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Fontainebleau Resort
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$$$$
28 reviews for Fontainebleau Resort
Ok, I don't normaly review hotels, but I had to do this one. I can't escape the freeking house music. Why do they think that all 20 somethings are ravers. Obnoxious LED lights everywhere. The south beachifacation of all of Florida sucks. Frat boy, ruffey loser place. Expensive to the point of retarded.
Stay at the Lowe's, south beach outside the hotel not on the inside
The Fontainebleau is a beautiful, sprawling resort with amazing rooms and amenities on the north end of the beach. It has none of the character of the art deco buildings and boutique hotels in South Beach, but it does have a kids pool and slides. Nothing wrong with that, it's just not my personal preference.
It reminds me of a Jessica Simpson-esque date. She's beautiful and you might want to get your picture taken or even stay a night because the facilities are nice, but the novelty wears off and, given more interesting options, you'd start to get bored in that kiddie pool pretty quickly.
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Dreamy!
Just spent the whole weekend there in a suite in the Tresor Tower on the 34th floor and it was spectacular!! We weren't charged tfor he extra people in our room, the bell boy was kind enough to bring us a TON of extra towels after luggging a million groceries & luggages, took advantage of private pool in the middle of night with no issues from security, had pizza delivered with no issues, got up early (9:30am) to get chairs by the pool with hardly any issues (but I recommend going earlier just in case), no issues with taking our own drinks & food to pool, blared our music with no complaints, got a cab driver who didn't rip us off by special request, & had the most AMAZING view of the ocean & intercoastal & downtown Miami!!! Ok so there wasn't a coffee maker or a hair dryer in the room but who cares when you living in heaven!
Had to have been the most fabulous weekend ever & I left with most of the money I came with!
This hotel did its job and kept us all very happy. The renovations must have really transformed this place because I had no idea how old it was. Some of the old hotels around it were abandoned or gutted out, and so you can see the generations and what this place might have looked like before. The overall experience was positive, and I didn't spend (or at least didn't feel like I did) too much money on things here.
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"All that glitters is not gold." The recent renovations show that no expense was spared. The lobby is always frenzied, the rooms are off the chain--each complete with a shiny mac computer--and I really loved the pool area.
After the initial excitement of the Fontainebleau's beauty wears off, your wonderful time in Miami is dampened continually by the rude and clueless staff. The service (excluding the maid services) is lackluster and unaccommodating.
If you do go do yourself a favor and don't bring a car because you're forced to use their valet service. Valet is bound to lose your car keys or car(happened to myself and 3 other couples) and then have nothing to say for it. The hotel will not assist you with any valet problems because it's an outside company. Be ready to wait 2 hours for your car and be treated rudely by most of the staff.
Let's hope there's enough public outcry that the FB will get the message and have the service quality match it's luxe decor.
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This is only for the hotel... I will write seperate reviews for the spa, restaurants, etc.
MY FAVS
- Pool #1, Pool #2, Pool #3, kiddie pool and slide, hot tubs... and any other bodies of water within the hotel grounds I may have left out. Seriously, the pool area is beautiful.
- Apple computer in the room (which I didn't use b/c internet was $15/day), but I guess its pretty cool.
- I stayed in a room with 2 double beds - very clean, spacious, beds were comfortable, and there was a tv in the bathroom (which I didn't use, but I guess its pretty cool).
WARNINGS
- Stop by Publix or Subway BEFORE you get to the pool or else... get ready to pay $16-$18 for a sandwich or a burger. Add on $9 for a large VOSS water bottle or $5 for a coke. Alcoholic beverages are also very expensive ($19 mojitos) and small for what you are paying so make sure to BYOB if you can.
- VALET PARKING IS A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!! NIGHTMARE!!!! I've been to this hotel for many reasons - the restaurants, the clubs/lounges, the pool and spa, and finally for a weekend getaway. VALET has been a nightmare everytime (a wait of at least 25 minutes), but this last time - they lost our keys. We waited for over an hour, and the people were not helpful AT ALL. The attitude was like "this happens all the time - we will find your keys sooner or later." I read about this in many other reviews and couldn't believe it until it happened to me.
- 18% gratuity added to everything, which is usually NOT deserved.
