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McTeague's Saloon

4 star rating
based on 115 reviews

Category: Pubs

Neighborhood: Nob Hill
1237 Polk Street
(between Fern St & Bush St)
San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 776-1237
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Hours:

Mon-Fri. 12:00 p.m. - 2:00 a.m.

Sat-Sun. 6:00 a.m. - 2:00 a.m.

Parking:
Street
Accepts Credit Cards:
Yes
Price Range:
$
Good for Groups:
Yes
Wheelchair Accessible:
Yes
Outdoor Seating:
No
Music:
Juke Box
Best Nights:
Wed, Thu, Fri
Happy Hour:
Yes
Alcohol:
Full Bar
Smoking:
No
Coat Check:
No

115 reviews for McTeague's Saloon

Review Highlights   

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"I love the solo pool table that hogs the spotlight in the rear." (in 22 reviews)
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"Looking forward to returning for happy hour." (in 21 reviews)
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"What's that, they have Shiner Bock on tap." (in 5 reviews)
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One of the Business' Favorite Reviews What's This?

Photo of Julia G.

Elite '09

595

328

Julia G.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
9/7/2009

McTeague's makes me McHappy!

In one week's time I'll have completed my move to The Loin and will officially have inherited McTeague's Saloon as one of my local bars. I couldn't be happier. A far cry from the Bus Stop, this sports bar has large flat screen TV's, a long and spacious bar, and a pool table in the back for all you billiard players (or for people like me who like to play and just make fools out of themselves). The crowd is diverse and friendly.

I'm looking in to my Loin-like crystal ball and I see lot's of beer, sports and fun in my future!

P.S. Holler at me for #300!!! Woooot!

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Photo of ruggy j.

Elite '09

4992

692

ruggy j.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
11/17/2009

Usually, I'm morally opposed to visiting pubs like McTeagues. Seems like for a bar owner, the easiest recipe for success is to grab some abandoned space, throw some dark woods on the walls, get Guinness set up on tap... and bang, you've got yourself an Irish pub. Most of the time, capturing the essence of a true "Irish pub" is a futile attempt at most, which is why I typically avoid 'em altogether.

McTeagues is different, though. It's got soul.

I'm usually only in there on Sunday mornings for 10:00am football with this nifty dude named Justin. Know the guy? Well, he's a fun chap to watch the games with, as are most of the usual patrons early on Sunday morning. They have five or six TVs with the NFL Sunday Ticket. It's first come, first serve on the games... so if you claim a spot early, you can sit right in front of your team as they go to work.

The bartenders are pretty cool as well. Michael (I think) is usually the guy in charge on Sunday mornings, and he makes a killer Bloody Mary. Meanwhile the other bartender Curtis' claim-to-fame is that he over-served then-Titans QB Steve McNair (R.I.P.) to the point where he was pulled over for a DUI when he was a bar owner in Tennessee. He tells this story with a certain swagger and sense of pride that makes me wonder what his most memorable conquest in life is to this point. DUIs are never funny, but somehow, the way he tells the story makes me giggle.

When football isn't streaming out of every screen in the joint, it's a fun and friendly place to grab $2 Lone Stars (the official beer of Texas) and enjoy the people watching along Polk Street. It gets a little douchey on Friday and Saturday nights, as those Marina weekend warriors have seemingly taken over the area, so tread lightly when high-tide hits the Tendernob.

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Photo of Victoria D.

 

27

47

Victoria D.

North Beach, San Francisco, CA

1 star rating
Updated - 11/6/2009

Zero Stars for the rude bar manager that gave my guest and I a rude attitude, and  a nasty look, when my friend, at 8;45 pm, with only 10 people in the place, asked if the horrendously obnoxiously loud music could be turned down so we could stop SCREAMING our conversation!
Zero Stars for the bartendress that did NOT know what kind of Tequila was on hand.
Zero Stars for not having any RUM but Meyers to serve my guest.
Dear Chris: Your BM is horriblly rude, we left. Thanks...

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1 Previous Review: Show all »

  • 4 star rating
    9/8/2008

    Beautiful space !  Simple shots, good beer selection, no fancy drinks availiable.  My favorite… Read more »

Photo of M B.

 

2527

122

M B.

