Ryan "Food Bully" B.'s Profile

I've lived in Euless since 2005 and I've driven east and west on 183 hundreds of time. Several times I've glanced over and thought, "Hmmm, I should try that place. It's just a little building inside a generic parking lot. Unique at least." *Finally*, after all this time, I remembered to try it instead of my default Taco Bell, and it was worth the wait. As Michael and Yvette described, it's just a little building in a parking lot with no inside services, but the cheese steak sandwich is great. The beef is smokey and salty; the bread is spongy and warm (not tough, crusty, or grilled); the onions are garlicy and spicy; and the Whiz is, well, it's canned cheese product spread *under* the meat but through the Power of Transubstantiation, turns into gooey Gold in your mouf (yes, "mouf," as in M-Au-W-F, rhymes with "mouse".)

Go with the Combo No 1 - any 10", chips, drink - and it's ~$8. It's more than Subway I know, but so much better. If you need lunch and you are in MidCities, exit 157 Industrial and it's in the two-level strip mall on the Northwest corner.

I *so* wanted to hate this place, really I did. I only have so much room in my Burrito/Taco Rotation: Chipotle, Freebirds, and Fuzzy's are demanding mistresses and adding one more to my faux-Mexican harem could lead to a colonic disaster. Another reason I had the poison pen ready and waiting was because I initially went when they were closed . . . on two occasions. Once, I went right after 2pm and I noted, "Ok, my fault, I should've look 'em up first." There were men, manly men seated along the window having their way with their burrito and it filled me with jealousy. I regrouped and devised a better plan, which was to go on a Sunday morning when I knew I could get Taco Joint's undivided attention. And they were closed again. Like Bush said, "fool me once, shame on -- [pauses] - shame on you. Fool me -- You can't get fooled again." I vowed then that Taco Joint would never again have the satisfaction of rejecting me! But like a part time lover that is so good at That One Thing you can't get anyone else to do, I went back again. I swallowed my sinful pride and opened myself up emotionally, but this time I made it in the door . . . only to stand in the slowest line ever.  I mean, c'mon, you're shoveling eggs into tortillas. Pick it up.

So as I was standing in line I was taking mental note of how many things I was going to have to find fault with my assuradly one night  taco stand. First, the hours are a joke. Breakfast and an occassional lunch only? And closed Sunday? No, I need my tacos at my beck and booty call. Next, the foreplay is soooo tedious and akward. I waited longer than it took me to eat, so like a teenage Prom Queen, I just knew the bang-to-hype ratio would under-deliver. Also, it's not a dive even though it (and/or its patrons) want you to believe so. You lose all dive credibility when every other car is a Mercedes, Caddy SUV, or Lexus (there was even a Maserati). And no beer? I know it's mostly breakfast and lunch, but I do enjoy and good beer buzz early in the morning. Finally, I was certain they only got good reviews because they have a very low bar to hurdle in that gastronomic hell hole - there's simply no competition down there.

After I finally got my burrito (Five Alarm, if it matters) and jalapeno ranch (yes, Ranch goes with eggs), I dived in expecting a side of "Meh." Dammit! My entire review that I had already written was thrown into the mental waste basket and I had to start over! The chorizo was spicey and smokey, but not oozing orange grease. The tortilla tasted homemade. And yes, Colin B., the jalapeno Ranch is that amazing. I tasted it and immediately got back up and made a bee-line to the tap. I grabbed a few little cups and I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I did jalapeno Ranch as shots. People were watching. Some gave me the Knowing Nod. Others looked to me for leadership. I'm not proud of what I did to myself to satisfy my hedonistic urges, but I'll do it again. That s*it is good.  

Taco Joint is like a good lover whom you only get to enjoy occasionally, one who teases you with limited availability, making you wait among their literal stable of suitors, thus reminding you that you can easily be replaced. So while you wait you may think, "There are other lovers I could have, ones I don't have to chase. Someone who appreciates me!" You might become self-agitated at how you put up with their shenanigans, but you know deep inside that you want to be there and that you will come back for more. It makes you feel dirty. But then when your lover calls your name and you get to feel the soft, suppleness in your mouth, all shame is gone and you live in the moment, not knowing when the next will come.

Another place I visited because of the Yelp community and once again, I was not let down. Thank you Yelp Dallas. Victor Tango's is 'different,' and being different is hard to do in the sea-of-sameness that is Dallas dining. Local diners like uniformity among all restaurants and seek familiarity. But Victor Tango's is 'different' and probably unsuitable for those who prefer the cozy confines of a pleather booth in a mega-chain with a focus group-assembled 10-page menu. For example, each dish is what American diners would consider appetizer-sized but at entree prices, and the ingredients may be a bit obscure - daikon, lavosh, and shishito are not on the menu at Chili's. But I digress . . .

