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If a friend invites you out to eat........

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Photo of David C.

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05/15/2008 David "Shoenuts" C. says:

I have been going back and forth with my friend on this topic.  But, any fellow yelpers feel that if your good or close friends invite you out to dinner they should pick up the check?  Maybe its just me.  My dad raised me to take care of it if I extended the invitation.  I would like some feedback.  Thanks!
Photo of Mike Z.

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05/15/2008 Mike "zzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Z. says:

If its a date.  The inviter picks up the tab.  If its just a buddy, the assumption is you split it, I'd think.
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05/15/2008 Natalie "the Japanese Dinosaur" l. says:

no

who cares who asks who to go eat......if I insist on a place that's waaaaaaaaaay out of my friends budget then i'll definitely treat, but if it's just a random eating thing then we split it
Photo of Aimee L.

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05/15/2008 Aimee L. says:

i usually ask before.

and bring cash just in case.....

however, i also feel the inviter should pick up the tab, esp if it's a good friend.
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05/15/2008 Aimee L. says:

i also usually have no problems splitting the check...if the place is out of my price range, i suggest another place or bring my own food..

better yet, cook!
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05/15/2008 Bud "Always missing the point" E. says:

Nope, good friends split the tab.   Good friends, cover the tab now and then, just cause they want to.  Good friends treat when it's not in the other friends budget without letting on.  There are no rules on this one.  Each situation, each meal, is different, each time.
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05/15/2008 David "Shoenuts" C. says:

Yea Natalie exactly.....I wasn't some random thing...it was somebody I hadn't seen in a few years and out of the blue invites me to dinner.  It wasn't a budget issue.  I just feel if you invite somebody to dinner its should be on you.
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05/15/2008 Aimee L. says:

Well if it's someone you haven't seen in awhile, just split.
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05/15/2008 Adrienne P. says:

We usually split, but sometimes (even with the same friends) we decide to treat.  Sometimes they treat.  It all comes out in the wash.
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05/15/2008 Rick "Mr. Smiley" G. says:

Mike Z. says:

If its a date.  The inviter picks up the tab.  If its just a buddy, the assumption is you split it, I'd think.
=======================
I agree.
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05/15/2008 Cliff B. says:

I've never heard of this paying for my friends meal thingy. If my friend is low on cash and I want to go out, I'll tell 'em "don't worry, I got this one." This rarely happens because I'm a cheap bastard.

I think it would put me in an awkward position in the friendship, if I was continually paying for my friends meals at my invite. I want my friends to like me because I'm an asshole who will put up with their trifling asses (and visa-versa), not because I buy them free stuff.
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05/15/2008 David "Shoenuts" C. says:

Maybe I should be more specific like say somebody you only see like twice a year calls to invite you to dinner...it to me feels weird to go dutch.  If I invite somebody I see once in awhile, I wouldn't expect to go dutch.
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05/15/2008 Alexis "R.I.P. LeRoi Moore & the original DM" B. says:

Not much more to say here. Friends = go dutch unless the inviter knows the place is out of their friends price range or a special evening for the invitee. It may be polite for he inviter to pay but it is impolite to expect it.

I think of it as this. If I am invited over to someone's house for dinner, I bring a six-pack and offer to help grate cheese. It would be rude of me not to unless specifically told not to.
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05/15/2008 Marian "Momsie" G. says:

I had a dinner invitation once and my cousin kept calling and gave me the place and time. I arrived and her whole family, including her brothers their SO and her daughter's bf too.  I was the only one there since she said we are going to catch up and have dinner.  She also expected me to picked up the tab for dinner for 12!  I just put in $10 and left.  I never felt so insulted.
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05/15/2008 David "Shoenuts" C. says:

Wow Marian...that is unbelievable....that's a whole another topic...WOW.
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05/15/2008 Bud "Always missing the point" E. says:

I actually get a kick out of this issue.  I'm always going out with friends for meals.  I have some regular meal dates.  With G, we always split the check.  With L, and A, we alternate treating each other.  With T I always treat.  M usually treats me.  And so on.

