Lauren "Bag Lady: Founding Mother of Team Dirtbag Assoc." S.'s Profile

I went to the bakery on a Sunday morning. Right after I got off work. To have the banana pudding that I had only heard about but never tried for myself. The rec was from a very credible source whom I adore and I knew he would not steer me wrong. The cafe was closed for a party so I stood in the window sipping my soy steamer in banana pudding heaven. Scraping at the last bits in the paper cup. It's light and fluffy and rich and oh so delicious. If there was no one around I would've just put my face in it. No spoon necessary you know. It was very difficult to maintain civility when dealing with this confection.

Then some little bratty kid broke into my euphoria while having a temper tantrum with his mother while she was trying to take him into the party that was being thrown for him. A birthday party with all the treats you want and that delicious smell of baking sugar wafting in the air and you have the nerve to show out in public? I will snatch you up so fast ... Ooo wee!

P.S. This is why people should not have children.
P.P.S. Had it not been for the brat my most recent Magnolia experience would have warranted five stars. It was an almost perfect Sunday morning.
P.P.P.S If you wanted to throw me a party here (and you can, literature available at the register) I wouldn't cry or pout unless they put out red velvet or chocolate anything. (Maybe that's what the kid was crying for ... ???) More than likely I would be *ahem* very .., VERY ... grateful. If you know what I mean.

Dude, Jane. I haven't had this much fun at a Yelp party in a long time! You and your team are getting major love from this uptown girl right now. Not to mention, I love dressing up! Let's do more dress up stuff!

Let's start from the beginning, shall we? (We start with 2 stars) I hate waiting in line. It's just not what I'm into. So YUCK on that. I thought about going to find friends at the front, especially when I I was standing in line BEHIND two people who were not Elite nor plus-one. (????) Shout out to my line friends though, I got nothing but love. Rima, Nish, Kim and Alyssa (Chicago Yelp represent!)

(HEY NOW 4 STARS!) The line started moving at 6:55. Thank the Lord things still start on time! I saw Rob in the coat check line. Was real unhappy with that whole situation. Mainly because it was 3 dollars! Most people checked their coats, I feel, so I think knocking a buck off would've been ok. I'm not cheap by any means but man, 3 bucks! WOW! And I watched one of the staffers drop a coat on the floor. A white coat! That is not deserving of 3 dollars. Jus' sayin'. (2 stars) While in line the charity staffers were getting money out of folks. Myself, included. It's for a good cause I know, but I didn't get anything but a piece of literature in return for my donation. Mostly I was just bummed that I had spent what I would for a cocktail in NYC and I hadn't even made it to the door. In this span of time, I did see Irene, Rob and Rod so ... Awesome! (3 stars) And then I got a hug from Arnab (4 Stars) and Sam P. (7 Stars)

Open bar, with two delicious bartenders! (5 stars!) The Barack Obama nearly knocked me into next Tuesday. I don't think I was prepared for it. I just assumed fun menu name = fun cocktail beverage. Not Vodka. Neat. Damn homie! Let me eat first. During this portion of the evening I learned that my heart, Karen was not going to be in attendance and that Dana would be leaving early for obvious reasons. Bummer. (2 Stars)

Food line, not too long (3 Stars). Food selection, not so great. And they ran out of plates, when I got to the front. Of course. (2 Stars) Props to Natasha with the bar napkin solution.

I made my way upstairs and well, let's just say my night went from meh to magnificent in one fell swoop. :D Did you see me? I was probably smiling and not because I was drunk. Those closest to me know the secret of my happiness.

This review is epic and I've only been there for 45 minutes. hehehehehe. I had another cocktail, a brokedown version of The Bill Clinton at the secret bar location. Saw Peter (a lovely moment captured on film by Edward F.) YAY! Then loads of people started showing up. Hugged my YGC Oriana J. I purposely lost my nametag. Then I felt bad, so I grabbed another one later. I danced with Legs Malone to American Boy. Hung out with Victor. Went on a hunt for the bathroom I never found. Finally, FINALLY met Jimmy and Mary S. (can we say FINALLY?!) And the sponsored liquor room followed shortly after that ... twice. Ran into Tori and we toasted over curls and black lace. Hung around with the Gator girls. Ran around some more with Jeff O (my partner in crime ... Yelp Bocce Ball Champs WOOT!) Somewhere sprinkled in there we've got a Hot Hair Ting! Love from Steve M. on the staircase. My fave bitch Joolz! A regal Nina C. and radiant Audrey J. A 4 dollar orange juice. A moment with Janeen sans Yelp Tote. A wave to Justin R. Met the DJs Andrew and Andrew (much less annoying after a couple drinks). Some love from Jayne (Reppin' NYC Hot Dog & Coffee.) Bling bling from Nadja! Congratulations!

