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Categories: Gay Bars, Dance Clubs [Edit]
Neighborhood: MissionMon. 1:00 p.m. - 2:00 a.m.
Tue-Thu. 3:00 p.m. - 2:00 a.m.
Fri. 1:00 p.m. - 2:00 a.m.
Sat-Sun. 3:00 p.m. - 2:00 a.m.
Sloane Saturdays presents the Designer DeeJays and special guest DJ Young Twin, this Saturday the 21st. Guest-list only. See you there!
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La buena: relatively cheap drinks, especially during the day and at happy hour; friendly day shift bartenders; the occasional interesting conversation with cute chavos and the older regulars; the humerous bi-lingual drag shows.
la mala: some of the unfriendly bartenders who work at night; the overpriced cover charge on weekends; the tired decor that hasn't changed in decades because the owners are too cheap to spend a few centavos for upgrades.
Delightful! Went here with a co-worker on a Tuesday around 10. The bartender is incredibly friendly. We were two women, and encountered zero snobbery. (I think he has a lot of female cousins) $5 gin and tonics!
We dished about Beyonce concerts, Shakira's dancing and Costa Rican music. There is a bilingual drag show every night (!) It's wonderful to find these niches, these places that are a whole world, perhaps apart from your daily life, and to walk in and be instantly involved.
Make sure to turn around when you're sitting at the bar. (Little Kid Joe is giving it away. )
Monday night Labor Day Weekend. Leather bars empty. Not in the mood for (no cover) hip-hop clubbin'.
So friend suggests Esta Noche.
OK, so the coronas cost a bit much..
BUT: free cover, FREE FOOD! (yes, about 30 minutes later they bring out HUGE catering trays! the trannies go wild and take first dibs on the food.) Free novelas, then later free Bring It On subtitled in Spanish on the TV. Free Cher/Pussycat Dolls/Amanda Miguel/etc. drag show! (That "mee-ow mee-ow" song was a big hit.) Yes, the whole time I was thinking "Esta naco!!" but in the end, it was great.
Next time I'll be the friend who suggests Esta Noche!
p.s. why am i making this my first review?!
I don't know what to say... I mean, its all so sudden. Just when I think its all over for me, and life will show me no love, you came walking into my heart. You, with your free food and your lethal drinks. You, with your prison barred bathroom complete with a turd floating in the ever clogged toilet. You, with your disturbingly hot drag queen followed by the oddest assortment of BBBDQs' ever assembled under one cracked leaking roof. Oh, Esta Noche, what I ever did to deserve you I will never know, I'm just glad I did what ever...it...was. I love you for your massive cock boy painting, your hot Latin twink strippers, and your 5 foot tall Mexican wearing a cowboy hat AND a wedding ring closet cases. You are my muse. You are my Mr. Mistress, and I love you. Honestly I do. You and me Esta Noche, we haz a thing.
This is a seedy dive of all dive bars!
I like the bartender and the drinks they serve. I may not be gay (although I have gay relatives) but I come here sometimes for the pure smut of it. I was drunk there last month and a tranny was going around showing off her scar from the operation. Then a guy offered me money to go home with him.
This is a bad economy and if I was gay I might have done it. If I lose my job though, I might take him up on it. :P
A friend and I from East Bay were in the Mission for the Greek festival so on the way back to 16th Street BART on a Saturday we stopped in as first timers. The daytime bartender was very welcoming and the drinks were well priced. Of course, during shows I'm sure the drink prices go up but that's typical. I would definitely go back.
As for the Yelper posting here about being upset because no photo taking was allowed, that's fairly standard in a good number of gay bars and I've lived all over the country. We still have closeted gay folks who come out to bars and the idea of someone taking their pic in a gay bar is not a happy thought. Therefore, some bars hold that "no cameras allowed" policy. I'm sure they have their other reasons too but this is one I know about.
Yeah, I'm giving this place 5 stars. Such a rare rating for me to give but for the tongue in cheek action going on here, this place has got to the be one of the most entertaining gay dive bars. It's not a place you'd think of venturing into if you a.) don't speak Spanish b.) don't drink c.) are not gay OR d.) don't like the bar scene.
