Nader "the_mad_nader" A.'s Profile

If you walk into Stark Naked Pizza expecting to find a joint that combines pizza with one of Portland's most notable industries (i.e. strip clubs) you'll be at least half disappointed. The staff here don't take their clothes off for your money (at least not that I'm aware of), but they DO serve pretty decent pizza, so it won't be a total bust.

Obviously the "Stark" in their name comes from the street on which they're located, but the "naked"? I don't want to think about what may or may not go on back in their kitchen...

Anywho, the ambiance here is a little...stark, and it really is a dark little hole in the wall. I've heard good things about their pies, and the specialties listed on their menu do sound interesting, unfortunately the slice of pepperoni I had at around 2pm on a Saturday left a bit to be desired.

Visually it looked like a nice, thin crust, oregano-herbed slice...but it was a little dry and tasted as if it had been sitting under the heat lamp for a bit too long. It's a shame really, but since I was just about the only paying customer in the joint I'll bet they just didn't want to cook up some fresh pies for an empty restaurant. Understandable, but not a great excuse for serving blah pizza.

They do have cheap beer on tap - which is probably almost enough to convince me to make this a 3* review all on it's own - but I'm handing out that 3rd * because their menu looks quite impressive for a tiny pizza joint. There were quite a few sandwiches, of the hot grilled variety, that sounded pretty damn delicious...though I have yet to try one.

So, the next time I check Stark Naked Pizza out it will almost certainly be for a whole pie (so I know it's fresh) or one of those grilled toasted sandwiches. And who knows, maybe next time they'll completely throw me slinging pizza in the buff!

Perhaps Tabla gets so much love for their dinner service that they are overlooked a bit for Happy Hour, which when we stopped in for our first ever visit. While I wasn't completely blown away, I left with a very good impression of Tabla, and will certainly be back for HH in the future, and likely will give it a shot for dinner as well.

This good first impression, however, didn't fit terribly well with my expectations of the place. Given that Tabla bills itself as a "Mediterranean Bistro", and knowing that the musical instrument after which they take their name is a hand drum from India, I was expecting more exotic, ethnic flavors and styles.

Instead they seem to focus more on the European side of the Mediterranean, and offer up more Continental rather than Oriental dishes. Still, what they DO have is pretty impressive visually and gastronomically!

We just wanted a small bite for HH, which is good since they don't really have that many choices and none of them seem terribly hearty. Our cheese plate was nice, and fairly inexpensive at $6, but only came with one variety of cheese, a handful of lovely frozen grapes, and a few bits of toasted bread drizzled with a sweet honey-like apricot syrup. A very nice melding of different flavors, but I'd have gladly spend 50% more if they'd have given us maybe 3 different cheeses and a little more bread.

No complaints however about the complimentary little bowl of seasoned olives! These were nice enough for them to charge a couple $$, but I really appreciate that Tabla is one of the shrinking number of places that's happy to give you something more than just pretzels or peanuts on the house.

I'd describe the place as casually elegant, and the servers were all very professionally dressed. It's approachable and welcoming, even if you're wearing jeans and trainers or just got off work, but for dinner I would definitely wear a button-down as this is not the type of place that will serve burgers and chicken nuggets alongside the flank steak or roasted quail.

You won't find many cheap eats at Tabla, even the HH salads come in at $6 or more, but the customizable 3-course dinner starting at just $24 seems eminently reasonable for this level of near-fine dining.

I'd appreciate if they add a few more affordable wines to their cellar, but at least during HH a glass of the daily house wine is just $6. Pints of beer are only $3.50 (again, during HH) but I didn't get the most generous of pours (the beer you see in my pic is BEFORE I had a sip).

If nitpicking about price seems a bit gauche to you, then you'll probably just LOVE Tabla; it is after all the experience that one goes out for, and the service, cuisine, and simple elegance here does impress. However, for a guy who enjoys tater tots and IPA as much as (or more than) pan seared scallops and a nice petite syrah, Tabla is quite good, but not great in my estimation.