OVERALL REVIEW
I stayed here to celebrate my friend's and my birthday. We rented on a Saturday to enjoy the pool and beach all weekend, eat dinner at one of the restaurants there, and drink without having to drive or cab it. Since there is also a club there, we figured we can even dance the night away.
On Saturday night, the line at LIV was ridiculously long, the lobby was so full of people that we actually questioned whether the a/c was working, AND since our party had "guys" in it, getting into LIV was "going to take a little longer than expected." Since I just wanted to listen to good music and enjoy my friends, we went down to blade instead. We had fun there. My advice to anyone going to LIV - if you don't know someone who works there, either make sure you are a group of half-naked females (and only females), offer your wallet so you can buy a bottle, or pretend you are famous and try to get away with it. On Sunday, we rented a cabana - the only reason I agreed to this is because it was a gift from friends. I would NEVER have paid $250 (and that is with a discount) for a cabana - especially when i'm looking to tan. The frigde in the cabana was not plugged in, and it was supposed to be stocked with soda, water, and mixers... but of course, it was almost empty when we got there. As much as I appreciate my friends taking me there, I will never let them spend that kind of money again. I had NO IDEA a cabana would be so much.
So basically, there are a ton of hotels in Miami Beach that you should look into before staying here - you can find better prices, better service, and hotels that are just as chic. Yes, the pool is beautiful. I suggest you stay somewhere else and make it a point to visit the pool - you do not have to be a guest to be poolside at the Fontainebleau!
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This place is so bad. I've honestly stayed at better roadside motels. I stayed for a week while in transition to the new pad. The furniture is dated, the noise is ridiculously loud until 4am and the processes are all messed up. I could give a laundry list of all the things I'd fix, but what's the point if management doesn't really care what you have to say?
The restaurants are good, but this is a review of the hotel and it should be lucky 0 stars isn't an option.
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This is a "resort" type place in the worst meaning of the word. This is a large capacity place. It is beautiful on the surface - the architect deserves credit for the nice design of things.
Rooms are large and in general of good standard. So nice design. In our room the refrigerator was broken, the minibar had a broken lock, ...
The in-room computer (a Mac) is really nice but they charge you $15/night for internet access. This is the cheap part of the visit. The restaurants serve good food but at through the roof prices. Breakfast buffet starts at $25 (excl service), so breakfast for two is easily $60.
They automatically add an 18% service charge to any bill.
We had ordered ocean view. The room had had ocean view before they built a hotel next door.
Great rooms, amazing architecture, poor service and ridiculous prices. This is a great neighborhood, but for all practical purposes go elsewhere.
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I hate to be the Debbie Downer of this review so I won't be - but I will outline the negative before I get to the fun parts.
Okay, first of all. I am out of the loop, I don't know the cool kids anymore, no one hands me free drinks, etc, etc, etc... But yesterday I went to the Fabulous Fountainbleau and ordered a freakin hot dog (which I dont even like) and 2 cokes (I brought a flask) and the grand total was $30.00!!! Yikes, they should have Local Resident prices. For Reals!
I understand that people are on vacation and they have money to spend but jeez, a $16 Chicken Sandwiches is just crazy, have they heard of the recession?
But besides the over priced pool side hotel food, it is an awesome hotel. The scene is straight out of TV, multiple pools, girls in bikini and heels, good looking servers. I have never stayed in a room, and apparently don't think I ever could. I usually only visit once a month on a Sunday to hang out by the pool. It is a good place to stay cool (if your not sweating your budget), people watch and listen to good music.
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Ultra expensive, but incredibly beautiful decor, modern interior, newly renovated rooms w/ comfy bed, big luxurious bathroom/tub.
The new hotel renovations are incredible. The pool area is absolutely awesome and the pool attendants and waitresses strutting around in tight outfits / really short skirts really take care of you.
I can't stop saying the words, "ULTRA EXPENSIVE". The hotel itself is just absolutely beautiful and I loved all the amenities and all the lovely areas on-premise. The newly built gym (blue building) is incredible! The hotel is right on the beach and it's absolutely convenient (there are several towers - regular hotel rooms as well as condo tower rooms w. fridge, microwave, etc.).
Remember...the ULTRA EXPENSIVE comment I made? a martini is about $18 including tax and tip, so is a mojito (served pool side in a small clear plastic cup), even if you order by the pool bar, gratuity is ALREADY included in your bill. Even all the restaurants you eat at, an 18% gratuity is included.
