Tom "TheWritingBuddha.com" B.'s Profile

You know I love you.  Let's not talk about that plain Jane Spectrum gal or that stuffy old broad, Fashion Island.  No, no... baby.  You're the one for me. You are ALL mall.  A big, beautiful plaza.  You know how to balance class with just the right amount of sex appeal.  I dig the way you look, especially with your Burberry and BOSS style.  You're everything I want and need. Your Apple store is a Siren's call that lures me, like Odysseus.  I have to tie myself to the car just to keep my wallet in my pants.  It's not just about your looks, no.  It's like you're whispering to my belly, serenading it.  Maggiano's, Mastro's, Morton's, Nello Cucina.  Stop.  You're going to make me cry.  It's the little things, too. The Indian sauce I can't live without... at Williams-Sonoma. The elegant glasses at Crate & Barrel.  Slender, oversized... makes no difference. What really attracts me to you, though, is your big ass, um... Nordstrom.  The Bruno Magli shoes.  The Pantherella socks.  The Citizens of Humanity jeans.  Everything in one place.

You are the total package, my dear.  Mmm.  My credit card is yours.

Janette is the best in the business.  Period.  She's a great stylist, of course... but she's also a very warm person.  Much like the other gents, I've been seeing her for years.  I wouldn't dream of going anywhere else.  Got to keep up my movie star looks, after all.   Anyway... she just opened her own salon and I checked it out over the weekend.  It's awesome.  Huge, open space.  Lots of light.  Modern.  Plasma TV and minibar in the lobby.  Shoeshine booth. Massage room for facials, Thai foot massages, and more. Full line of American Crew products.  Even the bathroom is great.  Terrific design.

Here's how it works, guys.  Show up early, check in, and take a seat.  Relax.  They'll ask if you'd like something to drink.  Have a beer or a glass of wine.   Sit back, watch the game. Read a men's magazine.  Maybe get a shine.   When it's time, you'll head back and change into a robe and slippers. You'll plump down in a nice leather chair. Sign up for one of the memberships and enjoy a wonderful shoulder and scalp massage. She'll finish with a hot towel on your face as you drift off to sleep.  It's what a barbershop should be.

I know you're looking for the right place.  THIS... is the right place.  Literally.

Lock up the kids.  Seriously.  Now.  Ok.  For the adults among us that are left, let me get this out of the way... this is going to be an orgasmic review. My pants may come off (if they're not... already).  I may break some laws. When I find something I really like... I mean REALLY like... I can't help it. Certain reviews just lend themselves to x-rated imagery.  Case in point, go ahead and read my review of M & M Donuts.  Ok... enough chit chat. You want to know what I think of Slater 50/50?  Fair enough.   Well... I wasn't thrilled, to be honest, when I got the invite to go.  A burger joint?  Ok.   I mean... let's be real.  How good can a burger really be?  It's meat, buns and other stuff.  Big deal. Oh, friends... huddle up.  Today you are going to have a major religious experience... in your belly.  Your taste buds will thank you.  Your heart, sadly, will curse you for living... but screw your heart. You're looking at Slater 50/50 and you're wondering, "Should I do it?"  You should not only do it... but I say call in sick, leave the kids at school.  Do whatever you have to do, but head down here immediately.  DO IT!

Wear some stretchy pants and come early (parking sucks). The place is lined with wall-to-wall plasma's.  You have about 5000 screens to watch a game.  Take a seat. Order the Rogue Chocolate Stout on tap.  If booze isn't your thing (who ARE you??), try the shakes.  Get a mint chocolate chip with banana and a shot of Bailey's.  Get the vampire dip (best artichoke dip I've ever had), fried mac & cheese and maybe the onion rings (sweet potato fries are great, too).   Now for the burger.  You can either go with something from the menu or build your own thang.  You're creative, but you're not that creative.  Go with the Slater 50/50.  HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!  I say this in all honesty... it's truly THE BEST BURGER I'VE EVER TASTED!  It's also liable to kill you. 50% ground beef.  50% ground BACON (let the choir sing).  Topped with a fried egg, avocado mash, pepper jack cheese and chipotle mayo.  Fresh buns, too.  I was a little buzzed.  I think I may have done obscene things with the burger.  I'm not really sure. Whatever.  I'll go back and ask for its hand in marriage.  I may go back anyway. It's either live a long and healthy life, but no 50/50... or indulge, but hasta la vista.  

Hmm. I'm thinking about it.

Oh Harry.  I mean... OH MY GOD, HARRY!  I've had you bookmarked for awhile now. You've been taunting me.  "Try", you said... peering out at me like a jungle cat via my trusty bookmarks... as if to say "You know you want my Yelpilicious goodness."  First of all, I don't play like that (not that there's anything WRONG with trying all sorts of sandwiches). I mean... some people like colorful, trendy sandwiches. Some people don't.  Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer soft, delicate flavors.  Comfort food.  But... I'm weak. I crossed the line and drove over to check you out.  Much to my surprise, you had some of my favorite sandwiches - steak, pulled pork, grilled cheese, etc.,.  Like Hazel Q. said, I don't usually order the steak sandwich when I'm out. They're generally overrated, bland.  Anyway... I got it to go and drove home (in my Ferrari).