Roseville, CA

4 star rating
10/19/2009

Outstanding pub , it's just around the corner from the regency.
When going to a concert at the regency this place is definitely on my must go to list.
Everything one would expect a pub to be ,Jamison girls were there on Fri night and they were great passing out everything Jamison.
Bartenders handled this bar crowd with perfection.
Drinks were reasonable ,served fast.
Many TVs for the sports fans and they were all up and running.

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Photo of Katie Anne N.

Elite '09

176

514

Katie Anne N.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
11/18/2009

Awesome place! The bartenders are nice here. The girl bartender didn't charge me the minimum because I didn't know there was one for putting down a card. Dark and homey. Great neighborhood bar. There are TVs, and a pool table. Great happy hour deals. Dog friend too!

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Photo of Mark L.

 

16

52

Mark L.

San Francisco, CA

2 star rating
10/26/2009

I think this place looks like a nice place to hang out. Was over here on Saturday night and it was pretty crowded. So this spot seems to on it.  The only thing I wish it had was some good music, I didnt really notice any songs in the background since it was so crowded.  Its like Elbo Room crowded and its a bigger bar.

The drinks flow well here and get to you pretty fast, which definitely is a plus since this place is pretty crowded.

Good crowd of folks. Good place to start the night and then roll over Vertigo to get your groove on if thats on your list of To-Do's for the evening.

One thing I just learned is their Happy Hour's are super long and have pretty good prices.

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Photo of Mike K.

 

697

265

Mike K.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
9/27/2009

McTeague's is a downright fun bar and I'm surprised I don't come here more.

Planted on Polk, it rounds out the line of watering holes pretty well on this street. Casual, easy going and basic, but it still has it's own unique feel.

It's a wide space, with a weathered floor and long wood bar that has seen its fair share of tipsy. Those who man the bar are on point as well. It was packed on Friday night as we came to celebrate a friend's Birthday, but we never waited more than a few minutes before we were attended to.

The crowd really makes this place. Down to earth, beer drinking folk, all looking to find the laughs of the night, and find the route that will at some point lead them to a basket of fries at Grubstake.

Drinks are cheap and you don't need to don the designer threads to mingle.

Good times. Very Good Times.

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Photo of Justin N.

Elite '09

343

165

Justin N.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
Updated - 9/15/2009 2 photos

The people that dish up the booze are obviously key at any watering hole, but they're usually part of the bigger picture of location, music, crowd, etc. For me, I seriously feel like going to McTeague's because plain and simple I know I'm going to be treated extremely well.

All the bartenders, seriously every one, are talkative, funny, friendly and helpful. That description sounds so trite but it's true, sorry I'm not more creative. On Thursday Chris offers me up a free shot of tequila simply because I looked tired and crabby. I totally did, I know it, but the out of the blue offer to cheers a little of Mexico's finest caught me totally off guard. I'm not a regular, I'd never seen him before. For all he knew I was a tourist. Days later I find out Chris is actually the owner. He didn't give me that shot to preface a "And nice to meet you, I'm the owner blah blah, have you been here before" sales pitch. We simply gave a little tap of glasses and downed it, he honestly was just trying to cheer me up. Cool guy that Chris. This will be my NFL spot, no doubt. Bring your own food and eat up or have a pizza delivered there, it's all good.

Warning: Random drunk Marina folk at times, I actually got scared off Sunday by one such lad. Hey, bro, it's been raining all day, wtf is up with the sunglasses on top of the head? If you're a female into this type then by all means, this is your place to snag one here or there that's wandered a little too far from the wine bars.

I'll leave you with his parting words of wisdom which he was using to hit on a girl, giving his take on relationships: "I like you. And variety is the spice of life.. Like just because I like something, and you like something else, doesn't mean I should have to like something else.. Like people like what they like... Like you need to know what you like right?..."

So wise, like an owl who happens to enjoy tanning beds. Avoid these shady Marina characters and I guarantee the bartenders of McTeague's will take care of you like one of their own for as long as you'd like to stay.

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1 Previous Review: Show all »

  • 4 star rating
    8/29/2009

    Sometimes I feel like I have multiple personalities. Not in a scary way, like one personality goes… Read more »

Photo of Amanda R.

