Bill M.'s Profile

"No sauerkraut?!  COME ON! "

GOB Bluth.

Ascetically this place is alright I guess.  Kind of looks like a decent corner bar but with extremely shitty prices.  Unfortunately they caught me on a bad night and decided to treat me like shit on top of that so fuck them.

I will describe what I looked like tonight.  I wore a pair of blue jeans with a patch on the left knee (If there's a hole there I don't want my leg cold so I patched it up rather than buy a new pair, understand?), a plain black hooded sweatshirt and my hair, as usual, was messy.  Blue jeans and a sweatshirt.  

I came here because a friend was taking her birthday celebration to Burwood Tap.  I walked in with my roommate, who happened to be dressed like a goddamn penguin complete with sunglasses and fake nose, whilst totally shitfaced; I was actually the babysitter tonight..   At first we were fine and went to the back area where the rest of our friends had congregated.

What happens?  I'm grabbed by the security guard and told that not only am I not allowed in the far back area but I'm also not allowed in the semi-back area with all of my friends.  You know, the people I'd pretty much walked in with and had been talking to before said bouncer decided to single me out for no reason and tell me I wasn't allowed back there.  

He took me by the arm and directed me to the other side of the invisible line where I continued to talk to my privileged friends on the other side until one of them asked why I was excluded.  Only when my friend, who let's be honest is a Lincoln Park Trixy, intervened was I allowed back over the invisible line.  

You want to know why I refused to go to Lincoln Park?  Twice in one night I was given shit by idiot bouncers for no fucking reason.  Bomb Lincoln Park and 99% of the people there.  Fuck this place.

Alright full disclosure I may be semi-drunk right now but everything I write is true.  If you find any inaccuracies, whether factual or grammatical (which in my opinion is way worse so look for it) feel free to do what you will.  Whoever has taken to flagging my reviews lately please be quiet, you're the reason why I write on here less and less.

So about a month ago I came to Mad River for one of the open bars from 6-9 because my roommate and one of my best friends talked about it a lot.  That night was actually decent  fun.  The waitress we had was fantastic and kept our beers full throughout the night.  When we left at 9:30 she seemed disappointed.  We left for a reason.  Come on.  

I went back tonight because said best friend was having a birthday party and this seemed like an OK place to begin.  For the first two hours stuff was fine, we were all having a grand ole time, taking full advantage of the ten buck wristband.  Once 9:00 or so hit all the tables at the back were cleared out except for ours.  Stubbornly, our group stayed.  We do that.  

A bro dance off enveloped us, to the point where we almost couldn't avoid it.  Literally the popped collar guys were overtaking our table.  As a gag I decided to join in with the bro-dance party.  Within 25 seconds I was forcefully grabbed on the arm by one of the security fellows and told to "Calm it the fuck down or get the fuck out."  Alright I guess, douchebags dancing is fine because they're your clientele, go for it.  I'm certain those "gentleman" have more money than me so they can afford to pay $4 for a goddamn light beer.  

Not five minutes later I observe the same three bros all ganging up on one solitary lady who decided to try her hand at dancing.  Two of the bros forcefully had their way with her, for much longer than appropriate.  The one girl ended up having to shove her elbow into the man's neck for a solid minute before the very same security person decided to slowly walk towards the incident.   Not break it up mind you, but merely walk towards it giving enough time for the less rape-inclined friends of the douchebag to step in and cut it out.

To my eyes no warning of kicking out was given to them.

Take that as you will.  One man taking the piss out of two guys is grounds for near expulsion whilst watching a girl elbow the same dude in the neck for extremely inappropriate touching is grounds for... nothing?  

Sorry, no.  Fuck you.

What kind of fool flies a Union Jack outside of an "Irish" bar?

Ok so last time I was in here the TV had a Spanish dubbed version of that movie The Professional from the mid 90s.  I walked in and a scene where a pre-pubescent Natalie Portman was involved in a water fight with the 50+ year old creepy Frenchman Jean Reno was playing.  To say the least it was slightly disconcerting, but ok, it's a movie on TV and it's a slow Sunday afternoon.  That is, until I look to my right after ordering where a full table of middle aged dudes were staring at the TV just a little bit too intently for comfort.

I got my tacos to go, for obvious reasons.

Congrats on going out of business and enjoy sliding into obscurity you fucks.  Ha ha!

Well what do you know, they're good sober too!

So it appears that using a not very nice two word phrase to sum up my contempt for this certain paper is not acceptable under Yelp guidelines?  It was cool for the first eight months or so it was posted but ok fine, somebody had a problem with it.  I feel it was a perfectly frank and succinct way of showing my complete and utter disdain for this "newspaper" but apparently it caused offense to somebody and was removed.  Value for money/time is apparently not a concept this flagger was familiar with.  This is all kinds of ironic given their dedication to flagging a SHORT review of the Red Eye, am I right?

Fine, give me a minute to climb up onto my high horse then I'll continue.  

I have read the Red Eye when I'm beyond bored on my commute to work and someone left their copy on the seat next to me.  However I also went to college where I did my fair share of journalism studies.  That is why the original "Fuck you" review went up.  I thought it was funny as well as a sort of masked (maybe this was something that only came out in my head) comment on their standards and content.  

Bullshit publications like the Red Eye are a huge reason why traditional newspapers, the Fourth Estate if you will, are dying out.  Hell Ann Arbor, MI doesn't even have a daily newspaper any more and there are reports that Philadelphia might be next!  People do not feel the need to "shell out" fifty or seventy five cents for a longer, more in depth and actually researched version of the news when this publication exists for free in the box next to it.  Why would they, this version has the totally kick ass bar specials, pages of celebrity news, written portrait (as opposed to cable news talking head) panels on local sports issues, giant pictures, a crossword and twenty five word write ups on national/international events!  Everything an informed citizen needs!  

Remember when the Trib used to have the stones to charge twenty five cents for this?  I doubt it; nobody read it then because they realized this tripe wasn't worth a full quarter. God/Allah/Jah/Buddah/whatever save whoever made the decision to make it free and spread this journalistic plague across our city.  Hope you guys are happy.  

Reference for the Ann Arbor mention - http://www.time.com/ti...

Philadelphia - http://www.nytimes.com...

Just to be a prick I'll conclude with the original text... fuck you.  Now if you'll excuse me it's time to ride off into the sunset.

Everything was squishy.

They get the job done for band practice beer.  It's not the cheapest place I've been in but for its proximity to Superior St. Studios I'll take it.  As others have noted there's actually quite a bit of decent stuff for being relatively small which is pretty cool, but we usually just stick with the High Life.  

Also you have no idea how refreshing it is that every single time I walk in (in season, that is) they have the White Sox playing on their TV.  It's so awesome to walk in and have short but informative conversations with the father/son duo (right?) about the team.  When most of the people you deal with on a daily basis are transplants (aka fair weather Cubs fans) these talks are a godsend.  (parenthesis).