Match.com

Elite '08

218

230

bO w.

Bayside, NY

To my girlfriend who is an active member of match.com and who shall remain nameless,

There are millions users on the site, they can't all be bad but how did you end up with one loser after another? It is your choice to date them, but don't bring them to our gatherings ever again. Not only are they darn ugly; they wear blue jeans with white T-shirt tucked in and they don't wash their hands after urinating (I witnessed it myself when the door swung open).

I don't care if it could jeopardize our friendship and my own freedom, next time you show up with another one of them, I will beat him to death!

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Elite '08

459

350

Cidne W.

Long Beach, CA

Their motto
..."find your match in six months or we'll give you six months free"

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First six months:

Scores of replies from men.  You can't even take most of them seriously.  The few that you think you can...watch out for those too.  Married men looking for a side dish, horny singles looking to pump and dump,  lonely men looking to choke the life out of  you by hanging around all the time, nice men who are just fucking ugly,  broke muthafuckas trying to get a free dinner, and an occasional freaky couple looking for a third party.

Most of the men did not make it past an e-mail.  Those who did were rewarded with a phone screening; most did not make it past there.  One dude murdered his ex's dog.   Another is working on wife number 4,  another has too many stray children and baby mama drama, and would you believe one told me that his member is so big that it caused his wife not one,  but TWO visits to the emergency room.   Sex injuries? Oh hell naw!
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The second six months:

Fuck that!  Who needs another six months of that shit!?   No thanks...cancel me.

Not many will be able to get past my dog in six months anyway.  Another job for Daisy:  creep screener.

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