Yelp

 

2

29

Tanvi A.

Cambridge, MA

OK! I'm addicted to yelp.. Love the fact that I can write honest opinions about places and things.. I often yelp search when I visit new palces!!

Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! to all the fellow yelpers for helping me out whereever I go!

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4

17

Rylan V.

San Francisco, CA

Fan. Tastic.

Especially Paul and Susan, because they had to deal with my psycho boss a few times.

Love me some Yelp!

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10

70

Mike B.

Mountain View, CA

Alright, Yelp...you're getting my 70th Review.  Because I've been giggling too long about having 69 reviews.

I've just made a few phone calls and pretty soon I'll be starting up the Mountain View Chapter of Yelpers Anonymous.

"Hi, my name is Mike"
"Hiii Miiike"
"I'm a Yelpaholic."

Step one is acceptance.  Step two is posting reviews about the very site that you post reviews on.  The irony is ironic.

Anyway, I'm hooked.  I've been reading you Yelpers for a couple years now.  You've introduced me to gems I otherwise would have never known about (how in the world am I supposed to know that Back-A-Yard is a legitimate restaurant without the help of Yelp?).  

The recommendations have been spot on so far.  You've also helped me steer clear of places I thought "I want to try that out".  I've met some friends along the way and have expanded my horizons.  All thanks to a little website with a cute name.

Thanks, Yelp.  You'll always be 5-stars in my book.

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Elite '08

56

161

Aimee L.

Berkeley, CA

Past Yelp Elite Events:
Orson
Guaymas/Tiburon Film Festival
Mars Bar
Titanium Training Center
Holiday Party

Past Yelp Related Events:
Kleavage Night (hey Karen!)
DYK (hey Gur E. and Walter!)

Yelp Crushes:

Now why would you want to know that? Of course, the person I have always had a crush on, well everyone has a crush on him.  I can see why.  Charming, witty, unbelievably awesomely cool (can I say that?), tall (yes, as a short Asian girl, I look UP, not down for lest I be gawking at 5 inches of penis), fashionable (um, it PAYS to know fashion designers), dedicated...AND OMG, UNBELIEVABLY _________ (but I can't say that last word because I don't really want to give this away, although I bet my next PMS attack that he already knows).

Thanks for making college a little bit easier Yelp! And yes, thank you for letting me mouth off! You met my mother...I got it from her. (don't tell her I said this)

Aimee L.

p.s. - I swear there should be a college ambassador position!

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140

70

Barry H.

San Diego, CA

A colleague at work introduced me to yelp and it's quite addictive.  It's a fun, entertaining way to meet others and share information on business and services all over.  I really, really wanted to give them a five and up until a few weeks ago I would have.  Recently I've spent quite a lot of time writing thoughtful reviews only to have them get lost in cyberspace when I try to post them.  Additionally, their server seems to have gotten slower-probably from all the newbies setting up accounts.  I thought a three star rating would be motivation to improve.  I love ya yelp but someone needs to polish your set up. The notice looking for star engineers only reinforces my review.   Remember, the way you set up the reviews, we can go back and edit them so I'll reevaluate you in another month.

Follow up 05/12/2008- Heard from the boss himself with some helpful ideas-add one star for integrity and speed of response.  Not too many business owners with so many customers pay this close attention.

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Elite '08

10

107

Emily l.

San Rafael, CA

I like the thought that when I speak, others listen. So I enjoy spewing nonsense and facts about random places that I think others will enjoy hearing about.

Rants and Raves on CL gets old so I sure am glad there is yelp.

thanks yelp

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Elite '08

94

95

Xtie G.

Chicago, IL

(part 2 of 2.  Part 1 at http://www.yelp.com/bi...)

A couple of months ago a "prominent" Yelper got SEVERELY dissed by another, largely marginalized, Yelper.  Cries of "foul" by multiple Yelpers went ignored for at least a week (an eternity in Yelpland) by HQ who, theoretically, moderate such BS (HATE).
This incident and the ensuing string of unfortunate circumstances brought to light several shitty things about this site, its creators and moderators:

-Terms of Service appear to be VERY unevenly enforced.  In fact, it appears that fucked-up situations, like this incident, are only considered on a case-by-case basis and only if enough people cry foul directly to HQ.  In the meantime, such situations are solely at the mercy of a select few, hair-trigger flaggers who are seemingly drunk with this "power"...specifically if such situation offends their "delicate" sensibilities (HATE).
-Yelp, the company, holds ZERO value for the time, effort and emotional energy we as Yelpers put into our reviews...the backbone of what makes this site possible.  This was made clear to me when the voluminous and brilliant work product of several prolific Yelpers disappeared like a fart in the wind because said Yelpers somewhere, somehow offended the sensibilities of a select few flag-happy "Elites".  And because of this I realized that "there, but by the grace of Yelp HQ, go I" (HATE).
-Not only did these brilliant, funny, useful and cool bodies of work disappear, so did everything else - every PM (so what remains is like was having a conversation with myself), every compliment, every thread post - every shred of their existence in this community.  At best, this seems unnecessarily excessive.  At worst, those of us remaining Yelpers who've had the privilege to interact with this former member of the community have been stolen from.  This just appears to disrespect the presence and efforts of those of us who remain in the wake of the deleted (HATE).
-Yelp is postured as a community of "Real People, Real Reviews".  By virtue of agreeing to adhere to Yelp's TOS, we as users agree to respect the community we are entering into.  Sadly, there is no reciprocal sort of agreement for Yelp to respect us as real people who not only invest our time and energy into the site by providing reviews of the establishments that pay them, but also participate in the community that perpetuates a sense of loyalty and belonging to the site and community (HATE).
-Before all this mess I was proud to declare "I'm a Yelper!" and I wore my "Elite" hoodie with pride.  Since this mess, said hoodie has been balled-up in the back of my closet...and I have NOT been proud to say I'm a Yelper (HATE).

NOW let's check the math: LOVE=10; HATE=14

Because of these ugly realizations, about a month ago I decided to stop contributing reviews to the site or engaging in the community.  But I've missed it.  Yelp has filled a void in my life over the past year.  It's provided me with a well-interfaced forum to create, connect, socialize and express myself.  In short, it's helped me realize that this rock I've lived under for the past couple of years isn't so heavy.  I can "do the math" all I want, but the truth is, this experience has been invaluable to me.  I want it back.

While I can wish all I want that Yelp really was a community that had a firm set of ethics...something to define what "do the right thing" means, in the end it's not.  It's a business with It's own agenda.  Those that run this business do what they have to do to make it viable.  A wise friend offered the analogy that while I may not be happy with the operational ethics of petroleum companies, that fact doesn't keep me from buying gas to run my car.

SO...I've decided to suck it up, take the bad with the good and visit the nearest gas station to fill up my tank.  And while I don't know how long this little road trip will last, I know that despite traffic, roadblocks, construction or detours, in the end it's ME driving the car and setting the course.

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42

50

Rob C.

Somerville, MA

Got an office job that pays you to do nothing all day?

Want to feel as cool as a hipster but can't give up your comfortable yuppie lifestyle?

Want to look for new, unique things to do, sing their praises on the internet, then snottily complain that more people are showing up and ruining it?

Need a pre-packaged medium for expression? Validation of your mostly uninformed, on-the-spot opinions? A surrogate social life? Retribution against a server or line cook having a bad night? Even though they have way crappier jobs than you?

You, my friend, should be a Yelper!

Don't get me wrong. I drank the red Kool Aid and free cocktails myself. A few folks on Yelp are near and dear to me. But the website has problems. It's been a year or so since I was a serious Yelper. I wrote a bunch of mediocre, uninformed reviews--you can read them here. I didn't even write that many of them, actually. But I had the right amount of snark, a job with a computer, and enough spare time to learn the in-jokes and temperment of the Boston Talk threads.

So, my handful of so-so reviews gave me a year of Elite status. Because I could sometimes make the funny. I met some cool people, did some cool things for free, but eventually was overtaken with ennui about it. I just sort of came to the realization that, while we were a community of nice people, we were kind of full of crap.

Bullets follow:

*Schizophrenic reviews: If you had a passable experience with no problems and some sort of kitsch or extra, FIVE STARS! If your overworked waitress messed up your order, ONE STAR! Rare is the profile full of 2, 3, and 4-star reviews. This is because "real people" (myself included) are not restaurant critics, know little to nothing about running a restaurant, and base their reviews off of their immediate personal experience instead of a balanced review after several visits. This also means you have to read 15 reviews before you even get a sense of what the place is like, as actual content is sparse.

