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Delancey-Essex Sts (F, J, M, Z)
2nd Ave-Houston St (F, V)
Grand St (B, D)
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Looking back, it was extremely appropriate that we ended our night here.
Drunk dirty hipsters pounding $2 PBR's, lounge couches to recline upon while drinking said $2 PBRs, and bartenders that know exactly what you want before you order it. Maybe Jager shots? Maybe water? Maybe both?
I couldn't have asked for a better spot to wind down/keep the party going.
This was my first and still is my fave dive bar.....
Feeling poor- cheap drinks it is and yup it has a mix of hipsters and the real dirty dog drunks....
Serious - drunks and hipsters in you dirty uncles basement...A dive bar!
This place is that girl that you hook up with but don't want your buddies to know about. Why not, you ask? 'Cause she's beat up. Girl's got some snaggletooth. Or maybe a gruff manly voice. Somethin' just ain't right 'bout her aesthetically, but when it comes to revvin' your engine, she knows what it is and how it do.
Translation: Welcome to the Johnson's is a shithole but they serve cheap ass drinks. This works out in your favor as a result, even though you're drinking in squalor.
So no, I don't claim to know the Johnsons or even know who the hell they are, but their drink prices will certainly make you feel welcome and you'll be tempted to sit on their plastic covered couches and watch their static-y telly as long as the alcohol flows.
This place reminds me of that friend we all have that's a certified hot mess;
-she's buys her clothing 2 sizes too small cause she thinks tight clothes are sexy...as a result she has constant camel toe and muffin top.
-she spends all her dough on cheap clothing and gives cash to her deadbeat, unemployed boyfriend so he can support his 8 kids by 9 different women
-she has a horrible itchy weave that she leaves in for too long and smells like dirty wet clothes
-she thinks she's pregnant every month
but, gotdamn you love her like she's family. She doesn't hide being the hot mess that she is and she embraces it wholeheartedly. Welcome to the Johnsons is just like that; holes in the wall, bathroom door is off the hinges, graffiti is use to decorate the bathroom walls, plastic covers the furniture, beer is cheap and the pool table and music wraps this place up in a nice little Podunk bow. Future visits will be in store very soon.....
I'm surprised this place got reviewed as much as it did. I haven't even realized there was a concept to this place until I read a review on NY Mag. If anything, Johnson's is a dump. Not sure whether that was intentional. If so, le sigh, shit sells in this town.
At least they don't charge an arm and a leg and try to come up with ironic names for cocktails, however that may be. This might be your run of the mill dive on a weeknight to play pool and grab a beer but No, you won't run into John Cusack circa 1989.
1st visit: Totally chill, awesome, laid back. Loved it!
2nd visit: Way too rowdy for my taste, packed and loud. Meh.
This place is bare bones dive bar meets the living room of Roseanne Conner and family.
Fortunately La Caverna was so creepy, I headed next door and found this little enigma I'd already heard so much about.
A pool table, a couple Roseanne couches covered in plastic, a spattering of framed family photos on the wall... of some family, and cheap beer. That's it.
I will sit in a dirt hole for cheap, and this is one or two levels above, as there aren't a lot of places on which I'd actually want to sit my butt, let alone hover over in the bathroom. If you can appreciate an authentic dive bar for what it is, and that is cheap beer and no modern conveniences, then Welcome to the Johnson's is one of the best of its kind.
Verlaine was packed, so we wandered down the block to the Johnson's. Gritty, dirty, laid back dive bar with a decent juke box but more importantly the drinks were cheap and strong. Being here reminded me of drinking in my boyfriend's garage with him and his punk band friends...so take from that what you will.
Man....I go here all the time but tonight was different. Friday, Sept 26 the door guy was being a DICK. I go outside for a smoke at 330a, I try to get back in and the dude was not having it. He was on his cell phone arguing with his girl or something and was taking it out on me. I just wanted to go back in and finish my drink...needless to say I asked politely to speak to whoever was in charge and he refused to offer me any help. Thanks for ruining my night door guy.
Hilariously themed bar. Looks like granny's house from the 70s/80s. PBR is $1.75 before 9, $2 after. Wells are $3 before 9. Plastic covered sofas and a PBR, giddy up!
This place may just be a little too hip for its own good.
It's like walking into your uncle's creepy basement that's remained unchanged since the '70s.
Still, cheap cans of beer and a good jukebox make for a good time.
It may also be full of clientele wearing entire Salvation Army bins, and it may also be hot as all hell inside.