VT's succeeds at striking a difficult balance of 'bar' and 'food.' The drinks seemingly gather as much attention as does the food. The layout of both the restaurant and the menu support this: The bar (and bar area) are the first thing you see when you walk in and they take-up nearly half of the real estate. On the menu, the front page is the food and the back page is the drinks. Or is it the other way around? To deconstruct the menu, you can't tell which is the front and which is the back? Is food the focus or is the focus on the cocktails? Yes, I spend time pondering such philosophical issues because it speaks to the mission of VT: to enjoy both the food and drink.

Now, on to the food. As has been noted several times, both food and drink are some of the best in Dallas. The food is served tapas style, although there is nothing even remotely resembling Spanish cuisine. We (Dallas) are so ingrained in the huge portion size (ie, Cheesecake Factory) we can't even come up with our own concept of smaller-sized tasting dishes with shared plates without co-opting a foreign dining concept. The menu doesn't really have a theme, unless eclectic is a theme. There are Asian dishes, comfort or soul food dishes, Italian dishes. For example, my friend and I had the ceviche (Pacific coast Mexican), crab ravioli (Italian), lobster sliders (New England?), chicken-and-waffles (soul food), sea bass and Kobe (doubt it) 'surf and turf' (Japanese), and the brownie Sunday dessert (American?). The point is, the menu is all over the place and this lends itself to the purpose of VT - to try different things and share them with your friends.

Tuesday night is $2 pints - all pints - and half-priced apps after 10:00pm. The Tuesday I went it was D-E-A-D so you got all the service and attention (and pool tables) you may ever want. Smokers have to go outside. Just don't leave anything visible in your car and don't lollygag back to your car. The Skillman/Audelia neighborhood is kinda sketchy.

I've lived in North Texas off and on for 25 years and am a product of Arlington ISD. I've heard of J Gilligan's for just as long but never made my way over, probably because it is in the ghost town of "downtown" Arlington, is a bit too close to the Arlington Police Headquarters, and is now (Sept. '09) surrounded by Jerry World/Deathstar road construction.

Anyway, my brother and his wife are Arlington natives and they reminded me of this place. One rainy Saturday night when nothing else was enticing me, I headed over. As expected in that part of town, J Gilligan's seems to be two (or more) buildings that have morphed into one. One half is the bar, the other half is the restaurant. One side is smoking. One is not. There are random alcoves and unmarked doors and patios and covered walkways that go nowhere. It's a design mess and in a fire you'd never get out, but it is comforting because it is lacking all pretense and polish (eg, their shots are served in plastic cups). While it is a disjointed combination of sports bar and live music venue, it is obviously a locals place where the person sitting next to you drinking may also jump behind the bar and make drinks. Other than atmosphere, they have a better-than-most draft beer selction, maybe 20 on tap, and their Irish nachos were pretty good. Order the small, which consists of sliced potatos and standard nacho toppings, and it will soak up gallons of beer.

Thank you Yelp, your suggestions were spot-on once again. I drove from Euless to Live Oak for lunch at Alligator Cafe. That's about a 40 mile round trip - that's called committment to my craft - and it was worth it. The menu was pretty standard cajun dishes: boudin balls for apps; half muff and a cup of red beans and rice for lunch; fried seafood; etouffes and creoles. They also have beer and wine too. I went with the standard crawfish etouffe so I could compare it against other places and it didn't dissapoint. The roux was a deep red, blond-ish roux which had only the slightest smokiness to it, with some nuttiness and just the right amount of heat. It had ample crawfish and the white rice was warm and fluffy. It came with a small heel of French bread. Don't tear into the bread until you've eaten all of your creole or etouffe - you'll need it to mop up what's left. I could've used more of to mop up the roux because I didn't want to lick the bowl. The only things I'd like to see is 1) BBQ Shrimp, 2) Crystal hot sauce, and 3) Louisiana beer, preferably a selection of Abita. Absolutely hit this place up for lunch or dinner. It deserves the stars that it gets.

Even though it is located in epicenter of Grapevine's chain restaurant abyss, CPK is still a good option. A few things I can comment on: 1) They'll give you a healthier alternative to the 'bleached enriched white flour' dough and make you a whole wheat crust instead. 2) They don't have anchovies. 3) They use fresh-sliced Serrano peppers when you ask for jalapenos, and Serrano's are hotter. 4) Their tiramisu is awesome.

