Cats
31 reviews
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59 Reviews for Cats
Yesterday, I put the last of my four cats to sleep. I am now officially a cat lady with no cats. :(
What I will miss about having cats:
sounds of purrs in my ear
how one of my cats, Tyler, used to skitter across the floor, sideways, like a crab. It made me laugh 'til I cried.
how they are the best foot warmers in the universe.
how my two boy-brother kitties, Mouse & Marley, used to sleep together, wrapped in each other's paws
how my cat, Mija, would pat you with her paw so you could pet her
How all four of them would lay on the bed in different crooks on your body like little furry electric blankets.
the comfort of a warm, furry body all snuggled in your lap, acting as a purring book rest
how my cat, Mouse, was pretty much the most amazing cat in the whole universe.
How Tyler lived for 20 years as the meanest, baddest, fiercest cat on earth all without claws and for the last four years of his life, fangs either.
how Mija could pick the most cat adverse person at a party and try with all her heart to convert them to a cat person
how happy I was when Costco started carrying lint rollers in bulk!
how Marley would purr loud enough to sound like a motor with a bad muffler
how Mouse would "share" a burrito with you. . . bite for you, and you better pick a piece of meat out to share with him or he'd try to take it himself.
how each of those four little heartbeats made my house warm and cozy
What I won't miss
Nothing.
Someday I might have other cats. Right now all I can think about is how much losing each one of my cats has hurt. The last one, Tyler, was the hardest. He was a bad ass of epic proportions. . .he had the most gigantic will to live and he outlasted all my cats. . .even the youngest one. He fought hard to stay alive and in the end his body gave out before he did. . .he was dying slowly but would not give up. He'd be down for the count and then somehow always pull through. . this time, he couldn't. So once again, my heart is broken.
Cats are wonderful. . I just wish they had the same life span that parrots do. :(
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Fuck them. It's on.
I've been trying to protect the neighborhood felines from the bloodline of my canine. For as long as I've lived in various parts of Long Beach, there have always seemed to be an over abundance of cats around. That's what you'll find in the LBC: Churches and cats. I'm not talking about the mannerable kitties who are obviously loved by someone. I'm talking the REAL PUSSIES! Those raunchy Jean Harlowesqe street bitches that fuck up my day with whining noises in the night and sitting on my back stairs in the morning. It takes everything I have on some mornings to keep Daisy off of them and they sit there like Daisy is offering them a morning cup of tea. "She's trying to kill you, you stupid bad representation of feline elegance! Get the fuck off the stairs before I let this growling, barking, lurching bitch go and grab your ass. it's 5:AM, I don't want to wake the neighbors with violent noises of growling, screeching meowing and screaming (me!)
To be honest, I am getting better at giving Daisy the right signal when she spies a cat nearby. If the cat is not in killing distance or ability, Daisy'll chill. But when she comes down the stairs and the cat just sits there... fuck it, it's on! So here is my prayer for the ghetto cats near my crib.
**clears throat**
Oh Black cat who has the nerve
to block my dog like a perv
please accept my deepest sorrow
if Daisy fucks you up and I don't see you tomorrow.
/end cat rant
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1 star for making my insides itch, my eyes water and my contacts peel away from my eyes, my nose bleed and my throat feel like I swallowed a porcupine. F-you, cats! I love scaled animals.
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My cat Montekor has been shitting on the couch. (the third couch this year)
He is mad at me for some reason. Maybe because I keep closing the bathroom door, so he can't drink from the toilet any more. It could be that I locked the kitchen cabinet, keeping him from chewing holes into the bag of dry food. Dumb ass can't just eat from the bowl. I also hid his catnip. He was abusing it. The nip was becoming a problem.
Yet, I must give Montekor 5 stars for his brilliant idea. If you are mad at someone, shit on their couch, plain and simple. Or better yet, their bed! I have thought about shitting on my room mates futon. That would teach him! He needs to learn to wash those little hairs down the damn drain. And stop leaving lights on. Its called part of the UTILITIES which cost us MONEY every month. And he ignores the shit on the couch, forcing me to clean it up. I know you saw the shit before I even got home, jerkface!! It's your stupid cat, too!!
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Cats are like people and there all kinds of people. Some cats are assholes! Seriously. My friend's cat lived a few stories up in an apartment building and she saw it actually jump out the window. Kitty suicide attempt perhaps. Thing hurt itself real good, but it lived.
When one of mine died I cried a lot. Pumpkin was over 20 lbs and king of the block. He would go outside and kick all the other cat's asses. He would sit on my lap for hours while I surfed the net and watched TV. He was a bully to his housemate Momma cat though. Regretfully, someone ran him over. Momma is still alive though.