I was a mess on my one and only trip to this bar. I remember some important things though. The decor was great. The drinks were cheap. People didn't look at me funny because everyone was funny looking.
Johnson's isn't fancy, it's bad for dates, you wont pick anyone up here, and they don't serve wine or beer on tap, but I still go weekly. It's a local dive on the les, where people go to drink $2 dollar pbr's. If you accept it for what it is, the place is great. Me and my friend tend to go here and sit at the bar and shoot the shit for hours. Sometimes it's crowded and sometimes the bars empty, and I can't seem to figure out a rhyme or reason for when when it's packed or not. It kinda feels like cheers to me, where the bartender knows my name and drink of choice, while the bouncer knows my life story.
I've heard about this place for a while...and even though I have passed by it a number of times I for some reason never went in. Anyway, last weekend we had time to kill before our reservations for dinner so we decided to stop in for a beer. The atmosphere was hilarious...from the plastic on the sofa, to the wood panelling on the walls, to the family photos.
Cool bar. I'd go back.
Strange mix of people there though...
I still remember the first time I climbed those little steps on Rivington, several years ago.
I grew up in Europe, so a bar that resembles a suburban basement frozen in the 70s feels irresistibly exotic to me.
Plastic couches, fake wood panelling, a crowded pool table and a lovely orange ottoman in a nook by the TV set paint the scene.
Superbly cheap drinks make it even more appealing.
The inflatable Santa Claus decorating the wall more than two months after Christmas is what I liked the most.
Bartender ipodding a slew of At the Drive In songs as soon as we walk in the door, really cheap drinks and I have never been happier in my life.
I've been to The Johnson's on plenty a night and thus feel entitled to write a short (but sturdy) review. Here goes:
They've got everything you need: ample seating, a pool table, TWO restrooms, a jukebox that makes you want to dance with strangers...
Everything you'd expect from a dive bar. Yet there's something else that adds to its charm and I have yet to put my finger on it...perhaps its the aura of The Johnson's that just tickles me in all of the right places.
This place has been one of my favorites for a few years now. $3 PBR's always seem to win me over, and really, it's just chill. Anybody can walk in here and not be given a second look. Somehow, every time I come here I end up meeting super cool people.
It's old and kind of smells like dirty mop, but it adds to the charm.
$2 PBRs -- $2!... if you can beat that in NYC, please let me know.
Very cramped, just totally packed, a nasty pool table with all sorts of spills on it, an absolutely disgusting bathroom, a hilarious Obama inauguration sign behind the bar, attentive bartenders, and the WORST 'nuts to butts' I've experienced in a while, but a great dive bar in an area of NYC that has fewer every month.
Yes, it's gross and more crowded than the mess hall at fat camp during free Twinkie day, but those $2 PBRs and the general feeling of "we don't care, and neither should you" will keep me coming back. The clientele actually wasn't as grungy as I expected, but it would have been alright anyway. You might leave with a nasty rash on an undisclosed area of your body, but looking back it'll be worth it.
this place is super cool for a variety of reasons.....
looks like a suburban family living room from the 70's
serves its beer from the fridge
PBR $2 in a can served ice cold
Pool table
Lounge chairs and benches
If you aren't interested by the end of the list you suck.
There isn't really much more I can add to this joint.
A homie is an occasional bouncer here...that equates to me getting my drank on for free...and have copious amounts of entertainment via the patrons.
Ain't no way in hell I'd *ever* sit on those couches.
The bartenders are some cool cats & are down to have some good convo after closing time. I've never had a bad time here...but I usually don't show up until 2ish...anything before that is too packed for my liking.
If only this had been my idea for a bar. Love the decor, love the cheap PBR on weeknights. Good songs in the jukebox. Lots of funny hipsters to giggle at. The bathroom door doesn't lock, so watch out for that.
I used to go here a lot. It's fun, juke box is silly. Lea's pretty cool and from Cincinnati. Haha! She plays a lot of 80s stuff, the other two bartenders play heavier stuff. Definitely a younger crowd, and it gets a little packed on Fridays and Saturdays.
Welcome to your parent's basement in the 80s. And your parents make a damn strong cocktail and toss you PBRs for 2 bucks.
It had a house party kind of feel with the horrible lighting and meet & greet attitude of the patrons. We had fun but I sat on the couch; after reading the other reviews I'm starting to regret that...
I've been here a few times.