Notably Absent: Miguel (hey YSM!), Karen (hope you're feeling better), The Snarkys (Yes we can ... make babies), Michael F. (hope you're "recovering" form your "business trip" in "paradise"), and Maria M. (heard you were doing laundry, but I've decided that cannot be true. Please advise.)

As a final note, can I just say how HOT I looked last night?

Here's the deal. I have a new love for the DJ. And one of my current faves was spinning here on Friday. So I gathered a posse and took them to Sutra in single digit temperatures to hear Melo-X. We missed a lot of his set :( but got the ending. Then another DJ came on from 11:30 to 1:30 and he was great! So we danced and danced and bumped into people. And I met Melo-X and told him how much a fan I was. And I danced. And then they opened the downstairs. And I was really excited about the lack of people and the perfect amount of space it provided for walking across the room like Naomi Campbell. But Get Me Bodied (the extended version) never came on. And the people downstairs were rather strange and not very sociable choosing to stay in their own groups. When one ventured out he offered to dance for my roommate. And by dance I mean strip. I was in such shock that I nearly fell out of my seat in hysterics. And maybe he was an exotic dancer but if that is not the most awkward and out of place thing to say in a "not-stripper-club", I don't know what is. When we came back upstairs resolved to leave sooner than normal for a typical night out, we ran into another friend of ours. But the groove never came back after another DJ changeover. I had an OK time but I know I would've had a better time had I not felt sort of out of place.

In retrospect, I think I was too busy comparing this place to superior Bob to really care. Just because your manager walks around in a suit and you let ladies in free and you have a two-dollar coat check doesn't give you the right to create such a vibe of exclusivity. Your patrons are so scared to let loose, have fun, and be themselves. So it ends up feeling like a high school dance (music included.)

Note to big-curly-hair-drunk-chick-who-kept-leaving-her-purse-everywhere: You would have so much more fun at Bob. Hope to see you there.

Note to stripper boy: Buy the girl a drink, Sutra is not your place of employment.

Note to bouncer who checked my ID: Call me *wink*

Karaoke that's not (1) Not in K-Town (2) not crawling with douchebags (*ahem* IZU *ahem*) and (3) not costing me an arm and two legs is a concept that is beyond me in New York City.

Leave it to my karaoke queen friend to find a place that exceeds all of these stipulations, across the board. It took me a while to understand how the karaoke thing worked. But now that I know, I can tell you that there is a book titled "American Idle" floating around the place. There are no numbers to memorize. You look to see if they have your song. Write it on the white square slip. Hand it to the guy sitting at the end of the bar in front of the laptop. Wait to hear your name. Go up on the little stage. Belt your heart out.

Heard some impressive singers in this place. I'm certainly planning on going back on Monday nights since I go to school across the street. My version of Aretha's "Respect" brought the house down. And well, I just love the spotlight so I was eating it up when Phil came up to me to tell me that he thought they had turned on the CD. The ultimate compliment! Now that I know how it all goes down, this'll be a great stress reliever when the semester starts.

The bar itself is just as return-worthy. The patrons were kind. And the bar is long with lots of bar stools. There's a pool table and plushy couches line the walls in front. The bartender learned my name, wasn't a jerk, and he stayed sober. We love that.

Monday night at Dusk, SIGN ME UP!

My meal was outstanding!

The service was good. A little houndy but I try to ignore the begging and pleading during these tough economic times. Everyone's itching for a dollar and it's no surprise that both servers and the manager (?) were sent over to ask us if we wanted anything to drink. And it didn't help that half of our party arrived first and sat down. So in total I was asked and refused beverages 6 times. And asked and refused dessert 3 times. That is a touch excessive as far ass attention is concerned but Lord if they didn't make up for it with my food.

I had the chicken chimichangas. And if this is what I've been missing in the poultry department please sign me back up for a lifetime membership. It was soooooo good. I even brought my camera with me to take pictures but before I knew it, my plate was clean.

The inside is really nice. The lighting and ambiance just make it a nice place to have dinner. While the prices don't really speak my language at the moment, I thought my meal was worth every dime. There is something to be said for a restaurant that has more than one location and still manages to produce a great plate of food. And that something is "CantWaitToTakeMyBoyfriend(OnceIFindABoyfriend)SoHeCanBuyMeDinner."

GO BIG OR GO HOME!

That's what this truck is all about. Dammit if I don't love the street food. This is such a "non-thing" where I come from because everyone drives to their destinations but when people are walking, you bring the food to them, on their level. BRILLIANT! Hence the lack of drive-thrus in New York and the too damn many in LA.

My first waffle ever was long ago (a year maybe...) and I was accompanied by Rob L. and Javier M. And I did not feel the love. I didn't know the password for the day so I couldn't get a free topping and I wasn't really sure about how to go about the whole thing since I had been reading about it but wasn't making a purposeful trip to the truck. We just found it in the West Village hanging out by that Starbucks I like so much on Christopher and decided to give it a whirl. I was non-plussed. So much so that I didn't even write a review.