Pumpkin, RIP.
People. Pay attention here.
Just because I have a cat that I absolutely adore, it does not mean I am a "cat person." Please stop gifting me with various cat crap. I don't want no cat figurines, cat magnets, cat books, cat bookmarks, cat-patterned wearables, cat woodcarvings, cat head teapots, shapeless pajamas with cat graphics, knitted cat hats, cat greeting cards, needlepointed cat pillows, cat artwork and cat calendars. I don't bombard you with clown-themed gifts just because you are dating one.
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I like cats but cats are THE place that toxoplasmosis breeds. It has to be in a cat at some part of its lifecycle.
Toxoplasmosis may cause schizophrenia as well as other syndromes.
In fact, toxoplasmosis infection may be responsible for the well-known "cat lady" syndrome.
Think I'm kidding? For more info on toxoplasmosis see here:
http://www.newscientis...
http://www.healthyplac...
http://www.medscape.co...
On the other hand, it is true that most toxoplasmosis infections probably come from eating raw meat or vegetables, not cats.
And perhaps the fact that I'm allergic colors my attitudes... hmm...
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Cats barf up hairballs that are neither hairy nor balls. Cats spray stuff on your laundry basket, but only when it has freshy laundered clothes in it. Cats crawl into heating ducts and get stuck and meow loudly over and over again so you have to crawl into the duct to get them out. Cats scratch you when they're bored. Cats will eat your eyeballs out of your sockets when you're sleeping if they get hungry (or bored) enough. Cats is one of the worst musicals ever created by man. Other than that, cats are ok.
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My profile picture is a kitten with spaghetti all over it. If I had a picture of my own little fuzzbucket handy it'd go up, even if it were a boring picture because there's no possible way that ANYONE could possibly find my cat boring, dammit. How can I give anything less than 5 stars? Okay, okay, so the little purrball has her paw poised in the air with her claws out, about to pounce on my bare foot if she sees anything less than 5 stars in this review, but even if she didn't have murder in her eyes, I'd still give 5 stars. Even with the puke this morning... :/
Update 1/31/08: I now have a picture of the purrmonster up for your viewing pleasure, and she is probably pissing off the neighbors right now because I'm here surfing the internet and she's hungry.
Cats have compromised my fun on numerous occasions with their sneeze and watery-eye inducing powers.
Once, I wanted to watch DVDs with a friend. I took all kinds of allergy medication and went in hoping for the best. Then, my throat tightened up and I thought I'd die of asphyxiation. I had to leave immediately. We hadn't even gotten past the previews.
And how about last Thanksgiving when I sat desperately trying to breathe (luckily the worst didn't come until after dinner); forced to make frequent trips for more tissue to blow my nose?
I know almost instantly when I enter a house that a cat inhabits. I get this sinking feeling, ask to confirm my suspicion and wait patiently for the worst.
Cats make life a nightmare for me.
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Cats get a bad rap. They're always associated with musty old, eccentric ladies. Not fair. I know plenty of young, witty hotties who house kitties (and I'm not just talking about me- ha). I think people who hate cats are really just scared of them. Silly catphobes. Okay, there are the select crazy or snooty cats, but in reality I don't know too many. I know cats who love to snuggle, entertain a whole party, and lick clean my man's head. In ancient Egypt they worshiped cats. Yep, it's the cats' world- we just live in it.
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Bad day to ask me about cats, Rick. Victory would normally get 5 stars at least, but not today. My otherwise nearly purrrfect kitty ate an entire can of tuna for breakfast and later threw up heaps of disgusting yellow goo all over my new white carpets. Grrrrrrr...... This is almost worse than the time he put a live rat in my closet.
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See... cats are so much better than dogs. Dogs have a tendency to hump people. I've never seen a cat hump a person. This is just foul. And when you yell at dogs, they tend to go outside, take a dump, and then eat their own feces. This is, again, foul.
This is why cats are better than dogs.
I personally like these websites:
http://stuffonmycat.com/
http://members.jcom.ho...
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This is a bizarre review but I couldn't let the CATS ratings slip-- it is so hard to live without a cat! I go and hang out with my cats after a day at the rat race and they purr away all my tension until a smile comes to my lips. I don't care if they get cat fur on my stuff-- its worth it. We once moved into a rat infested house (found out AFTER we moved in) and thank God our cat kept those rats OUT. She is the best MOUSER in the world. SOmeone threw her away in the garbage on garbage day when she was about 3 weeks old! We found her and raised her and she protects us from the mice and rats of my life. Too bad she can't run off the two-legged rats!
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My fatty catty died about three years ago, but I like to relive the memories of sticking my feet under her udder on a cold night.