Seasons change, the weeks turn into months, then years, but my love for the New Old Lompoc has neither waned nor wavered, and I still count it as one of my favorite bars in town, year round.

Being a brewery, I gotta start with their beers. Not the most adventuresome or cutting edge of brewers (those honors probably have to go to Hair of the Dog, or maybe Deschuttes); their stable of brews isn't the largest nor the most varied (nod goes to Rogue), but for sheer consistency and just downright good beer Lompoc is right up there with the best. Condor Pale, Proletariat Red, Centennial IPA, C-Note DIPA...this is a solid foundation upon which to build a small local brewery.

And when you're looking for a spot to enjoy one of their beers, the New Old location on NW Trendy-third is far and away the best outpost in the now sizable Lompoc family of pubs. Inside it's fairly warm and inviting, with old world wood booths and a friendly pub feel.

The back patio makes a strong bid for my favorite al fresco drinking/dining venue in the city...especially in the Summer or when the weather is nice. However, a good portion of it is covered thus usable even when the weather takes a Portland-ey turn as it does this time of year. Bring a jacket or warm sweater and the roof will keep the rain off you so you can enjoy the crisp Autumn air while you savor a well crafted beer (and a smoke, if that's your thing).

Service is rarely fantastic, but has never been poor. I've never had problems with lost or incorrect orders, though I also follow their rules when it comes to ordering from the bar vs from a server.

Their prices for food and drink are  little on the high end for a small neighborhood brewpub, but it's still a fair value given the quality and quantity. Their food menu is quite varied and far superior and to any other Lompoc location, and their happy hour discounts can save you some $ for a few hours any day of the week, or all day Saturday AND Sunday. For beer drinkers, Miser Monday may be the best time to visit where you can score two-fiddy Lompoc pints all night long! (see my pic for the current HH menu and times)

Good beer + solid food + very pleasant ambiance = a very strong 4+ stars in my book!

Mother Maybel could really stand to have spent a little longer in the nunnery before embarking on service to the outside world, so to speak.

I'd noticed the sign that this place was "coming soon" a few weeks back, and last Friday, seeing that it was finally open, gave it a shot.

There's a lot going for Mother Maybel's right out the gate. First off, it's located on the same block, just around the corner from Pambiche (http://www.yelp.com/bi...) - which happens to be a wonderful restaurant that does NOT serve booze (I don't consider beer & wine to be "booze"), allowing them to lure those interested in pre- or post-dinner drinks.

Secondly, it's right on 28th Ave - which is quickly becoming one of my favorite east side avenues for drinks and dining out. Between Bamboo Sushi and Ken's Artisan Pizza in the SE, up to Katie O'Brien's up north of Sandy you've got at least a dozen (though I haven't counted) really cool places. Sure, that means Mother Maybel's is competing with some more established businesses, but it also means you've already got people in the neighborhood.

The place seemed completely empty, but we were greeted quickly by a server who asked if we'd like to sit in the lounge or restaurant side. To be frank there was almost no discernible difference between the two, save for the presence of a rather non-descript actual bar on one side. The tables and decor were identical on both sides and we were told the full drinks and food menu was available anywhere.

Aside from the emptiness (there was one other couple) my strongest first impression was of the overwhelming (and unpleasant) odor of fresh paint. The place needed some serious ventilation as it smelled like the fumes typically found after a quick apartment remodel.

The aesthetics of the place were clean and tidy, but lacked any character. They could have gone quaint, eclectic, upscale, funky, some sort of charming riff on the religulous "Mother Maybel" name - I would have expected just about anything but what we saw, which was not unlike the lounge at a Stanford's chain restaurant. Aurally they seemed to be trying really hard to give Mother Maybel's a retro vibe, with classic jazz, loungey Sinatra, and 60's era big band tunes. Unfortunately this wasn't well reflected in visual ambiance.