Once again, I found myself dragged around SF to hang out with random people and being the nice girl I am, felt the need to make sure no one got pregnant and found their way home. Thank goodness the bouncer can spot a drunk from a half block away so half the crowd got sent home in cabs right away. Thank you bouncer at Esta Noche!
The floors are constantly strewn with alcohol bottles and beer cups but the amount of liquor the bartenders pour into our glasses are absolutely ridiculous. I watched the count and it went well beyond 2 oz. per short mixed drink. Beer please! The rest of the crew had no complaints and the double fisting of the drinks somehow didn't get us kicked out like at Badlands.
The "ladies" here are beautiful from far away and put on quite the stage show. They don't get enough credit for the hours they're up on stage putting on a fantastic show tirelessly dancing away in those 5 inch latex heels. Crazy. I love how it's usually only locals and not a bar full of American Apparel models who are all cloned together.
I will gladly my dance my ass off at this place in my training heels-4 inch spiked Stuart Weitzmans. :)
Sorry Esta Noche folks! I don't think I'll ever return to your establishment ever again. Why?
Well it's damn rude to be told not to photograph in your bar. It left a complete BAD taste in my mouth and I did not leave feeling very well. What do you think I'm going to do with the damn photos anyway?
I'm not turning anyone into the gay police now am I?
Nope I'm not.
Actually someone should turn you into the not allowing to photograph in public places police. I mean come on?
Later!
I am met with surprise when I tell friends and co-workers that I spent my night at Esta Noche. People are surprised: "People go there?!"
Well, yes, my people. Esta Noche is a dive bar in every essence, mixed with a bit of Latin flavor. It's dark and blue-lit. It smells like piss, and the bathrooms are awkwardly situated behind the performance stage.
However, on a slow night such as Monday, it can be easily taken over by a large group of friends. The drag show starts around 11:30 and begins with the hostess instructing everyone to down their cerveza (her drink of choice is Corona..) and that is when the fabulous latin drag begins. I do not speak a bit of Spanish, but I simply have the BEST time with these drag queens, who mostly sing songs in Spanish. Their outfits are ridiculous and their interactions with the 'gringos' in the crowd cause an awkward laugh. (Lost in translation..) Most of the queens perform two-song sets. Monday nights usually have three or four performers a night, with two or three sets each.
If you're lucky, you can catch Luna who will dazzle with a few songs in English, including Rihanna, Cher or Britney Spears medleys.
While you may not find love as Esta Noche, you will soon realize that love is not the universal language. Booze and drag performances transcend any language barrier.
This place has got to be super fun on a weekend.
I can't wait to go and see the drag shows. The bartender was a sweetie pie and the people there were really fun.
This is a super place to get away from the meaty markety of the 16th corridor....unless you are of the homosexual persuasion. We sneak off here to get a little booty shake on sometimes and watch the classic lip sync shows. They aren't super friendly but they pour quick and strong.
The ladies room is like a prison toilet and yet for some reason you need a key to get in. The other night the toilet disappeared, so I think that's why there's a locked gate to get into that loo. Toilet thieves run amok sometimes I figure.
I walked in with my buddy only to get bitch slapped by the loud techo music. It was a mad crowd of birthday wishers for a 50 year old that did not look 50 years old at all.
Both 42 inch screen tvs showed picks of the birthday boy in Vegas. I ordered my usual poison and chatted it up with my pal.
This person with a blonde wig and a dress ( not sure if it was m or f.) walked toward me and touched my knee. I felt a little weirded out so i finished my drink and went to have nachos at Pancho Villas.
Using the fine words of Bette Davis, "what a dump!!!" This place is the true definition of a dive bar. It smells like urine that they try to disguise with bleach and all the boys are flamers and queeny. Not exactly my scene. The music ain't that bad and the drinks are cheap and I liked who I came with, but I've been to better holes in the wall.
I also feel bad for the drag queen/trannys because they get hardly no money. One of the fiercest/prettiest ones. Estrella needs to go to a black club or something where she'd appreciated.
I saw one of the hottest ladies I've ever seen outside this bar.