Ok... I'll try to explain this as best I can.  THIS is what steak sandwiches should be like!  BOOYAH!  MASSIVE, first of all.  High quality ribeye.  Perfectly cooked.  The bun... delicious.  Loaded with tons of grilled onions and peppers.  I'm not done.  If you pour the aioli sauce on top, it becomes something else... THE PERFECT STEAK SANDWICH.  "Hey! What about the pulled pork?", you ask.  Relax.  I'm getting to it. The steak sandwich was so good, but nothing could prepare me for the pulled pork sandwich. I usually like lots of sauce.  This one... not much sauce.  Well... at least I gave it a shot, I thought.  Then I bit into it.   OH SWEET JESUS!  No way.  NO F'ING WAY!! Is this about to be THE BEST PULLED PORK SANDWICH I'VE EVER HAD, TOO??  You betcha. Coleslaw on the bottom. Super juicy.  Ridiculous flavor.  Great bun.  Yes... the perfect pork sandwich.  Two works of art under one roof.  Wow.

Who knew it could be so good.  Oh... I'll be back. Hear that, Harry?  I will definitely be back.  I tried and I liked.  I hear your Chicken Di Giorgio is the best.  Now... as I stated before, I don't normally go for those types of sandwiches... but no one needs to know. What goes on behind closed deli doors is nobody's business but my belly's.  Word. Show owner comment »

Here's the thing... I like the food.  I get the filet/shrimp and hot sake.  The mushroom soup is good.  The salad (especially the dressing) is good.  I even like the fried rice. What I don't like, though, is having to sit next to some strange family and watch the chef make a choo choo train out of onions.  So... I typically sit on the bar side... which is ok, except that it's like an IKEA with odd, uncomfortable furniture.  It should be more plush.   A little darker.  Families with crying babies on one side.  Adults on the other. Maybe a few scantily-clad waitresses. I don't know.  I suppose there are times when it's interesting to do the whole communal experience.  Being somewhat inebriated helps.  I also wish they offered kobe on the menu, but oh well.  I'm sure I'll be back.

This is my favorite hotel in the city.  Modern, understated luxury.  Perfect location.  The Powell BART station is right outside.  It's two blocks from Union Square and the cable cars.  The staff treats you like royalty.  The lobby is on the 5th floor, so you don't get people wandering in off the street to snap photos. The beds are super comfortable. The bar is absolutely beautiful - dark, lots of candles, fireplace.  LOVE this hotel!

I've had a couple of dinners here.  They're located near the Four Seasons.  Great service.  Upscale.  Nice ambiance.  Cool lounge. They have some of the best Indian food I've ever tasted - including places I've eaten at in India, but it's more Indian-fusion than traditional.  Their Butter Chicken is like a love poem to Tikka Masala.  So good. Get the Pappad, too.  It's a paper-thin cracker on, well... crack.  You'll need to go to rehab.  The SF Chronicle voted them one of the Top 100 Bay Area restaurants.

It's hot outside, the sun scorching the land.  Paint melting from the cars.  Heat rising from the asphalt.  You're hungry. You're thirsty.  You crave something cold.  Something ice-cold.  You want to crawl into a freezer.  You want to sit, naked, in a giant tub of ice cream.  Huh?  Nevermind. Go with it.  What you need is Dippin' Dots.  It's ice cream, but cryogenically frozen into tiny little beads. Get the Birthday Cake and close your eyes.  Scoop it into your mouth.  Feel the snow coming down, the cool wind against your face.  Take another spoonful and go build a snowman.  The day can wait.

I don't eat a lot of Korean food, so... my opinion is probably worthless.  I should shut my trap and jump in front of an oncoming train. Who am I to review Kaju.  I mean... I think I'm more of a Thai guy.  I like things spicy.  I like heat.  I like big butts and fiery tempers, but I digress.  While I kind of prefer Hashigo over in Costa Mesa, Kaju has my favorite bulgogi in the area.  It's tender and packed with flavor.  Oh, and... the pickled cucumbers are HIGHLY addictive.  I've been to BCD a few times and a couple of the others.  Kaju seems like a typical Korean place.  Nothing special.  It's decent.

"Whatever, fool.  You said, yourself, that you don't eat much Korean... so SILENCE!!!!"

Um... ok.  I, uh... I was just going to add that it's a small place and...

"ARE YOU STILL WRITING THIS????????  STOP TORTURING OUR EYES!!!  GO REVIEW WENDY'S AND LEAVE US TOFU-LOVING FOODIES IN PEACE!!!!!!!!!"

Are you on meds?  Seriously.  How did you even get inside this page?  What a freak.  Well???  I'm waiting.  Punk ass.  You done?  Thought so. Good.  Anyway... Kaju is...

"KIMCHI PRETENDER!  YOU WILL BURN IN HELL!!!"

You're one of the new voices, aren't you?  Look... I'm not an expert on Korean food, no.  I just like their tasty bulgogi and mouthwatering cucumbers.  I'll admit it.  

"I'm sorry.  I'm... not on meds.  I just miss Steve Jobs sooooo much."

Hey... it's ok.  Me, too.  Let's go find some big butts and Thai curry.

"Aight."

Cool.

I love Williams-Sonoma and this location definitely beats the one at South Coast.  Everyone's friendly.  There's never a huge crowd.  Amazing views of the ocean.  They usually have something tasty to eat.  Their sauces are freaking delicious.   I suggest trying a few things: Short Rib Braising Base, Sangria Roja, Tikka Masala, the Burger Starter.  Oh screw it.  Everything's good.  Just buy every sauce in the store.