Last night was different. I was craving waffle. I have been following the truck on twitter for a couple months now and everyday they tell me where they are. Sometimes, just a couple blocks from my job! They spend many evenings in front of Trader Joe's and since it was on the way to Webster Hall I went ahead and stopped under the awning to fulfill my craving. I had a Wafel of Massive Deliciousness. YES! All the toppings you want. 7 bucks! I went for the light and crispier of the two wafels. And had my chef put strawberries, blueberries, whipped cream, marshmallows, and powdered sugar on top. I think even he was impressed with my order. Oh yeah baby! hehehehe. It was great. The wafel was kind of warm so it did this sort of melt in your mouth thing. I indulged in my WMD around the corner from the truck on 3rd Avenue behind the bus stop so the raindrops wouldn't ruin my experience. It was a wee bit-o-heaven as I devoured my goodness.

Mmmmmhmmm. More waffletruck please!

I said: So many choices.
She said: I could just give you our house coffee.

Does that sound lazy to anyone else? Oh you don't want to make me a drink? You don't want to go through the trouble of pushing some buttons? Ok. How about I make it easy on you? Small Americano. I had to probe the girl for any information. Why? You're new. Establish yourself. Talk about how awesome it is that you're open so late on a weeknight. And your free wi-fi. Why I gotta beg and plead for answers. I mean seriously, you opened during a recession. GIve me one good reason why I should bother. I just hate bad service. The moment you saw me, studying the menu, there should have been a conversation that started. You shouldn't be standing there with your boyfriend chatting it up about the classes you're taking next semester. College is important. Don't get me wrong. But do that stuff when I'm not here.

The espresso is smooth. The experience ... notsomuch.

The great uniter! Webster Hall was at one time solely responsible for bringing all sorts of people under one roof. Well it still does that except now the different people come on different nights to listen to different genres of music.

I remember the main floor to be sprawling from my first visit back in 2007 where I saw the pop-rap group Gym Class Heroes perform. They were fun. And we had fun but I was really cognizant of the space because there weren't a crapton of people there.

A weeknight as well as an underground artist equals a little less of a to-do at the door. I had my ID checked twice but there was a green wristband handed out and that was the end of it. The staffer at the door explained to one of the event organizer that there was no need to stamp since they weren't "expecting that many people." Doors opened on-timeish. I stood outside near the door, one of the first to arrive. I'm used to live shows being a little more ruthless but this one was so chill and I was the only one who got slightly indignant when two people came up the block and tried to be the first to get in. To the other early arrivals there was no rush. It was all love, I guess. But don't come up to the door and ask, "Are we first?" when you see people queuing up.

I really wanted to dance. There was a great space. Perfect for the artist and for showing off some moves. Instead I took mental notes from the chicks winding it up to reggae. I flew solo to the event and didn't drink though the drinks were cheaper than the Gym Class Heroes show. Perhaps reflective of the recession, but 5 bucks is very reasonable. Had I not been there by myself, I might've imbibed a bit. But it looked like the alcohol was flowing and doing it's job because people loosened up right along with the spinning of DJ Melo-X and were ripe for the transcendent performance of Theophilus London (1/26 'This Charming Mixtape!'  Cop That!)

The Studio is hipster central. Loved it, ate all the tragically cool moments up with both hands and a spork.

This is a review for the club only.

It was alright. The boys were alright. The drinks were alright. The DJ was alright.

Looking around at the other patrons, my peeps and I were definitely an upgrade to the place. And when you're at the echelon of club attendees, where else can you go but somewhere else?

So start at Lotus. End up somewhere else. Please.

I heard something about a 25 dollar cover! 25! you crazy! I was on the guest list for my friend's birthday. And I think the list is always available at Tantra. You can probably just say you're on the Tantra list because there were no flashlights or clipboards anywhere. Just two bouncers handing out passes in response to the key word.

It's pretty huge. The lounge upstairs is drastically different from the club downstairs but if size was all that mattered then I'd give it 5 stars. Lotus uses space well. And the place overall was very clean. Even the bathrooms were decent looking and that's hard to find. But don't you ever! ever! ever pay 25 dollars to get into anywhere. You hear me?!

It was pretty alright for a music venue. Highline holds a large amount of people in a tight space but I came to see Janelle Monae so I could care less how close I was to anyone. I think what I liked least was the layout If you were in the back there was no slant in the house so it made it hard to see anything. And that's the whole point of going to a concert. I guess there had to be acommodations made for the space. There isn't really room to build out away from the stage so the venue is wide. And there's a mezzanine level where P. Diddy's & Co. stayed posted. They don't even know what hit them, I'm sure. The lighting is quality. I took some great photos that night. And while I was at this show in particular for free, most shows here are under 40 bucks so I guess you're getting what you pay for.

Check out my photos though! I had a great time nonetheless.