Ellen "like some modern-day Gypsy landslide" M.'s Profile

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  4/21/2011 First to Review

  Fear of flying is a cunning, persistent demon, but not all-powerful.  When you're willing to face it down, I highly recommend you do it with help.
  
  Thirteen years ago, I became afraid to fly, and I've all but avoided it since (there was one round-trip flight to California in October 2006 - I HATED the flights).  More accurately, my fear is of turbulence.  I'm confident in the theory and practice of aviation - I'm not afraid of crashing, terrorism, drunky pilots, holes in planes, snakes on planes, sleepy ATC personnel, and I don't care about the TSA pre-boarding searches.  I just fucking hate disturbances in the air.  I don't like what might happen, and I don't like it that I wont know until it happens.
  
  Avoidance was the path of least resistance, providing the mental relief I sought at the time, at least I thought so; deep down I regretted all the missed opportunities to travel.  My dear Oona and Kristina live in California, and we don't get to hang often.  Three years ago I unsuccessfully attempted to train to Cali (couldn't stand it - got off the train in Kansas City, MO), and two years ago I drove all the way there with one of my best girls (hi, Jerry...).  The driving trip was great, but impractical.  I don't have the cash to roll the way Whoopi Goldberg or Dave Madden do.  It's also really tough to get overseas without flying.
  
  Well, avoidance of the demon makes it all the more influential.  Any time I considered flying, I heard a whisper in my ear "you'll hate it...you can't handle it...the turbulence is out there waiting for you...if you get confident enough to board the plane, you'll regret it later..."  Demon even convinced me to cancel a trip once.
  
  I drove up to Rolling Meadows and met Dr. Dave Carbonell, a psychologist with an expertise in anxiety conditions.  We had an evaluation session and I decided to enroll in his workshop, an all-day Saturday and Sunday class, with a graduation flight.
  
  The workshop weekend arrived.  David taught my class that there are two areas of the brain involved in the problem of fear of flying (or any phobia or persistent anxiety situation).  The amygdala is the part of our brain that keeps us safe - if we come face-to-face with a tiger, the amygdala makes our bodies seek safety before we have time to think.  The problem is, not everything we are afraid of is dangerous, so the amygdala may need to be re-trained in order to make certain situations bearable.  The key is practice.  The cerebral cortex is the analytical part, and can be the measured, logical voice when dealing with Amy G. Dala.  Otherwise...well, I'd need hours to explain the rest.  The other important factors will come up in class, will be revisited several times, and will gradually sink in, before during and days after the graduation flight.
  
  The flight to Saint Louis and back was great.  There were moments when the thoughts cropped up.  "Oh sure, you're doing great now, but you wont be able to handle it next time...beware of what's out there..."  I replied "thanks for the information!" each time.  The turbulence came as expected on an April day with 30+ mph winds.  It was scary, but I said "ok, I'll do it.  I don't like it, but I'll take whatever comes."
  
  Holy damn...it REALLY helped.  And it was cool the way the classmates coached one another.  Not everything in life is enjoyable.  Not everything is free of discomfort.  Do it anyhow.
  
  The demon is still with me.  It tries to trick me into avoiding flight, but I'm aware of the trick, and I will fly.  The voice in my head becomes quiter and less influential each time I encounter it, and I thank it for its information.
  
  I have a trip planned next month, and I can't wait to try out my education.  And later this year, and a few times next year, and the year after that.  Off to Maine, California, Canada, Costa Rica, Europe...

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