He was amazing.
(WOW, is this really 300...?!)
OK, so, this place obviously has some mixed reviews, and I can definitely see why... Quite honestly, it's neither good nor bad; hence, the three stars. Having visited twice in the past month, I think I got a pretty good feel for the place. I would have to say that the daytime is faaaaaaar scarier than the nighttime. The bartenders have been super friendly on both occasions. The bathroom is, an experience, to say the least. The amount of English spoken in here is slim to none. The drink specials are pretty damn good, if you're into well. There is free bar food which is super yummy. And most importantly, they were welcoming to a big group of obnoxious Yelpers! It was great seeing everyone, and getting to share some pre-Navidad drinks with a group of people who have quickly become some of the coolest friends I've ever had.
Now will I ever return to Esta Noche? Who knows? I wouldn't jump on the idea, but I wouldn't be quick to poo-poo it either. I've done far stranger things in the past...
Pluses: real dive-y for a gay latin bar, sometimes can meet some hot boys who don't speak english so well (hey, it's what I go for), good music (if you're down with latin pop, cumbia, etc.)
Minuses: Smells like a used cat litter box. It took me nearly 6 months to figure out what exactly that smell was, and then I remembered it after going home to visit my mom and her 17 cats. Cover charges suck, especially for a dive. Drinks aren't cheap here either. The tranny talent could use some work, and I'm not talkin' about how getting your tits done in TJ is cheaper than here in the US. Don't bother trying to drive here.
All in all? Pre-game at home, go on a non-cover night.
Oh man, went here with some coworkers last night. A Mexican gay bar. Definitely my idea of a good time.
Being the whitest people in the room, there was only one thing we could do to "fit in." TEQUILA SHOTS! And then we ate burritos, smashed a pinata, put on sombreros and listened to lots of Ricky Martin. Basically, we were still the whitest people in the room. Also, none of that is true. Except for the tequila shots. I don't lie about alcohol consumption. Sometimes I just blackout and forget. But that's not really lying.
Yeah, this place was kind of loud and kept switching from "traditional" Mexican music to Madonna, Britney, Whitney, Christina, Mariah, Shania, [insert gay diva here]. But the drinks were cheap and this place is kind of charming.
Would I spent 3 hours here? No. Would I spend 30 minutes getting a drink and enjoying the change of scenery? Hells yes.
Also, the topic of Selena came up at one point. I've seen that movie 38965912096 times and it was pretty apparent to me that Yolanda was totally an evil bitch with a gleam of killer in her eyes from the second the movie starts. Fucking great movie. Also, that "'Cause I'm Dreaming of You Tonight" song is the shit.
Best Drag Queens and Best Drag Show in the Bay ...by far!
Get over your fear and take a dive into this dive!
Strong drinks!
Really awesome if you're into that "looming threat" vibe. Makes me wish I'd paid attention in high school spanish so I could tell if Pablo wants to buy the gringo a beer or is about to take the gringo's wallet....
PS. The ladies on stage are more real woman than you'll find within a 5 mile radius, so if it's late, you might just want to see what you can get.
Tonight I went to Esta Noche. It smelled like bleach inside really bad, very stinky. That's great they rinse the place out with bleach but after that you need to rinse the floor with clean water a few times to get rid of the smell.
Huge painting of a naked man on the wall with his large flaccid penis hanging down between his legs... classy. I took a picture of it because I have never seen anything like it. It was both disgusting and funny at the same time. Maybe if you like men it would appeal more, I don't know. Robert Mapplethorpe eat your heart out.
I stepped outside for some fresh air and I saw a big man take The Club and smash a Mercedes window. It just shattered at first. Then he took his time and smashed it again and then he took off. He was working in a group of at least 7 people and one of them flashed his huge knife for me and another one told me to keep the fuck away, or something of that nature. The knife was about 14 inches long and he was wearing it around his neck messenger style on a rope or string under his huge puffy jacket in a leather sheath.
So they hotwired the Benz and took off in it. It had Wisconsin plates, I feel sorry for the owner. welcome to the Mission! Ah, the true Esta Noche experience. I told Cooter and another girl what was going on and they went outside to see the show. Cooter called the cops and I went inside because I value my life and don't like getting stabbed.
