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Category: Dive Bars
Neighborhood: MissionMon-Sun. 6:00 a.m. - 2:00 a.m.
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So I'm in a diet. I may have mentioned this like 800,000 times to anyone willing to listen. I'm going to keep repeating it until I wear a size 4 again (this means get used to it, assholes). I mention this in the context of this review because, not only is this diet making me the most boring person ever, but it has affected somewhat my ability to enjoy bars. Because I'm not really drinking. And all that shit.
But last Friday, Tom R. was hosting one of his http://meetup.com get togethers at Clooney's, and, since I always say I'll go and never do, was pretty much obligated to go to this one, diet be damned. So, after missing my BART train from Orinda by 2 minutes (as per usual), I headed out to the Mission to meet up with my friend Scott and Tom's enormous meetup crew at Clooney's.
It's hard, when you're introduced to a bar as part of an enormous internet meetup, to really get a good feel for the bar. So this may or may not be wholly accurate. Probably not so much, because I really got a feeling that, aside from the 40+ meetup people there when I arrived (a crowd that, were I not part of it, would have sent me immediately seeking another watering hole), there were about 7 people in the entire bar who would have been there otherwise. A group of guys with a pizza and pitchers owned the pool table and looked with amusement at the horde of nametagged peoples. There were also some dudes sitting by the bar who didn't seem to be part of the crowd. And one old drunk who, despite his nametag, I think was a regular. He made friends with Scott and myself when we were outside. So, to be more succinct, I have no idea what the clientèle of this bar is really like, but I think that handful of people was more representative than the huge group I was a part of.
I also don't really know about prices. Beer was $4.25, except the Guinness I ordered, apparently, for which I paid $6. Not really sure how I can get a Guinness at Luka's in Oakland for $4 and pay $6 at a "dive" in the City, but hey. Whatever. Stoli drinks were, for the crowd, $4, so Tom was nice enough to get me a couple of those. Got a shot, and whoever poured it was generous. The Bloody Marys were also pretty decent...though one of the bartenders told Tom that normally she would charge him "a lot more" for it. How much is a lot more, I wonder? About how much I paid for my Guinness?
For a dive--and apparently this place opens at 6am, which gives it some cred--there was a really good selection of draft beers, ranging from the aforementioned (expensive) Guinness to a dark Hemp Ale (watery, but not bad) to Longboard, which I don't like. The beer options were a little too IPA heavy for my taste, but I just don't really like IPAs. The liquor selection was pretty extensive, too. At a bar like this, you're not going to find the extensive list of exclusive liquors that you'd find at a more expensive bar--obviously. If that's what you're after, I suggest a different type of bar.
The only complaint I have is the teeny tiny plastic serving cups that most beer was served in. But I'm thinking that they were the result of the place being people-packed more than anything.
Overall, I have to admit that I was impressed with the efficiency of the place; I'm pretty sure it was WAY more packed than on a usual Friday night, but the two bartenders (who are apparently mother and daughter? what?) did a really good job keeping up with orders. The younger one looks like a porn star. I felt like I was in a dive in the San Fernando Valley when I looked at her (take as you will). The older one came up to my friend and I and told us that she was out of steam for the night. I like that kind of honesty.
Will I be back? It's possible. I'm interested to see what Clooney's is like on a normal night, when there's room to move and I can actually see what more than the ceiling looks like. But I'm not in a huge rush to return and probably won't go out of my way to do so. If I'm in the area, though, I'm sure I'll stop in for a quick beer. UNLESS they're playing the same song on the jukebox over and over and over, as I'm pretty sure happened on Friday. It sounded like an instrumental New Order song or something. And it just kept going. Over and over.
Where else can you go to get a drink at 6:00 am in The Mission? Where else can you be served by a Mother Daughter team?
I finally worked things out with the owner and had an event here. I brought at least 50 people and had a great time, I hope the bar also thought it was a good deal for them. The truth of the matter is that I bring so many people we chase the regulars out and the regulars usually aren't very happy about it.
I've also heard this is the best place to find a contractor; come at 7:00 when they are getting their morning drink.
