Oakland
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Oakland, CA 94702 (510) 845-7273
12 Reviews for Oakland
Oakland is soooo 'hood, I had to roll up my windows dispite the 90 degree weather and my car's broken AC.
Oakland is sooo 'hood, people don't carry conversation. They speak to each other in E40 quotes.
Oakland is soooo 'hood, I fell in love at first site. It's gritty, it's grimey, it's perfect.
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...is the reason I wrap sixteen sweaters around my ginormous ass and come up with fourty-two excuses why I can't visit my mother.
HarASSment aside, it's a beautiful city. You've got Preservation Park, Lake Merritt, Children's Fairyland, The Mormon Temple, Grand Lake Theater, Jack London Square and the spiraling biking/hiking trails that are some of the exquisite examples of natural beauty.
I am the woman I am because of the family, the home, the education and the diverse upbringing I have and owe to Oakland. When you see me, you see Oakland... big ass, big ass vocabulary and all.
Minus one star for that time that dude in front of my best friend's family home said "Hey girl! How you doin'..... .wit yo big ass booty?". This will always be why I have a tiny bit of hate for Oakland.
I was seventeen and at a very sensitive time in my life. My ass has never been the same since.
Ok.. that's a fucking lie, cuz my ass is still drawing unwanted attention and big as all hell.
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Oakland is the place to live in the bay. You have so many distinct parts you would thing it was more than one city. But lets take for instance the place where I live, West Oakland. If you don't know where that is it begins on 36th and ends at about Thomas Berkeley ave. This area in particular has its own charm. It is ghetto fabulous and I dare not to walk outside to go any further than the liquor store on the corner. Not because I'om afriad....more because i'm over tryin to get talked to by the people collecting cans and bottles or the drug dealers on the streets.
What do i love the most about my humble town??
The fact that there is a sign that says "Drugs and Prostitution are illegal". Kind of gives you and exact picture as to the type of place that I live in. Hoes from the same area Code reside here....hell there is no proof that they have an area code....but hey...they don't bother me and I sure as hell ain't gonna bother them.
I will say though if you happen to need the police...u are shit out of luck. You better be dead, dying, a murderer or a coke dealer if u think Oakland PD is coming this way. The fact that we have a mini Police Department office over at the Pack N Save 3 blocks from the house and they STILL don't arrive when I call...made me understand my place on the 'emergency' food chain.
The other parts of Oakland are nicer and richer and have less access to hookers, but hey, they do know where to find them!If you drive 3 blocks any where in Oakland you will probably hit another neighborhood of it. Whether it is Grand Lake, Lakeshore, West Oakland, Temescal, Piedmont,East Oakland or Downtown you basically can't go wrong...
I do love it here...i do wish the city was as cheap as the town but it just ain't gonna happen so here I am....looking at the city from afar with hopes and aspirations to one day... have a place to myself in the big city on the bay!
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Alright, which one of you asshats put Oakland in Berkeley?? Berkeley vs. Oakland is like the tiny dude from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out vs. Mike Tyson himself - and you know God damn well Mike Tyson is gonna fuck that ass up, but you keep coming back to get a piece.
Oakland was actually my first Bay Area home; we lived in a fabulous 3 bedroom behind the Greyhound station. Yes, not only did I live in America's most frighteningly rad city, but I lived a block from the most frightening place in ANY city. Oak-town, bitch, represent!!
It's easy to forget my humble start in the Big O - and we all know there is an invisible line between San Francisco and Oakland that keeps us from intermingling, lest we obliterate said line by realizing that each side of the bay has its own redeeming qualities. Contra Costa county is fucked of course, but Alameda and San Francisco each have their uniquely awesome attributes.
The truth is......
I have lived in the sketchiest part of San Francisco, woken up to a blue and bloated hooker dead on my doorstep, gotten in fights with crackheads over whether the street in front of my apartment was meant to be used for parking or for shitting and smoking crack, and gotten in multi-lingual shouting matches with old Asian women on the bus over a pink fucking plastic bag. So safe to say, after 9 years here I've pretty much seen it all and could care less if some nutcracked dope fiend wants to fight over me not giving him a cigarette.
Bring it, bitch, I don't work my ass off so YOU can smoke up my money, motherfucker! I'll kick you in the head and then stand above you smoking my delicious cigarette, and maybe write a review about you on Yelp on my $300 smartphone that I ALSO worked my ass off for. Bitch ass. You fucked with the wrong blue-eyed Puerto Rican, homie!
In other words, I'm pretty motherfucking bad ass and all the bad around me doesn't get to me.
But God damnit I've got a bad case of San Franciscoitis cuz Oakland scares the living crap out of me.
Maybe it's because I'm so used to my little 7x7 that the space inspires panic.
Maybe it's because Oakland just seems SO far away.
Maybe it's because Oakland is superior to San Francisco and I'm just reluctant to accept that.
Whatever it is, the invisible line between us will remain until we realize that Oaklanders (is that what y'all are called? 'Gangstas from the EB' works too) and San Franciscans are not all that different, except that some of us live on the right and some on the left. That's it.
So big fucking ups to my Oakland peeps. We should hang out some time but, uh, would you mind coming over here? My knife is, er, in the shop.
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So what the heck is up with the Oakland/Berkeley thing? Is this post only for those jerks who live in the Temescal and think it's not Oakland or what? I mean get over it, you live in Oakland! Just because you live in one of the ehem... "quieter neighborhoods" as you might put it doesn't mean that you aren't in Oakland. The same applies to Piedmont and Mont Claire too. While it's true that no one else considers you real residents of Oakland geographically you are there. Or is it here? I forget which sign is which.
