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  • 3138 Fillmore St
    San Francisco, CA 94123
    b/t Pixley St & Greenwich St in Marina/Cow Hollow
  • Get Directions
  • Phone number (415) 563-4180
  • Business website matrixfillmore.com

Book Your Event at MatrixFillmore, Free VIP Table!

  • “Their DJ's always play great music and the bartenders are quick and attentive.” in 83 reviews

    Music: DJ

  • “Delicious pizza place across the street from them to go to when Matrix closes.. lol!” in 173 reviews

  • “-If you get tired, you can make your way over to the delightful seating by the fireplacesin 141 reviews

Recommended Reviews

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  • 3.0 star rating
    9/7/2014

    Interesting mix of a crowd --  it's hipsters, "bros", randoms, and creepers.

    The venue itself is actually pretty nice, but it's way too crowded for most people to even notice that. I prefer the backroom where there's a lot of space.

    Some other things to note: Drinks were kind of watered down. Bouncers were nice.
    They charge cover for guys (free for ladies).

  • 3.0 star rating
    9/5/2014

    Unexpected good times here! Cozy environment, nice fireplace, modest and modern decor. Both times I've gone here they were spinning Top 40 mixed in with more classic rap and 90's Top 40...how do you not have a good night with that going on.

    We got there pretty early (before or around 10PM) and so no cover was paid! Can't speak to later entries.

    Mixed crowd (ages, styles...hipsters, frat boys, Asian chicks, a dash of tourists, and neighborhood locals), fun people overall.

  • 5.0 star rating
    8/28/2014

    A scene from The Matrix Fillmore

    Colin: I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like where's the party. Partying in the wrong holes?

    Yelper: You could say that.

    Colin: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts where he's 'partying' because he expects nothing fun and exciting. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Yelper?

    Yelper: No.

    Colin: Why not?

    Yelper: 'Cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my own party.

    Colin: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with most the lounges and clubs out there. You don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind... driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me here on Yelp.  There's gotta be a better lounge/club. Do you know what I'm talking about?

    Yelper: The Matrix?

    Colin: Do you want to know what it is?

    (Yelper nods his head.)

    Colin: The Matrix is on Fillmore, it is in the Marina. Even now, they have the best Sunday and Monday industry nights.  Friday and Saturdays pop off also. You can see it when you look at their lines or when you drive by. You can feel the bass when you walk by, or when you are across the street for pizza, or when you pay a visit.  They have some of the best bartenders, staff, and DJs like the famous J. Espinoza.  They even have a cozy fireplace.  It is the other clubs and lounges that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

    Yelper: What truth?

    Colin: That you are a slave, Yelper. Like everyone else, you were born into bandwagoning, always inside clubs and lounges that don't lift your spirit and boring DJs that don't make you dance or drink with people who don't know how to have fun.  Dull prisons for your happy feet. (long pause, sighs) Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is for you. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.

    (In his left hand, Colin shows Uber app.)

    You take the Uber home and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.  You take a few shots, pop a bottle of champagne and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.  All I am offering is the truth, nothing more.

    *Original script based on the Matrix Trilogy.

  • 3.0 star rating
    9/13/2014
    1 check-in

    Came here unexpectedly last night after being dragged along by a couple friends. Maaaaaaan oh MAN! This place was PACKED! So space to walk at all! I'm pretty positive I have a couple broken toes from how many times my feet were stepped on!
    The place itself is pretty cool. Setup is nice, very modern. Ladies get in free on Friday night, and cover for men is $10 each. The array of people was very diverse. All in all we had a good time here mostly due to the fact that we were with a big group of close friends. They should do some type of head count because jeeeez it was way overcrowded!

  • 3.0 star rating
    8/8/2014
    1 check-in

    Actually had a better experience than I thought I would. Came on a Friday night, it was $10 cover for guys. I think girls are free, and they can bring in another guy with her. I guess they just want a good ratio. I dunno how that work, but I got in for free somehow.

    If I had to describe this place in one word, THIRSTY would pretty much sum it up. Lots of dudes, liquor pouring left and right. The music was decent, not sure, I was kinda drunk halfway through.

    If you are just visiting, and is looking for a place to go dance, this place ain't half bad. Just make sure you bring a girl and get in with no cover. Order some shots and TURNUP....if you want to.