I could have overlooked the cookie-cutter look, and the paint or wood glue odors will surely diminish in time, but for a cocktail bar to flub up the drinks as much as Mother Maybel's did is fairly unforgivable.

To begin with, the first drink listed on their menu was a Sazerac. Now, this is a classic cocktail I've been digging in recent years, and I was really looking forward to trying Mother Maybel's version; since my buddy ordered it I just tried his and ordered something else. A few minutes after placing our orders our server returned and said they were out of rye for the Sazerac.

Huh? This place seemed to have been open for all of 5 hours by the time we arrived (despite the server's insistence that they'd been open a week and a half). It's a bad sign when a bar with "spirits" in their name doesn't stock enough to make what I gather, based on it's primacy on the menu, must be one of their signature drinks! And rye was a key ingredient in a number of other specialty cocktails they had listed. Seriously, unless they place was populated by the Invisible man and all his friends on a rye binge, I don't know who could have been drinking all this booze.

The bartender offered to make it with Wild Turkey instead - and while there IS a Wild Turkey rye whiskey (which is what I presume they used, rather than the more common Wild Turkey bourbon), something about it didn't make for a good Sazerac.

Also, the bartender saw fit (whether intentionally or by mistake) to use an inordinately large quantity of absinthe. Typically, the absinthe is used just to wash the ice-chilled glass, so you only get a hint of the somewhat mediciney flavor. Here that taste overpowered the whole drink (there's a reason straight absinthe is prepared with sugar). In truth, it seemed like they had the drink on the menu more as a novelty, hoping the trendy people would be so giddy to be ordering an absinthe cocktail they wouldn't notice the poor execution. So disappointing.

My cocktail was completely unremarkable and far too forgettable. It seemed to be a house-made specialty, rather than a classic drink, but came off a little sweeter than I expected. Not bad, probably worth the $6 or so they charged me, but no better than what you could get at really any fully stocked bar.

We'd just eaten elsewhere, we didn't try Mother Maybel's food and I didn't bother really scanning the menu. Something tells me I won't be back here for quite some time, so I wasn't too interested in what they're serving right now.

While time may cure some of their missteps, I see very little reason to return until I've heard they're on the right track.

I know that Vintage Cocktail lounge is still fairly new, and I get the feeling like they're still searching for their identity.

It's pleasant inside, but I wouldn't call it swanky or elegant at all. In fact, the rustic wood floors gave me more of an old skool saloon-type vibe. Not that that's a bad thing, but if you're thinking higher-end cocktail bar (a la Vault downtown) they you may be disappointed.

Further evidence that they may be aiming their sights more at the common man: $1.50 tall boys for happy hour! They also offer up $2.50 well drinks and a selection of $4 glasses of wine...but I'm not so sure I dig the wines they were pouring for happy hour when we went. A big plus: their happy hour runs until 7pm!

We ordered up a cheese plate, which really rocked, but since they don't discount food for HH, we skipped it and decided to dine elsewhere. Menu prices seemed a bit on the higher end - not super expensive, but the little pizza bites I saw delivered to another table seemed a bit skimpy.

I think Vintage's strongest suit are their cocktails (which would only make sense given the name Vintage COCKTAIL Lounge). They have fully stocked bar with many top, mid, and bottom shelf spirits to choose from. I also love that they pour a wide variety of their own house-made infused spirits, and seem to encourage you to flex your mixologist muscles by creating your own drink recipies. Not that you can't just tell your barkeep at the neighborhood dive what to make you, but at Vintage I think they will be happy to pour something to your specifications rather than glower and begrudgingly do so.

Anyway, Vintage is a nice addition to this strip of SE Stark - which is now home to a handful of bars and restaurants that I'd be pretty happy to dine and drink at any night of the week - and I'm sure I'll be back before too long!

I'm stumped by the name of this place.

Do they serve alcohol? Nope.

Is the chicken in a self-serve bar, typically under a sneeze guard? Naw, they make your plate for you.

