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Categories: Nightlife, Restaurants [Edit]
Neighborhood: Allston/BrightonHarvard Avenue (Green)
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I want to preface this entire review by saying that I do NOT like Kells.
With that out of the way, let me explain why I'm giving it four stars. I'm a regular at Kells. Perhaps it's because of the closeness to where I went to school and where I currently live, but the bouncers don't even check my ID anymore. I end up here on Mondays for their Beirut tournaments, which are really just an excuse to go out and drink on a Monday night under the guise of doing something competitive/remotely productive.
I've also been to waaay too many "Thirsty Thursdays" at Kells, which is pretty much the Asian gathering place in Boston. You have to look past the disgusting sticky floor, the awful service, and the "Ooo, it's the first time I've ever been drunk" crowd and recognize that if you're Asian, chances are, you'll know a bunch of people there. You drink, you dance and you have fun.
Kells is a place where neither the establishment nor the staff have anything to do with their popularity. It's not a nice place. If it weren't for the people that went to Kells, I probably wouldn't even bother reviewing it. The friends and familiar faces earn Kells its four star rating.
You know the theory where the more you drink, the person you're with suddenly becomes increasingly more attractive? That's how Kells is.
It's gross, uncomfortable, the music stinks, the guys are disgusting... and the more I drink...
Oh wait. Nope. Looks the same still. Never mind.
The music leaves a lot to be desired: think frat boy hip hop.
And that's not dancing in the back room, it's dry humping. I know everyone's there to have fun, and this isn't "dancing with the stars", but come on people, this is a dancefloor, not foreplay.
As for Tenley's review below, yes, there are lurkers, and plenty of slutty white girls to provide them what they're looking for.
The rest rooms are large and clean for this type of establishment. There: I said something nice!
This place was really confusing, All of these questions were running through my head...like, why am I here? How in the world has this night come to this? Why are there so many lurkers on the outskirts of this dance floor checking out all the ladies? Why is there a bath tub of Bud Light over there? Why does this place have a dress code? What the hell is that smell? Is that B.O?
I'm still really confused.
Not a big fan of being violated or roofied by bro dudes. sorry.
I came across this place bar hopping and I will NEVER EVER go back!
On the way to the bathroom I was pushed, gropped and cursed out!
Trying to escape the dance floor- I went over to the front bar, where the bartenders were as "nice" as it's customers.
I say NO THANKS Kells.
The Kells is big enough and with enough obstacles (chairs, corners, rooms, and drunk people) that you can successfully run from the guys who just bought you a shot with a high probability of them not finding you. You'll never find me here unless I'm on a pub crawl.
NO. Just say no.
I'm tempted to give them two stars. Why? Because every time I end up here I'm witness to things that make a very good story. Horrifying, maybe, but a good story.
Oh, Kells. I had fun, but purely out of spite.
Let's see:
- Lifted foot, floor wouldn't let go of shoe. :(
- Drunk guys, beer was spilled on me :(
- Drunk girls and guys making out in the crowd..and more (I mean, seriously, get a room? Go home? God, my eyes.)
Um. I danced my pants off, otherwise (two stars, I guess), but I will fight you tooth and nail if you try to bring me back.
It does NOt get any worse than here.
When I was in my early 20's I could tolerate
It has been downhill for this place since jump street.
Bad Ownership + Bad Management = heinous
Unless you want to see disturbing images of drunk and slutty girls grinding against inanimate objects and shady men, avoid the Kells. The drinks taste bad anyway.
Monday "beer" pong/beirut nights are okay: free admission, friendly game, $50 prize/gift certificate to Kells/Privus. Some people take the game wayyy too seriously though, and should play on Wednesday nights instead (pay to play for a grand prize). And with the school year rolling in, it's going to be more competitive and packed.
And my flats keep coming off because the floor is so gross and sticky like those sticky mouse traps! Yuck :(
Stay clear of this place unless you like drunk and angry college men all who seem to want to fight. Cheese fest for certain. There are so many other bars in the area worthy of your time, this is not one of them. Maybe if I was 18 and able to sneak in would I have a different opinion. But as an "adult" I can't take it.
That being said, I've eaten there during the day with the windows open and it can be pretty nice. Just watch out when the sun goes down!