In a city where the term "Dive Bar" is thrown around pretty liberally this is an honest to goodness… Read more »
I've lived in the city for a little over a year now, and Clooney's is the 2nd closest bar near me, and I am just now giving it a shot. Four or five of the beers on tap were sold out, but they did have a pizza from newly-opened Pi Bar across the street and I got to try a slice of mushroom pepperoni--yum.
Back to Clooney's, it's actually quite okay, friendly bartender, just a little too bright and a little too quiet. Yup, I'd come back. $4.25 beer on tap (decent selection).
Nice place...bit too bright and music was too loud to have a conversation ...I think bartenders were a little overwhelmed by the number of people...also I havent noticed the beer list and prices...the beer taps are in the back of the round bar and I had a hard time reading them...3.5 this time...
this place rocks! we thought it would be really dumpy but amy the bartender (works tues and sat) is totally awesome! she ran the whole place and kept the drinks flowing to our group of 20!
bunch of flat screen tvs all around and pool table for your enjoyment
prices are great and so is amy! cheers to you!
Hey Tom R - Call me at the bar any day at 6 a.m. 415.826.4988. We would love to work with you!
Dan
Go there on an Amy night. But when I did this weekend, Amy was sick, so it was Samantha, who wouldn't serve me a bourbon mixed with tequila until I had three waters. (I love you Samantha!) Next time - two parts bourbon to one part tequila. Also, this is a great bar to watch Scrubs in on an off night. They also have a 15 year old barman.
Spotted in front of Clooney's over the course of one week:
9:15 pm, Saturday night - Two large girls shoving each other. Neither had the sense to take off her hoop earrings or hair extensions first.
8:35 am, Monday morning - A guy I used to know and his much younger female companion, pale and shaky, smoking with an old man who was using a rope as a belt.
3:30pm, Sunday afternoon - A man and his dog. The man's shirt said, "It ain't gonna suck itself."
This is a real dive bar. And in this case, "dive" means there are people here who are currently hitting bottom. I'm a straight up townie drunkard, and I'm still too scared to go to Clooney's. Posers take heed.
This bar is open during the day on Sundays, has Trumer Pils on tap, and the bartendress serves up the shots with some snark and sass.
The bathroom is frightening, but rather typical.
There are enough TV's in this place that you can completely ignore your date quite easily on football Sunday. Although if he's handsy like my date was, he'll constantly remind you.
Georgie doesn't live here. He doesn't even live in the vicinity.
I can see this joint offering utility on the morning of... say, Bay 2 Breakers. Or... if you've just flown in post-combat from Fallujah, it's 5:50 am, and you need to get hammered immediately.
Dive bars are a staple in any city's drinking infrastructure, and I adore them for it. But... Clooney's is the kind that I don't find pleasant or funny... the 'regulars' are middle-aged to senior-aged... well, drunks. Not like your cute grandma when she's had a few too many, or when you're wacky uncle drinks a 12 pack at the football game, we're talking makes-you-really-uncomfortable sloppy falling-down drunks.
I was here with my bf waiting the arrival of a buddy, having beers as we munched on Papalote burritos, thinking about a game of pool. Drunk Regular #1 comes over and straight up insists on eating our chips and starts scraping up the scattered black beans that fell out of my burrito and onto the paper bag. Like, practically as they were landing.
Our pool game was usurped by Drunk Regular #2 as he tried to "teach" me how to play. It was creepy and awkward.
That pretty much somes up the bar. Creepy and awkward.
Great place to sit and drink and watch. Utterly ungentrified. Do not be surprised if the barmaid dances on the bar and throws drinks over you. Don't be surprised by the pimps, hookers, gamblers, drunks and criminally insane. If you are not an asshole you'll be ok.
It loses one star as they fired DJ
Dive.
Awesomely funny snarky bartender.
Drunks and their dogs.
Deep fried chicken tenders.
Trumer on tap.
Think globally - drink locally!
A bar that open at 6 AM, you say? God willing, I'll never live to see 6 AM again, so I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader. But a 9 AM scotch on the way to work? That I'd like to try, and I've got plenty of rationalizations:
1) Work before liquor, wish it'd end quicker. Liquor before work, greet your boss with a smirk.