Is the chicken served in a rectangular shape, like a bar of gold bouillon? No, it's in the traditional irregular ovoid shape of a standard chicken breast.

Are they telling us the pressure of chicken? I'm not even sure how you would calculate such a thing, and in any case don't think that a chicken breast has 14.5037744 psi.

So, while I have no idea where the name Chicken Bar came from, their menu is pretty easy to understand. It's basically grilled chicken served on it's own, as a sandwich, or with steamed rice (white or brown), pasta, steamed veggies, or various combinations thereof. They have a handful of different sauces and seasonings (teriyaki, sweet chili, cajun, etc) for the chicken.

And that's it. Just order at the counter, grab a seat, and go grab your grub when they call your order. Simple and quick food, at relatively low prices, and you'll see why this place can get fairly busy serving business lunch crowd.

I went with a nice combo (on special) of Sweet Chili Chicken, with steamed veggies, brown rice, and a soda for under $8. The portion was more than ample for the price, and everything was average to above average. The only slight ding would be that the chicken could have been a bit juicier; it wasn't inedibly dry, but not perfect either.

The walls are chock-a-block full of photos of 'roided up men and women (I think) from muscle and fitness magazines and competitions - a little weird if you ask me, but if you're the type that buys andro cream, shoots up with HGH, or buys protein-carbo-max muscle growth supplements by the barrel you'll feel right at home!

Definitely worth checking out if you work in the area and want an inexpensive, quick, and healthy lunch!

I'm not terribly familiar with Vietnamese cuisine in general, and have even less experience with Pho, but after lunch at Pho Tango I'm kicking myself that I haven't tried this stuff sooner!

I've heard from many a pho-addict that, like taquerias, there's an inverse relationship between the cleanliness of the dining area and the quality of the pho - meaning the dirty places are the best.

If that's the case, and the pho at a sparklingly clean and tidy place like Pho Tango is only mediocre, then great googily moogily, the really GOOD pho must be worth selling your 1st born over (not having a 1st born, it's hard to really put a value on that, but you get the idea).

I chose a small bowl with eye round steak and well-done flank steak (not quite brave enough to try tendon just yet). I guess the size must be in relation to the fact they serve a larger bowl, because there is no way any reasonable person looking at the amount of pho I was served would ever call it "small". I was famished and, while made a yeoman's effort, there still was broth left in my bowl.

And all of this cost me less than $7!

Speaking of the broth - it was mildly seasoned, not bland, but with no super strong flavors. Still, tossing in all the jalapenos they served me, along with most of the basil and bean sprouts, and liberal squirts of cock sauce, resulted in a wonderfully fragrant, tasty bowl of soup!

Both types of beef were tender and delicious, though I'd probably have appreciated a slightly higher meat-to-noodle ratio (keeping in mind I'm basically a pho virgin, and I'm guessing that it generally comes heavy on the noodles and lighter on the meat).

The noodles were quite good, and I really impressed myself, managing to summon all my limited chop stick skills, to eat almost all of them without slopping things in my lap or on the table.

I'm getting the sense that service at most spots in Hillsboro, at least around lunchtime, are all pretty no nonsense, efficient, and quick. What they lack in warmth and friendliness, they more than make up for with quick and effective service. Our orders were taken right away, our waters never went empty, and our table was cleared as soon as we were done. Although I did feel rushed, it was NOT due to our server, but rather to the fact that people were lined up out the door waiting for a table to open up.

I'll definitely come back for another lunch Pho Tango, and look forward to trying some different dishes. But more than anything else, this place has inspired me to seek out and try some of the many pho options closer to home.

Mantra Espresso & Wine Bar is definitely a unique little spot that defies categorization. It looks more like a cafe than anything else, nicely appointed, but fairly pedestrian and located smack dab in the middle of a bland and boring strip mall. They do brew up Stumptown, for those of you who swear allegiance to that particular brand of java (I'm fairly coffee agnostic).