I just totally wrote this review and posted it under Coal Vines. That should be a clue that they are one in the same. I think Fireside is a bit steep for pizza and beer. If you are going to shell out the shekels, drive east to Eno's or west to Mellow Mushroom, both of which are significant improvements. While Fireside's pizzas are good, they are ~$15 or so for what would pass as a medium. I had a chicken and mushroom pizza with a Spinach salad . . . on top of the pizza. At first I was like, "WTF? Why is my salad *on* a hot pizza? Are you out of salad bowls?" Maybe it was explained on the menu and I didn't notice. I was having a pity party "Table for One" because my pimp hand let me down that night. But spinach salad on a hot pizza worked! The heat from the pizza wilted the spinach a bit (I'm aware of a wilted spinach salad, thank you) and the spinach added a nice texture to the pizza.

But a pint of draft is $6 and a pitcher is $18. Dude, uncool. I know, "You could've bought a whole six pack for that!" See, there's something about "pizza and pitcher beer" and $30+ tab for one person that seem oxymoronic. Maybe I'm ol' school, but I remember as a kid baseball "team parties" at Mr Gatti's and they didn't charge the dads $18 for a pitcher of beer. Otherwise they wouldn't have sat there and golf-clapped for hours on end while each and every kid got a trophy for some trumped up recognition: "And for the most improved left-handed middle infielder with the last name A-L who uses a red bat . . ."

Apparently they're planning on showing Cowboy games and broadcasting the play-by-play over the in-house PA system. But if they want to bring in a game day crowd, they need to re-think $6 pints of Peroni.

You've got to know a few things before you go: First, if you go on a weekend night, it may take :30 to get through the lines. Considering it is counter-service and they're only grilling burgers, they are glacierly slow (is that a word?).

There are two lines: The longer line is for the burger. There is also a second line for the bar. If you are a drinker, you should probably get a bucket or pitcher of margaritas while you wait in line. It is entirely possible to finish both while you wait. The buckets of 5 are $15 and the pitchers of margaritas are $15.

The margs were kinda sad. They had plenty of tequila in them and they tasted like margaritas, don't get me wrong. I just didn't care for the consistency. Maybe I'm low-brow, but I like my margs from a machine. Granted, I love 1) Patron, 2) lime juice, and 3) Gran Mariner, but when I want frozen, I go Idiocracy and I want Slurply-style goodness. Don't give me blender crap. Unfortunately, Twisted Root uses a pre-mixed tequila and sweet and sour rocks mix, throws in some shaved ice, and calls in "snowball style." It is ridiculous because the cash flow this place has, they can afford to buy a machine. Meh, totally disappointed.

The burgers are good *if* you get one that is totally dressed with cheese, onions, bacon, or whatever extra toppings you like. If you go dry, or go with just lettuce-tomato-onion, you will be underwhelmed. You'll get one skimpy romaine leaf, a slice of plain ol' white onion, and one tomato slice. The buns are forgettable, and the meat is all med-well done, so it really, really needs some help with extras. And always go for the sweet potato chips. I think they're dusted with brown sugar they are so sweet.

To 'start a tab,' they take your credit card and put a $50 hold on your card even if you are sitting at a table with a server. That's what the 1 star is for. I understand the "gimme some plastic to start a tab' bit. I've spent countless nights in bars (either as a patron, bartender, bouncer or server) and I know it's to ensure the tab gets paid. Fine, but typically it's for walk-up service where you aren't seated in a server's section or at a barstool. It also saves time so the bar staff doesn't have keep running your credit card every time you order a drink. I got it, I got it. It's cool, just don't float yourself an interest-free short-term $50 loan (that's what it is), and don't get my black AmEx mixed up with someone else's black AmEx. Who am I kidding. I've got a Juniper Bank pre-paid credit card. Ok, not that either, just the overly common blue Chase debit card. And that's the problem: They all look the same and mine has been given out to the wrong person before so I'm super paranoid.

But to get a table in an uncrowded restaurant with a dedicated server and have to give your CC *and have them ring up a $50 hold* is totally BS. It's not like I'm going to starve with having a $50 hold on my card, but I imagine there are plenty of people out there where a $50 hold at the end of the month will piss people off. To start the tab, I give them my plastic but then pay my $40 bar tab in cash? I'm now out $90 for at least a few days. My point is that this is a really crass and off-putting practice. If the bar has a problem with walked-tabs, then the staff and management needs to do a better job policing their patrons. And I don't understand the hold. Are people really using maxed-out cards or cancelled cars and walking those? Is that what the hold is for? I really don't know.

As far the bar goes, it's too bad they have such a practice. I kinda liked it. I have a friend in Mesquite so it would be a nice place to meet. It's a 60-mile round trip from my house, so I wouldn't go out there on my own and get wasted, but it's still a good generic sports bar tucked in to a strip of chain restaurants, surrounded by hotels. Granted, they did have kick-ass TVs and better-than-average bar food and a good draft beer selection. But blink a few times and you would think you were in Fox n Hound.