2) As Mr Osato would say, it adds a sparkle to the day. After all, you only live once (or was it twice?)
3) I had to prove that I could make it through one morning without caffeine.
Now I wasn't sure whether a weekday morning in a bar would be cheery or scary. Turns out it's a bit of both; there's some sassy locals who treat the place like their coffee shop, but there's also a dude passed out on the bar and another one mumbling incoherently at me the whole time. At least they took me in stride. And for a notorious dive, the layout is actually pretty classy (I found Dovre Club to be far shoddier): red walls in the main room, green walls in the pool room, and I'm seriously digging that circular bar. Plus James Cagney movies on the TV. Who needs Starbucks?
One of my friends lives about 3 doors down from this hilarious bar, so after we went out for dinner we decided to give it a whirl. And what a bizarre whirl it was my friends.
Immediately we noticed that besides the one guy in our group, my two girlfriends and I were the only girls there, and the bar was moderately busy. We weren't intimidated though! This is our city god-damnit!
After one guy sat next to my friends boyfriend and seemingly was hitting on him, we giggled. After one creepy homeless looking man who turned out to be a pimp (one woman, calling him "daddy" came in and gave him a stack of cash) offered to buy a friend a drink, we laughed it off. However, when a creepster wouldn't stop staring at us, and then basically refused to leave the bar, we called it quits.
Good thing we were done with our drinks anyways!
I would definitely go back again, but only if that guy wearing the "hawaiian silky" shirt shows up!
OPEN @ 6AM
Professional drinkers only
More bars like this needed
Nuff Said
It was nine-thirty on Saturday morning. We'd gotten up on the wrong day to watch our EPL football match and we couldn't bear the thought of going home without some sort of entertainment. Neither of us were interested in breakfast. Hmmm... what bar is open at 9 on Saturday? Clooney's of course!
The bartender was as sweet as pie and made a mean drink. I mean, mean in a good way. Strong but not deadly. The other patrons were quite friendly and we had a cheerfully spirited conversation about music (Van Morrison and jazz) and politics (Africa) and rock and roll drug use (Van Morrison, again).
We had our two drinks each and went on our merry way. A bit tippled for that early in the day, to be sure, but very happy.
Oh, and Clooney's is open at 6 am seven days a week.
Everytime I go by Clooney's, I have this image of George at the bar with his pals knocking back a few. Then I go in and am startlingly reminded that this is quite possibly the last place George Clooney would visit in San Francisco.
It's a true dive, and on the last three visits I've been inside, a fight has broken out, or at least a drunken shouting match. The horsehoe shaped bar allows for easy viewing of all the patrons, I like that, easier to watch your back. For the 20 hours that you can legally serve alcohol in this city, Clooney's is probably the only place I can think of that takes advantage of this law.
If you were a real hipster, you'd be here, but chances are you're down at Cassanova just playing the part. Hey, nothing wrong with that, just the way it is.
The drinks are strong and again, on the occasions I've been here, after a few rounds, the bartender on duty actually bought be a round. The buyback lives!
DEFINITELY the liveliest 6 A.M. bar crowd I've ever seen...
For ages, I'd driven by Clooney's on the way to work, always wondering what manner of mankind inhabited the place at the crack of dawn. To find out, I set the alarm clock for way-too-early and went here on a lark one Wednesday morning to see just what went on in this place at 6 A.M. I'd expected to see dreary old men plying their sorrows with liquor...but instead found an odd combination of a coffee-shop-like crowd mixed with a beer-after-work scene and a bunch of lively Irish students thrown in on the side. Who would have known?
I got there at 10 minutes before the hour, and 8 people were waiting for Clooney's to open. Not long after the stroke of six, the locks clicked, the doors opened, and the mild scent of janitorial chemicals remaining from last nights cleaning spilled out onto the sidewalk.
I talked to the owner about opening for first call, asking him if he ever spent lonely mornings here after showing up at six in the morning. "No", he replied without an inkling of hesitation. "There are *ALWAYS* people here waiting to get in when I open."