 

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55

Amanda R.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
10/11/2009

Great place to watch Sunday football! They have plenty of drink specials, great prices and lots of seating. There are about 6 TVs above the bar and if the game you're looking for isn't on the bartenders are really nice about switching the channel for you.

The bloody mary that I got was pretty thick and had a ton of spices in it. Not the absolute best I've ever had (a little too heavy on the spice) but certainly not the worst. I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars. One thing that  I cannot stand is a watery bloody mary and you will definitely not get that here!

I'm looking forward to coming back and trying McTeague's at night as opposed to Sunday at 10am!

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Photo of Joe F.

Elite '09

281

85

Joe F.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
9/16/2009

Good ole' McTeague's. My bar-of-choice for the first stop (and sometimes last stop) of any Polk Street bar hop. I love the vibe this place has. Amidst a sea of flashier bars typically packed with the type of people that take themselves just a bit too seriously, McTeague's offers solace to thirsty twentysomethings who want nothing more than chill a atmosphere to kick back with friends and enjoy good beer at good prices. Plus, there is often plenty of seating, a lively, young crowd and cups and dice for your occasional drinking game. Overall, McTeague's is a great place to spend a Friday or Saturday night if you're looking for something fun and not too crazy.

The only -1? McTeague's gets very crowded at around 11:30 on weekends, so either come early or come prepared to feel a tad claustrophobic.

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Photo of Jill C.

Elite '09

144

173

Jill C.

San Francisco, CA

2 star rating
10/3/2009

My friend picked McTeague's for her birthday for the sole fact that there are a plethora of good-looking men here, and she wanted to keep them in her line of vision, it being her birthday and all. She was indeed correct - apparently all the genetically blessed 25-year-old men in San Francisco beeline straight here. Too bad I'm not 25 anymore.

The bartenders are quick to please and serve up drinks kindly. Drinks were well-priced and appropriately strong. I'd be happy to come back when it's less crowded and chat with one of the guys.

Why two stars? I simply cannot deal with the crowdedness here. The place is packed with a sea of people, moving tightly against each other, eventually letting go of any sense of direction and allowing themselves to flow with the wave of the drunk-people ocean. We escaped to the bar tables at the edge, thinking we'd be safe from the uninvited rubbing. No.

And if I'm going to be inadvertently bent over a table, I'd like to be able to participate in some sort of negotiation first with my surprise suitor. Or at least an introduction.

But hey - my two stars is someone else's five stars. It's truly a matter of opinion on how you like to spend your night out. McTeague's has proven to be a solid spot. Worth a visit to make your own decision.

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Photo of jacquelyne m.

 

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111

jacquelyne m.

San Diego, CA

4 star rating
9/21/2009

Best nostalgic juke box, every song made me feel like a teenager
good beer selection, but i was doing booze, nice, stiff and cheap
and the bartender was super friendly and kept coming around, didn't once have to catch his attention, he was on it.
and then when i thought this place couldn't get any better i looked up...

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Photo of Sanfrancisco S.

 

0

3

Sanfrancisco S.

San Francisco, CA

2 star rating
11/4/2009

Came in for a happy hour special listed on a sign outside. Place was ok then they refused to honor the prices on sign. Asked for manager/owner and was told he is in Mexico.
I don't like bait and switch so count your change and ask for prices before ordering.

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Photo of Cathy S.

Elite '09

114

204

Cathy S.

Seattle, WA

4 star rating
8/19/2009

This place reminds me of the Kells in Seattle and that's probably why I liked it so much. Places like this on a Saturday night...you just have to be in the mood for. Anyway, we came here for our night our in San Francisco on my bachelorette party weekend.

We immediately scored one of the large seating areas by the front door. They had great beer on tap here and really good shots. It was also only a short cab ride from our hotel off of Market Street. I'd definitely come back here!

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Photo of Andrew D.

 

4

118

Andrew D.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
10/29/2009

two words... lone star!

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Photo of Dominic P.

 

0

6

Dominic P.

South San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
9/9/2009

The bartender himself is what makes this bar so easy to buy drinks and have a great time. Chris the badass bartender that makes this place go full circle. His scratchy voice, his shaggy goatee and his serve everyone with a smile and a snarky comment is what I like the most.