*Sponsorship and Event Venues: Yelp Yuppies Use Marketeing Power to Strong-Arm Local Businesses for Free Yelptinis. I mean, every venue that has an event gets like 20 5-star reviews. This throws off the quality scale the site is supposed to represent. Then the sponsored businesses crap. I mean seriously? Has the whole concept of "impartial reviewing" just been abandoned? Are y'all not making enough money yet? Look at the long list of business owners with legitimate complaints on this strand of reviews! The people who actually know anything about running a business are pissed!

*Groupthink: Every site is going to have an in-crowd, sure. But the groupthink crosses over into the reviews constantly. Why take the time to make a balanced, boring review of a place that's probably average (as most are) when you can highlight something, exaggerate the hell out of it, throw in a few in-jokes, and whore out your opinion for U-F-C votes and compliments? Nevermind the Talk threads, which operates like a middle school lunch table. And the Elite status! My God! Why not just call it the "Popular Girls" and be done with it?

*Age/Class/Race Issues: Being a young, decently-paid whitey, I'll tread lightly. But. Yelp does not give a clear representative sample of people living in urban centers. Not in Boston, anyway. Part of this is inevitable because you generally have to have lots of spare time to sit on your computer, and decent chunks of change to go out to restaurants and other events to participate. If you have neither of these things, you won't make much of a dent on Yelp. Boston Yelp is pretty much a study of the Red Line, the Green Line, and Jamaica Plain, with other areas often being referred to as "sketchy" and "ghetto." Nobody ever seems to challenge those labels. What kind of "real people" are we courting here?

And lastly. . .

*False Sense of Doing a Service: Yelp is about one thing to the owners. Making money. You aren't really helping anyone but them. Yeah, the site can be useful for getting a general overview of a place if you accept the bias, but if Yelp cared about being a truly useful service it would demand higher quality from its reviewers, especially the Elites. It would court older people from less-covered neighborhoods to provide new insights. It would encourage critical discussion and independent thinking in reviews. It would not give preferential treatment to businesses who bribe it with free stuff.

It does none of these things. What it does is indulge the vanity of well-paid, underworked, bored dilettantes.

You pay Yelp's bills, you get your egos stroked, and everyone goes home at 5.

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Elite '08

71

110

adrienne g.

San Francisco, CA

YAY for my 100th review!

YAY for Yelp!

I've laughed; I've cried; I've got the ELITE HOODIE  :-)

( I haven't really cried - suckas! )

Can't begin to count how many awesome recommendations I've realized through this fantastic communication tool......

Business Reviews are awesome for restaurants, bakeries, bars & concert venues, jewelry repair, shoe repair, trendy shops....it's ALL HERE

Talk threads are super for opinions on products, suggestions for SF tours, playing a game or 2 in alllllllll my free time w/ things like the movie-name-game; 80s trivia; what I had for breakfast.......

Event listings are the bomb for checking out what's going on & it caters to everyone's taste.....if you've got a hankerin, there's probably an event to celebrate it!

The most fun & informative site - everything in this world is just someone's opinion & Yelp offers a wonderful opportunity to gather these opinions from all over & lets the peeps decide whether to indulge & I just luv it!

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Elite '08

613

59

jason l.

San Francisco, CA

Yesterday I stopped by the Yelp offices to say thank you for saving me from eating sub-par Indian food, and was amazed- really amazed- by what goes on in there. Of the hundred-odd Vivid-grade strippers they had lounging around the beautifully plush foyer, no less than four walked directly up to me, took my hand, and- without saying a word- lifted me above their beautiful heads and carried me to a waterbed filled with endangered whale blubber.

A quick note about this bed: it was faux endangered whale blubber, cultivated by the very same scientists that the film "Jurassic Park" was written about. No actual whales were harmed to make this bed, and it was comfortable like the womb.

The strippers then proceeded to feed me strawberries dipped in melted chocolate (which was, incidentally, melted in the mouths of other, equally beautiful strippers), while slowly, sensually, removing both their clothing and mine.

The sex that proceeded was passionate, intense, emotional, acrobatic, and, more than anything else, beautiful. I got the sense that they all loved me- not just erotically, but with a love that made me what the ancient Greeks called "agape theon," literally "darling of the gods." Once my ecstatic convulsions finished, I begged them, with tears in my eyes, to stop, and they massaged me with sweet oils and offered me opium to smoke, which is, somehow, perfectly legal within the walls of the Yelp campus.

Once I was both physically and chemically prepared (apparently this is how all Yelp employees start their day), I was escorted into the main offices, where the beautiful employees were blissfully selling ad space and removing racially insensitive comments from the talk threads, and I showered them with praise (as is only right) and they made me Elite and I left feeling whole and at one with the Yelp community.