It wasn't always that way, as Clooney's didn't start "opening early" till long after the owner set up shop. "I used to open at 8:00, and people were always waiting for me when I showed up", he explained. "I always was a morning person, and it didn't take me long to figure out that I was missing out on two hours of business every day".
Several of the crowd were older men who just liked getting up early...and having a drink instead of a cup of coffee. There was a younger bunch of Irish students decked out in nightlife garb that were taking last nights party into the not-so-wee-hours. There was also a smattering of graveyard shift people who considered this to be their "after work crowd". But the biggest surprise of all? Contrary to common perception, none of the people I chatted with that early Wednesday morning appeared to be alcoholics...and none appeared overly intoxicated.
When the morning crowd fizzes out, a collection of less-than-lively day patrons move in. Come nightfall, Clooney's hosts a rough-around-the-edges crowd. They look tough, but good souls hide behind the stoic faces for the most part. And although the regulars rarely look for trouble, anybody seeking it at Clooney's won't have to look too hard...and will find himself soon obliged. Large groups spontaneously take the place over from time to time, and it's also a popular spot for post-service wakes that spill over from the funeral home down the street.
All in all, it's a classic neighborhood bar, and one who's culture has remained fairly unchanged over time. It's far enough off the ever-so-trendy Valencia Street nightclub scene to be free from it's influence....but not so deep in the Mission as to put it off the beaten path.
Morning jitters? Can't sleep? Clooney's opens early, and Muddy Waters isn't far down Valencia if you change your mind...
Update: I got an article on my experience at Clooney's published in a local paper. Read about it at: http://www.noevalleyvo...
So, I guess I was holding this bar in high esteem before I ever crossed the threshold. I hear these great stories of 70 yr old exhibitionists, toothless wonders having bar brawls, tomfoolery of all sorts in the bathrooms and promises of hot dogs in a crock pot.
What I got was a pretty divey neighborhood bar with a handful of regulars and little to no drama. The closest thing to crazy I encountered was a man so drunk that when I tried to strike up a conversation he gave me a hand wave and series of grunts ala Henry from Barfly. Come to think of it he had that same greasy matted hair, dirty t-shirt and unkempt look about him.
If I visit here again and there is a brawl I will up the rating a star, and if the guy I talked to, we'll call him Henry since I coudn't get a name out of him, is involved in this bar brawl it will go to 4 stars. If he is fighting a machismo ass with a moustache named Eddie it will coast up to a 5 star rating in a hurry. For now, in my humble opinion, this bar is far too tame to climb that high in the ranks.
It's the kind of bar you want to roll a grenade into.
Just what I was looking for on laid-back Saturday night. A spattering of people hanging out, conversing, and enjoying drinks in our lovely city. They have a wide, circular bar which reminded me of Portal's Tavern in West Portal. Some older Latino locals were playing pool and everything was pretty mellow.
I knew I wouldn't find too many hipsters or Walnut Creeksters hanging out in a joint like this so it really made my night. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind tearing it up and seeing all the pretty people once in a while, but most of the time I tend to gravitate toward places like Clooneys - where people gather to enjoy a drink and partake in that old past-time, conversation.
The service was a wee bit slow - it wasn't crowded but the bartender made a sloth look like a roadrunner. It just killed me watch him sluggishly count his money.
Oh and to the girl who was pontificating about Marxist Theory and the Founding Fathers - too bad about that booming voice of yours, otherwise I'd find you cute.
I was very tempted to give this place five stars. I am from Buffalo, and Clooney's is the closest thing I have found to the bars I accustomed to from living there. The biggest difference is that bars don't close until 4am there, so they only have to close for two hours a day and Clooney's closes for four.
This is the kind of place where you never know what's going to happen, but at the same time nothing suprises. I've seen a man with two women on his arms until one of them got so drunk she fell off the stool backwards onto the jukebox (landing on her head, of course). Another time, my friend went to the men's room only to be be accosted by an older Mexican man that screamed "how the Hell did you get in here" and when he replied "the door was open" the older gentlemen started muttering about the "God damn gringos." Sometimes there are free hot dogs in a crock pot, and sometimes free chili. You really can't ask for much more than Clooney's offers, especially if you're an early riser.
The perfect neighborhood dive bar.