The bartenders at Esta Noche were nice. Good drink specials from 6-9 PM. Will I go back again? Maybe in 10 years when I want to slum it and feel like risking my life again, but it seems I have pretty much grown out of that phase. The 16th and Mission area needs a lot more police on foot patrol, ASAP.
Being overcome with the smell of urine as soon as I walked in the door killed it for me. I'm glad the lights were dim so I couldn't see just how filthy this place was.
Lordy knows I love me a drag queen. I really do. I have been to the early days of Trannyshack to the Schlock of Kimos and Aunt Charlies but I will tell you nothing - and I mean NOTHING - comes close to the......experience that is Esta Noche.
I was reluctant to even write a review about the club because it really is a surreal, almost transcendent experience going here. Imagine the fear of being murdered combined with the joy of laughter all rolled up in a tortilla of surreality. Yeah, kind of like that. It's not just the club itself, it's the people who go to the club that make it for me.
I once went on a date with a guy who I spent the afternoon with and was really, REALLY just not feelin' it, so we get back to my place and I'm telling him the date is over.
Me: Well thanks for the ride - I'm tired, so I'm just going to go......
Him: Really? I was hoping we could go out dancing at Esta Noche!
Me: Uhhh..........no. Thanks.
Him: Well, ok then, but do you mind if I come up to change before I go out?
Me: Welllll.......
Him: PLEASE??!!
Me: okay........
In retrospect, probably one of the WORST okays of my life, but there you have it. I was probably hoping for a blowjob or something, but who knows....
Him ( in Bathroom): So do you read Anne Rice novels?
Me ( in Living Room): You mean like vampire stuff? No, not really....I saw the movie way back....
Him: I LOVE Anne Rice! I especially like the character Louis. He is SOOOO sexy!!!
Me: (falling asleep) okay, whatever. Are you done?
Him: Okay! I'm READY!!!!!
He walks out of the bathroom in, I kid you not, a full on vampire costume with the ruffled sleeves, long black Cher wig and all. He looks at me and in his most sexy Cassanova cheezy voice says: " I just thought that if you saw how good I look you would have to come to Esta Noche with me!"
That, my friends is your average Esta Noche customer. Weird, but great.
This place has a very "predatory" vibe. Not a "meat-market" sort of predatory, but more of an "I'm sure that 95% of the people here under 25 are looking to hook-up and then steal their mate's wallet/watch/cell phone" variety of predatory. It kind of reminds me of that back alley scene in Brokeback Mountain when the "bottom" character makes a run for the border in search of anonymous cock. Creepy latin hookers and creepier old gringos.... VERY Mexico City.
However, the tardeada (happy hour) has good drink specials and free sopes and taquitos (add one star) and a hilarious afternoon bartender named Alberto (add two).
Beware of the bathroom (I didn't know that gay people were capable of being so messy), keep your wallet in your front pocket and check out the campy drag show at least once.
A mexican tranny bar in the heart of the mission. We walked in only to find a wildly entertaining (and enduring) drag show. Performers flossed some highly colorful and sparkly dresses, big hair, and lots of attitude. You can't really get bored in this place.
They always have drinks specials for UNDER THREE DOLLARS, I kid you not. On Tuesdays, they make margaritas with fresh fruit that they will blend for you on the spot. I really don't find it sketchy at all and have always felt comfortable here; the clientle and bartender are always friendly and welcoming.
Bring some out-of-towners so they'll be jealous that they don't have their own Esta Noche.
This place is a great escape.
Its like another world.
The entertainment is passionate, the make-up flawless and where do they get their great outfits.
I brought 3 friends - 2 gay 2 hetreo and they had a great time.
We felt safe and the locals friendly.
It;s a dive, the best places in San Francisco are .
There are no posers, no wannabees, real local latins from the local area who are humble hard working people who are trying to make it in the big city and find a place where they will not be judged by people.
Dorothy this is not Kansas any more!
Do not go if you have a tendancy for xenophoia, or homophobia.