On my way out, I stopped in the bathroom and noticed that the toilet paper was facing the wrong way. Minus two stars.

UPDATE:
A few hours later I received a package in the mail- a platinum-leaf chest containing a Swarovski Crystal-encrusted 300GB iPhone. It began to ring (a sound that I imagine to be similar to the sighs of God) as I lifted it from the velvet folds. I found myself on a conference call with Jeremy Stoppelman and Russel Simmons, Yelp's esteemed co-founders, who immediately began apologizing for my unfortunate experience in the men's room of the Yelp campus. They made it clear that they weren't trying to get a better star rating and that they were merely trying to find a way to abate my suffering.  I appreciate their integrity, and accepted their apologies, but feel that I have to stand by my earlier review.

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1

2

Angelica K.

San Diego, CA

Yelp is a unique social network which mixes virtual on-line friendship, reviews and free alcohol parties for face to face interaction.  The objective of the founndling's and their venture capital partners is to make hundreds of million either by selling or going public.  Right now the value estimate is $200 million against an expenditure of $60 million or so in capital.  Google passed, Yahoo is looking but very distracted right now, Microsoft could care less.   My guess: an IPO sometime next spring.

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2

2

Nema S.

San Francisco, CA

There sure seem to be a number of people that post negative stuff on yelp about yelp. That seems quite ironical.

I am a yelp fan. Go yelp.

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4

39

Calvin H.

San Francisco, CA

I've been a yelp lurker for the past few years, and finally signed up and started yelping myself.  I can always count on the yelp community to give good honest advice on places to eat and things to do.  I also really think this is a good way to keep businesses "accountable".  If you've had a bad or good experience somewhere, yelp about it... now if only we could filter out all the "fake" postings that business owners create to shamelessly bump up their own ratings...

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11

63

Norton L.

Shoreview, MN

Yelp #50!  To celebrate this auspicious occasion, I thought I would yelp Yelp.

With apologies to Dr. Seuss...

That Michelle who yelps
That Michelle who yelps
I am a friend of Michelle who yelps

Do you want to dine and yelp?

No one cares about what I think
I rarely go out and I do not drink
I don't have time to write, Michelle
I do not want to dine and yelp

Do you want to try new places?
Do you want to meet new faces?

I do not want to try new places
I do not want to meet new faces
No one cares about what I think
I rarely go out and do not drink
I don't have time to write, Michelle
I do not want to dine and yelp

Write about services and retail stores
There's much more than just food, to explore

I don't use services, I don't like shopping
I don't like stores, I'd rather be sleeping
I do not want to try new places
I do not want to meet new faces
No one cares about what I think
I rarely go out and do not drink
I don't have time to write, Michelle
I do not want to dine and yelp

Sometimes you'll be the first review
I'm marked elite, you will be, too

I do not care to be the first
Elite could all but be a curse
I don't use services, I don't like shopping
I don't like stores, I'd rather be sleeping
I do not want to try new places
I do not want to meet new faces
No one cares about what I think
I rarely go out and do not drink
I don't have time to write, Michelle
I do not want to dine and yelp

Try it, try it, you will see.
Try it, you'll like it... pretty please?

I will try it, if you insist
I will try it, but I'm no journalist

...

Say!  I do like it!  Yelping is fun!
Let me do another one.

2-2-2 in UFC
People like my yelps, yippee!

I will go and try new places
I will yelp and meet new faces
I will write about stores that I've been
I'll explore the city instead of sleep in
Being first is quite a feat
Please recommend I be elite
People like them, my reviews don't stink
I'll go out but I still won't drink
I'll find the time and I will help
Yes, I will go dine and yelp!

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15

135

Claire K.

San Francisco, CA

O Yelp, you've moved down from five stars to three.  My spidey-sense is tingling and I smell change in the air.

Are you starting to get cliquey with your Elite and Elite events or is it just me?  I've also noticed the increase in watered-down reviews, advertising and e-mail spamming of late.

Are you going to turn into a business-sponsored city guide?  When are you going to start removing unfavorable reviews and politically unpopular postings?

As websites catch on, they inevitably morph into something less interesting and more mainstream.  Usually before a big sellout or going public.

I guess I should realize that all good things come to an end and take comfort in the certainty that the next great thing will come along in your wake.

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Elite '08

41

249

Jen I.