As for the rest of "the town" I love you! I love you with all of my heart, so let's see what else there is to say... Downtown is nice enough but I hate driving through it trying not to be killed by the crazy drivers flying through all colors of street lights. The lake is beautiful and doesn't stink that badly so long as you're not near the geese. I love the theaters and the local spots which I get lost shopping in for hours sometimes, usually in China Town, which rocks!
As for the heart of Oakland, the outskirts, the east the west and the in betweens... I love you most of all. I am sorry you have to deal with O.P.D. I love every single tiny section of each neighborhood. I wish you a fruitful and great future. From the Fruitvale to Maxine's on 81st, the kaiser off 580 and everything in between... I love Oakland, (O.P.D. and elitist residents are the one missing star). I would say more, but I hate seeing that stupid 5000 character limit pop up so basically let's just leave it at this. Oakland is the best!
CHAD
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"Frisco's always makin' it, Oakland's always takin' it"
We got ugh, Dru Down, we got the.. LUNIZ! Shock G, wassup, yeah, Richie Rich, E-40, Spice 1...
Yeah, it's been a while since I've hollered from Tha Town
Mess around and heard Yuk and Knum, said I gotta be down
Cause new styles is goin down, look around you
Tunes from the Lunz spreadin round and round you
Back to get my O on, they let me flow on
The thirty-five on it, yeah, I'm on it
Still bringin satin for them drawers
Velvet for the mic and got a pound for the cause.
Yeeeaahhh, wassup baby?
It's me, your boy with the kick that's always tight
You a little short on some ends?
Don't worry, I'll take care of that, I got five on that
I got you
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I don't have high opinion of this town. It's one huge city interlinking with other cities and it'll end by the time you leave San Jose or Vallejo. I'm more San Franciscan then again, I'm a hypocrite but a least San Francisco's northernmost is a beach/wharf with great views and heading south, there are mountains. Still, you're finally out of the bay area until you reach out of Los Gatos (to Santa Cruz) or San Jose. Oakland have some blight, I wouldn't mind cleaning it up with extreme justice but it's too bad that the major of Oakland don't have balls at all. Okay, here's my 'pinion, nice town.
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Things I have seen or experienced in Oakland:
- white homeless dude wiping his ass with leaves/pine needles in the park by my apartment
- black homeless dude tells me that I have a nice ass, but I'm a "punk ass bitch" for not giving him money
- asian homeless dude tells me "I haven't eaten in a week", he tells me this every other day
- bikers bumpin' their tunes with a harem of "Catholic school girls" riding on the back
- prostitute on San Pablo Ave. at 7 am. Clearly, the previous night's work was rough as her ass was literally hanging out of her mini skirt. Let me just say that black cellulite is prettier than white cellulite
- the best damn food I've ever had in my life (see Mezze review)
- overflowing support for my breast cancer fundraiser (see Van Kleef's review)
- friendliest, non-snobby people you will ever want to meet
- dude in bar offers me and Kristen S. a bag of weed if we "make out" in front of him (no, we didn't ask to see the weed)
- lots and lots of lesbian life partners driving around in their Subaru wagons (Matt R. may be the only non-lesbo owner of said vehicle)
- more nail shops than lesbian life partners (fo' reals!)
- chicken and waffles at 1 in the morning
- our mayor (who looks like Grady from "Sanford and Son") eating breakfast next to me. "What's up, Mayor Dellums?"
So, for all of you SF snobs....I say, suck it! The best thing about SF is that you can see Oakland from there. We have hometown pride, and one of the highest murder rates in the nation. Hey, nobody is perfect! Plus, sometimes you hafta blast a fool.
You candy-ass pussies in SF....stay your asses over on your side of the bay. That way my rent won't go up and parking won't get worse.
Word.
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Uhhhhhhh. Berkeley, huh?
http://urltea.com/2so2
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First, I'm a little disturbed by this listing showing Oakland is in Berkeley. Some of us intentionally do not live in Berkeley with the huppies.
The Real Oakland - I have fallen in love with you. Since leaving Philadelphia I told myself I'd never be able to fall in love again, but in the 7 weeks (update: now 6 months and I'm still in love) I've been with you I can't stop thinking about you. Awaking each morning with you gives me goosebumps. Drinking with you is a blast. Ohhh and the food you cook. And I just love your friends in all their variety. I see the beauty in you even when you haven't put on any makeup. You are so unpretentious, honest, and caring. I love you!
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I wanted my 200th review to be of something that actually means something to me today. That is why I chose to write about the city that taught me everything I know in life.
Oakland has shown me so much in the time that I lived there that it makes me feel bad for abandoning it for it's pretty sister across the bridge.
Oakland you housed me, tried your hardest to educate me, introduced me to so many different people-most of which I am still friends with today. You've shown me bad things too. Things that made me realize that I could have a better life elsewhere....For that I am grateful.
5 Big Red Ones.
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I am not sure why Oakland showed up as an option here showing Berkeley; maybe it was that part of Oakland that feels like Berkeley-- the hills and College Avenue. This is the quentessential California lifestyle. I could live in this area---maybe I am only about Berkeley; yeah.. I think I am most at home here Berkeley I mean. I have separate review of Oakland--Oakland, CA.
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