Straight up, this the worst bar in Allston. It is no fun at all. Don't go there. There's always a cover, they've made up some bullshit dress code and the bar lacks even a hint of atmosphere. It's all wide open with weird industrial tables and tacky chairs. In back, Boston's most repulsive dance floor. It's perpetually covered with a sticky goo and creepers finds shadows to hide in as they watch for unsuspecting female prey.
The beer pong tourney here is a total joke. The tables are about 3 feet long and everyone just reaches over and plunks in shots. It's pointless as hell. There's lousy music, ugly people and a general feeling of sleeze that pervades this bar. And I'm sorry, but an Asian fusion restaurant called The Kells with a bunch of shamrocks everywhere? That's just retarded.
There are too many decent bars around the same couple blocks for you to ever need to go to The Kells. Official title: Worst of Allston.
Why did I spend my Saturday night here?
I actually thought the Kells was nice inside. The drinks were fairly priced, $5.25 vodka & crans and there was no cover for girls.
It was just.. boring. I spent a little bit of time on the dance floor, but I prefer when tables/couches line the parameters of the floor so I can chill when I want to chill, and since they didn't have that I hung out up front.
It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't that fun and I'm angry I wasted my last Saturday night before I get on-call duty from work for the next two weeks. Boo.
I definitely would never pay for a cab ride from Dorchester to Allston. For my trashy escapades I'd stick to downtown, much closer to home.
Steroids and sleezy girls, or the worst of what BC and BU have to offer. This place sucks and so do its patrons. Sorry, but it's true. I've had some regrettable experiences in this bar and hope never to see anything like it again. I've been there three times and three times I saw a fight or pushing match. Sure the security guards (there are a lot of them) swarm and take control quickly, but the testosterone is out of control in that place, and most of the chicks seem into those types. I guess it's just not for me. Gotta know your places, and for me this isn't one of em and never will be. See my other reviews for what I find to be the antithesis of this bar. No offense to those who like this place, let's just agree to keep giving each other our space.
The Kells is disgusting.
Sometimes some of my friends like to go here cause I guess you can get really drunk and no one cares? I'm assuming that's because the sketchy date rapists lurking in every corner are somehow affiliated with the management. The Kells is a place where gross, nasty dudes go to prey on ridiculously drunk girls. It's super dark so you never know who (or what) is trying to violate you and its a terrible, confusing experience.
Trust me, I like to have fun and drink. Just not at the Kells. I prefer my dirty martinis without a roofie, thank you very much.
This place should be shut down and the people who like this place should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay. The people who attend here regularly are the types who have too many kids, pass on their defective genes further into the world.......and lower the median IQ levels in the process.
Maybe we'll all get lucky and someone will torch this place.
Oh God. The Kells SUCKS. I declare this place to be d-bag central. You don't want to go here. Sketchy as all hell.
OH KELLS.
if I weren't a recent graduate, and more than half my friends choose to hang out at this establishment on monday AND thursday nights, I would have give it a 2 out of 5. The people really do make the place, and I don't mean the people who work here!
Last night, on a whim, I decided to join my friends at the Kells for their "beer" pong tournament (actually it was water pong). But not before I had three dancing bear martinis at the Charlesmark Hotel. Yes, I needed to drink before coming here.
It is what it is...a hangout for college students. Everyone going there knows what it is and shouldn't expect any more. Drinks are cheap as hell, which is awesome. Gets really crowded on Thursday nights, which are usually infested with Asians. Friday and Saturday, not so much, but I have no idea cause I never been. I might have went on a Friday once (Recession Friday) and it was really empty. Once in a while you'll see a fight, but other than that it's your average college bar.
I give it 4 stars cause everyone knows what to expect once they walk in. Cheap drinks and drunken fun with friends; what more can you ask on a Thursday night.
Sucks sucks sucks. A frat party posing as an Irish bar. Bad music, asshole jock toolboxes, and a drink in a plastic cup. Yipee. Fail.
I don't understand the need for so many words.
This place sucks.
The staff has a collective god complex
The drinks are crap.
The food is awful.
The male patrons look like they can be bought at costco: 40 for a dollar. They're in the frat boy section between boring fashions and lame expressions.
The female patrons look like they can be bought on craigslist.