You'd expect it to be sketchier than it is, given the fact there are always a handful of people hanging out in front smoking cigs at 8am.
You'd also expect it to be dirtier than it is, given it seems to be open about 16 hours a day.
chuck died!
rip.
Chuck. He's the ONLY reason to come to this bar.
He's old, grizzled, and hardcore. He's about…
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If you seriously go to this bar, and not just on a lark but seriously go regularly, then you command my respect. Drinking here takes a liver of steel and the patience of a rock (the bartender is really really slow, I think he is still making the drink I ordered last time I was there).
Just sitting on a stool in here made me feel like a dumpling steamed in rubbing alcohol. The whole place smells like a beer soaked band-aid and the lights are on full blast to unforgivingly illuminate every battered crag of desperation creasing the faces of the drunkards within. Sound like home? Then this, brave soul, is your kind of place.
I finished my soccer game and was out of my hood. Grabbed lunch with 2 friends and needed to find some football. Somehow we ended up at Clooney's. 4 TV's with games on so we grabbed a beer. A serious bloody mary had us calling our friends to meet us...then I discovered the $4.50 Irish coffee. I'm not sure how much coffee was in the cup, but Debbie never put in less than 3 shots of Jameson. A bloody mary, 3 Irish coffees, and a car bomb had me stumbling out the door after 4 hours of service. I spent around 30 bucks. The cowboys lost. What a great day!
I live really close to this place. The lighting is bad. The drinks are cheap (but not as cheap as the atmosphere).
Why 4 stars?
$2 will get you a pint of Busch and a Hot link on Sundays and Mondays during NFL games. These are not the kind of hot links you find in some bargain basement place. These are hig quality links. Tastey. Really tasty.
I imagine that this is a nice place to scope the super bowl also.
open at 6am, this bar represents for the true alcoholics. it caters to sports fans, and you can guarantee that you will see football games on all their tv's on sundays.
they have a good jukebox with new and old tunes.
contribute to the pot, and try their ongoing dice game.
Yes, it really is open at 6am, and I'll tell you how i know. Once upon a time, long ago and far away (in memory distance), my friends and I got an idea somewhat earlier on in the evening to stay up until 6:00 am and go to the 500 club for a bloody mary to cap off the evening, only to be disappointed when we went to the 500 and it was closed. Either I didn't see it then, or I am part of the reason that 500 club's sign now reads "not" before the "Open 6:00 a.m." sign. Everyone loves that place as a "dive bar" but if it can't even live up to the early morning promise I'm not sure it deserves the label. However, the guy that came out the side door was nice enough to recommend Clooney's. I won't even get into the shadiness that is the clientele at Clooney's at 6am on a Sunday morning, but needless to say, they ain't makin it to church. Clooney's deserves the dive-bar title, 130%. I'd like to come back here at a reasonable hour and see if I can handle it. But overall this place is pretty sweet, horseshoe shaped bar, sick bloody marys and all.
there are dive bars, and then there are dive bars...
interesting how so many "dive bars" are frequented by the hipsters nowadays. i mean, once hipsters move in, doesn't it stop being a true dive bar? yes? no?
with that said, clooney's is a true dive bar cuz it's really the only bar in frisco where the clientele intimidates and scares the geebuz out of me.
no hipsters. no yuppies. no hippies. no wannabes... just straight up hardened professional drinkers and a few gangstas. yup, 100% pure, undiluted, unadulterated, unsweetened intimidation indeed.
ergo, i may not go back to clooney's again, but you should go.......and prove that you really love dive bars!
I have done illegal things here .it smells like http://pee.cheap!
this place is cool if you like to drink. period. no thrills. all in all nobody bothers you. if your like me, you drink alone.