I loved my stay but it's really just expensive. You can tell that management is also a bit lax; they don't seem to run as tight a ship as other high-end resorts I have stayed at. Perhaps that's just a "Miami" attitude? I don't know.
Either way, I loved the hotel, and if only I were filthy rich, I'd prob wanna live here full time in their condo suites!
The night club here is CRAZY. There is a HUGE line. Thankfully, we knew a guy who knew a guy and we were able to get on the guest list. Even so, the cost of drinks is ridiculous and the club was packed. It isn't a very good design although it is modern and sexy. There are many cocktail waitresses working inside the club who remind me of the high-end girly bars in Asia where the girls bring drinks and "hang out" with the guests. YIKES. NOT a big fan of the night club.
I am a HUGE fan of the Bleau Bar. This bar is right in the middle of the previous main entrance in front of three GIANT gorgeous chandeliers in the lobby. The large pillars have gold leaf painted on them and then a beautiful clear tile over the gold leaf. It's really beautiful seeing in the day light as well as at night.
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Crap. Just crap.
Okay, I didn't stay in the hotel. I attended a three day conference and commuted from home each day. The convention center seems okay. But why wouldn't it be nice. It's brand new.
Foodservice is horrendously bad. The bad part about attending a conference here is that you are stuck. No restaurants within walking distance. Ate at Vida two days and went hungry another. Yes, it's that bad. Maybe should have gone to another one of their food venues but I can't imagine the others are any different. It's all the same Executive Chef and obviously he knows nothing about good food.
Both days at Vida we were put on a waiting list despite the fact that half of the tables were empty. I commented about it both days and the hostess chick ignored me. She asks me my room number and I told her, "huh, are you kidding me, I can barely afford the food let alone a room!"
I could go on about how my fried chicken lunch was $18 for a drumstick, wing, and thigh with some lame mashed taters. Oh, did I mention the chicken was rare? Sent it back and they still tried to charge me for it. $4 for an 8 oz bottle of soda.
Welcome to Miami Beach. Just give us your wallet. I guess this is par for the course for an area that is filled with wannabes. Wannabe rappers, wannabe actors, wannabe models abound on this island. Maybe the economic downturn will change things a little bit here. NOT. There is an abundance of dumbasses in this town that will pay through the nose just to see and be seen.
I suspect the Fontainebleau will adjust their pricing when they see that folks aren't going there anymore. Maybe. Maybe not.
Oh yeah, an 18% auto-gratuity? Give me a f*&ng break. No wonder the service sucks.
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Please note that this review is for the hotel and not the restaurants.
My husband and I stayed there for an anniversary weekend and were shocked to find out that every point of contact with the staff was subpar and unsatisfactory.
1) They sent our e-mail confirmation with the wrong dates.
2) They gave us the wrong room.
3) They lost our luggage for over an hour due to the room switch.
4) When we finally made it down to the beach to catch the late afternoon sun, the staff informed us that we could not rent chairs because they closed at 6 PM and were already starting to put everything away. It was 5 PM.
5) It took 25 minutes to get our car.
6) Upon our return, the original entrance we used was closed. When checking out the next morning, we called to have the car brought down. We still waited over 25 minutes. We had also checked with the valet attendant that our car was in queue. After the delay, I decided to walk over and check the other valet circle. Sure enough, our vehicle was sitting there. Apparently, there was some confusion and they decided to leave the car out on the valet circle all night. They were neither apologetic over the confusion nor did they seem to care that we were upset.
This hotel is not cheap. I expect a specific quality of service when cost is so high. The location may be beautiful but there is no internal coordination amongst staff. I heard other guests make similar comments.In a nut shell, I will never stay here again. Save yourself the money, it's SO not worth it!
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As I predicted, the claims process has not been a positive experience. For some reason the insurance company seems to believe it is logical to provide me with the replacement costs of the ipod, but not of the case the ipod was in.
The employees are completely unprofessional "I can't spend too much time on this case", repeatedly cutting me off and asking me repeatedly for a receipt. THE IPOD WAS A GIFT!