A little closer look though and you'll see that Mantra has a fairly extensive selection of wines. They even have the stones to pour a couple domestic Cabernet Sauvignons that will set you back $25 [!] or more per glass! I've rarely run across even $20 glasses of wine at some of the hottest wine bars in town (most places won't sell their higher end wines by the glass). So it's clear that they're serious about trying to establish themselves as a higher-end wine bar (though they do have reasonably priced $4-6 glasses as well).

They also serve food, and much of it seems perfectly tailored to go with wine. Gourmet olives, cheese plates, bruschetta, and houmous all seem like the typical bites that might accompany a nice glass of wine. Add in some more filling menu items like some panninis and 8" personal pizzas, and they've got at least few items you could put together to make a light dinner.

So, now you're thinking: wine bar that also serves espresso, right? But Mantra throws you another curve-ball - they have 3-4 quality beers on tap (including Lompoc's C-note Imperial IPA and North Coast's PranQster Belgian-style Golden) and 15 or so more bottles. And to prove their commitment to being a destination for beer aficionados, they recently organized a "meet the brewer" night featuring Ninkasi Brewing's Jamie Floyd - that was actually the event that occasioned our visit.

Jamie was pouring tasters from 3 of Ninkasi's great brews - Total Domination, Tricerahops, and the Radiant summer seasonal. Having had each of these before, my buddy and I just ordered up a bomber of Tricerahops. I'm not sure if they always served double-deuces or if it was just for the tasting.

To go with the frosty bebidas we ordered up a meat and cheese plate - a pair each of cheeses and cured meats. While the menu said we were getting 1 cow and 1 goat cheese, our server neglected to identify what we actually did get. One of them was really tasty (with what looked like rosemary on top, the other was bland enough that I'd have believed Kraft made it). The couple slices of Italian meats were nice, but a little skimpy.

By this time we'd downed our beer, and each ordered a pint of Total Domination (on draught, the other Ninkasi beers were bottled). Here's where things started getting a little weird. We both thought this tasted...different. It was sweeter, flatter, and far less hoppy than any pint of TD I've ever had. I was ready to brush it off and think it was just me, but when my buddy raised an eyebrow and said, "does this taste strange to you" we had to say something.

In retrospect it may not have been the smartest move, as it certainly seemed to put the bartender on the defensive. He insisted it was a-ok, even telling us he had Jamie try it and it was perfect.

Ultimately I can't say for sure, but my guess is there was something wrong with their tap lines or something. Whatever, by this point I felt so uncomfortable that I wasn't about to send our waitress back to ID our cheeses for fear that our pizzas (that had not yet been delivered) might have some unadvertised and unwanted extra toppings of the phlegmatic variety.

When our pizzas DID arrive, they were both quite nice. Very thin, semi-crisp, but with a conservative amount of cheese and toppings each slice was easy to pick up without it falling apart.

Mantra is a study in the challenges of trying to bring "big city" to the 'burbs. It's not exactly expensive, but any time you're selling 'premium' from a strip mall it's a tough sell. I'm sure that if I was a local I'd appreciate it a bit more, but for my time/money I'd rather stay on the south side of the river. I just can't see traveling out of my way for a middling quality coffee/wine/beer bar with an identity crisis.

Oh, and their website needs attention. If typos on a resume are bad, then  misspelling the word "wine" on the website of a "wine bar" is atrocious.

I know that 2*s sounds really harsh, and there was nothing absolutely horrible about Happy Panda, but to me it completely sums up the official Yelp 2* definition: "Meh. I've experienced better."

They had a goodly number of lunch specials; priced at about $7 each entree also comes with soup, a wonton, an egg roll, and steamed rice. Sounds like a bargain, right?

Well the portion sizes are quite generous, but I'd gladly all that quantity for a little more quality. They could save themselves some inventory and about 2 seconds of work in the kitchen by simply tossing the fried wonton strip straight in the trash - no filling, just a flavorless, rectangular piece of fried flour.