San Francisco, CA

Yelp, I love you.  You help me find places to eat when I'm stuck in a specific neighborhood and you allow me creative freedom to express my joy or my misery for the existance of certain establishments.

Yelp,  one day I will be free from work to attend an elite event to claim my hoodie.

I will die without out it. Summer in San Francisco is coming.  How will I stay warm?

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125

205

Dan B.

San Francisco, CA

The first step in facing addiction is to acknowledge that you have an addiction.
I am addicted to Yelp.
It started off so innocently.  I needed to know if a restaurant was any good.  Since no one who's opinion really mattered had been, I was in a bind.  Yelp to the rescue.  There were enough reviews to give me an accurate heads up.  Yelp intrigued me.
Then on a trip to NYC, I needed places where locals liked to eat.  The places I found impressed both family and friends who've lived in NYC for a while.  Yelp made me look good since I knew all these locals spots so I finally signed up when I got back to SF.
I still remember my first review.
http://www.yelp.com/bi...
199 reviews later, I find myself using Yelp for more than just reviews about food.  There are parks, golf courses, spas, books stores, online places, events, threads, pics, etc.
At my first event, I got to meet some of my fellow Yelpers.  What a fun bunch of people (both judges and participants of course).  You gotta love folks gathering together for shenanigans.
http://www.yelp.com/bi...
Yelp has helped me discover and appreciate the City I've lived my whole life (as well as ignite one taste bud at a time).
I forget the remaining 11 steps and have resigned not to go further than admitting I'm addicted to Yelp.

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Elite '08

188

231

Diana L.

Seattle, WA

It was brought to my attention that, as of today, I have whittled away a year of my life writing "reviews" and snarking in talk threads; basically pissing away the precious time that the Baby Jesus has found in his providence to bestow upon me. It was suggested that I review Yelp to commemorate this hallowed day - so if you don't like this one, blame Gawd. I blame her for most things, you might as well too.
__________________________________________________
Yelp: A social networking/city search site that has been mistaken for a blog site by some and thus, misappropriated and abused. These people are ruining it for the real Yelpers (REAL PEOPLE) - those of us here to just write useful reviews in the personal and irreverent tone that makes Yelp so much fun!

Well guess what? No one wants to hear about your dad (http://www.yelp.com/us...) or some date you had in high school (http://www.yelp.com/us...), or where you did pounds and pounds of cocaine during your pathetic heyday (http://www.yelp.com/us...). Go babble about that shit on Blogspot for fucksake!

Oh what?! "No one will give me UFCs to obsess over or send me compliments telling me how COOL I am there!!!" Oh, waaaaa!!! Shut the fuck up you narcissistic attention whores!!  THAT'S NOT WHAT YELP IS FOR!!!  YOU'RE CLOGGING THE PIPELINE WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL MASTURBATION!!!

How is anyone going to find the best cup of coffee (http://www.yelp.com/us...) or the best place to get late night burgers (http://www.yelp.com/us...) or what to get at that hot new restaurant (http://www.yelp.com/us...) if you're using up server space jawing on about your favorite high school teacher (http://www.yelp.com/us...)????

Yelp:  THE VERY BEST in social networking/city search sites being slowly, but surely eroded by a few, self-centered, egotistical assholes.

May their accounts be deleted and their verbal diarrhea permanently eradicated from the Internets.

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509

44

Alan S.

San Francisco, CA

"We're going boom, boom, boom.
That's the way we live."  -- Talking Heads

What is Yelp?

To some, it's just another meaningless site floating on the web. To some, it's just what it seems to be: a site to get info on businesses. To some, it's a catharsis; a place to unwind and let out pent up feelings. I don't know what it is to everyone. All I can speak of is what is to me.

It's a place where my friends are. It's a place where I can speak my mind, for good or ill, about the things that are important to me. It's a place where I can express myself, listen to others, and compare life experiences; a place where I can learn. A place where I can stand, on a mountain if you will, and say, "This is me." I don't have to apologize for who I am or what I believe or how I live my life. I can just be me.

To me, Yelp is a family.

And like all families, it's a bit dysfunctional at times. We have our wars, our internal politics, our friends and our enemies.We have our clowns, our philosophers, our whackos. We have it all because we're all individuals reaching out for something.

In the book, Illusions by Richard Bach, there is a line that says, "The truest members of one's family are those who share and rejoice in one's life. Rarely does a family grow up under the same roof." Sounds like us. =)

Tennessee Williams said, "We're all children trying to spell the name of God with the wrong blocks."  He could have also said, "We're trying to spell the name of happiness." Isn't that what we all want:  happiness? Hope? A reason to get up every morning? We want something more than mere survival. Yelp gives us this, because we're all a part of it, and so we give it to each other.