  • 3.0 star rating
    9/14/2014

    Music was average, they kicked out everybody at 2AM. I enjoyed my time but I will not repeat it :D

    Travis B.
    Comment from Travis B. of MatrixFillmore
    Business Owner
    9/15/2014 Hello Radoslaw, I am sorry if you feel like having to leave at 2am makes your night less enjoyable.… Read more
  • 4.0 star rating
    9/9/2014
    1 check-in

    Staff was very friendly, great ambiance.

  • 4.0 star rating
    9/21/2014

    Cool club. Great staff. Everybody is pleasant and nice but please new DJ. September 20th, 2014. Worst DJ ever, he stopped the music at 1:06 AM to talk for a minute? You serious? Plus your song transition is horrendous. My dead grandpa could DJ better.

  • 2.0 star rating
    8/31/2014
    1 check-in

    Despite the bouncers being alright, it's stupid and a terrible business decision to charge cover when I'm likely to spend at least $50 to $100 in drinks.  So instead do yourself a favor and head over to a different establishment that actually respects your business.  Don't bother going if they're charging cover!

  • 1.0 star rating
    8/31/2014

    I went to FillmoreMatrix only twice in my life!
    AND my iPhone got stolen out my purse BOTH times!

    First time some random guy started doing push ups in the middle of dancing, took away everyones attention and my phone was gone.

    Second time, somebody started a fight and before i know it, my iphone was gone.


    So either don't take your valuables with you, or just don't go to this place.

    because, People that hang out in this lounge are starting fights and scenes to rub you!

  • 5.0 star rating
    7/27/2014

    Had so much fun last night. Music is incredible, bouncers are not mean (LOL). and crowd was so fun, hip and well dressed.  Although I am somewhat too old for this scene (42 :)  it was a blast nonetheless. Cant wait to go back!

  • 5.0 star rating
    6/7/2014

    Amazing, sexy ambiance with a great staff.  The VIP host, Ceci Barros, is never to be seen without a smile and is extremely helpful in accommodating table requests. Also, Khalfani Allicock is one of their best bar tenders, always serving up new concoctions that are always a crowd pleaser. This is a regular spot for our friends and I have yet to arrive without a line out the door!

    Always a good time!

  • 4.0 star rating
    2/23/2014

    PROS:
    - Brimming with 20-somethings
    - Cozy-chic lounge space complete with fireplaces and modern decor
    - Ideal for dancing aside the bar, or conversing in additional seating in the back
    - No cover
    - Place to keep your coat (no fee) toward front
    - Efficient bartenders minimized wait for drinks

    CONS:
    - Rude bouncer. *Read below for detail.

    *When I realized I had forgotten my jacket inside, the bouncer told me to "get the f*ck back" and wait until everyone had left before re-entering. With two doors available (only one open) this was annoying as I waited outside, cold.

  • 1.0 star rating
    6/8/2014

    Back bar - blond bartender that worked on 6/6 Saturday night needs to grow some boobs and an ass! All she served were men, wth.

    Travis B.
    Comment from Travis B. of MatrixFillmore
    Business Owner
    6/8/2014 Hi Catherine,

    I am sorry that be bartender working the back bar Saturday June 7th did not meet the…
    Read more
  • 5.0 star rating
    5/23/2014

    This place never fails to give me a good time to my friends and I. Ceci, the hostess, is always the best and knows how to take care of her guests.

    As for drinks, if you want it made perfectly, ask Khaifani to make your drink. BEST BARTENDER EVER! (:

    This is the spot to to go on Sundays. Feel like doing something on a Sunday, GO HERE !

  • 2.0 star rating
    3/19/2014
    1 check-in

    This review is only based on my experience Monday night (St. Patrick's Day).

    Our group of ~8 found MatrixFillmore to be the only club/bar open past midnight on Monday. We only found this place because we could here the music from down the block. We were a bunch of 20 something's decked out in green. Walked in and ordered an AMF and a Bud Light Platinum. $14 for the AMF and $6 for the beer. A bit steep don't you think? Not outrageously expensive but a bit too much for my taste. The place was crowded (probably because it was the only place open that late on Monday). The DJ was good switched between hip/hop, dance, and the occasional 90's tune (Think Mm...Bop by the Hansen brothers).

    Half of the bar was filled with older (40+) businessmen that looked like that had just gotten off of work, still wearing suits. Then there were some 20+ partiers wearing dresses and heels. I figured this was their usual crowd. The rest of the crowd was filled with others who had been out for St. Paddy's Day, like our group.