This place should change it's name to Esta Nasty 'cause it smells hella (and I never use the word "hella") nasty in there. It smells like an overripe men's urinal deodorizing tablet baking in a 400 degree oven for three hours! WTF!!
The only reason I go is that I have a weakness for the brown skinned latin flavor. Once you go latin you can never go back they say and it's true! Weeknights are okay but not a lot of the brown boys - just the old white trolls like me looking for them.
Weekends are better for getting that brown flavor fix - don't speak much English? That's even better to me so I say oh yeah! Their cover charge is insane considering the place - talk about greedy.
Oh yeah, bring your metal shank 'cause it's just a tad sketchy outside.
You know, I have always wanted to go into this place, but I was so afraid. I mean, a gay bar in the mission is one thing, but this place looked out of control. Dark & seedy, with latin house music blaring, just about every straight guy in the city i know is afraid of the place.
Which is why we did a dance contest here for a birthday bar crawl I organized recently. I mean, the last thing these guys were expecting on a Sunday afternoon were 20 drunken straight people asking them to judge a dance contest.
But you know, the guys here were great sports. They played music for us to dance to, they served us cheap strong drinks, and no one grabbed my ass.
So I say, this was a successful place for a bar crawl. Would I go in by myself?
Hmm....
This is the bar with transsexuals lip-synching to spanish karaoke tunes and although it was entertaining at first, it gets old really quick!
This is a gay bar, and most of the customers seemed seedy and shady. I took 3 points off because the people there seemed sketchy, like hoodlums looking for prey, and the sparks from the musical drag show died off quick.
Only in San Francisco can you find a bar like this! Worth a visit if you want to try something new!
So I really wanted to like this place. It's dirty, divey and has a lot of character. Seems awesome right? Not so. Here's my take:
Pros:
- Drag queens have character
- Cheap drinks
Cons:
- COVER (not cool). Who likes covers in the Mission?
- Smells bad in a seedy way
- Shady clientele. I got groped twice. Way not cool
Not going back again.
Yes, only one star and not because it's "fabulous" as another reviewer reported. Just listen to this tale of woe:
Upon arriving unannounced at my apartment, my buddy - already drunk as a skunk - says he wants to drink some more. He's already slurring by now and insists on going to the Mission to meet a friend, but I take his inebriated ass to my local bar instead. After some more drunken persistence from my friend, I finally break down and we drive down to the Mission after a few more drinks locally.
When I ask about the bar we're going to, he says it's called "Esta Noche" near 16th and Valenica. I tell him I know the bars in that area and I never heard of that one. When we finally pull up, I say to myself, "Shit, not THAT sketchy-ass place!" Whenever I passed this place before, I never bothered to learn the name, I just knew it as "Degenerate Alley".
After i get my buddy to pay the the cover, he heads straight for the bathroom and I'm left to check out the place solo. I notice some women singing on stage and some other chicks with a couple of older men at the bar but the rest of the place was full of guys. Upon further inspection, I notice all the "women" were in drag and that's the precise moment when i got my ass pinched!
"Ok, don't make a scene - just be cool" I said to myself while waiting impatiently for my buddy to get the fuck out of the john. Next thing i know, I'm being groped all over my chest from behind and that's when I haul ass to the entrance/exit!
When my buddy finally shows up, i tell him i'm over it and that we're getting out of there. When he asked me why and I said "This place is a drag".
Since then, I never brought up this night or asked about the "friend" my buddy wanted to meat (sic).
If you go here, just know what to expect...
I have not been here since back in the day when my ID was not only fake but they did not used to ask for one. It was shady back then and that's back when I hate to say but most of u probably would have been scared to come to the mission in 1989. So I give the stars because they were letting my young ass drink back then.
According to other peoples reviews though people still like it maybe I will try it again one day. One never knows how far or where alchol will take you.
Arrived early on a Saturday night --- just for the heck of it, don't know what made me go there, it was a drunken after dinner decision. My bf was less than pleased with the decision.
We arrived 10:00ish, paid a $7.00 cover (each), plus $3.00 for coat check (each)...Cash only, and even more convenient - "Ah-Tee-eeeM ess brruken"
No drag show, no hot latin dancing, crowd was interesting (not in the "I want to engage in interesting conversation" way, more like in the "wow, white jeans" way).