Back before the internet existed, there was the BBS scene. Small 'sites' set up on individual computers where people logged on and did the same thing that we do here. There were small nets between local (and sometimes interstate) boards. All the users lived in the same area and got togather for events and parties at least once a month. When the Internet came into existence, it killed the BBS scene.

The net was great because there were unlimited resources and you could talk to people anywhere. It really opened up global communication but there was a lack of locality. It's fine and good for someone in Sri Lanka to talk to someone in Ohio, but they're never going to meet or truly understand each other because they live in different worlds.

Yelp has brought to locality back to e-communication. Instead of other social networkings sites like Crapster or MyShit, Yelp exists *locally* and those who are on each Yelp site not only have local similiariy, but also get to meet people from the same area. People are living the same lives and dealing with the same issues.

Yelp is the realm of the smart people, the funny people, the cool people. When we write our reviews, they're not just reviews; they are a little piece of us that we are sharing with each other and the world. They are our wit, our humor, our appreciation, our insight, our frustration,  and sometimes our scorn. But they are an expression of who we are.

In the movie, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, Johny Depp's character says: "San Francisco in the middle sixties  was a very special time and place  to be a part of.  But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of  time and the world. Whatever it meant."

That's where we are now. Someday all of this may fade away. Someday Yelp might get bought out by some faceless corporation who will fuck it up royally. But right now, right NOW, we're here. I say we revel in our time.

Am I a hopeless romantic and an idealist? -- You're damn right I am. I'm going to keep dreaming this dream as long as I can.

And I invite you to dream with me.

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73

235

Pistol Packin' M.

San Francisco, CA

A little too much yelp kickin' down doors and killing off accounts for me to want to be elite anymore.

They seem so focused on the "Useful" they forgot it's the "Funny" and "Cool" that keep this site inhabited.

And since now they deem it not okay for teachers to Yelp in privacy and humor [Uh, DUH people: our kids are smart, they can use teh interwebs, we need personas to keep our jobs] I just can't see much good coming from any of this.

Two stars for the two awesome years before all this crapola, and one star for all the awesome people I've met from here.

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28

135

jordan a.

Burlingame, CA

I've been logged on since 6pm until now (1:18am) on a damn Friday night and I still can't get enough.

"Take My Breath Away" begins to play by Berlin as I slowly remove my shirt for Yelp.

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Elite '08

146

135

Clinton K.

San Francisco, CA

Yelp
Real People.* Real Reviews.*

*Pending approval of management.

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Elite '08

92

210

David K.

Atlanta, GA

I love Yelp!  Seriously.  It's tha jam and I love it so much it visit daily... sometimes several times per day.  I even got several of my friends to try it out, although not all of them became addicted like I did.

There are sometimes that I don't think Yelp loves me.  Don't get me wrong, the parties are always fun and the Elite events always exceed my expectations.  I don't feel appreciated when business listings don't get updated after I send the information.  Grrrr....

See, it's the small things sometimes that keep places from becoming as great as they can (and from getting a 5-star rating).  Yelp is awesome and I can only hope that the clever leadership team will take notes of what its users want and give it to us.

Keep up the good work and thanks for letting me make Yelp my 200th review (pardon me for being a Lauren S. copy-cat).  I appreciate you.

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Elite '08

231

167

Riss J.