    One drunk woman (looked to be about 35) spilled her drink on me while she was flailing  her arms around trying to dance on the crowded dance floor. She was clearly inebriated and yelled at me for making her spill her drink. Thankfully her boyfriend, who was much more coherent, came over and apologized.

    Overall would not come back again. Seems to attract a more mature crowd, rather than 20 somethings.

  • 2.0 star rating
    1/31/2014

    I really like this place because it has a lot of places to sit, great vibe for dancing, etc. The bouncers are freaking awesome guys!!!

    I gave them 1 star because the bartenders are seriously  in a cutthroat competition to outshine each other for who is the worst possible ever!!!! It takes some talent to be able to be so consistent when it comes to hiring really bad bartenders, I actually added 1 star for a total of 2 stars because it's impressive how bad these guys are!

  • 4.0 star rating
    12/30/2013
    1 check-in

    The Place is nice. It really is. Maybe I'm just not a grown up too for it.
    It's sexy beautiful, stylish, and can get jammmm-packed on nights it expects big crowds. Maybe its me but it seemed like every seat was taken or "reserved" so my friends and I were on our feet most of the time.

    Nice decor and you don't have to pay for cover, yet...The drinks are a bit overpriced.
    And its pretty small for the location in the Marina. This place looks like those places they would film a commercial for 1800s Jose Cueeeeeeeervo or something like that.

    I do like the crowd, it is as if you are older and mature you found a place for you.
    You know what that means........Cougars. Smh.

  • 4.0 star rating
    4/7/2014

    I've never gone here and hated the music...that's saying a lot because I've been here a lot. One of the only decent places to go on mondays if you're looking for a more upbeat atmosphere. Pizza places right across the street for those druncies right after...and those hot dog carts are always set up outside...I'm not quite sure if they have a food cart license or whatever they're called though *memories of food poisoning from food cart in india*

    Travis, the manager, is a super nice guy and the clientele at MatrixFIllmore usually aren't the type to cause fights outside after 2am...

    The one star off is for the price of drinks...I know prices are jacked up because it's a lounge in the Marina but still...*cringes at statement when finally gets the balls to check  it*

  • 1.0 star rating
    9/30/2013
    4 check-ins

    I used to love this place for girl nights of dancing, but my friends phone and my phone got stolen here on Friday night. Out of our purses...that had zippers so it can't be that easy.

    The guy at the door said its happening all the time and nothing they can do....how about you start screening who you let in your bar? If this is happening EVERY weekend at the same spot you have a problem.

  • 3.0 star rating
    3/2/2014
    1 check-in

    I have been a regular at the Matrix for quite sometime, at least this place is exist with the same name and have not gone thru the Club business transformation. I went there with a friend around 9:30 on a thursday night which the place was pretty empty and the timing was great before the 11Pm rush, I was surprised that the bouncers greeted us with big smile and bought us the first drink, that was unusual and NICE. The bartenders were very friendly and chatted with us for at least half an hour before they get busy. That was also unusual and very nice.
    I wasn't feeling the music though and would prefer to have DJ on site rather than playing a CD or an iPod. Sanitation and premises always clean and meet expectations. IT gets little crowded due to the size and lay-out. Will deff be back on a slow night to enjoy the fireplace.

  • 3.0 star rating
    9/13/2013

    I normally avoid hanging (aka drinkin') out in the Marina, but sometimes with a group, I suck it up and tag along.  We started here and the whole time I wanted to be elsewhere ie Lush Lounge, Blur, John Collins, hell even the Big Foot Lounge.  To say the least, I wasn't feelin' it.

    It wasn't the bar itself cuz it was really swank (reminded me of eating at a Charlie Palmer restaurant) or the staff (super hot, yet efficient bartenders) but rather the crowd that drowns the place.  It is what a frat party would look like if all or the majority of the kids were trucked in from Walnut Creek.  May not be bad to some, but mos def not my thang.  

    Our group still had fun, don't get me wrong but after the place really filled up, it just seemed wasteful to let such a nice space be allowed to be over-run by a testosterone/alcohol fueled mob. Here's also a clue, all the "glass"ware were plastic.  That just says how little faith they have over their crowd.

    Extra star for the staff and space, but everything else, straight pass.

  • 1.0 star rating
    5/10/2014

    Horrible place with thieves. Lost mine and my friends phone from our purses on different nights. Stay away from this place !!!

  • 1.0 star rating
    12/30/2013

    I can get behind overpriced drinks in glasses.

    I can't get behind overpriced drinks in plastic glasses.

    'nuff said.