The really great one is my father in law.  He refuses to let me pay for a meal.  Period.
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05/15/2008 Anna D. says:

Split the tab!
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05/15/2008 Sheila G. says:

If I ask / invite, I intend to pay.  I love to be pleasantly surprised by the offer of splitting a check, though.  But I'd feel like an asshole if the invited picked up the tab.  I apply them rules to EVERYBODY.
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05/15/2008 Jessica "Jessica" V. says:

If my friends suggest that we go out to dinner, I would never assume they were paying.  

If a friend said "I want to take you out to dinner" I would still offer to pay the tip.
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05/15/2008 David "Shoenuts" C. says:

Sheila...that's my philosophy too.....If I was broke or low on cash...I would never invite someone out to eat expecting to split the bill....I'd feel like such a loser.
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05/15/2008 Shannon "just call me Blondie" R. says:

damn, i'd be way broke if i treated my friends every time i asked them if they wanted to do dinner w/ me!

everyone i hang out with, be it once a year or once a week, is in a pretty low income bracket, so treating each other just isn't a big part of our shared culture. however one of my friend's sisters & her friends all make around $100 K and so whenever we go out with them, they usually pay a lot more than towards the bill than we do! and i look forward to being able to do that, too, someday when I have some moolah!
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05/15/2008 Michael "I have no nickname" M. says:

When I go out with a lady, regardless of who asked or our relationship (friends or otherwise), I pay.  Only one so far has gotten away with a dutch check.
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05/15/2008 David "Shoenuts" C. says:

So Michael are you saying that if your friend is a guy..you don't pick up the tab?
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05/15/2008 Renae H. says:

I think it depends on the language they used.  "I want to take you to dinner" means "I intend to treat you to dinner", "Hey, wanna meet up and get some dinner" means everyone picks up their own tab.
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05/15/2008 Renae H. says:

Michael "I have no nickname" M. says:

When I go out with a lady, regardless of who asked or our relationship (friends or otherwise), I pay.  Only one so far has gotten away with a dutch check.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a good friend who does that, it's really nice  but I never expect him to do it.  Every once in a while I'll get away with picking up the tab, it's like a game.
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05/15/2008 Gina "Taco Hello Kitty" T. says:

i bring cash just in case.

But I DO think that if YOU invite. YOU pay.

makes sense
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05/15/2008 JT F. says:

my friends and i take care of this before we even go anywhere...we usually call who's paying.

"Dinner's on me...no arguements!"  

and we just trade off that way..we try not to let folks pay twice in a row.  But we're all friends and we know what goes around comes around so we don't worry too much about it.  I always offer to chip in the tip though.
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05/16/2008 Sun E. says:

I never expect a friend to pick up the tab if dining out was their idea.
Nope- not even friends I only see once or twice a year.
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05/16/2008 Soozie "find my soul & u can have my *heart*" H. says:

Going out with a friend for a bite is not considered a "date" per se. I have never and would never expect a friend to treat even if he/she asked. I wouldn't agree to go out with said friend if I didn't care to be in their company so it's mutually beneficial for the both of us. Also, it's common amongst my close friends, for one person to pick up the whole tab (4 girls total) and we usually take turns and so it becomes awash at the end. If it's a super pricey place than we'll go dutch.
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05/16/2008 Gil "chickencat" S. says:

This is a difficult, complex issue fraught with danger.  I'm guessing that the default social norm in (middle class mainstream bla bla not on a date) America is for each to pay for what they eat if it's neutral territory and not a special occasion.  Layer on that a lot of special cases:

1. If someone is celebrating they will take people out.
2. If you take someone to your favorite place, a place you own, are entertaining guests in town, etc., you pay.
3. People in a higher social role (bosses, parents, gentlemen about town) tend to pay, sometimes as a matter of establishing dominance.
4. People who are supplicating others and want something (salesmen trying to close a deal, clients trying to get free advice from a professional) pay
5. People who go out often sometimes alternate
6. Some people are cheapskates and always try to avoid paying
7. Some people want to show they're rich or generous and always want to pay
8. Some cultures have elaborate rituals over who pays and when
9. Special occasions (mother's day, birthdays, going away parties, arbor day) have their own rules
10. people who want to pay back an obligation / favor, or create one, will pay

guys pay for girls - see #3, 4, 10

probably half a dozen I forgot
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05/16/2008 David D. says:

Make no assumptions.  Discuss it.  If it's really an issue, then why are you eating with them?
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05/16/2008 Marian "Momsie" G. says:

Years ago, my sister, her husband and my ex and I were contacted to have dinner with this couple in London.  We met at the Claridge.  The man had seconds and thirds on the buffet.  Suddenly, both he and his wife got up to go to the "bathroom".  We waited for about half an hour.  My brother-in-law (after it became obvious that they weren't coming back to split the bill) paid it.  Once the bill was paid, miraculously, they appeared.  We never dined with them again.
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05/16/2008 rommy "pew! pew!" g. says:

Let them pay.  Then have sex with them to pay them back.
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05/16/2008 Michael "I have no nickname" M. says:

David C ... I don't have too many male friends.  When I go out with the one male friend I have, it's usually Dutch anyway.  But this friend knows I am not working, so he will usually give his card.  I just leave cash someplace in his car after I get dropped off at BART.
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05/16/2008 Shane "The Chicken" P. says:

Split it.  Regardless of the "we only see each other twice a year," it's not a date.  And if your friend is of one sex and you're of the opposite, you still split.
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05/16/2008 Lainie "sweet and simple. . .like a lady baker" L. says:

um. . .I like to go to restaurants. . . but I can't afford to treat my friends and i don't want to eat alone. .. this invite thing has me confused because if people expect that. . if you ask you buy. . .then I've let a lot of people down because I almost always split the bill. . unless I am with my friend who does not speak Dutch.  :)
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05/16/2008 Ethan "tastes like 25" L. says:

if ur chinese, u MUST go like this:
1. bill arrives.
2. friend grabs bill first.
3. u pull out wallet/purse, and over act the part of digging for credit card/cash.
4. say u wanna pay the ENTIRE bill.  if friend refuses...
5. say this.
   "we dont meet much, im supposed to treat u."
6. reach over table to snatch bill outta friend's hand. if u fail, lash out more lines.
   "no, u can't do this!"
   "food is expensive, let me pay!"
   "save ur money, buy ur kid something to eat!"
   "if u dont let me pay, im'a stop eating with u!"
   "aah _____!  aah _____!"  *insert friend's name*
7. if friend still refuses, fall back in chair, give BIG SIGH, shake head, and throw out cheesy compliment, like "i've never had such a great great friend..."
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05/16/2008 Ethan "tastes like 25" L. says:

chinese... we are experts of gossip and over-dramatizing, dude...
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05/16/2008 Brian M. says:

I would say be ready to pay for yourself. I anything just in case, if the offer to pick up the check then all the better.
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05/16/2008 David C. says:

If its a date.  The inviter picks up the tab.  If its just a buddy, the assumption is you split it, I'd think.

====

x2
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05/16/2008 elrod "thank you, but no" m. says:

if inviter pays tab, offer to cover the tip.
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05/16/2008 CINDY K. says:

WHUH?  I've never heard of this, never even considered it....
Unless you are fucking your "Friend" - this is not a date, and you guys are splitting the tab.  
Even if it's a friend who makes much more $$ - unless they specifically say - let me treat you out to dinner" - you split the tab.
I would never feel right imposing on someone for what I consume.  Even when they insist, I at least wanna throw in for tip.
WHUH???
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05/16/2008 grace "( | )" m. says:

if they can't fork it, I usually take the tab because i did invite them.  if they can, we split it.
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05/16/2008 Mark G. says:

One time I met this girl from CL who wanted a casual encounter (I was posting in the M4W section)

She wanted to grab a bite.  She suggested some pricey ($20-40 a head) restaurant and I said straight out I don't take chances on expensive restaurants unless I know they are worth it and I hadn't been to or heard of this place before (I think it was called Katies cafe).

So we went someplace a little cheaper and she ended up picking up the check.  I suppose she was just trying to prove she had the cash.  Whatevs, I like that!  