Bothell, WA

88 lines about 44 (mostly Seattle) yelpers
Betsy was a Catholic girl,
And we all know that's just f.i.n.e.,
Carly was a different type,
She's the one who poured the wine
Jessica's a delightful gal,
Looks so good in black sheep clothes
Chris H was a co-worker
That I brainwashed into the fold
Bernie was really Tommy's girl,
Just call her  miss ol' fancy pants,
Nina , excitable that one,
She'll make you ask for "fries with that",
Mel had this special way
Of turning reviews into sex
Sean C, the disclaimer king
tricked onto yelp by crock pot ex
Dfens was an Asian douche,
Dressed like Stewie, lost his pants
Kerrie was an SF girl
The sun shone straight out of her ass,
Taylor J's not really anyone
Just my crazy firstborn son,
Jai B found her island
Down in all that Texas sun
Alyson; the Eskimo
Made of the same rumors as me ;)
Alicia, was made of anime
A puzzle wrapped in mystery
Michelle B, she got it right
Get paid to stay and yelp all night
Nadja came in from new york,
I can say that girls a'ight
Patrick G reminds you of
When 'shrooms and ecstasy collide
Scott k took us all
For a big monster truck ride
Bunneh thought that she lost out
Missed her chance to be hot
DJ Y , mwahahahaha
and nuff said, that's all I got
Maia turned it all around
And let the reviews write her
Jessi Lil untz untz girl
Is energetic, she's just a blur
Jessie D kept it in house
She will marry her yelp crush
Then there's Lil' Lindi Loo
La face, Oakland tush
Wil L will rock your socks
Right down to Sesame Street
Mitzie's a straight talking gal'
the kind you're always glad to meet
Dawn was a librarian
She was really into books
Jon L barely wrote reviews
Maybe he got by on his looks
Drue bar hopped all the dives
Around the San Francisco bay
Ron M, he's the one
Left reviewing judgment day
Prema, so much more to her
Than a tight Honey Hole
Princess Badassica
Her looks will barbecue your soul
Michael D hunts for excitement,
Flirts with anything that moves,
Matt R will help you park for free
And just might steal your shoes,
Shaun K's art will make you think,
Do you see a cry for help?
Tony g what can I say?
He's the grand warlock of yelp
Betsey is so sweet
She would loan that *extra* E
Katie is called m'lady
Of that she is the real deal
Melissa wanted to be a loser
But ended up owing me a meal
Ian K humor is strange
Like a dark horse with a tan
Christine is more commonly
Known as just "C-Stan",
Cici, defines adorable
A real 'tough' B-town baller
Delilah was a "Wessside" girl
Like my twin,well, 'cept I'm taller

And to my mike b here's a kiss
I chose you to end this list.

*My apologies to those left out, and to the Nails*
http://www.youtube.com...

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57

220

Bob G.

Bothell, WA

OK - 1 star?  As a Yelp user / participant, yelp is 5 stars.  But this review is for Yelp marketing.  

I have a small business, an independent Pizza restaurant.  We are in Bothell - a Seattle suburb. About 6 months ago, the first Yelp marketing guy approached me.  For only 300 dollars a month, I can get on the Yelp bandwagon!  That will buy me advertising exposure when people in the Seattle area search for a pizza place.  So far the only one I see coming up in Snooze Junction Pizza in Ballard.  In my estimation, people looking for pizza in Bothell probably aren't interested in Ballard or they would be looking for - ummm Ballard?  And he guarantees 1500 hits a month.  Gee since there are 10,000 households in my delivery area that would mean that I would have to have at least 100 new customers a month come via yelp to pay for the ad campaign.  Anyone want to guess how many of those 10,000 households have a yelper?

Yesterday, Marketing guy #2 calls.  First he tells my manager we have 48 reviews and 140 hits in the last 2 months.  Gee - could of sworn we only had 11 reviews last weekend - and hits - not one came to my web site from yelp.  I called him back and told him I was on the page with my business.  I was slightly familiar with yelp - lets see - 53 friends, 212 reviews - think I've heard of yelp!!!  Now for those 48 reviews - since I am looking at the page, it is now 11 and only 92 hits last month.

So he gives me the sales pitch, with some of his thunder gone.

Option 1 - same 300 bucks a month and I will show up on searches of some pizza place in West Seattle, or somewhere in the Seattle area.  (Do they show these marketing guys how to use maps and about where people live and commute to?  Would he put a pizza place in Oakland on a search of SF pizza places?)  

But they have a NEW program - for only 150 bucks a month, I can keep other pizza places from comong up in a search for Pizza Works!  Since they only have 1 pizza place signed up - and they're in Ballard, no threat!

There are so many pizza places, no one is gonna drive 15 miles just for pizza, unless there is a compelling reason.  OK, we have Gluten Free pizza and Vegan pizza and traditional pizzas.  If you can't eat wheat, you will go that far.  If you are vegan and going out with your carnivore parents you might.  But then you'll find us with the right type of search - and it won't be for just PIZZA!

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0

3

harry t.

West Los Angeles, CA

I'm highly disappointed in YELP.  Today, I found out from YELP customer service that they sift through and throw out some submissions from Yelpers.  That effectively takes out the unbiased nature of a review site.  So what's left?  