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5/16/2009
Went here for a business function, valet folks stole my ipod. Realized it 10 minutes into drive… Read more »
So the biggest problem with the place is the service, hands-down. The check-in process is ridiculously disorganized and takes forever. The only times I didn't see a line was when I was checking-out at 5:30am and checking-in at 11:30pm. (Though, I was the first in the line and had to wait.) The individuals themselves are very nice, but have clearly received not enough training to do their jobs properly.
I was there for a large convention, which ran very well. The facilities are clean and were turned-over quickly. The place was very cold, though -- 68 degrees, so everyone was cold, especially since people thought they could wear their Miami-appropriate clothing. We ran out of tea and coffee at most meetings.
The rooms themselves are pretty and functional.
I'd do go to a meeting here and to the restaurants/pool/bar, but I wouldn't stay here. I'd rather visit my friends who shelled out the cash for this place so that I can hang out at the beautiful hotel without dealing with the service.
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Seriously, rethink staying here. I'm typically really lenient with customer service, but they just don't care to take care of anyone. Truly a disappointment.
Maid Service will knock on your door multiple times after you told them not to worry about cleaning your room. Your hotel keycard will magically not work anymore. They'll lose your car and then find it 45 mins later. They'll clean your room and then leave you with no bath towels. You'll call for assistance (to get towels) and the phone just rings and rings.....I'm back from my trip, but I imagine the phone is still ringing down at the front desk.
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A beautiful Miami day. Such a nice day that we say let's go somewhere beachy for breakfast. My friend said, "How about the Fontainebleau?". I was a bit curious, too, after all the hype. So she called there and it all sounded good. We got reasonably dolled up, drove there, did the valet parking and walked into the huge lobby. Not as impressive as I'd imagined, but spacious and airy.
Walked across to the restaurant, which I imagine was La Cote, only because the online description comes closest to where we were. Very nice reception, shown to a back non-celebrity booth, for which I was actually glad because the huge high windows facing east were letting in all the strong morning sun and people were moving and asking for tables where we were sitting.
Waiter arrives, asks us what we want for drinks, coffee, juice, actually shows surprise as we ask for mimosas. Have to practically drag out of him that there is a buffet, instead of pricey menu items. Buffet is ok, only just ok. In the lineup: very ordinary chain-style fried potatoes; fabulous crispy bacon - I mean bacon of your dreams, crunching and melting in your mouth and with a super smoky flavor; reasonably creamy scrambled eggs; warm eggs Benedict with just enough hollandaise. Then the usual bagels, Danish, smoked salmon, fruits and cereals.
I wasn't 100% impressed for $28 a head. I mean, come on, this is breakfast. And they're not offering anything really special. Nothing was really bad but nothing was really good, either. It was adequate. I'll take adequate at $15 for each of us and it's ok. When I get adequate at $90 for buffet breakfast for two with a couple of mimosas it doesn't make me happy.
it was good to get eggs Benedict in a buffet, but therein lies the problem, is it successfully do-able? - the muffins weren't toasted, the Canadian bacon or ham slice, quartered - as it was here - was cold and some of the eggs were overcooked, hard-cooked. It's rather ambitious and commendable to try to do good eggs Benedict in a buffet and they nearly had it down, but they put too many out at once and thus those that were over the Sterno or steam for a longer time were overcooked. And put out more food, please. Give a guy a burner and let him make omelettes, people love that, it's always successful. It wouldn't hurt you.
My take on going to the Fontainebleau for breakfast is this: do it with out of towners. They'll enjoy it - maybe they'll see a celebrity. But give them a bit more for their money than what you have right now on the buffet.
Oh, and remember, it's $20 for 45 minutes' parking :)
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I'm not crazy about this hotel. A friend of mine was in town from London and we decided to stay here for a few nights.
The outrageously expensive room had hideous decor, way too modern for my taste, and was not warm and inviting, but the view was unbelievable (that was only good thing). I feel this place is slightly too big and a bit awkward in its size. There's an oddly placed large bar that overflows into the lobby. There doesnt seem to be good separation between the space.
2 coffees in the cafe were $16!! My friend from London even thought this was exhorbantly expensive. Well.. we only lasted one night when we decided to relocate to The Ritz on Collins Ave. Much cozier.
I think the only thing this hotel is good for is if you're planning on going to the hotel's nightclub, LIV, and can conveniently walk upstairs to pass out. Not that worth it, in my opinion.
