Andrew "douchecone" C.'s Profile

The entire time I was in Houston, I was hoping I'd accidentally run into Chamillionaire. It didn't happen. Bummer.

If you're worried that the popo is going to catch you ridin' dirty, you might find it easy to hole up inside the Hampton Inn in Brookhollow. While there's nothing remotely gangster about this hotel, you might find it amusing that groups of children like "Future Leaders of America" end up congregating in the lobby for breakfast while you've been pounding beers in the same room for hours.

Maybe that's what ridin' dirty means in the business travel world.

Somewhere along the hamburger time line an often unfair comparison to In-N-Out burger started to occur. You'll hear it all the time. Is Five Guys Burgers and Fries better than In-N-Out? Well, the answer is "no" but that's not the point here.

See, what's unfortunate about the In-N-Out comparison is that many types of burgers are categorized incorrectly. Take SmashBurger for example. SmashBurger is NOTHING like In-N-Out so guaranteed somewhere in some review someone wrote, "This is alright but it's not In-N-Out". Well no shit!

Nothing about SmashBurger's operation resembles what In-N-Out is trying to do. In fact, if I had to pinpoint any direct competition, I'd say Red Robin is the closest competitor. SmashBurger offers pre-built burgers and also allows customization with guacamole, fried eggs, bacon...etc.

All food items here are à la carte. Burgers come in 1/3, 1/4 and 1/2lb sizes. Fries are served either regular or as SmashFries which are doused with some oil and seasonings. SmashBurger uses real silverware. See the parallels between this and Red Robin?

Biggest difference? Red Robin charges a hell of a lot more. SmashBurger wins hands down in that category. And the food's pretty good too.

I'm not sure how they get this many gems into one little, little shop, but they do. Unfortunately if your party has any more than four people, you may be doing a bit of dancing to get to certain racks.

Don't be a fool and pay full price here like I did. This is a second hand shop. Haggle your head off as if you were down in Mexico trying to come up on a ceramic Whinny The Poo to blow up later with explosives.

Not that I've ever...

Maybe I'm behind the times but when I walked into this Jack in the Box I almost had a heart attack. There's a machine by which to place your order that responds just as fast as a video game. Push this. Do you want a combo that? Want to super size? Want something else? Tacos? One or two? How many orders of tacos? Anything to drink?

Such automation has never been seen before in a fast food restaurant but I would totally expect something like that to hit Jack In The Box first. They're on point with so many aspects of their business. This location also features a fireplace, is very, very clean and features a more modern design. It must be a newer franchise because it closely resembles the JBX project that went on in San Diego years ago. You can read more about that here: http://en.wikipedia.or...

Shortly after ordering I felt a bit guilty. These machines will eventually put people out of a job... but I guess it could also mean more hands in the kitchen. I guess time will tell.

Snoop Dee Oh Dubba G would be pissed if someone tried to rep this Long Beach as superior to his. But that's never gonna happen. Some of the people here might not even know who that frontin' ass fool is. Well, alright, they probably do.

Dude. Long Beach, Washington. Weird place. Beach town. A small one at that, but god damned awesome! It kind of feels like a toned down Seaside, OR.

Anyway, Benson's by the Beach. Aren't these places all the same when it comes down to it? You always hope to stumble upon some culinary gem when you're walking around a small town and it just never happens. Old people eating within are a good sign and on the whole, the food is pretty decent. However, if this place were anywhere other than where it's at, I doubt I'd ever visit. It serves its purpose nestled onto the main drag in a small NW coast town perfectly.

Anywhere else? A little too boring and mediocre.

HELL YEAH. I got to hit up The Original Chubby's.

Note the "original" part. Accept none of the hundred knock offs around the city that don't serve THE REAL DEAL.

All week for work, the crew has been telling me about Chubby's and how I need to go there, preferably in the daylight hours. Apparently ol'Chubbs is in the hood, or at least on the border of it. Police presence is eminent in the surrounding neighborhood. The building looks like it's going to fall down. You probably shouldn't pull your wallet out before it's absolutely time to do so....etc. Chubby's is straight up. You can tell the staff is in that not-so-happy medium of liking white people and not liking white people, depending on the moment of the day.

As for a menu, it's on the counter. You see it as you walk up which is a bit of a pain in the ass if you don't already have something in mind when you show up. Then, you get a few different options of how to receive your burrto which are just as cryptic. "Smothered. Special. Deluxe...etc". What's in a deluxe? Who the hell knows until it shows up in front of you.

Thankfully, Chubby's offers some god damned awesome food so for as much as you have to experiment with how it's served, there's nothing here that's too out of the ordinary, or that tastes bad. Their entire menu (due to popular opinion of six dudes) is all legit.

After chowing down on a "steak burrito deluxe", I'd say this taco shop could hold its own against some of the best shops in California.

Who expected that in the middle of the country? "Not I," said the goat.

Hell no. Haaaaaaayyyyyyeeeellllll no.

Wanna wait way too long for crappy food served to you (eventually) by apathetic staff members who see your to-go boxes on the counter and continue to walk passed them filling up people's cokes and waters?

If so, this is your spot.

Holy jesus. If you couldn't tell by all the irony and American Apparel V neck t-shirts circulating through the place that The Shag Lounge is a hipster bar, then the fixie hanging above the bar should make that pretty obvious.

The Shag Lounge on a Saturday night is surprisingly empty. I guess most people go hang out on Blake Street to get their drink on. While they do, the rather complacent bartender at Shag pours stiff drinks, forgets to tell you which mixes are which and then proceeds to lose patron's credit cards for a period of time. Maybe... don't get drunk on your shift dude? Just a thought.

There's two kinds of hipster bars. There's the hardcore spectrum which in a place like Portland would include Tube, and the trust fund hipster area which would be like Rontoms. If you haven't been to Portland, sorry about those comparisons that aren't going to mean shit to you. But it stands. Think fancy cocktail lounge with some tragic looking folks walking around. That's the Shag.

Tragically hip AND cool? Well isn't it ironic. Don't you think?

Rock Bottom is the one of the only chains I can think of that most people have no idea is a chain. Rock bottoms are everywhere. Every city. Even smaller cities. And goddamn if they aren't all mediocre as hell. Sure, I'd choose any old RB over the Applebees/Chili's dynamic, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a -good- place to eat.

Redeeming quality? The beer is decent. Not great. Decent. There's a difference.

So sure, there's already a review of Independence Plaza. That's cool. I wanted this to stand out.

The parking garage under Independence Plaza hosts the most legit public parking situation I've ever seen, ever.

If you haven't clicked on the photo yet, you should do so. This is your spot for downtown parking. The weekend rate is $5 for the entire day. Leave your car overnight? $10 total. That's unheard of. Imagine what you'd pay if you found a street parking spot? In increments of two to five hours you'd have to pump that bastard quite a bit. Imagine what you'd pay for one of those pay lots run by Ace Parking. Both scenarious would be WELL over the $5 mark that Indepence Plaza is charging.

On top of that. This is Denver. It's colder than a muh'fugga here and Indepence Plaza's parking garage is underground. This means heated. This means no snow on your car. This means no ice to shave off. This means protection against theft. This means a lot of things and all of them are goddamned suburb

*If for some reason you've been drug to Rock Bottom, they validate your parking card bringing your total down to $1.25. How can you beat that action?