And the same thought would cross my mind every time I'd walk through the front door.
"What...the...****?"
So it looks like a typical low-class TV room or den circa 1974. Wood panelling that's really formica, tacky framed family pictures hanging from the walls with no rhyme or reason to their arrangement, drum-shaded lamps, and velour-upholstered couches.
Creepy. Gross. And COOL! Reminds me of Granny's old vacation house...er...trailer...upstate!
Oh, yeah, and the beer's like a buck-and-a-half, but I don't like beer. I just think it's a funky place to check out and maybe shoot some pool while you're at it!
super cheap drinks!
great bartender.
in the LES?
priceless!
Cheap.
Dive.
Loud music.
Ratty couch.
Old T.V. and refrigerator.
Dark.
Dirty.
Everything I was looking for in a bar. :)
I think I only love this place because of my hockey league. Which is the same league as Adam R. and Danny P.
When it comes down to it, this bar is dark and dirty. Cheap? Hells yes. Filled with hipsters when not filled with hockey players? Yup. I've seen people walk up to the door, see it full of sweaty hockey players, turn on their heels, and leave. But it's a dive, so what do you expect?
All I've gotsta say is spiked ice tea. Damn, that was a strong glass of sweet tea. Loved it though.
The music was pretty random, just whatever was on the bartender's ipod. I enjoyed the unpretentious vibe.
I'll be back for the chill atmosphere and the strong inexpensive bevs.
Who wouldn't want to go to a dive called JOHNSON'S, where the ambiance is 70's basement chic??? BRILLIANT!
I wish I had more to say about the place, but that really sums it.
Bring on the plastic-coated couches!
I mean, it's a dive bar. We do not expect miracles, and we rarely get them. However, I'd be happy to hang out here anytime. It helps that I was with someone who knew one of the bartenders, which made us fit right in with the group of Sunday night regulars. But drinks are cheap, especially if you're into $2 PBR, and the music is a fun mix of 70s-90s that encourages a hilarious mixture of singalongs and a random girl dancing on the bar (not an otherwise partying scene). And $4 wells are better than I've found most places nearby. It's also across the street from the Sugar Sweet Sunshine bakery, and there's nothing wrong with a pre-drinking cupcake, right?
Mostly, it was just a really chill, not overcramped LES experience. I'm sure on a weekend night, it gets crazier. But it seems to appeal to a wide variety of people (odd for the Lower East Side- is that girl really NOT wearing skinny jeans?) and the decor is pricelessly tacky. Bad faux wood panelling, cheap pool table, and glowing Santa all provide for an intentional but not obnoxious dive bar feel.
Welcome to the Johnson's oh I think NOT!
I didn't want to review this place for a couple of reasons and the main one being that it reminds me of a bad 70's porn set. But on my way home a week and a half ago (from Boss Tweed's) I had to use the ladies room and the Johnson's was on the way. So I do my business and as I'm coming out of the bar, I slip on the first of the 2 steps and feel a rush of pain in my ankle.
4 hours later I have a new pair of crutches, a twisted ankle and even more of a dislike for the Johnson's. Buy a 6 pack, stay home and throw on SNL for a safer time.
Oh and there was pee all over the seat as well!
I like the place. It was dingy, dirty, run down. Beers were really cheap for LES. Which I always appreciate. I like dives though. Anywhere with cheap alcohol actually.
Guiness, Corona, Red Stripe -$3
PBR's - $1.50
I really don't think that it's bad. I also don't mind the dirty hipsters. Just let them be. They won't mess up your drink unless you stir it with them.
The place was dark. There was a pool table that takes quarters. The bathroom was gross but...i mean...its a dive you expect that. I could pee in a pot really, but its not my preferred medium in which i like going.
ANYWAYS - 3 stars. decent dive.
Nestled deep within the Lower Hipster-side, it's a great place to go when you're already toasted enough not to care about the ratty-ass furniture, smelly atmosphere, and the danger of getting hit in the face by the flipping of dirty hipster hair. The $2 PBR's keep us caring even less and less as the night goes on, until the night disappears altogether too. I believe it's called the "Poof."
Useful: Cashish only really cramps my stylo.
Cool: $2 PBR wasn't enough???
Welcome to the Johnson's is like a guy who does not shower, has semi-weird friends, always manages to get you drunk and has a great taste in music.
Whenever I am in the east village I make sure to stop by and get a quick hit. I like to sit in the back by the pool table, people watch/hate and sip strong vodka tonics.