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Wow - it sure sounds like service has gone, way, way WAY downhill since I was there in the mid nineties. Back then they were trying to cater to the Orthodox Jewish Community and had special Passover and Holyday packages for them with Kosher-ized sections of their kitchens.
In the old days (And I remember the Fountainbleau going back to the late '70's - it was a star attraction on Collins Avenue.
What a shame. I truly hopew someone can come along to breathe new life into this once shining star.
Not sure why some HATE on this place...even with a few problems and dislikes of my own I can't give it lower than a 4-star review.
One advantage to the Fontainebleau is it's location...I'm SO tired of SOBE...the real SOBE...Ocean Drive and the like...YUCK, especially after noon. It's nice to actually relax in a more peaceful and civilized neighborhood.
Of course, with that, there's NOTHING worth walking to from this hotel...well, except maybe the Eden Roc Resort next door (where there's a STARBUCKS in the lobby, if you need yer fix--the coffee shop at FB is only so-so...Eden Roc is the next hotel over).
Best part of FB? The pool. Although, from time to time, it can get to be a pretty fairly cheesy scene....twenty people crowded around and partying at a bed made for four looks stupid--AND CHEAP! Ya local losers who try to come to these hotel pools mid-afternoon and suck up given-up beds that ACTUAL guests paid $100 for are LAME! Go lay out at your small crappy pool at your efficiency apartment!
OK, but the pool is the best thing about this hotel. The staff was always very friendly and helpful (we did actually pay for a bed so we were quasi-VIP)...the cocktail waitresses are sorta...ah...slutty...but that's what you expect, don't you? Some are them are typical airheads and you may have to actually set you bed, chair or towels on FIRE before they'll notice you need something.
The steak joint here, Gotham Steakhouse, is AWESOME. GO!
TIP: If you haven't been to Gotham before request a table at the KITCHEN WINDOW--you'll have a lot of fun watching the action!!
The Italian joint, Scarpetta, is cool...has good food...is pretty romantic...but a bit stuffy at the same time...DRESS UP! I made the mistake of wearing an open-toed shoe here and an old-fart Derby-hat wearing freak lady next to me muttered loud enough to her husband for me to hear that she was disgusted.
I'm at a f****** resort hotel and my vacation, b****. Get off my back. And take that silly f****** hat off! I don't see any horses coming down the stretch round here!
There's also a sushi place and an Asian place here...neither of which we went to, but I hear they are awfully good too!
The Bleau Bar is...eh. More sluts bringing you drinks. (Sorry to the sluts...just not into you).
By the way...if you don't want to walk FOREVER...stay out of the Chateau building...NO KIDDING it will take you TEN MINUTES to walk to the pool!
OH--how could I forget--DO NOT PASS UP ON THE HAM AND CHEESE CROISSANT AT THE BAKERY!
OMFGood!!!!!
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Incredible renovation. Get over yourselves. They spent the money. Is gambling coming to Miami? Hmmm.... check out those huge, interconnected conference rooms and you tell me.
Oh, and the service. Get it through your thick skulls - this is MIAMI and the service is always bad and if it happens to be okay one or two occasions it is simply an accident. America's best and brightest ain't coming to Miami to cure cancer, you know.
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If this review was based on the aesthetics of the hotel alone it would definitely be a higher number of stars...too bad the service everywhere in the hotel was sub-par. You'd think for an upscale hotel like the Fontainebleau you'd get upscale service....not so.
The Bleau bar in the lobby was a cool looking bar but ,suprise surprise, the drinks were way overpriced. The one plus about the bar was definitely the prime people watching opportunities. This place looked like it was a must-be place for the Miami hipsters. I also want to point out that the gratuity is already included in your bill when you get it (apparently this is a common practice in the miami area) which seems to have led to a lack of service...i guess you don't really have to put much effort into your service if you are already guaranteed your grauitity amount huh?
The restaurants in the place were just as overpriced if not worse. The food was mediocre at best and just took way too long to get to you. All the delicious food I had while in Miami was eaten outside of this hotel.
The rooms were small...but the beds were amazing. I also liked the fact that there was a Mac computer in each room along with a tv in the bathroom. I got to watch the morning show while brushing my teeth and doing my morning routine.