If you're looking for a Terra Firma indication of what HELL might be like, look no further than Clooney's Pub. On a bored night Le Crew decided upon a Martini crawl of the Mission. More sober minds would have balked at such a foolhardy idea, but NOT this posse. I don't remember where we started, but know that the booze train broke down at Clooney's after Richie said, "How 'bout that place." Upon entry, an older crowd of regulars turned with that "The enemy has entered our bar!" look on their faces. Laura stepped up and requested a Dirty. The bartender warmed up immediately, making a Dirty with the most dank, brackish Jus de Olive I have ever seen. I don't smoke and felt out of place without a cig or mouth tasting like an ashtray. 3 dirties later we were arguing with some toothless wonders about nothing in particular....Coulda been shoe sizes for all I cared. I was feeling no pain ... in fact I wasn't feeling anything. Two older "gents" tried to fight it out until they realized that they had forgotten what they were fighting over. Crisis averted. Upon exiting Clooney's, one of the crew got in to a fight with her new boytoy. Another screwed up his knee falling off a car while pretending he was Gene Kelly in "Singing in the Rain." Everyone was yelling at the top of their lungs, "Let's go to the 500 Club!!" This place will turn any self respected, tame, law abiding citizen into a gutter dwelling rogue.
3 "Uh-oh Hotdogs" for the closest approximation of Hell since the Sacrifice closed down.
How am I the first to review this? I thought you people were into dive bars? Oh, that's right, you meant "dive bars" like the ones that take credit cards and clean their bathrooms periodically. Like the Elbo Room or something. Not the true palaces of dive, where wasted people are waiting for cabs at six in the morning, and the charismatic Irish and Latino bartenders profess their love for you if they've seen you more than twice. Places where hookers, cab drivers and skate punks get the red carpet treatment. If you're not ready to drink at 6:00am, you should probably not be a regular here.
I've never been to Clooney's, but I walk past it every morning on the way to the BART station and thus consider myself eminently qualified to review it. Twice, I have somehow woken up early enough to be going past it at 7:20 a.m. Both times, there were multiple people sitting at the bar and drinking. Automatic five stars.
This is the best placed in town to take a friend who was just laid off. Bloody Mary's for lunch.Really, remember the dot com bomb. And the service was always very accomidating.
i love clooneys.
1. because they will never read this.
2. because being new in the city and going to clooneys = i will never meet anyone.....ever. (yay and cry at the same time)
3. its my nerdy baseball dive where i don't feel bad about liking sports
4. because its a good reminder why i don't want to drink too much
5. cause i don't have to look up every time someone comes in, ("is that someone i can meet and connect with.....gasp!") NOPE. it is a red nosed afternoon drunk who wants to hit on the bartender.
6. because its a real ass dive bar, the people there are actually dying in front of me.
Can't go wrong at the Cloon. Puts all the other 'pretend' dive bars in the neighborhood to shame. You gotta open at 6am to be a 'true' dive.
Came in with a group of folks that love dive bars. Nothing outrageous here, but had a great neighborhood bar feel. The bartender, Claudio, was great and even played dice with us as we got near closing time. The locals were friendly and fun. Cheap drinks. $2 Busch or other rank beer is a must for any good dive bar and I was not disappointed. But I also had a Guinness. I liked having the option to have either on tap.
I've lived around the corner for 6 years and in that time I have only dared to cross the threshold about four times. My fist official day as a San Francisco resident, a fist fight erupted out the door and onto the street. First impressions are lasting ones and I pretty much stayed the hell out. Peer pressure and proximity have forced me to reassess. The horseshoe shaped bar is classic and clientele are an interesting lot as well. Envision a scene strait out of Bukowski. Picture painters, contractors, mechanics, pensioners and your random "entrepreneur", professional drinkers one and all. This spot is strait up working class so if you haven't got paint or oil on your trousers, prepare for the stink-eye. Come ready to get your drink on and you should be alright. They pour them stiff here. Lately Clooney's has gotten a bit of a facelift. Paint and a Plasma Screen do wonders for the ambiance but the characters remain the same. (To those of you with a real sense of adventure I hear that lunch is cheap and tasty.) If you work the third shift and 7 AM is your happy hour your going to love it. Show your face often enough and the stink-eye will change to smiles. Put enough time in and sooner or later you may even be invited to play a game of Liar's Dice.
Neighborhood: Mission Terrace
Category: Dive Bars
Neighborhood: Mission
Category: Bars
Neighborhood: Mission
Category: Dive Bars
Neighborhood: Bernal Heights
Category: Dive Bars
Neighborhood: Mission
Category: Pubs
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