I used to tell all my friends to use this site because I thought it was unbiased.  Well I was wrong, and this is how YELP worded it:

"To ensure a great experience for our millions of users our system sometimes doesn't show all reviews when you visit a business's page.

Why? Because Yelp reviews are relied upon by so many users and we feel it's necessary to have an automated system to filter out untrustworthy reviews. Otherwise, we'd all be sifting through a lot of annoying spam. Does this mean we potentially lose a legitimate opinion? Yes, but we feel the benefits far outweigh the burdens. Additionally, it is important to note that our system screens for trust - not rating - so both positive and negative reviews are treated equally."

How can an "automated system" decide whether or not words are trustworthy?  This sounds like a scapegoat for YELP to censor, which they did, one of my postings.  

The reason this all even came up was because my posting for a restaurant didn't show up and I couldn't figure out why so I contacted YELP.  What a sad day for Yelpers.

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14

152

sean m.

San Francisco, CA

140 reviews, many friends, many firsts and still no elite status for me. While the site is entertaining, I am withholding my stars and will keep sulking until I get the elite status I deserve.

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1

4

maureen p.

Richmond, CA

Yelp can be very dangerous.  People often write fabricated tales of their experiences with a business.  The truth is often twisted based on their emotional state.  

I had someone write a fake review about me personally that was almost slander and is now hurting the business that I work for.  It has offended me and could have been damaging to my career.  The patient was out to criticize my skills and expertise b/c of the equipment  wasn't exactly the same as what she had used on her at another facility.

Business' could be ruined by fake reviews.  It is a shame and very scary!

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4

30

Tom D.

Berkeley, CA

Yelp just canceled by daughter's Yelp account, which she used only under my supervision.  The letter from Yelp didn't even get the right name.  Yes; I see (now that I've read them) that being under 18 violated Yelp terms of service.  I don't care.  She was writing a review every day, and by the reaction of Yelpers she was providing a valuable service.  I'm sure there are some happy lawyers tonight.  I wish you could be here tomorrow morning when I get to tell her that her account was terminated.

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31

34

Anna K.

San Francisco, CA

It makes me feel special when Yelp tells me, "Looking good, Anna." Generally, this is true, and I like to know that somebody notices. I'm slightly less enthused when they ask me my sign (see my review on Charming Men for more on my opinion on this line). Overall, I feel like Yelp really DOES like me. Still waiting by the phone for my elite invitation, but I think I'll play hard-to-get for a little longer.

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19

157

Chad L.

San Leandro, CA

Cheers and jeers to you Yelp! I saved you for my 100th review. I love you because you bring out the best of my neurotic side, showing me that it can be harnessed for "the power of yelp." I love that you make me work so feverishly to alert others to all the culinary wonders and store cashier blunders that happen in my life.  I am a yelper, through and through. Thank you for making me believe that on some level I have a chance to file grievances and make statements to my fellow man about how my experiences have been. You are the first thing I want to do in the morning after I kiss my partner, take a shower and possibly go to school, ( ok well, after I kiss my partner anyway). I love yelp.

However, I must say that you are too addictive at times. I am now a Yelper and you take up more than a bit of my time. I can't help but log on when I get home from somewhere update reviews and write new ones. I don't know that I will ever have that oh so shiny and fancy elite badge that seems to allude so many of us Yelpers, but I know that I am a fan of you.

It's really my amazingly cute and large headed partners fault. She was a Yelp fan long before I had heard of you. She would constantly search your databases to see if there were somewhere new that we might be able to visit for dinner, or even just to go shopping. Then curiosity got a hold of me. I went to Curry corner and I learned why Yelp was so important to so many people. "The power of Yelp" is tremendous. I am definitely satisfied with your performance and the product you provide. I guess in the end there's really just one thing to say.

"My name's CHAD and I'm a Yelpaholic"

CHAD

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1

15

Dan D.

Philadelphia, PA

Pardon the gratuitous review, but seriously... what kind of a user would I be if I didn't say some nice things about the people who made this all possible.

I'm still new here. And I'm still on the fence about really sinking my teeth into this whole Yelp lifestyle by going to parties and mixers and what not. But you never know. We're new to our hood (South Philly) and you never know who you'll run into.

We love food. We love to drink. And we are constantly looking for new places that have one, the other, or both. Yelp makes it easy to weed out the bad apples in a city that's chock full of all three.

Thanks Yelp.

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56

207

v b.

Burlingame, CA

There are a few things I had always considered off limits. One was reviewing Yelp. But sometimes a guy needs more than 5000 characters.

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