Fortunately I was already drunk, and we danced, I didn't have much cash left after the door, but $13.00 gets you two extra-strength stoli's ...yum. Got back on the BART before midnight, $35.00 poorer, but so much richer for the experience.
Do go in for a cocktail before a burrito at Pancho Villa.
Only a drag bar this decrepit would be in the most sketchy part of The Mission. I was dragged in here by some friends and I had this idealized image of being wowed-over by a classy cabaret revue. Instead, I got treated to a very amateurish drag show, the highlight being a thoroughly intoxicated performer who was horribly lip-synching and dancing to a Gwen Stefani song when she slipped on her high-heels halfway through the act and fell off the stage My friends were kind enough to help her back on stage, though, so that she could continue to visually torture us.
Esta Noche, or "This Night" is definitely for a forgettable night!
12/21/2007 Suzanne "sususushi" A. says:
my favorite part of the night was when i turned around to see darin stradling cootz, doing a backbend and bumping+grinding to 80s music. WTF??? how did THAT get started??
hi-LAR-ious...
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~. ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Thanks Suzanne, I couldn't have said it better myself. But really, when you are in the company of some wild and crazy yelpers, how could you not have a good time?
Other interesting, fun and cool highlights from this evening:
- Cynthia B. witnessing a Benz getting stolen.
- Molly S. getting called a big tittied Ho.
- Angelo F. for being oh-so-gallant and defending Miss Molly
- Me driving a car full of Yelpers ALL over the East Bay
- poor little Yogi getting too juiced up on the liquor
So, I got the cool and funny part down, here's useful:
- The bar has some great drink specials
- The bar also smells like one big urinal cake (sorry, it's true)
- For anyone needing to use the woman's bathroom ... DON'T!!!
This definitely is not your neighborhood hangout. A bit of a dive located in the heart of the Mission, it's a primarily gay bar that attracts Anglo men looking to hook up with hot Latinos, lisping Latinos with limp wrists, and Latino drag queens that call to mind the cha-cha character John Leguizamo played in the film "To Wong Foo . . ." Second-rate shows performed in Spanish are good for a laugh or two but become very tired very quickly.
Ahh, Esta Noche. A bar full of ladies and I was the only one with a vagina. I chatted it up with a nice gay man who may have confused me for a tranny. I asked for a weak cocktail and got a punch in the face. Somehow I broke my camera and scored some carmex while I was there. Friendly neighborhood - when I was good and trashed, my friend took my drunk ass across the street to my car, where some nice lady offered me extacy and a hand job.
My roommate was less worried about this place being sketchy than he was about it being just a little too "fabulous". Full of "limp-wristed latinos", I think was the exact way he described it. Boy, did it not disappoint. Don't miss the drag show. Not recommended unless you're just a bit fabulous yourself.
this IS your neighborhood bar!!!! anyone who says otherwise does not know this neighborhood and probly aint been in the mission that long.
esta nalga
esta nightmare
esta roaches
esta nasty
esta noche
it all represents the glamur that is the mission and its historic gay corridor. of course the last 10 years have seen a shift in demographics but EN has held its own.
great place for a ridiculous tranny show
great place to get mugged.
its not for those people who are afraid of the hood.
the drinks are as cheap as the men
and as strong as that "chic's" grip over there
the cover sucks, but so do the men, so its ok.
dont come alone, unless your cruising for some d*ck
bring friends and armor.
the place smells and sometimes it is too packed.
everytime i go back to SF i catch a show. some of the best performers. i seen the fattest tranny do a backwards flip into the splits from the stage!!! unbeatable.
but its not for you lil scared anglo transplant kids. you might as well stay away.
epic SF. o ya the cover sucks
They call it Esta Nightmare. Make sure to get plenty swerved.
People talk a lot of mess, its a little ghetto and we call it esta-naco, but its still a low-key hang out spot. You can go there and not worry about what you look like or worry about pretense...PS I don't speak Spanish and I still have fun.
2 for 1 drinks
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