Over time it has managed to become one of my most sneaky favorite bars. And for a 15 dollar cocktail loving girl, that is saying a lot.
Most importantly, the beer is cheap. $1.50 PBRs and $3.00 Guinness. I'm sure they have other kinds of beer, but I'm only vaguely aware of them.
My rating is a five, because the bartenders and owner have bent over backwards for the hockey league I'm a part of. When our league starts, they buy a dozen or two pizzas for us. They give us drink specials, and are happy that their bar turns into a sweaty, smelly mess every Sunday.
I know a lot of dive bars adopt a holier than thou attitude, perhaps because they think it will add to their credibility. Or they couldn't be bothered. But whatever the reason, it's good to know that some places still believe in service with a smile.
I fit right in the night I was last here... because an hour before we came here a friend bounced a football (exactly,,,who bounces a football!!!) to another friend and it bounced into my face while I was drinking a bud bottle!! BAM! Right in the right tooth. I was totally pulling off Lloyd Fitzchristmas (sp?) from Dumb and Dumber.
Place is like my grams house back in Staten Island in the 70's.
Super cheap, they've got booze, you can nap on an old stinky couch... who could ask for anything more!
I think I lasted an hour here because I was so freaked out about my tooth, I went home to call 1-800-Dentist ( I should write a review for them, they were extremely helpful!) Got me a dentist 8am the next morning!
Absolutely repugnant clientele. Overstimulated perpetual teenagers blowing their trust funds $2 at a time. You may wonder why rich kids fetishize squalor. It could be worse, though. You could be Chloe or Archer's father, sitting around the table for Christmas dinner, wondering why the fuck your kid got a tattoo of Charles Bronson masturbating onto a map of Nantucket. Shit, you'd think. Will I be paying for these fuckups forever?
I'm sorry, but this place is crap. Pure, unadulterated crap. No offense to fans of Welcome to the Johnson's, but I'd be hard-pressed to list a single redeeming quality.
Yes, PBR is $2. Hardly shocking considering PBR is a cheap, not particularly tasty beer. If your paying significantly MORE than $2 for a PBR anywhere, i suggest you start looking into other beers. If money is your concern, walk down Essex half a block and find Boss Tweed's, where if you ask for the "special" you get a Bud AND a shot of JD, Cuervo, or Jim Beam for $5. (not to mention all the other benefits of not being at the Johnson's) Or alternatively, if you really can't live without the "atmosphere", find your way over to Continental on 3rd ave or Doc Hollidays on Ave. A. Both dives, both real cheap.
With regard to the clientele, make no mistake, the Johnson's is indeed a hipster haven. I do not mean to needlessly offend anybody else who might read this, so let me say simply, that if you can deal with that, all the more power to you. I for one cannot.
Having been dragged here on more than one occasion, I think I can say that I really have tried to give this place a chance. It just doesn't do it for me.
2 stars because the place does indeed have electricity, the bathrooms are mostly functional (if disgusting), and I believe the building to be structurally sound. (Not intended to be a bad FUBAR joke)
Vodka Ice Tea, for a guy at least, isn't great.
Honestly people, within 1 block I can name several other decent places- I'd prefer Boss Tweed's outright any day, Fat Baby if you got some cash, or even grabbing a drink at Schiller's or the mexican restaurant across the street.
As somebody who I would say regularly visits a fair number of establishments every week (some new, some old), I can say without unreasonable bias, this place sucks. Even when I'm shitfaced and only mildly aware of my surroundings.
Total dive, but I loved it. Looks just like some of my friend's houses from the 80s, complete with family portraits on the wall. They had $4 tequila rose shot specials, which Mo P. downed, and their wells were $4 as well. Great place to go in between our speakeasy priced drinks to even out the wallet.
They have a pool table, video games, and a big stack of VHS tapes too.
I would give this place 5 stars if it wasn't crawling with Hipsters...but since it's located in the LES what can you expect?
I don't know how this place is during the evenings but Sundays here are awesome. The drinks are cheap, the bartender is great, and the early Sunday crowd is mellow. The decor makes you feel like you're drinking underage in your parents basement back in the 70s. The pool table in the back adds a little character and the plastic on the furniture ensures a quick clean-up. The best thing about this place is the Bloody Mary's on Sundays. And although I don't really want to divulge this secret I feel like I owe it to the yelp community...get here early b.c once the ingredients for the Bloody Mary's run-out you aint getting one.
Happy drinking!
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