    Travis B.
    Comment from Travis B. of MatrixFillmore
    Business Owner
    2/8/2014 Hi Mat, I too prefer glassware. However in a crowded bar with a hard floor glass breaking can be a… Read more
  • 2.0 star rating
    9/2/2013

    I always start at 3 stars. Plus 2 for pulling me out of the line and letting me in for being a girl. Minus 2 for the fact that I was trying to escape a guy and the bouncer was willing to let in both of us after I explained my situation. Plus 2 because I used to work for an owner and had a positive experience. Minus 2 because maxtrix, you've outgrown your britches. I think of your potential, and I think again. To the owners, sell now. And overall this doesn't sound that positive, so I subtracted a star (if you were keeping up with my star math).

    Please excuse all iPhone autocorrects.

  • 1.0 star rating
    4/26/2014

    The venue is okay if you're looking to get down in a meat market.  But last night I walked by and watched one of their bouncers grab a guy from line, throw him down on the street by a car, and punch him 5-6 times full force in the face.  The patron was clearly being a drunk jerk, but was knocked out after the 2nd or 3rd punch at which point the bouncer was just unleashing on him.  I'm a grown man and would be terrified of being punched once like this.  The incident was shocking and scary, and with this kind of chest-thumping 'protection' I would not feel safe having people I care about be anything but dead sober at this institution.

  • 1.0 star rating
    8/30/2014

    this place can be nice but they pack this place up with all these ghetto people and eh... not fun, no space to dance and too many people inside. not my style.

  • 1.0 star rating
    9/8/2013

    My group of friends and I were frequent guests of MatrixFillmore, however now we are running in the opposite direction.

    If you come here, your phone will probably be stolen. Within the past week and a half, I know 3 people (including myself) whose phones have been lifted from their purse.

    Not what I'm looking for when going out on Saturday night, and can be avoided if you disregard this place.

    Ciao Matrix, it's been real.

  • 4.0 star rating
    8/23/2013

    I went here with a group of friends just last Thursday night. Some are opposed to Thursday partying, I say call in sick on Friday. They probably won't miss you anyways.

    As I walked in I noticed a Samba vibe and everyone was dancing. Everyone. DJ was great and there were a couple of guys playing the bongos (I also played a 15 minute set, which made my night).

    Beautiful women aplenty. Great dancers. Really good bartenders. And a great security team. They don't have a coat rack, so be careful on what you bring.

    Dress is semi casual, I didn't notice a no jean policy. The music is really good here, but be warned... it's loud. Here's a thought, lower the volume a little, my dancing won't be hampered by it.

    Drinks were good and as with anywhere in SF, they are pricey. Don't  let it be a deal breaker, as it's one of the better spots.

  • 5.0 star rating
    3/23/2014

    I absolutely love matrix!!! The employees are amazing and extremely nice! But...every Friday and Saturday I feel that it's a video game conference going on, a lot of beeping and buzzing going on. If you really want to have fun you have to go on the off nights!

  • 4.0 star rating
    3/14/2013
    1 check-in

    My experience ranged from crazy dance parties to hanging out with my friends on the little sofas all within 1 hour of hanging out here. If I could describe this place in a few words: Trendy, Chic and Small... typical Marina vibe. Earlier in the night most people lounge around and hang out - if you want a table, you're going to have to reserve it, they have limited tables that are free for all for anyone to sit at. Later in the night it turns into a dance party.

    For the bar - if you pay in cash, no tax. If you pay with Card, you get taxed. Weird, first time i ever noticed it. My drink came out to be like 10. something. Drink prices seemed average for the neighborhood. Overall staff here is pretty nice from the guy at the door to the bartenders.

    Dress Code: Definitely not clubbing attire - so ladies you can skip your skipping short dresses, Gentlemen, it's ok if you don't tuck your shirt in, but at the same time this place comes off as more classy, so what you might wear at a dive bar or local pub will not fly here.

    I'd definitely check this place out again!

  • 2.0 star rating
    5/2/2014

    I came to Matrix for the first time about 4 years ago. It was fun, the music was on point and the people were attractive. Unfortunately, it's completely different now. The music is horrible and the crowd is STRANGE...to say the least. Skip it.

  • 2.0 star rating
    3/21/2014
    Listed in In Clubs We Trust

    One of the few dance places out in the Fillmore part of the Marina the Matrix you really have to weigh if it's worth the proximity or if travel is a better option to something more fun.  We made the walk up the hill a couple times from Japantown area over to the Matrix and as opposed to the Parlor or Fiddlers green this place felt like what a club would be in the Marina. It had an upscale vibe, very attractive people and mostly about being seen as opposed to having a good time.

