Now, mind you, I don't mind internet porn.  But I don't think computerized dealers are the wave of the future.  They have no personality.

2) A buffet to justify my being in a casino while I'm unemployed.  I don't find it so bad to waste government largesse if there's a lot of food involved.  The simple cafe this place has, while thankfully inexpensive, did not really add any value to my late night stop.  Though their pasta was decent.  In a depressed casino sort of way.

3) A parking lot to sleep in after I get really drunk on cheaper casino beer.  First of all, I have to say that it was brilliant design of them to put every video poker machine - my addiction - in the place at the bar.  But that's where my enjoyment ended.  Despite being inside a casino, the beers were actually about $1.00 *more* than in Ocean City proper.  And the casino closes at 2:00 a.m.  I ended up sleeping in a shopping center parking lot across the street.  Sure most people get hotels in Ocean City *before* leaving Washington D.C. and that's my fault.  But what casino closes at 2:00 a.m.?  Especially in a vacation town.  That's my point.

In a recent issue of Washington D.C.'s Express newspaper, it was reported that Maryland's two casinos made the state $15.5 million in July.  And if this is what the other one's like as well, I'm wondering how.  Then again, with how quickly my $5.00 disappeared, maybe I can see how they brought in so much revenue last month.

In the past few years, Chicago has given Washington D.C. at least three things: Barack Obama, me, and Roti.

And I think that D.C. owes Chicago the following responses (in order): thank you? (depending on what political persuasion you are), thank you. (now someone offer me a job, because I'm awesome), and thank you!

It's not like Roti is the only Mediterranean fast food place on the block.  But over the past few years, they perfected their processes in four downtown Chicago locations and then took their show on the road here (kind of like me).  Since every location in Chicago had already experienced incredibly long lines, the D.C. locations that I've been to all run like clockwork.  And this brand new Foggy Bottom location (right off the Blue Line) is no exception.  It's Midwestern (lunch) assembly line perfection on the East Coast.

What separates this new location from the others, however, is its aesthetics.  While the others feel slightly cramped, this is what a Chicago location feels like.  A nice, huge, airy dining room with a lot of tables.  And a huge patio.  I rarely ever get "homesick" for the Windy City, but if I did, I would definitely be calling on this location a lot.

As far as the food goes at this location, I was a bit disappointed that I got burnt rice on my first visit.  But everything else I got, from the baba ghanouj to the cous cous to the feta cheese was spot on.  And their falafel (which they'll substitute in instead of meat on any of their platters) really is something to behold.  They're kind of small, but not oily and very flavorful.

With service and recipes like they have, I fully expect them to be here for (at least) four more years.  But as far as Barack and I, being here for that long is up to us finding/keeping our jobs.

While I'm sure that it's wrong to call a free museum, "complete b.s.," I'm going to do it.  Although while I was there, I used stronger language.

Honestly, with how obscure this modern art museum likes their pieces, I found that what I recognized the most as "art" was the bathroom.  The rest was the kind of paint splattered on canvas that makes people in "flyover country" call the East Coast "pretentious."  I haven't seen so many weird geometric shapes since I took, and hated, geometry - maybe how I feel about this museum has something to do with that.  When one of the security guards mumbled something about staying behind the tape in one exhibit, it was the most intelligible thing I experienced.

Seriously, there's one exhibit that just has patrons walk into a dark room and then admire shadows once their eyes adjust.

The permanent exhibition on the third floor isn't all bad.  There are some Edward Hopper paintings and some slightly controversial sculptures.  Still, this part from Joseph Hirshhorn's personal collection that he gave to the museum seems to just be the works of his friends in New York City that the government took, said, "hey, free museum," and decided to display.

There is one incredible view though.  On the third floor, there's a huge window with views of The Mall, The Capitol, and the Washington Monument. It's a great for taking photography that could be better than almost anything in the museum.  Plus there are soft couches to admire the views or just chill out with the museum's free wi-fi.

Similarly, the museum's sculpture garden provides shady opportunities to experience art and peace at the same time.  I certainly needed this "moment of Zen" after the frustration of wasting time here.  It's the only reason I'm giving this place a third star.  Other Smithsonians may be too crowded to take a break from the world in, but there's a reason this one is empty in my opinion.