Anytime anyone asks whats a good bar that I recommend in the "tender nob" its always here as my first answer.

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Photo of Johan V.

 

1

46

Johan V.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
8/19/2009

I live in the neighborhood and enjoy stopping in during the week, or on the occasional weekend afternoon to watch baseball and eat a burger from Sliders on the corner.

The bartenders are always cool and there's enough televisions to catch any important game that might be going on.  Even had a good time gambling on the national spelling bee one evening!

Good prices on their beer during happy hour.

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Photo of Caroline J.

Elite '09

214

119

Caroline J.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
6/28/2009

The Tender-Nob..... a neighborhood torn between classy and trashy. McTeagues comfortably borders the two neighborhoods, bringing in a crowded collection of the best of both worlds. A salon with a strong personality, stiff drinks, and sweet deals. Here you'll find a  dark, wide bar full of classic rock and colorful characters. With $2 beers and $4 well drinks - you can sip in the lively atmosphere without blowing your budget. The bar is well staffed - drink wait is short and service is attentive. Giving your more time for you to enjoy the many flat screen TVs, pool table, or jammin juke box.

Next time your partying on Polk - make it over to McTeagues for a TenderNob treat!

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Photo of Jasper S.

 

35

86

Jasper S.

San Jose, CA

5 star rating
8/24/2009

Great place! I loved the friendly service, quality mixed drinks, and rock bottom happy hour prices. The "happy hour" is a bit of a misnomer, at McTeague's it's actually a happy 7 hours (12-7 i think), but who am I to complain?

Really cool bartenders and great Irish Car Bombs - how can you go wrong?

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Photo of Chuck Q.

 

0

8

Chuck Q.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
10/4/2009

This is a great bar.  Super spacious and prices are normal.  Went there on a Thursday night and it was happening.  Since it so large, it does not get too crowded.  Gonna try to catch a game here as well since many TV screens.

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Photo of Matt A.

 

0

25

Matt A.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
8/6/2009

McTeagues lies directly in the path of least resistance from the bus stop to my doorstep which makes this is a very dangerous situation.  It's a great place to stop and have a couple (half-dozen) Anchor's to fortify my body for the long (3 block), cold, walk home.  The bartenders are friendly (Amber is great), the beer is always cold and cheap, and the games are always playing.  Good group of regulars and welcoming to anyone that walks in.

If you are down on Polk Street, stop in and say hello.

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Photo of sean w.

Elite '09

6

133

sean w.

San Diego, CA

5 star rating
9/21/2009

Any bar with a picture of Shane MacGowan on the ceiling is A-OK with me. Bartender and clientele were super friendly. Meant to stay for one drink but ended up staying for hours. Being from out of town, I though SF would be full of aging hippie douche-bags, but places like this helped correct my bias.

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Photo of Noel W.

 

5

1

Noel W.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
11/3/2009

Great bar for watching soccer (football) opens at 6am for EPL games and can't wait for the world cup next year. Michael is a great bar tender who makes awesome bloody marys and he's a nice bloke for a Chelsea fan.

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Photo of Graham C.

 

4

11

Graham C.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
7/4/2009

Are you kidding me? Texan-owned bar a block and a half from my apartment with 2 dollar lone star all day every day? I'm sold (BELCH).

Place draws a good crowd and is friendly and fairly spacious. Apparently this town knows a thing or two about Lone Star b/c they actually sold out on my last visit.

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Photo of Natalye S.

Elite '09

72

425

Natalye S.

Santa Rosa, CA

4 star rating
7/5/2009

I always skip over this place in favor of the Hemlock down the street, but since the Hemlock got rid of its pool table, the place just isn't the same. So we hopped on over here to shoot, and I was impressed. Aside from having a pool table, the bar itself is spacious and I love the open floor contrasted with the intimate booth seating.

Got a vodka cran and it was $5 and tasted like cranberry juice. Eek! I asked the bartender (a guy whose name I forget but who was rad regardless) if he could spruce it up a bit, which he did gladly. In fact, after a few more sips, I had to request more juice to even it out.

My friend left his glasses here on accident, and when we called, they found them and set them aside. What great people! I'm sold.