    I know when some people go out they want to get dressed up, they want to mingle with friends or strangers and they want to sip a fancy drink. I think there are better bars that you can do this in and definitely better clubs. Matrix is too in the middle and not enough room to do either of these things properly. The bouncers treat it like it is more than it is which then pisses off people before they even get in and realize the inside is not worth the hassle of getting in. I do understand a lack of cover means you have to handle things stricter but there is just so much favoritism and judgment going on at this door that even as an experienced club goer it felt absurd. I understood this at a place like Infusion because you had a guaranteed party on the other end, here it's so hit and miss that it just seemed pretentious.

    Once inside there is a great fireplace area to your right but it takes up a huge
    amount of space so the walk through area is bottle-necked as soon as you get in so start pushing. If you are able to reach the bar then it serves its purpose and I didn't have much interaction with them because it's about the dancing for me. So I got my expensive Marina drink and headed to the dance floor area. This is where things get worse. There is no definition between the bar and the bathroom line and the dance floor so it's all one mess of people trying to dance on the small designated dance space bumping people who are trying to mind their own business and drink and then people rushing to the secondary bar and bathroom area in the back. It's just not a conducive set up and after standing with four people all around you bumping into you; it can only be tolerated for so long. You quickly realize you wasted your night coming out here and there are no other places around here to go to so you are stuck.

    I don't like feeling like going to a place is a commitment for the night. If I do I want to be sure that trip is worth it. There are places that it will be worth it to trek out of your comfort zone for the club experience but this is not one of them. Really have nothing against this place and it serves its upscale Marina crowd well so if you like that crowd and like being around well-dressed attractive people then it's not terrible. But the fact that it does nothing outstanding and doesn't make me want to go back a third or fourth time means it goes toward the bottom of the dance options in the city. Oh and the music was decent. Mix of top 40 and dance edm when we went. Strike Three.

  • 1.0 star rating
    10/4/2013

    This place use to be my go to for Monday night house music but it's bad enough that i'd rather stay home Mondays.

    1) the bouncer confused by $500 designer slacks for freaking sweat pants until he felt me up

    2) I don't know what happened to the house music for monday nights but it isn't something I can dance to

    3) The crowd looks pretty getto now.  I'm not sure if it was some kind of theme but the people there looked like they just threw something on super quick.

    4) When I left, I asked the bouncer if he knew of places for house music on mondays.  He said yes and gave me directions to a club that was closed.

    This place needs way better management.  Train the bouncers, get a better DJ and put a friggen cover charge on the place to get the riff raft out of there.  

    Might give this place another shot in a few months but i'm putting up an AVOID on here until then.

  • 3.0 star rating
    6/27/2013

    Great DJ. Nice crowd. Cheap tables.

    Gets intensely crowded later in the night, and they provide no security for your table so anyone can just come sit and possibly take your stuff.

    The space itself is really nice with a fireplace and a chic lounge room in the back, but it is small.

  • 3.0 star rating
    3/21/2014
    2 check-ins

    Thursday's its marina ratchet. Yet its overall fun  tho. The drinks are good, the music is loud enough with good selections.. parking sucks, hella police

  • 1.0 star rating
    7/13/2007

    If you don't work in the FiDi, come up to the city from San Jose to party, or buy vertically striped dress shirts in bulk from the Kenneth Cole outlet, you probably cringe at the mention of "MatrixFillmore."

    That's my initial reaction, too, but anytime someone insists upon going there, I oblige.

    Why? One word:  Women.

    Sure, it's a hive of scum and villainy not seen since the Mos Eisley Cantina, but even a three-eyed, cow-lookin' freak from some other galaxy can hook up in here.  Seriously, if you're a biologically functioning male and can't walk out of this bar with a girl's number, you should go and get the "biologically functioning" part checked out.

    And the women know this. Otherwise they wouldn't even come here. It's a place to drink a few overpriced vodka-Red Bulls, choke back lemon drops with the girls, and get the shameless ego boost of being hit on by no-neck douchebags.

    But it's so easy, I had to change my game up, for shits and giggles.

    That's right:  Last time I got numbers from two guys.

    I never called 'em. Never slept with 'em. Already erased 'em from my phone. But for a couple of shining hours one Saturday night, I felt like, "Dude, I could bone anyone in this city if I wanted to."