Unfortunately, the dinner was the high point of the eve.  :(
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05/16/2008 adrienne g. says:

I always assume we're splitting....works out better & less awkward when the check comes
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05/16/2008 elrod "thank you, but no" m. says:

TMI!
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05/16/2008 Bud "Always missing the point" E. says:

David "Sneakerpimpin'" C. says:

If a friend invites you out to eat........
===========================

After answering this and reading the other answers and sleeping on it a bit, it's come to my notice that we're really missing the point.  The bottom line is that if a friend invites you out to eat, you never turn down a chance to eat out with a friend.
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05/16/2008 Gary "funny reviewing euro-trash-boy" E. says:

Bud "Always missing the point" E. says:

Nope, good friends split the tab.   Good friends, cover the tab now and then, just cause they want to.  Good friends treat when it's not in the other friends budget without letting on.  There are no rules on this one.  Each situation, each meal, is different, each time.
------------------------
Ding ding ding!
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05/16/2008 Shannon "Insufferable Snarkoleptic" B. says:

Communication with your date / pal is always a good thing. Might learn stuff about their philosophy and vice versa. When in doubt though I tend to just grab the check. Makes things less awkward, and it makes me happy to make others happy.

Plus, I'm a whore, so... (just kidding)
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05/16/2008 CINDY K. says:

Yeah but Grace - that convo usually goes

Grace: Hey let's go to Koo!  I want some monkfish liver.
Friend:  Uhh - I'm broke...
Grace: That's cool, I'll treat you!
Friend:  OK - thx.

It'd be rude to straight-up ASSUME you were treating.
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05/16/2008 anna "grumpy" c. says:

I always assume that I'll be paying for my own food. If you expect that your friends will pick up the bill whenever they call and ask you to join them for a meal, sooner or later, the phone is going to stop ringing....
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05/16/2008 Gregor "I do all my own stunts" G. says:

My friends and I all take random turns treating one another. It all balances out in the end, as we really don't even give it much thought.
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05/16/2008 John "I'll out drink ya all, I'm Irish" B. says:

Friend..how about we go out to dinner?
Me: steak and a bj?
Friend: yes
Me: OK, I'll pick up the tab!!!
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05/16/2008 Zeke "Easier to Keel the second time" S. says:

if there is an agreement of back and forth paying then sure... Its just easier then sitting and figuring the check each time. BUT, if that is not in place, you dont have to put out for me to pick up the tab, but you should at least consider it...
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05/16/2008 John X. says:

My friends and I go dutch. But, to address the OP's question, I would never assume that if someone asks me to dinner that they are going to pay.
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05/16/2008 Alan S. says:

Don't go out to dinner with Mrs. Butterworth.

She is a whore.
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05/16/2008 Jaime "With fingernails that shine like justice" M. says:

Split it.

I felt really bad when I split the check with my closest friend on our last time out together before she moved away, and the ditzy waitress ran her card twice and mine not at all. She paid both tabs rather than try to sort it out with the disappearing waitress, but  generally, we'll pay for what we eat.

A male friend met me out for a late snack last week and paid the bill. I thought he was just being nice or trying to be manly. At the end of our long night of talking, he suggested that I stay over for the night. Not happening! But I guess some people expect to get something in return when they pay!
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05/16/2008 Thomas "^ EVIL ^" F. says:

David "Sneakerpimpin'" C. says:

...Any fellow yelpers feel that if your good or close friends invite you out to dinner they should pick up the check?
-------------------------

What????  I go out to eat with my friends all the time and we usually split it. Just because someone asks you if you wanna go eat somewhere doesn't make them financially responsible for the bill. They're just asking you to join theme as company.
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05/16/2008 Thomas "^ EVIL ^" F. says:

...Unless they tell you that they're treating
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05/16/2008 John "I'll out drink ya all, I'm Irish" B. says:

Thomas "nickname" F. says:

...Unless they tell you that they're treating

============================== =============

OR THEY EXPECT SEX!!!!
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05/16/2008 John X. says:

Maybe this is the new way with the recession. I'm going to try it.
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05/16/2008 Sarah "The Bear" H. says:

If you don't know the person very well, don't assume anything, bring your money.  Certainly I wouldn't pay for THEIR part of the meal unless it was my turn or something.  If I were a woman, and a man invited me for dinner, my way of telling him he ain't gettin' nuthin' would be to pay for my half and shake his hand.  However, when I was dating in my youth, if I liked a guy I let him pick up the tab... wink wink.  If you are a guy, and its a girl, and she wants to pay... there's something real strange goin' on.
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05/16/2008 Gur " Krayzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ee" E. says:

Gil said:

many things but all I can remember is
6. Some people are cheapskates and always try to avoid paying

*coughs*

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