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Photo of Shaye S.

 

13

35

Shaye S.

Santa Clara, CA

3 star rating
9/15/2009

This is a pretty good place to come for some low priced brew or well drinks. Definitely a place to start off the night since it is low priced. The crowd there is mixed and can sometimes be too loud to talk in. I dont go to concerts to yell, so I dont dig bars where I have to do the same thing...start the night a little early, get your drinking done here!

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Photo of Andrew T.

Elite '09

286

319

Andrew T.

El Cerrito, CA

5 star rating
9/28/2009

fantastic bar. just as crowded as r bar, except this place is huge so you easily had plenty of room to roam around. the line to get in was insane, but we just walked in pretending that we were just outside to smoke. as crowded as it was, the bartender took my order in a pretty reasonable amount of time. well drinks were $4 or $5. definitely solid for a saturday night. a buddy was having a birthday bash, so we had the backroom closed off. it was nice to have the pool table there and easy access to the restroom :) i loved the various types of irish music that were playing and the random deceased singers that were posted on the ceiling(rick james, kurt cobain, janis joplin, etc). definitely one of my favorite bars now

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Photo of Lucia P.

 

0

13

Lucia P.

San Anselmo, CA

5 star rating
9/4/2009

Im rarely in the city but found myself there two nights ago. Had gone to some crappy bar that I felt horribly out of place, walked down the street to this lovely gem just to fit right in. Welcomed by the Johnny Cash music and a handlebar mustached bartender who makes me feel at home, I walked up to order a PBR. "Nope, PBR's too classy.. We do have LoneStar though." This is one of the reasons for my 5star rating. I visit Texas a few times a year, and have been looking for my beloved Lonestar since returning from my last visit.
All in all this place made me very happy, let me slip out of the city atmosphere, into an awesome saloon that I'll be returning to again. On top of Lonestar they have ShinerBock on tap served in rad mason jars. I also liked the paintings depicting legends who've passed (Janis Joplin, Cobain, Rick James!) as angels, and the big Texas Longhorns flag. I guess I could keep writing about everything I like.. because thats just it..I loved everything. Oh! And they have pool too.
I know that I'll be coming here every time I find myself in San Fran.

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Photo of Stephanie T.

Elite '09

65

131

Stephanie T.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
4/27/2009

Huge fan of McTeagues. I can honestly say that I'm not the biggest fan of the bars on Polk, but we came here the other night and I felt like I found that Polk Street bar that I have been looking for.

It has a total saloon feeling. It's really big and there were actually places to sit even on a Friday night. The bartenders were super friendly, the drinks were cheap and the crowd was chill. What more can you ask for?

I'll absolutely be returning and will definitely turn my friends on to this spot as well.

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Photo of Rose K.

 

9

86

Rose K.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
9/10/2009

One word to describe McTeague's - WIDE. I know that is a really weird reason to like a bar, but it's just perfectly spacious without feeling "big." I never realized how narrow most bars in SF are until I came here. It's one of my favorite bars in the city. I just feel happy when I'm here and I like the gold molars on the ceiling.

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Photo of chris g.

 

0

6

chris g.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
10/25/2009

i fuckin love this place!!

great beer selection!
great crowd and vibe!
great for watching games or after work and not too crowded
great if you want a lively semi crowded bar on weekend nights
Bartenders are amazing and very generous
the jukebox is phenomenal

go here and you may run into me

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Photo of Lance G.

 

188

47

Lance G.

Boulder Creek, CA

4 star rating
3/1/2009

Don't get me wrong, I like this place but it looks like someone ordered a "Pub in a Box". If they manage to stay in business for a decade or so it will eventually acquire the authentic patina of grime it deserves.

I was on my way to another bar when I walked past this place, popped my head in and asked the bartender if they allowed dogs. While the bartender was telling me that dogs are OK I noticed David Allen Coe was playing on the jukebox. SCORE!

"Hey Katie, call Gwynnie and tell her there's been a change of plans. I'll be back with Matilda."

So now I have my best girl (Katie) and my best drinking buddy (Matilda) in a bar that plays twang bangin country music and waiting for some good friends to show up. What's that, they have Shiner Bock on tap? I haven't had a Shiner in about 20 years and now that I've got that out of my system I can wait another 20. Racer 5 on tap? Oh hell yeah!