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My roommate's cat, JFK, is a great companion. What I like best about cats is their great system of logic. For example, after my roommates and I get off work, we like to sit back and watch some TV. When JFK is relaxing, he likes to sit back and watch the chair.
For JFK, something interesting is always on, even if it's usually a rerun.
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Cats are the cat's meow....the best kinda cuddly critter, you have to work for their affection but once given they are loyal forever..except to those kinda creepy types who hate cats and love dogs...dogs are ok, but who wants a smelly slobbering slave who needs to be walked all the time? With cats you never know who is the pet, them or you. And so it should be, they're companions, not subjects.
There are many reasons why I hate cats but these are the top five.
1) I am INSANELY allergic.
2) They are bitchy
3) They only love you when they are hungry
4) They scratch up your house
5) Not all cats catch mice...some just don't seem to care.
Anecdote:
My aunt had a cat and it was running across the living room for some stupid reason and it ran into the glass sliding door!! Then the stupid cat did it again the next day!!! I laughed for days...still do. =D
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Cats. Anyone who thinks cats are indepedent and unsociable doesn't really know cats. Cats are just like dogs. My cats miss me when I'm gone, love to play, greet me at the door when I come home, and follow my around the apartment. They crawl under the covers when its cold and make me laugh with their antics. Manolo is "the splitter" because he loves to climb in bed and snuggle up right between me and _____. Eddy is "the bastard" because he is just too smart for his own good. He can open cabinets and even doors! He actually figured out how to turn the knob and push, no joke. If we want the cats out of our room we have to literally lock them out. He gets into everything... trouble. Cats.
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I love cats (and dogs), but especially mine. 2 siblings, they're like dogs. They come when they're called, they want to try my food (one loves cantaloupe, almonds, rice crackers, and...grass), and they do silly little things that make them adorable.
Best of all, they understand when I talk to them. No. Really...they do.
...Really.
WHAT?!
Yeah, so...they've moved around with me, they've even come to my defense when they thought I was in trouble--no kidding! And they don't care if I've gained a few extra pounds or don't look my best. They're still loyal, lovable, furry & cuddly. The only issue I have is the yakking up of hairballs. Eh...but so what's a little barf? At least I don't have to follow them around in public with a plastic bag!
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I might be one of those crazy cat ladies but i love cats. A home just isn't a home without one. I posted a photo of my 20+ year old cat standing between our dogs begging for thanksgiving left overs. he has really improved his begging skills since we got the dogs. I agree with the earlier poster, you have to wonder about people who hate cats or dogs.
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Gotta be a 5-star this one. Ain't nothin cuter than kittens, and all you need is a string for endless hours of entertainment. And I love the fact that you don't feel like you have to baby them (unlike far too many examples of the canine persuasion I've known).
Plus, they keeps the rats off me pirate ship. Yarr!
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I like cats, even though they spend too much time licking themselves. i think its because my dad is allergic to them and it would be the ultimate rebellion for me to get one.
MUAHAHAHAAH
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My kitty cats come before any allergic boy I might be dating. If you can't hang with the cats, you're out. I used to think my boy kitten was a good gage of character - he loved my ex. Kitty approves - Must be fate, right?But then i figured out my cat is a man whore. He loves all men. Hey this is San Francisco after all.
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CATS on yelp???? WTF!!!!??
I love cats...
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Have you ever heard of the cat who saved its owner from a burning building? No. Why? Because it wouldn't ever happen. The cat would smell smoke, think, "I'm getting the hell out of here," and scurry out with nary a thought to the owner, who'd likely been lavishing the kitty with food and love.
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My cat is a god. When he dies I am going to have a statue made of him and ordain him a god. The Egyptians understood. I am already working on a web site devoted to him. I am also looking forward to being a batty old broad with a 100 cats in a tiny apt.
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They are thankless animals and make me ill, literally. They have no respect for their owners and pretty much call the shots. I know that is what people like about them but hey let's face the facts.......why do you think we call them pets? I like pets that appreciate the food and shelter and home. Of course I don't have any pets so what do I know. hee hee
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Cats rool, you drool.
meow.
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Cats are cute, cuddly, less demanding, and their poop is smaller than most dogs. They are truly animal companions, whereas dogs are mere slaves. I mean, sure, I love dogs too, but cats will not slobber on you, and they take up less room at the end of the bed.
I will always be a cat lady.
p.s. www.infinitecat.com
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Cats are the best! They don't slobber, bark, or care who the alpha is in the house. When you are sick, they will cuddle with you and try to make you feel better. Honestly, I love all of my friends' cats as well - not just mine.