Like I said, this place sucks.
HARK i see a slut. notice her platform flip-flops, see how they scoff at the winter. observe with me her melon boobies bouncing vigorously in her halter top as she bumps, as she grinds.. to john meloncamp [SO not caring that i spelled that wrong].
.. a haiku, i think:
braying trollops drink in deep
thine vapid men
and drinks so nasty
shit! i cry and turn to run
my booby does a meat head grab
kells.. ..among the worst i've had..
This place is legit JOCKARIO central. You roll in here and what you will find is a bunch of legit bro-dudes with tight fades and popped collars groping girls with $3 fake blond hair dye jobs.
Chicks with dirty uggs that are wowed by a half man half gorilla's ability to crush beer cans on his skull. You will find other cheeseball wanna be douchebag jocks and girls who want in on the jock-scene. This place is a ticking time bomb too! If you walk by here outside and you're minding your own business BUT you're with a girl, these stupid dude-guys will try to fight you or will attack you to prove their dominance. I've seen several people attacked outside of this place without provocation. The type of person who hangs out here doesn't even know what "provocation" means. These guys are a waste of human life.
This place is for meatheads who are clueless about the world around them. Most likely to be featured on MTV's True Life I Life On The Jersey Shore, and whatnot. THUMBS DOWN.
Go here and act super gay. Have 10 dudes in a van waiting silently parked outside. Once one of these moron jocks starts with you, have all 10 of the dudes pile out of the van and stomp that son of a bitch. Start a war with these balloonheads. Beatings are the only language they understand.
P.S. The management is as shady as the clientele.
Say it with me now, people, "I am not a piece of meat. My parents did not abuse me. I have self respect."
Ok, now if reciting the above didn't make you break down into tears, never go to the Kells. While I have no actual data to base this on, I expect this place has the highest STD per capita of any place in Allston.
WARNING: Women are not safe at The Kells. This place has a bad reputation as a bar where many date-rapists go to drug unsuspecting women, many of whom are college students.
Ask anyone around and they'll tell you that it's no joke--The Kells is a scary place. I have no trouble making this accusation. When I was young and didn't know any better, I went out to this meat-market dance club in Allston. I watched a guy try to place something in a drink that he handed to a girl he was chatting up. I wasn't the only one who caught it. Another patron stepped in and stopped the girl from drinking this beverage. Another time, a good friend of mine mistakenly drank a drugged drink intended for a girl in his party. We had to rush him down to Saint Elizabeth's, where they found traces of flunitrazepam (a roophie).
Ask the triage nurses at Saint Elizabeth's, ask Allston and Brighton cops, and ask anybody who went to the Kells just after they turned 21 and never went back--this place is dangerous.
Oh, and I'm not even going to bother to tell you about the fights.
Be safe when you go out at night, ladies. And men, keep an eye out and protect the women in your parties.
And under no circumstances should anyone ever go to The Kells. Ever.
P.S. -- The staff is terrible, too, but it's the least of your problems if you drink there.
It's a dump.
It's a Chinese bar dressed up like an Irish dance club. The clientele are the types you usually find in the more popular Worcester bars: guys are found in 6-packs at the local dollar store (where you can also buy expansion packs for different colored t-shirts) and the girls use paint rollers to apply their make-up.
Unfortunately for the area and the human spirit, the place is always packed on weekends. College area kids flock from BC and BU to awkwardly dance and roofie drinks, until they get kicked out and end up at the White Horse or the Harp.
Bad food and drinks.
A bouncer once told me to take my hat off, and the national anthem wasn't even playing!
I used to work at the Kells around 10 years ago.
The used to have an open mic night featuring some good local talent. Mostly Allston/Cambridge locals playing some decent tunes. The rest of the week and on the weekends the place was mobbed with college kids and scene was sketchy back then, too.
The kitchen was open for lunch and dinner, as well as on the weekends for brunch. But, the food was horrible, despite the hard work by the kitchen staff. The owners of the Kells always had their hands in the pot, trying to tell the kitchen staff how to prepare food. Which was a huge mistake as they were not trained in the culinary arts. The kitchen staff were talented, dedicated, and knew what they were doing. But, after too much meddling, the entire staff quit.