When I settled up my tab it was an embarrassingly  small amount.
YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!!

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Photo of gwynnie p.

Elite '09

462

448

gwynnie p.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
3/1/2009

Well! It was nice to look up and see Kurt Cobain waving from his coffin on the ceiling. So 4 stars for the right there, and for a $4 pint of Sierra Nevada, though it wasn't the best tasting Sierra I've had pulled from a tap.

The barkeeps were lovely and the interior is nice and spacious, and even though they took an existing nothing of a space and sprayed a can of "YeOldeMcOlde" on it, it is somehow not too bothersome.

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Photo of Wayne B.

 

3

29

Wayne B.

San Francisco, CA

3 star rating
4/28/2009

McTeagues eh?

Went there four times last week after work for a beer. They have plenty of TVs for sports, plenty of draft towers for beer, plenty of bottles on the bar to make stiff mixed drinks and a damn cool decorated interior.

McTeagues is a very comfortable watering hole during the day. I really enjoy this place and will most definitely be going back as often as I can.

What I didn't like was the ambient volume inside this place on a Friday night. Holy blown out ear drums, it was nuts. Maybe I'm just to old but I prefer McTeagues during the afternoon for a ball game and some beers.

Other than that, I recommend McTeagues to anyone.

Go Cubs!!!

http://www.stickam.com...

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Photo of Luke A.

Elite '09

358

111

Luke A.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
2/21/2009

As far as saloons go (while this is NOT a saloon, but more of a lounge done saloon style), this bar is tops.  The drinks were good, reasonably priced, and there were some pretty men and women here.  It occurs to me however, that straight women think it's ok to go out and not look their best, as though they just got up off the couch, dusted the triscuit dust from their college t-shirt, put their hair up in a ponytail holder, and decided it was a good time to go out.  Here's a tip ladies: if you look like shit, don't come out.  I know you're probably like, well, I'm not out to impress anyone, but you should stay home then.  Thanks.

It's rude to look that bad in public.  Thank God for the beauties around my arms.

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Photo of Missy M.

 

0

5

Missy M.

San Francisco, CA

5 star rating
2/25/2009

so I came in here because a friend of mine told me they had a 7 hour long happy hour.... it was pretty much my calling.  Here is what I discovered:

1. this place is amazing (if Texan bars with Irish names is your kind of thing... which apparently it is mine)
2. I LOVE the bartenders (they remember you. your drink. and your name... these things are important to me)
3. they don't serve food but you can bring your own in... this makes it difficult for me to leave
4. even if you go here alone you never feel alone
5. even though i know I should not be going the bar every day... I can not help but feel as though something is lacking in my day if I don't stop in for a pint and say hi to my new favorite spot.

Keep it going :) Oh, and I'll see you for happy hour!

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Elite '09

112

150

Taylor F.

Tempe, AZ

4 star rating
5/26/2009

It was a Friday night and crowded with people when my friends and I showed up. A band was playing in the back of the bar and a police officer was standing next to the door observing. I'm not really sure why, but he did stop to pose for pictures with sexy girls before leaving. Just another night for a SF police officer I guess.
The drinks were good, cheap and quick to come to the table. I met a few really fun, friendly people there.
Overall this bar had a great vibe and a ton of energy. I am definitely a fan.

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Photo of John F.

 

11

19

John F.

San Francisco, CA

4 star rating
7/26/2009

Spent last evening there, and  McTeagues was a great time. Rolled in at 10, played pool the whole nite, and left happy at 1:30. The drinks are reasonably priced, and they have good amount of bartenders working. Great mix of people in there every time I go. Good location that is convenient for people coming from other parts. Great neighborhood bar that does not feel too divey. Shot 'n' a beer!

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9

53

Jared F.

San Francisco, CA

3 star rating
3/1/2009

I think I found my future ex-wife here, thanks McTeague's!

Prices were a little ridiculous but the atmosphere was friendly, and I love me some atmosphere.

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Shannon M.

Oakland, CA

5 star rating
8/23/2009

Guinness: $5

Walking into your friend's conversation about sandwich vaginas: priceless.

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