A few last points...there are four different towers in the hotel...so four different entrances. Make sure when you are getitng dropped off at the hotel that you pick the right one or it's a long long walk to your tower! And hopefully you don't need your bags brought to your room right away...it takes a while. And you better have plenty of time on your hands if you plan to order room service...it takes forever!
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These other reviewers are INSANE - or they must have been at a different place! The Fontainebleau is FANTASTIC - and the service is EXCELLENT! Yes - its expensive - no surprises there (where do these other people normally stay/eat - Motel 6/Dennys -? Sheesh...) but its not a rip off because everything is top notch. The staff were wonderful - friendly, knowledgeable, helpful and efficient (don't hate them 'cause they're good-looking! They also do their jobs - very well!) - 18% service charge is totally fair - we frequently upped it to 20% because the staff were great. A really great attitude from everyone - menial to senior! Excellent food at Scarpetta, La Cote , Gotham Steak, Vida and the French patisserie (not sure of name) - did not eat at the others but they were all beautiful spaces. The decor throughout is stunning. So many unusual, neat touches. The pool area is amazing - yes, its busy but the pool staff take care of everybody and make you comfortable - and the drinks are big and not watered down anywhere in this resort ! If you want peace and quiet don't go - but if you want bustling energy then you'll love it. Note that the hotel guests were very varied (ages, nationalities etc.) - and were certainly fun loving but not rowdy or uncool - this is a family friendly hotel even though its a hip scene. At night - its a party! The beach here is superb - kept very clean. Our room was the least expensive but still we were on the 10th floor (Chateau tower) and had a great view of the intracoastal and beyond - we had 2 queen beds - everything was brand new and high quality (bed/bath linens, electronics, robes, toiletries - everything). Very peaceful at night. Chambermaids never disturbed us and all spoke English. Also - we waited less than 10 mins at valet for our car - it was busy - so I can't complain about 10 mins! We also never waited for an elevator - despite the hotel being very busy the elevators came quickly. Also - the spa 'Lapis' is huge - and stunning - and the attendants are lovely - can't wait to use the spa again. In fact - can't wait to go back - it was a fantastic, top notch experience - I can not say enough good stuff about this place!
Stayed for a week and loved it! They just put 2 Billion $ into renovations, but yet it still takes 20 minutes to check in! Anyways, stayed in the TOWERS on 17th FLOOR, nice view of the oceans and great place to hang out after a long day.
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wow. worst service EVER. I'm not a guy who demands a whole lot but they food was always late (1.5 hours to bring us a pre-made berry salad) and the staff did their best not to help you. They need a middle-management person to teach their staff that the guests are the paying customers, and if the guests are paying $500/night then you could at least show some courtesy and not cut in front of them in the water line (true story).
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This is a review for the "new" Fontainebleau. I have just returned from the "5-star resort" and it is currently in the "soft opening" phase and it is AWFUL. Over 45 mins to check-in, lost luggage, two other friends almost sent to another hotel due to "lost reservations" (did not happen after a very angry conversation), no bar (well a coffee bar that serves booze does not count), no restaurant and a maid who did a no knock drop by at 11:30 last night. Give it 6 months or you will regret it like me (and I will NEVER NEVER come back).
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I used to stay here a lot as a kid. The Fontainebleau has been made famous by movies such as Goldfinger, Scarface, and The Bodyguard.
They began remodeling the hotel a couple of years ago and have added a brand new tower.
A group of about 8 of us stayed here a couple of years ago. We booked our rooms through Travelocity and were ecstatically surpassed when the remodeling 'forced' us to be upgraded to the new tower suites.
I'm sure it was a junior suite as we only had one bathroom, but we had a mini-fridge, plates, glasses, a little stove, a living room... And oh, that bathroom is wonderful!
They have remodeled the hotel to live up to the demand for luxury from tourists. The front is beautiful.
I'm sad that they took out the slide that used to be in the 'waterfall' in the pool... As well as the little bar they used to have in the rocks... Where you could sit and drink in the shade of the rocks while still in the pool....
But the staff was wonderful, and the beach is great. You can rent jet ski's not far down the beach from the hotel.
It was well worth the money and we had a wonderful time. All in all, the price is quite comperable to other Miami hotels.