    So if a short, swarthy, hairy, out of shape, straight guy like me can dip into both wells here, just imagine how well YOU can do.

    MatrixFillmore:  Officially *NOT* just for tall, caucasian, striped-shirt financial analysts named Chad anymore.  But if that's your type, he's there and apparently likes boys, too.

  • 1.0 star rating
    4/17/2006

    There once was a bar called The Matrix,
    Full of young boys looking to date chicks.
    But without a striped shirt,
    You get looked at like dirt,
    By the bimbos who want to fellate dicks.


    Juust a wretched, wretched wretched place...and I have my share of striped shirts.  :)

  • 2.0 star rating
    5/12/2009
    Listed in Marina Bars

    Loss.

    You never know when someone you love is going to leave you. You think they will be in your life forever, you dream of experiencing things with them, but then suddenly life can arrange for a twist in fate that takes them from you and a piece of your heart dies forever. My dearly departed friend was... my black cap.

    Hey, don't judge, I loved my black cap. It was cute. It was loved. It was given to me by a boy I loved dearly back in the 90's. It was mine. But last night, I let it ride the different heads train and at night's end, it was no more. My theory is, the skeezy guys trying to dance with my friends and I took it. That would be typical. I'd like to hope that someone is at home right now loving it, stroking it and gazing fondly at it while trying to console it knowing that they stole my friend from me.

    Perhaps the black cap is scouring the city looking for me. Maybe it broke free from the clutches of this thief and is trying to blow itself up Fillmore. Maybe? You never know? The winds are quite strong here!! Well, dearest black cap, I am at Yelp HQ today! Sitting at a desk hoping you find me. Please!! Come back to me!!

    As for the Matrix, well, it's tainted. Not because of the hat, but more because this place is ridiculous. The drinks were pretty bad and on the super sweet side and the bartender was pretty rude to my friend. The clientele, even on a Monday, was pretty douchy and well, it just wasn't my scene. But I knew that going in. We were on the WORST BAR CRAWL EVA tm, so that was the whole point. So for that I give it a whopping two stars. Now, if someone from this bar returns my hat, I will up the rating, because that will prove that destiny exists and there are good people in the world.

    It's on you, hat stealer! Do the right thing.

  • 3.0 star rating
    4/12/2007

    I wasn't the coolest kid in high school.  I know.  You're surprised, right?

    You're not?  Ummmm, anyway...

    I had an internet boyfriend (Hi Rich!) and when M&M's wanted the public to vote for its new color, I signed into AOL and voted Purple about 100 times.  What?  I just really wanted to rock the vote.  (As I've suspected all along, my vote does NOT count.  The new color was decidedly Blue.  LAME!)

    I really didn't come into my own until senior year.  It was a bumpy road to this class act you see today.

    Every time I go to the Matrix I feel catapulted back to sophomore year at Marin Catholic, where I have really bad hair and a propensity for sarcasm and exaggeration (haha.  OK, I still have that).  The place is like a breeding ground for Coach Bags and too much mascara.  I don't feel cool enough to sit on the hip purple banquettes and warm myself by the magical fireplace, although the drinks of which there are many seem to help as the night wears on.

    Marina Girls are like the bitches I hated in high school; blonde, put together, and tedious.  Marina Guys are like the assholes I wished I could have slept with in high school; football heroes, gay jokes and small penises.

    In the Marina I tend to revert to my "I'm not pretty enough, don't look at me, don't talk to me" 15 year old self.  So pathetic.  

    So Monday night I went for a cocktail w/ my favorite plus one and get this, the asshole jock that I always wish I could have slept with, well he was there.  Who would have thunk that half the guys from my senior class would become striped shirt jockeys and set up shop in the Marina spending their weekends taking advantage of 21 year old bottle blondes with low self esteem?  Shocking.

    Confronted w/ this tall drink of hotness, I lowered my eyes.  But something strange happened.  I think they call it the moment of clarity.

    I am blonde, I am put together, and I am not tedious in the least bit.  I am actually smart.  And witty.  And I've got jokes (sometimes)!  

    I looked that jock in the eyes, and I smiled.  I was instantly celebrated for my bravery, because he looked good, and he came over to talk.  We caught up for a few minutes, and just as I suspected all along he was actually smart, funny, and nice.

    I was ready to run away with him and have freakishly tall blonde babies when he made a subversive gay joke.  I excused myself, feeling glorious.  No big loss, anyway.  

    Like I said, small penis.