Everyone in our party of 3 ordered the Hot & Sour soup - a bowl of salty broth, sparsely populated with tofu and egg, but neither "hot" nor "sour". Like the fried wonton, this was another component of the lunch combo that really did nothing for me.

The egg roll was OK; perhaps a little oily, but at least it was crisp and cooked through. Still, I was left with the feeling that they served this just to ensure you would be full when you left.

My main dish was Kung Pao chicken. I was pleased to see it didn't look artificially colored - at some crappy Chinese places it looks like they pour food dye in the stir fry to make the Kung Pao look fiery and red. Here it looked like simple chicken stir fried with celery, peanuts, and onion. Unfortunately that's exactly what it tasted like!

I wasn't expecting a true hot 'n spicy Sichuan Kung Pao, but I DID expect a little spice, some chilis...heck I would have settled for any flavor! This dish was so bland I think the Happy Panda people must have been aiming to please only those who think that Panda Express is too spicy. It was a real shame, because the chicken and veggies were cooked nicely - the former was tender, while the latter still retained it's natural crunch.

The service was typical lunch-crowd efficient. They did a decent job of refilling our waters, upon request they promptly brought a selection of chili condiments to add some flavor to our meals, and generally did a competent job of serving our table. Interestingly, they kept pimping the sodas so much that we started to wonder if the servers got paid a bonus for each coke they sold. It bordered on irritating after declining the 3rd or 4th "are you sure you don't want something other than water" type comment.

As I said, nothing here was so bad that I would categorically write Happy Panda off; and if others in my party really wanted to go here I'd give it another shot. But seriously, I think I WOULD prefer Panda Express over this place, and it makes me kinda sad to say that.

Having recently hitched my wagon to a more consistently-paying gravy train, I now find myself in somewhat unfamiliar territory during the business day - smack dab in Hillsboro!

The bad news is I don't really know jack about the lunch options out there, but the good news is there's a whole truckload of places to try, all of which are new to me! One of the better places I've tried was Zab.

First off, it gets points from me for not following the common cutesy (cheesy) naming convention of working the word "Thai" into some roll-your-eyes clever name (Beau Thai; My Thai; Typhoon; Win, Lose, or Thai). Instead they go all minimalist with the 3-letter, 1-syllable name of "Zab".

The staff at Zab are very, very welcoming and friendly. When we told our server we still needed more time to make a decision he helpfully offered up a pair of recommendations. I jumped at the Spicy Crispy Basil Chicken (as I'd already narrowed it down to that and one other dish); and my buddy went with the other suggested dish, the ol' reliable Pad Thai.

Our server was so confident in his recommendations that he even guaranteed (maybe jokingly?) that if we didn't like them then on our next visit a lunch entree would be on him!

I thought the Pad Thai had a good amount of well-cooked veggies, and the noodles were quite good. Unfortunately I thought they went a little heavy on the peanut sauce, which was a little bland and underwhelming. Overall though, it was pretty good, with lots of tasty grilled chicken, sliced into strips on top, and definitely portioned generously.

The Spicy Crispy dish was really quite good. Some "crispy" dishes end up getting a bit soggy and chewy, but the chicken and even the basil leaves were definitely scored a 9/10 on the crispness scale. Ultimately I think I'd have preferred it if this dish been stir-fried rather than crispy-fried, but it was still delicious and fans of crispy Asian dishes would probably LOVE it.

The flavors of both dishes were very fresh and quite nice (notable exception being the sub-par peanut sauce), and all of it had a subtle hint of spice, with no real fire (suitable for those with sensitive palates who fear spicy food). We ordered everything mild since, having never been here before, I wasn't sure how hot their "hot" would be; if/when I go back I'll probably leapfrog the "medium" and go straight to "hot", 'cuz that's just how I roll.

With a fairly extensive list of lunch specials to go along with the standard menu items, Zab makes a terrific lunch destination if you live/work in the Hillsboro/Beaverton area.