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I am reviewing here specifically the Bleau Bar lounge located in the center of the Fontainebleau Hotel. My girlfriend and I ate dinner there over a getaway weekend (read my reviews of both Blade Sushi and Scarpetta) and afterwards thought we would attempt to break our way into LIV - the new nightclub that you are now seeing advertised in just about every lifestyle magazine or website. So, like idiots we follow the instructions of the Draconian Brown shirt security moron and get in line with all of the Zac Ephron fans on line. This required that we actually exit the facility thru the main lobby, walk down the cobblestone driveway and around to the LIV entrance area and stand in line. Now, please note that despite the fact that this is in Sobe it was still like 55 degrees and windy - so we were not thrilled. Especially after the fact that we just dined in two, yes, TWO of the FB restaurants. (they should have offered us a friggin PASS to the club after that fiasco). So, we realize after standing on this line for about 30 seconds that we could have just walked to the inside entrance after we finished eating at Scarpetta. So, we walk back up to the Brown Shirt and tell him that we left our CC in Blade and need to go get it. He buys the ruse and we walk to the inside entrance of the club. The Frenchy Frog doorman asks us to "pleez vait outside" so we bail on the idea of going to this club and park ourselves at the Bleau Bar in the lobby. Filled with a throng of Pam Anderson wannabes and guys in black shirts we order a few cocktails. Two Fredericks of Hollywood-type model babes are behind the bar and take our order. I ordered a glass of Merlot for my girl and a Tres Generaciones (thats Three Generations - tequila - for all of you yankees ) on the rocks for myself. The model/barkeep makes our drinks, leaves them on the drainage mat and walks away for about 10 minutes. So we are drooling over our cocktails and she disappears. Soon she returns and apologetically serves our drinks and gives us a bill in a leather bound check holder thingy. I put a Benny in the folder and leave it on the bar. She takes the cash, puts my change in the folder and puts the folder back on the bar in front of me. So far, so good. After a about 20 min, i see that the bill folder is gone. I ask her what happened to my change and she looks at me like Ive got a dildo sticking out of my forehead. I say "my change, where is my change?". She says "Oh, im sorry and takes $13.00 out of her tip jar and hands it to me. So now Im looking at her like SHES got a dildo sticking out of her forehead. "thats my change? I had 2 drinks". So she says, "yes, thats your change". I ask for a copy of my bill and lo and behold the Tres Generaciones was $60 bucks (yes, 60 bucks!), plus a surcharge of $14.00 dollars for a cocktail fee - I swear. A cocktail fee. Apparently when you ask for a high-end brand and they make a cocktail from it, they charge you a surcharge because it requires a bit more than one shot. The vino was $13 so my change was $13 dollars. We left it and ran. Never again Bleau Bar. Never again.
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this off-the-strip Miami Beach hotel was a great reprieve from the debauchery and sometime depravity of South Beach on Memorial Day Weekend.
my hiatus from yelp was partially thanks to the hotel, which made it conducive to partying like a rockstar while in Miami. i promise, i will recover and write more reviews.
the fontainebleau (anyone think the hotel has too many fancy extra letters in the name??) has great deals and corporate rates and we booked a 1 bedroom suite with a stay 3 nights pay for 2 deal that made it a great amazing fantastic and fabulous bargain
our suite was a total of about 1200 square feet by my estimations, with two balconies (one outside the bedroom and one outside the living room), a kitchen, two bathrooms (rare for a hotel!) a huge living room, fridge, the works. the bathtub had jacuzzi jets in it which was great for when we had an impromptu party after-hours with a bunch of friends we bumped into from New York (yes yes, the world is small, and so was the jacuzzi, but it made do until we decided to sneak into the closed one that was outdoors)
the downside was that the hotel is in the process of completion (there will be several towers) but we stayed in the completed tower and it was beautiful. it is about 5 min by cab to south beach and great if you want to relax during the day away from the crowds and noise.
the beach is very clean and not crowded in front of the hotel. the service is great and the buffet breakfast has enough greasiness (crispy bacon! belgian waffles!) to cure a severe whiskey/vodka/red wine/champagne induced hangover.
the room service is great too, if you want to order breakfast and eat it on the balcony. they also don't seem to mind if you pull your living room furniture onto the balcony for napping purposes.
risk: watch for the jets
reward: affordable luxury
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