The bar itself had some good bartenders. I always enjoyed free drinks. The waitstaff were pleasant gals. But, they weren't working the nights as cocktail girls for the most part. So, they didn't have the attitude most of the cocktail girls had when working in the nightclub setting.
"The bros and the chicks" who frequented the night club were lame. Enough said. However, the restaurant patrons were mostly Allston/Brighton locals - good people - a lot of them were Irish and/or worked nearby.
This place had a lot of potential since it's located in a prime location of Brighton. But, the management and the owners made this place into a meat market. It's nothing compared to the better Irish bars or pubs in this town.
Now and again, I drive by the place. It's like I said before - a meat market. If that's your gig, enjoy this place. Otherwise, go elsewhere - anywhere.
I have been to the Kells on a weekend. Yes there was BU trash. Yes there were frat boys. Yes there were skanky girls. But in sifting through all the overly pretentious reviews in which the reviewers utter little more than slightly witty criticisms and phrases so eloquent as, "this place sucks," I felt the need to write a slightly different review.
The Kells is a dance club and a bar. There are places to sit and drink, there are places to sit and get food, there is a dance floor. The drinks are ok and moderately priced. Considering the holier-than-though Boston club scene and the utter lack of dance clubs in this state as a whole, the Kells rates pretty well. And, being from New York, this state seriously needs more dance clubs. At least the Kells offers that. What do you honestly expect from a local dance club? Creepy people exist, skanky girls need to have fun too, and they sell lots of alcohol to people who seem to desperately need to unwind after a long week.
If you want to actually help people and use yelp for its intended purpose, write a real review, not a "haiku" or some other artistic concoction intended to give you a giggle and an ego-boost.
I am definitely one of those people who can have a good time pretty much anywhere. Unfortunately for The Kells, my night here was fun because I was gawking at what a ridiculous excuse for a bar this place is.
I do really like the mosaic tile on the wall, and the high backed booth we snagged in the corner was pretty clutch. Warm beer and watery $3 "jell-o" shots are weak sauce.
I think those who have cited the downstairs dance floor as reminiscent of a college party are giving it way too much credit. It reminded me of a bar mitzvah where the parents were too cheap to splurge for electricity and made kids dance without lights. Seriously Kells, why so dark?
It's true the staff leaves much to be desired, but hey, if you worked here, how do you think you'd treat the patrons?
I guess we came on an Asian night. My friend was leaving town soon and this is the place she chose. I'm always a little sketched out by all "insert ethnicity" scenes as I don't really see the appeal. While the pricing seems pretty standard, even beers are served in plastic cups. My biggest gripe is how I was overcharged on my credit card. I didn't bother to go back and dispute it since I didn't keep my receipt and I'd rather not have to set foot in that place. I guess this could be fun for some people but definitely not me.
I'm giving this 5 stars for the same reason everyone else is giving it one or two.. it's a wicked WICKED sketchy place.. but I always seem to have an absolute blast here.
My first adventure to the Kells was the first week I moved to Brighton after I graduated from college in NH. My roommate and I were quickly reminded of this "wannabe hip" bar we use to frequent in college that attracted all the local sketch balls. For some strange crazy reason, we felt comfortable here... odd I know.
We liked this place so much solely for it's people watching. We would sit at one of the comfy booths and just watch the weirdos all night long. Occasionally we would venture to the dance floor.. but would quickly retreat after being harassed and manhandled for the mere 30 seconds we were out there.
This place is a dump.. it's really weird that they serve Chinese food when it's trying to come across as an Irish bar...it smells funny... the regulars here are quite scary and sketchy.. definitely keep your distance from the dance floor unless you want to be attacked...
.. But, the staff is nice... the music is meh.. and for some reason, I always have a blast.
Would I recommend this place to strangers?.. Hell no.. Would I recommend this place to my friends? Of course!! The Kells is certainly an adventure and it reminds me of sketchy parties back at school.
If it weren't for my friend's obsession with this place (which I really do not understand), I will not set foot into this godforsaken place. The so call dance floor is tiny and gross. The supposed "beer" pong tournament is a joke. Not to mention the whole scene is just not pleasant for the eyes. Thank goodness I don't have to pay a single penny at this place.