Our cat even helped to rid our bathroom of an ant infestation (no idea why the ants decided to hang out in the bathroom) when he decided that they were some kind of edible toy and ate them all. Eventually, the ants gave up and went away.
He also enjoys vacuuming up crumbs from the couch (fried chicken or cheezits are his favorites).
*Update*
I wish I could give cats 6 stars. My cat has starting waiting by the door for me to get home from work. When I walk in the house, he jumps up on the end table to greet me by rubbing his little furry face on me purring all the while. It makes me feel so much better after a long, stressful day at work :).
cats, they crap in my vegetable garden. they kill birds.
Cats, they crap in the house. Cats, they scratch up furniture. Cats, they make me sneeze. Cats, they curl up on your lap then stick out stiletto paws when they jump. Cats, they belong inside where they can crap and pee in their own humans house. Cats........
Imagine my dog craping in my neighbors vegetable garden. What would they think then. Cats...... Keep em out of my yard!
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i hate all cats EXCEPT my own.
she's is an eleven year old senior who has 3 snaggled teeth, is sprouting grey ear hair and because she is totally rotting on the inside... my cat has the worst breath i've ever been forced to endure.
but to me... she's purrr-fect .
purrr-fect? ew... i can't believe i just WROTE that. i am gross.
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Cats crack me up.! They are incredibly mellow and then all-of-a-sudden they freak out at the slightest movement...guess that's what you can expect from a predator that has evolved a lie-in-wait-and-pounce hunting strategy. My favorite is when there are a bunch of cats together and they start a freak-out chain reaction. Just watch out if their climb-for-safety instinct leads them to run up your leg!
They are so easily amused. Screw expensive cat toys...some string and a wadded up piece of paper are all it takes to create a three-ring kittie circus.
More than once I've freaked strangers out by saying, "You are a cat person, aren't you?" when they are. It is the scratch marks on the hands and forearms that are the dead give away. Cats love to play rough, but you've got to realize that those small little things can hold their own.
Cats also have some sort of psychic powers when it comes to toilet usage. Just seat yourself on the porcelain throne and cats come ambling in...they know a captive audience when they see one!
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Cats may not be as cool as dogs, but I love 'em anyway.
Well, truth be told, I don't love ALL cats, just mine. I have a calico who is a bitch-on-wheels most of time and a male Persian who is the sweetest thing on the planet (he believes he's a dog - a gay dog).
Cats are kinda like babies...you always think yours are gorgeous, angelic little ones that can do no wrong....but everyone else's are weird looking, crazy, and just plain annoying.
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OK, there was this cat that my grandmother was taking care of while its "owners" were on vacation. This little guy found a full-length mirror and saw another cat! Sure, he'd never seen himself in a mirror before. He decided he was going to scare this cat outta his territory -- and the other cat retaliated! HISS HISS GROWL GROWL YEEEOW! Arched backs, bared teeth, hair standing straight up! The more this cat tried to scare the other one the more the other one tried to scare him! Talk about fixation and paralysis! This cat was DESPERATE and SCARED! He almost clawed our arms off getting him away from the mirror! Tell me that's smart. Go ahead.
Have you noticed that cats love ear wax?
OK, now about the musical. I saw it this afternoon and loved it! The house was full, and a lot of children were there, all dressed up, and ... the play has ADULT humor in it! Great singing, fantastic dancing, amaaaazing costumes, and more than just a little raunch. A great afternoon.
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Sorry, I'm pretty firmly with the "cat people" here. (Good movie soundtrack, too, I'm embarrassed to admit.) They have many of the traits that I admire in humans - intelligence, self-sufficiency, loyalty, persistence, beauty, and a charming conviction that they are the center of the universe.
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You're either a Cat person or a Dog person.
I am a dog person and wish I could have a dog in my place.
Cats may be the one place I agree with former Attorney General John Ashcroft in that cats may be reincarnated witches. He won't go into homes where they dance about their furniture, me I just snarl right back at them. It may be why I have bad luck with technological devices.
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I always considered myself a dog person until I bought a kitten on a whim. I still don't like most cats, but I think mine is the best. She's smart, she does this cute thing where she hangs over the back of chairs and tries to eat her tail, and she's mildly antisocial so I don't feel bad if I leave her alone for a weekend. Plus she doesn't do any of that shedding, hairball producing, gross stuff that a lot of cats do.
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I too love cats! I have always had at least one around. My current cat just kind of showed up one day. After a complete check up and battery of shots just to be sure, she has made a herself very happy home. Just the other weekend, I was watching Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds", and when they were in the attic flying around, she was trying to get them though the TV. Luckily she has not caught any REAL ones.
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