The Kells is a poser bar. It's a college dive bar pretending to be a trendy urban bar, and its patrons are sketchy, skanky college (BC) kids pretending to be trendy urban sophisticates.
The basement is a techno hell with an uneven floor (imagine navigating it while drunk.) The dance floor is basically a mosh-pit/orgy and is hot and stinky and sticky. Great if you like grinding strangers or having your face planted into someone else's armpit.
And the bouncers? I was there for a friend's birthday, and the boucer laughed at both my and my boyfriend's IDs. He twisted them and then smirked at us and laughed at us, like "Look at these fakes!" Except they WEREN'T. He let us in anwyay, but we were both insulted.
After about a 3 year hiatus I once again entered the doors... Big Mistake!!! Booo to the $6 cover (this is Allston people) and Boooo to the creeps that still go here. I vow to never step foot in here again... GHETTO!!
Here is a piece of advice... Never go to the Kells when BU or BC is not in session, all you get are… Read more »
Whoa. Like. Woah. Biz.Add.
This place was. Well, gross.
A friend of a friend rented out the basement of The Kells, so we got in for a private party. The music kind of sucked. And the floor just looked dirty. And the ceiling was so low.
I felt like I was at a dance party in some parent's basement during high school. The drinks sucked. And really expensive.
Oh! And when I got out my ID I fumbled it and the bouncer jeered at me about whether or not it was a fake.
This place just left me with a sour taste. Weird. Or maybe it was the bad beer.
Here's a pretty good summary:
http://www.youtube.com...
"Fuck the Kells" by local band Vagiant
Allow me to paint you a 1-10 step by step portrait of a typical night at The Kells:
1. Bouncer stares down ID, makes unfunny comment, and instructs you to take your hoodie off, or else.
2. To enter the club you're required to squeeze your way through overcrowded trashy dance floor blasting awful wannabe clubbin' music. If you are a male you will receive numerous threatening stares, all the while saying excuse me apologetically multiple times in fear of getting ass kicked. If you are female you will be groped.
3. Overpriced drink purchased in plastic cup. Try not to vomit.
4. You attempt to find a place to settle for a bit. No where to sit or stand without frat dudes, typical townies, or meatheads in the way. A tear rolls gently down your somber face.
5. Terrible drunk sorority girl walks up to you and requests you "crank that soldier boy." You politely decline mentioning "you aren't a good dancer" and skeptically move on to the dance floor.
6. Dance floor is sweaty and disgusting. Lots of jammin 94.5 hits. You order some Chinese food. Stomach becomes weaker at this point.
7. You eventually decide you have just wasted two precious hours of your existence in a smelly "club" with shitty top 40 trash blasting. You realize you are embarrassed.
8. You exit the club $45 poorer with an upset stomach and a general feeling of depression. Two hours later you vomit after eating Redneck's takeout. Life seems unforgiving and cruel at this point.
9. You vow to never enter that club again. Be sure to stick to your instinct. No, the next time will NOT be any better.
10. Acceptance: The night is over and you are in your bed. The room spins. "Damn you, Kells," you mutter to yourself softly. You smack yourself across the cheek violently with intense force and regret.
The Kells will scar you for life. It is more fun to eat live bugs (think man vs. wild) than hang out at this d-bag gathering. Don't waste your time or hard-earned money -- you will regret coming here. Guaranteed.
Okay, if I were reviewing the Kells on a Saturday night during prime college kid season, it'd be -1 stars...but I'm not - I'm reviewing the Kells on a Tuesday night in late May, after the BU kids have gone home...and guess what? It ain't so bad - there's fresh air pouring in from the wide-open windows, the drinks are priced right, and the bathroom is actually not filled with puke. And the front bar area is actually kind of pretty when not filled with BU trash!
This place pretty much offends all five senses. Sometimes, the Aqua di Gio and Smirnoff Ice mixture is so strong you can taste it if a large enough crowd walks by.
How about that hot bar festering in the corner with some attendant that gives you sad puppy eyes like, "Please buy this poisonous drunk food and have pizza breath as you get your freak on inside? Please?" Disgusting.
Don't expect the bouncers to take care of the belligerent jerk pushing your friends around outside. They'll be busy ya dooding and asking you for seven forms of ID.
As Patton Oswalt would say, this place is a gigantic failure pile in a sadness bowl.
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